Wife messing with my head

[Virgo1982]

I have to agree with the guys here. I have heard of users, but I have never heard of such cruelty. As Chrome suggested, you should NEVER forget those words when you are tempted to give in. You need to protect yourself from this woman. While those words may be painful, they are a reflection of her. She is worse than cancer and better than nothing. Loving her is like committing suicide. My goodness she is the biotches of all biotches. Do not stop coming here. IDK if anyone else has suggested it, but I think you should consider hiring a PI, if you can afford to. Un-be-f*ck-ing-liev-a-ble.

[jnj express]

Winter, do you not see what is happening---her POS affair partner is gone, so your cheating wife is willing to give you some sloppy seconds. She is beginning to conduct a campaign of seduction----She doesn't want to lose her meal ticket, now that she has had some time to think about what is happening. Be prepared for her to come on to you, to try to keep you under control. After all she has been married to you, she knows what buttons to push to make you do what she wants. If you have any self respect, you will prepare yourself to deal with this seduction. Be very careful lest you slip back, and she continues to use you as her doormal.

[TaraMaiden]

Read this post.

 

I told you this way back when this began to blow up in her face.

Before you had met up with your brother, even....

 

She's changing tactics to reel you back in.

Now prepare yourself:

 

The minute she sees she's lost control over you she will become evil, desperate, relentless, and ultra-persistent. She will plead, cry, cajole, beg, scream, abuse, insult and blame everything on anyone else but herself..... she will try to use every strategy she can think of to try to change you back to who you were....

She will use her feminine wiles, plead simpering weakness and tell you she can't live without you, she made a mistake, please forgive her, she loves you, she didn't mean it.....

 

Bleah.....

 

By all means give in.

no problem.

your only thing to do then, will be to go back to your initial post, and re-post it in a month.

 

If that's what you really want.....

 

Be strong, my friend.

 

And remember how desperately awful it was, and how much better it is.

 

This isn't natural to you, to be in the stronger position.

It's unfamiliar territory, I know this.

I understand.

Really, I do.

But you're a nice guy, and she's appealing to your better nature.

Which is obviously miles and miles ahead of her 'better nature'.... (begs the question whether she actually HAS a better nature......)

 

chin up, man.

 

They're not all b1tche5.

 

I promise you.

 

But this one is, though....

[lostsunsets]

First off, I agree with cobalt and the others. Just a quick observation. It seems that the moment you started to pull away from her, she started to pursue you (at least somewhat). This will increase the more you pull away. You see up until then she had both of you. Because she was wanted by both of you. Now it seems like she is losing both of you. separating finances and canceling her CCs was a great step. make sure your paycheck is deposited in your other account. And regarding the sex issue, cobalt is right. Remember, its your soap and you can wash it as fast as you like.

[WinterPain]

Well, she's definitely on a mission. She called me 4 times today, but I didn't answer. Her last message was her crying and saying how much she misses me.

 

This is such an about face, it's surreal. I have a huge weight off my shoulders, though, thanks to this. I feel a bit more in control now than I did.

 

I still am addicted to her, I think. I hope in short time, I'll be in better shape to stop being tempted to run over there and have sex with her and even to get my homelife back (yes, I know this is ludicrous).

[freestyle]

Whenever you get tempted to give in, try posting here...........There's

so many of us rooting for you.............

 

Don't fall for her "poor-me" tricks.

[jnj express]

Hey frozen its called intentional infliction of emotional distress, and he could only sue her affair partner, can't sue his own wife as long as she is his wife, needs to be seperated from her.

 

but then again maybe he could anything is possible in the courts

 

Winter----do not give back the ground you have taken----this is war that you are in, your wife will do anything to get back into a control position, using sex, emotions, playing hurt, do not fall for any of this. Her actions were much louder than these word games she is trying now.

 

She has finally figured out she got duped by the POS affair partner, and she has almost driven you away, she is trying to the best of her ability to reel you back in.

 

Do not allow her to win, or you have lost everything, and she will just know you are weak, and she will do this again, and again, and again. Be strong.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, she's definitely on a mission. She called me 4 times today, but I didn't answer. Her last message was her crying and saying how much she misses me.

Bull.

She doesn't miss you.

She misses the easy ride, the doormat, the pushover, the patsy, the one who never complained but rolled over like a dumb puppy-dog, and said, "yeah, go on, kick me again!"

 

This is such an about face, it's surreal.

Wrong.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!

 

This is absolutely no about face.

This is precisely the behaviour we have all been predicting.

This is exactly the sort of thing we all warned you about.

This is her arsenal, her weaponry, her self-defence tactic.

This is her damage limitation, and her attempt to claw you back and salvage her securtiy.

 

I have a huge weight off my shoulders, though, thanks to this. I feel a bit more in control now than I did.

keep it up, soldier... do the whole nine yards.....

 

I still am addicted to her, I think. I hope in short time, I'll be in better shape to stop being tempted to run over there and have sex with her and even to get my homelife back (yes, I know this is ludicrous).

Actually, no it isn't.

It's extremely sensible, because it proves you see it. You acknowledge it, and you're willing to face it, fight it and deal with it.

 

"Hello, my name is WinterPain and I'm a b1tchaholic"....

 

Welcome WP, and thank you for sharing your inspirational story with us!

 

THIS is the about face we're all applauding YOU for....

[2.50 a gallon]

Winter

 

My sitch was a little different in that when I caught her kissing the OM at her place of work I immediately kicked her out. She tried to rub my face in it by bringing the OM to my next door neighbors BBQ about 5 days later.

 

About a month later she came knocking wanting a second chance. She had all of the excuses, and I'm sorrys, never do it agains, I learned my lessons, etc. to go with her crockodile tears. Oh she looked good, she was 10 years younger than me and foldout material. She was wearing my favorite short skirt, plenty of cleavage and just enough of a heal to show of her legs. Believe it or not that was a mistake as it set my mind to seeing images of her and the OM. Actually the OM was an alcoholic mister softie and she really was horney. She did her best to come on to me. Sexual images or not, had I gone without the previous month, I probably would have given into her. What she did not know was that I had already started a revenge affair, and in fact my new partner had only left a couple of hours earlier so I was sexually drained.

 

Turning her down and telling her it was over it was emotionaly harder than d-day. She was my wife, the future mother of my children and the grandmother of my future grandchildren. The dreams of starting a family and growing old with her had been dashed when I caught her with the OM. All I had to do was say yes, and they could be rebuilt again. Yes I had a new girl friend, but I was still at the bottom of the pit, the new GF was just a temp, there was no depth of feeling, only sex.

 

Prepare and armour yourself, this is only the beginning. There will be more phone calls. She is going to show up at your door, apartment, work, even when you are grocery shopping when you least expect it. And she will have carefully chose her attaire to be the most appealing. A woman's tears can be devastating, especially more so when you once shared a love.

 

We did not have the finanacial assets that you have, so I was able to just walk away and let her file for divorce. She persisted for the next 3 - 4 years before she filed.

 

And even though I had many new sexual adventures during this time, I was never able to connect with that depth of feeling that I mentioned above. I learned to expect and discard a greeting card each B-day, Valentines and Christmas, they hurt as they only reminded me what we had lost.

 

As for me, love did find me again. I am retired and sharing my life with one of the world's sexiest grandma's. She is over 55 and still has a young woman's curves along with a pair of fantastic legs. I have not seen my ex for over 25 years, so I have no idea what she looks like. They say, like mother, like daughter, and if that is true, I came out way ahead. The best part is the half dozen ILY's that I hear daily.

 

My divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me!

Edited November 30, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon

[2.50 a gallon]

Also do not forget the woman scorned. There will be lots of anger from her, and guess what this was all your fault not hers.

Edited November 30, 2009 by 2.50 a gallon
Double post

[Owl]

I'm going to disagree a little bit here.

 

I would break NC for this...ONCE, and once only.

 

There's a thing called a "plan B letter". You have been (in affect) in "Plan B". You've withdrawn from her, to protect yourself from the pain that this situation has created. That's good, actually...smart move.

 

But...she doesn't know what she has to do from here.

 

She needs to know what her "path back" to you is...assuming you want to give her one.

 

That's what a "plan B letter" provides. The specific conditions...your specific requirements...to CONSIDER letting her back into your life.

 

And don't skimp on what those requirements would be. Be thorough, be demanding, be HONESt about what you want/need from her if you were to rebuild a relatoinship with her. Typically, the START with things like:

 

1. End all contact with OM...FOREVER.

2. Become an "open book"...allowing you complete access to her email/phone/etc...forcing her to SHOW you that she's ended the affair and OM is no longer in any way part of her life.

3. Marriage counseling to help the marriage recover from the damage she's done to it.

4. Individual counseling to help figure out what's wrong with her to let her believe that its ok to do what she's done.

5. Whatever else you require...detailed explanation of HOW she conducted her affair...change in her lifestyle/behaviors to prevent the recurrence of an affair...etc...

 

Again, there's no REQUIREMENT for you to do this, especially if you have no intent to reconcile with her.

 

But...if you DO want to reconcile with her...sitting and giving serious thoughts to what you'd REQUIRE from her before you'd consider that and making sure she understands them would be no bad thing.

 

Just something to consider.

[TaraMaiden]

Owl is wise, with bells on.

But I wouldn't open the door even a millimetre's crack to let this manipulating witch back within a mile of you.

No way, no how.

 

Remember, she flaunted him under your nose.

'If it hadn't been for him, she would have been so in to you'...

Well, looks like he's history, so it's back to good ol' second choice.... that would be you, BTW....

Mr 'Back Burner-roll over-patsy-doormat' guy....

Mr "I'll give you a hand-job out of pity"....

Mr "fix my car, mow my lawn, do the plumbing/heating/electrics" guy.....

 

Are we getting the picture now?

 

Not a millimetre.

less, even.

[GorillaTheater]

Owl is wise, with bells on.

But I wouldn't open the door even a millimetre's crack to let this manipulating witch back within a mile of you.

No way, no how.

 

Remember, she flaunted him under your nose.

'If it hadn't been for him, she would have been so in to you'...

Well, looks like he's history, so it's back to good ol' second choice.... that would be you, BTW....

Mr 'Back Burner-roll over-patsy-doormat' guy....

Mr "I'll give you a hand-job out of pity"....

Mr "fix my car, mow my lawn, do the plumbing/heating/electrics" guy.....

 

Are we getting the picture now?

 

Not a millimetre.

less, even.

 

With all due respect to Owl, who I'm thrilled to see back on LS, I'm with Tara on this.

 

I've been married a very long time, and we have gone through and resolved (for the most part) some very big issues. But your "marriage" isn't worth attempting to piece back together, in my opinion.

 

Move on with your life, without her.

[WinterPain]

Thanks for all your posts. I'm usually OK, but I go through spells of knuckle-biting where I combat an overwhelming urge to call her and go have sex with her.

 

I have been taking Cobalt's advice to keep those feeling in check

 

But she hasn't called at all today, so the point is moot. Maybe OM showed up finally or something.

[mem11363]

WP,

She was sadistic and condescending in how she treated you. You can NEVER make it work with a woman who thinks she can come over and give you a handjob. That is just death - and the fact that you let her - puts you in a place in her mind that you can NEVER recover from.

 

She will always see you as that guy - the weak, snivelling guy who was willing to take a handjob once in a while she blatantly flaunted her affair.

 

Finish the divorce, hide your money and move on. There are plenty of women will love you, make you happy and be true to you.

 

She is not a good person who made one big mistake. She is a mean emotional parasite/bully.

 

If you are not careful she will come back, get in your head, take all your money and leave you will nothing.

 

Call your brother. Finish the divorce. Protect your assets.

 

CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBERS.

 

And if she comes to you crying - program yourself to think of all the times you cried while she was rolling around on a bed with another man. She was giving some guy head while you are in agony - and she didn't care at all. So let her take her hot little body somewhere and screw over some other guy - NOT YOU.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for all your posts. I'm usually OK, but I go through spells of knuckle-biting where I combat an overwhelming urge to call her and go have sex with her.

 

I have been taking Cobalt's advice to keep those feeling in check

 

But she hasn't called at all today, so the point is moot. Maybe OM showed up finally or something.

Edited November 30, 2009 by mem11363
missed 2 points

[Heroic]

WP the thing you have to understand is that the woman you fell in love with is gone.

 

Much like the mythical vampire she is a shell housing a slut that would rather bang a stranger with full knowledge that it is destroying you inside and chuckle and laugh about it in front of you.

 

Wrap your mind around it. You said, I'll do anything to fix our marriage, she says, I'm sorry I'll consider it when I'm done banging my boy toy.

She is gone. Never to be retrieved again.

[avenger]

I am shaking my head......

You let her control the situation when she told you she would dump the guy soon.....

 

I would have secretly filed for divorce and everything else.

She would have missed out.

 

Live without her in your life.

If you guys have kids you take them but allow her to visit and hit her up for child support.

 

If this was a guy a woman would take him to the cleaners this day and age.

[WTFO]

DON'T BE ALONE WITH HER. Not even for promises of wondrous playboy-channel sex. And especially, don't be alone with her in the house. She will have you arrested. She'll call 911, and say that you pushed her, and bingo, the boys in blue show up, and you're walking out with your hands behind your back and being shoved into a squad car with a look of disbelief on your face while she stands smiling in the doorway. Then she takes out an order of protection, and she goes after your job. Try keeping a job when you're "guilty" of assault.

 

I know it sounds impossible, it sounds far-fetched, she'd never do that. Is this a chance you want to take? And be advised: she may have already consulted a divorce attorney. If she did, think she'd tell you? And you know what divorce attorneys tell angry wives? They tell them this: get him alone, call 911, say you were pushed, and then we take out an order of protection. You want the house, don't you?

 

 

I also was told some women might do these things as well. Do any of you know if you carried a voice recorder, would help in this situation? I'm just thinking if this guy HAS to be alone w/her will this protect him from any of that fake B.S she would pull?

[mem11363]

She seems like just the type of woman who might do this. He needs to keep the door locked and not answer it if she comes to the house while he is home. Meet with attorneys present.

 

If she claims assault she can do a civil suit to go for financial damages. WP - she has abused you enough. You should limit further contact to written communication through attorney ONLY.

 

CALL YOUR BROTHER - GET HIM TO HELP YOU - FINISH THE DIVORCE.

 

When you fall in love with a woman who loves you back you will want to be generous with her. You won't want to be broke because this woman took all your hard earned money.

 

 

 

Winter, I must strongly disagree with those who would even consider giving this creature another chance. She will say anything, do anything, promise anything, to get back the domesticity and security she threw away for a few weeks of reckless humping. And then when you've taken her back, she'll go back to her old cheating, lying ways. This leopard won't change it's spots; in my unhumble opinion, this one's unredeemable.

 

A man needs to be respected by a woman, and this one has zero respect for you. And lack of respect is death for a relationship. Ironically however, she's about to respect you a whole lot more when she sees what you're capable of, and how strong you've become, and the firmness of your resolve.

 

Here's the reason she's not calling you. The dirtbag has not come back - he's gone. She's not calling you because she's realizing that the more you pull away, the more she wants you back. So she's trying a little reverse psychology on you: if I don't call him, he'll call me. Don't fall for it; it's manipulation.

 

As for her being like an addiction, you may be more correct than you realize. There's some speculation that human contact and love relationships release certain feel-good chemicals in the brain, so that we may indeed, literally, be "addicted to love." This means that you're going through withdrawl, which is the toughest part of any addiction. So hang in there.

 

Now, I'm going to give you the next step in her progression. The crying, begging, pleading, is not over yet. But when it ends, expect anger. The cruelest, most vicious anger you can imagine. What I'm going to say now is vitally important, so listen up: DON'T BE ALONE WITH HER. Not even for promises of wondrous playboy-channel sex. And especially, don't be alone with her in the house. She will have you arrested. She'll call 911, and say that you pushed her, and bingo, the boys in blue show up, and you're walking out with your hands behind your back and being shoved into a squad car with a look of disbelief on your face while she stands smiling in the doorway. Then she takes out an order of protection, and she goes after your job. Try keeping a job when you're "guilty" of assault.

 

I know it sounds impossible, it sounds far-fetched, she'd never do that. Is this a chance you want to take? And be advised: she may have already consulted a divorce attorney. If she did, think she'd tell you? And you know what divorce attorneys tell angry wives? They tell them this: get him alone, call 911, say you were pushed, and then we take out an order of protection. You want the house, don't you?

 

I know you think I'm being over-the-top here, but do you really want to prove me right? Be smart, be safe, and spend the rest of your wonderful life wondering if I was wrong. Which I'm usually NOT.

 

PS: for some eye-openers, Google the following 2 names:

 

Dr. Tim Emerson

 

H. Beatty Chadwick

 

You won't believe what happened to these guys, and all in the name of angry ex-wives.

[mem11363]

1. If you are in person

2. On the phone depending on the state laws in your state and the state she is calling from

 

There was a guy over on the MB forums who taped converstations/confrontations between himself and his xWW, 2 protect himself if she tried 2 charge him falsely (which she did). He just made sure he told her that he was taping the conversation before he had one. If she refused, he didn't talk 2 her. He ended up needing the recording in court, maybe more than once.

 

Waywards are s2pid, but betrayeds don't have 2 be (and shouldn't).

 

CYA.

 

-ol' 2long

[Virgo1982]

FrozenSprouts stated:

 

"Based upon what you have written, it does sound like you need to CYA when she is around and not be alone with her. A friend of mine's and his wife went through a very bitter divorce, and she tried the "false assault claim' on him( the police came and picked him up at home when his kids were there- how low can you get)?"

 

People, be advised: THIS IS VERY COMMON - the gloves come off during a divorce, so be careful, and protect yourself. The best way out of a bad situation is not getting into it in the first place.

 

And...when was the last time Winter posted on this thread?

 

I'm sensing an UH-OH moment coming.....

 

Yes, that is very disturbing and sad. She is like the devil. Ugh!

[WinterPain]

No "Uh Oh" moments - but thanks for the concern. I was a little busy last couple of days. I'm feeling way better as time goes on. I do have moments where I descend to some depths, but I bounce back quickly enough.

 

You guys sure made me paranoid about the false charges and all that. A mutual friend we had that lived not to far from us, she called me yesterday and told me that she heard what happened and was asking if I was OK. She offerred to be someone I could talk to. I didn't do that, though. She started on about "bad people" (she's Japanese with good English, but still uses these little scholastic phrases) and what they are capable of. She then invited me over for dinner this weekend.

 

After I accepted, I started to get paranoid that maybe this was a ruse to make me get caught having sex with her so my wife can claim adultery .. of course that's ridiculous, but you guys do have me thinking abiout the other part. I doubt my wife has much to gain from an assault charge given that she's in a rented place and we have no kids. But still, I'm playing that one safe.

[Virgo1982]

Winterpain, we only want the best for you. You deserve it. We tend to worry when we don't here from the OP in cases like this. I'm glad you're moving forward and getting back to your normal self. You don't have to be paranoid, but cautious. You've seen what she is capable of and you never expected it. So, you should be cautious and protect yourself.

[Jaspe_Loco]

Hey WinterPain, it feels great when your b@lls finally drop, doesn't it?? :D

 

Most have us have been through this type of thing at some point or another. I'm glad that you came because you got some great advice and it looks as though your are following it. I'm glad things are beginning to look up for you.

 

Good luck!!

[WinterPain]

Thanks for all your help, folks. I'll definitely keep posting if anything interesting comes up. It's good to be able to "talk" to you all here especially since I don't feel comfortable sharing this with people from work or acquaintances. I'm aso touched that you all would take your time to show concern to a stranger like me.

 

This has been, and still is a huge help.