next?

[Auroracoladybug]

Cheers to hopesndreams! Totally agree on all points

 

Janedoe...I feel that his lack of concern for your daughters feelings shows how shallow he is and as others have stated he took the cowards way out...I could slap you for saying you must have an ugly soul what BS!

 

my STBX said that all of our problems came from a mistake I made over six years ago...nevermind the EA with my best friend (sound familiar?)...last night when I told him that I hold no grudges and already forgive him...He commented "forgive me for what?" AZZhole!

[Logik]

Only you can make you happy. You don't need him to make you happy. He needs others to make him happy and when one isn't making him happy any more, he just casually moves onto the next one. That's absolutely ridiculous.

 

You're with someone because you WANT to be, not because you NEED to be. And if it is a NEED, then it's wrong. Be happy inside yourself for you first, then your relationships will be better for it.

 

Come on. You need to start working on yourself and not carry on thinking about the past. That's all it is, is the past. Yes, it shapes the future, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Think to the future, just like the Wallabies are doing with their young team. It's not going to turn around in one season (sorry if you don't follow rugby, but it's a pretty good analogy).

 

Love YOURSELF first.

[ryepatch]

You're with someone because you WANT to be, not because you NEED to be. And if it is a NEED, then it's wrong.

Love YOURSELF first.

 

needs aren't wrong. they may be unfortunate, they may be changeable. but they're not wrong.

 

as for loving ourselves first, not all of us are necessarily that emotionally healthy. that's partially why we're in this situation, yes, but emotional health isn't a choice you make. it may be a goal to work on, but it's not a choice and it could take some of us years to get to that point.

 

many of us are with people because we need to be. there's nothing wrong with that. a good marriage is an interdependent marriage. that's part of what gets us through hard times.

 

we are in grief, and "logic" won't get us out. i think a sense of purpose is what we need, and some of us are going to get that from concentrating on saving our marriages.

 

hang in there, jane.

[Logik]

needs aren't wrong. they may be unfortunate, they may be changeable. but they're not wrong...

 

...we are in grief, and "logic" won't get us out. i think a sense of purpose is what we need, and some of us are going to get that from concentrating on saving our marriages.

 

Fair enough. But how are you saving your marriage? What practical steps are you taking, and what results are you seeing? Grief is not wrong. Sitting around, thinking about saving our marriages when we have no power to do so only makes it worse for ourselves. It doesn't give you purpose, it just gives you false hope. Grieve for what is lost and not what could be saved.

 

You NEED food, else you'll starve to death. You NEED air, else you'll suffocate. These are real NEEDS. Relying on someone else for happiness is not a NEED. Logic cannot get you out, but it can help you out. We only feel as much pain as we allow ourselves to have.

 

Bitter pills aren't nice, but it's not always about what's nice. I'm in the same situation as you, so I know what you're going though. Nobody except God knows what's going to happen in your relationship, not even your spouse, so take the last words from their mouths as the truth and move on accordingly.

[singledad2]

JD, I am there too. I wonder how I can work and take care of my kids feeling so bad. Get some people to help you do this! I could not make it without someone taking the load off now and then. But we do because we have to. I hope your boss is as understanding as mine is, or at least how understanding I THINK he is being. Love that daughter with all the love you have to give. Feel her love back and it will hold you up. Priortize your life around that daughter and yourself and less on what others are doing that you can't control. Feel her love.

My STBX was planning on coming home in a few weeks presumably for a guilt trip visit and I have told her I don't need her to come. Havent gotten a response yet, but I think it has set a tone of "we don't need your sorry a@@ around here so stay away". I feel better for taking control of my situation and I think it wil help you along way. Even though I hoped for the best for my family, I now look back and see that maybe the best thing is for us to move on without a walkaway mom.

[JaneDoe35]

Hi everyone, I came very close to telling the other womans husband. Had an email ready with scanned copies of love letter and telephone bills etc. I felt I wanted revenge.

 

Did not do it. I got scared as I feel that if I do that he might go for 50/50 custody of daughter as he would be so angry with me. I am not sure if that is a good enough reason but it was the one that came to mind just before I was about to hit send.

 

My father in law told me that he believes that his son has cooled it with the other woman. My father in law is a wise man who places family above everything. He is shocked by this and at this point I believe him. I may change my mind later.

 

Family holiday has been cancelled, told him we could not pretend to be a family. Sad but I did not have the strength to do it on my own with her. Daughter very good about it...she is amazing. Will rebook to sometime before Christmas if possible.

 

Rejection does make me feel unattractive, inside & out. I am sure that this feeling will pass because I was always reasonably confident.

 

I am still not ruling out reconcilliation. In a few months time I may be on here saying 'I wish I had of listened to all of you who have already been through all of this!!!'

 

I am not quite ready to give up. I know what has happened over the past couple of months should be enough for me to see that I need to move on. But I see glimpses of us, amongst all the turmoil. I am not at the stage where I can turn my back, walk away and say 'I did all I could'. Yes he has turned his back on me and walked away so I must sound crazy.

 

I do also realise that I do 'need' my husband. If we ever try again I will attempt to make that more of a 'want', not a survival thing. Ironic that I took for granted the thing I needed the most.

 

We still talk everyday, joke around, talk about finances, sometimes the conversations are no different from what they were pre 8 weeks ago. I am not trying to kid myself though. He is gone.

 

I am doing a combination of 180's, No Contact (have child) and generally losing the plot and yelling at him now & then too, sounds like a plan hey??? ha ha. Great strategy I have going here. I am generally a mess, crying and howling daily, praying etc etc. But I am alive I guess, I could still smell the roses my daughter gave me yesterday. I can still taste this Sauv. Blanc. I am drinking right now and at 2am this morning my favourite dark chocolate still tasted pretty good.

 

Thanks so much to greengoddess, hopesndreams, ryepatch, auroracoladybug, logik and singledad2 for you posts over the last couple of days. I have been too distressed to post but have been reading daily. You are all lifesavers.

[JaneDoe35]

Will you all be here to catch me when I fall???

[hopesndreams]

We all fight to the bitter end and only give up the fight when the reality of the situation smacks us in the face and we know, with 100% certainty, that continuing along the same path will only lead to more despair and never-ending pain. The trick is knowing when enough is enough and for some, the destruction of self is so great that it will be a difficult task, perhaps even impossible, to get ourselves back.

 

I am generally a mess, crying and howling daily, praying etc etc.

 

Are you taking any kind of anti-anxiety medication? You are going to therapy, correct?

 

We tend to lose ourselves in a M and with something traumatic happening, like infidelity, it will make you face you and even though we are super critical with ourselves, in time, after we remove ourselves from the damaging situation, we will see how special we really are and how much more we deserve out of life. It's not about what you have done, or could have done to prevent any of this. It wasn't your choice; it wasn't in your control. You are not responsible for his actions.

 

Your life will be forever changed for the better, eventually, no matter how it plays out. Whether H is around or not, you will discover you and strive to find happiness within yourself. No one "needs" anyone else. Sounds as though you are figuring this out, which is very, very good.

 

This is your thread Jane. Come here and post whenever, we will be here for you and try to help you through whatever transitions will be coming your way.

[greengoddess]

You are not going to fall. You are going to get tough. You need to realize that he has no reason to reconcile right now. He still can and does have you. He talks to you daily just like you use to. He has lost nothing. You even made it easy for him to not piss the ow off by going on vacation.

 

He needs to feel the loss. You have to make him feel it. Did you cancel tickets and all? He knows he can't do a family vacation. He will lose the ow over it, thus the fight and the I'm not going proclamation. He does not want you to go without him. He would feel loss then. It is so important to make him fear that you are moving on and going to be fine. Go away with your daughter without him. Let him feel the loss of that family time.

 

Also, tell him he needs to step up and take your daughter this weekend. That you have been playing parent 24/7 and you would like a break and to go out with friends. Look great next time he comes to visit and LEAVE. Go out. Just hit a book store alone and read if you don't want to go out but leave. Make him feel what the loss of you and his family will be. He has the best of both worlds now.

 

You can not control his asking for custody. Believe me if he chooses to stay with ow he will stop playing nice. He will have her in his ear all the time, especially about child support. He's going to ask for it anyhow. You need to wake him up from this fntasy. Nothing blows the fantasy up quicker than everyone knowing. Tell her husband just so you can stop living in limbo. After her husband knows you will know where you stand.

 

Put on a brave face all the time in front of him. He needs to fear you are moving on. He needs to realize this is not a little vacation for him with you waiting with open arms.

 

Call him. Tell your daughter together with him taking responsibility and tell him he needs to start taking her every other weekend. Let him experiencee single parenting too.

 

Be cold. Please be cold. Finances and daughter only. He is not your friend right now. The worst thing you can do is make him feel he can have ow and you as a best friend. Best friends don't hurt you like this. If you want to reconcile you MUST get strong so he can see what life will be like without you.

 

You can do this.

[JaneDoe35]

Thanks hopesndreams, I am taking a very low dose anti-depressant which seems to help me sleep a little. I appreciate your posts more than I can say. I just wish we could all get together and drown our sorrows!!!

 

Greengoddess, he has our daughter this weekend. It almost killed me to see what was 'my family' drive away in the car. We always took that drive together.

 

Felt so wrong to me but I had no choice. She needs to see him. I will never keep him from her but it was so hard, not for him, not for her (although she wanted me to come to) but just for me. After everything that has happened over the last 7 weeks it is almost more than I can take.

 

I miss them both so much......it appears that my whole identity was wrapped up in being a wife & mother. I did everything for him...except what he really needed me to do which was relocate. You know what, I miss ironing his uniforms to my perfect standard. I did it for 13 years. I miss stupid stuff like that.

 

Of course there are much more important things I miss!!!!!

 

I love him and my daughter and want us to be together. She still does not know. If her heart gets broken too, I will hate him. I can forgive everything else but not that.....

[Auroracoladybug]

First off thanks for the compliment...kinda made me feel better (my threads are dying and I feel like I am boring)

 

I understand the pain of watching what was your family drive away without you...unfortunately for me it means my 2 year old is usually screaming for me...I would never keep J from our son but at the same time I hate that my son has to go thru what he is when his father has to "deal" with him...Just last week I asked J if he was letting the baby eat dinner in his lap and he said yes...I calmly explained to him that this was unacceptable because he was then expecting me to let him sit in my lap and I will not let him...J's answer "well if I don't let him he refuses to eat"...give the kid a time out and when he is hungry enough he will eat then!

 

Greengoddess is correct that you need to get tough...don't hinge your life on this man and DO NOT think that your daughter doesn't have an idea of what is going on...I think that holding on to the truth for the OW's husband may be misguided...if you were him wouldn't you like to have someone tell you sooner than later?...I think you have a wonderful big heart and he is too ignorant to respect it...you want what was your family back but you know that is not how it is going to go...if he were to change and you wanted to take him back fully...it would still be a new family dynamic...starting over from scratch (confusing with a child in the mix I know)

 

I know that I could not take J back for a long time (he has a lot to change and find out about himself) and then would I still want him after what he has done to me? Think about that long and hard my friend...they made this decision not us...they have to come around to wanting us...focus on you and your daughter and have fun with her...do the things dad wouldn't do anyway...and mostly be honest with her and strong enough for her and you...

[JaneDoe35]

First off thanks for the compliment...kinda made me feel better (my threads are dying and I feel like I am boring)

 

I understand the pain of watching what was your family drive away without you...unfortunately for me it means my 2 year old is usually screaming for me...I would never keep J from our son but at the same time I hate that my son has to go thru what he is when his father has to "deal" with him...Just last week I asked J if he was letting the baby eat dinner in his lap and he said yes...I calmly explained to him that this was unacceptable because he was then expecting me to let him sit in my lap and I will not let him...J's answer "well if I don't let him he refuses to eat"...give the kid a time out and when he is hungry enough he will eat then!

 

Greengoddess is correct that you need to get tough...don't hinge your life on this man and DO NOT think that your daughter doesn't have an idea of what is going on...I think that holding on to the truth for the OW's husband may be misguided...if you were him wouldn't you like to have someone tell you sooner than later?...I think you have a wonderful big heart and he is too ignorant to respect it...you want what was your family back but you know that is not how it is going to go...if he were to change and you wanted to take him back fully...it would still be a new family dynamic...starting over from scratch (confusing with a child in the mix I know)

 

I know that I could not take J back for a long time (he has a lot to change and find out about himself) and then would I still want him after what he has done to me? Think about that long and hard my friend...they made this decision not us...they have to come around to wanting us...focus on you and your daughter and have fun with her...do the things dad wouldn't do anyway...and mostly be honest with her and strong enough for her and you...

 

Auroracoladybug - you are not boring!!!! All of our stories make interesting reading. I wish we had 'boring' lives though......

 

I would probably crumble if my daughter screamed for me. He brought her home today. Said she had exhausted him. She told me she had missed me as I was not 'there' to do things for her. Said she got cold in the night and I was not there to organise warmer PJ's. She had a great time as she got very spoiled and came home with bags of presents. Still nice to know she missed me though.

 

Auroracoladybug, it will be hard for you as your son is so young and at that 'difficult' age where they really need boundaries and continuity. Could you get J a book about parenting? Toddler Taming maybe, so that you are both coming from the same place while raising your son. I mean you already know what to do but he seems clueless.

 

I went over to a friends house last night, first time I have done anything since this all began, 7-8 weeks I think. It was very hard to do as I have been paralysed. I missed him and my daughter.....but I had an ok time!!! I stayed over. My husband totally freaked out when he discovered I was there. They have young sons. (way too young for me). Unlike my husband I have no interest in 23 year olds, I am 34!!! Anyway he got so jealous, asking me 'Have you met someone'? 'Who are you with'? 'I know you have met someone' He went on & on and his reaction really shocked me. I truly expected him to be relieved...you know cause I am trying to get a life. He was still angry with me this morning.

 

I love him & miss him so much. But I was much stronger today when he brought our daughter home. I cried a little after he left (in bathroom), but I feel sort of ok, just sort of!!! I still think I would take him back. Only just though.

[greengoddess]

GREAT JOB!!!! Now you are doing it right. No matter what you do you must be strong around him. You can not fall apart because then he knows he still can have you and the ow.

 

It's ok to want him back. It's even ok to take him back. You have a long history of trusting and loving him before he got all screwed up with the ow.

 

Now stay tough and do not entertain the "you met someone" conversations. Tell him I'm sorry I will just discuss our daughter and finances with you. As long as we are separated and you are seeing ow I will not discuss anything personal. Friends do not hurt you like this. At the moment he is a co parent. Not a friend. He can't have her and your shoulder too. He needs to know that. He needs to know as long as he is talking to her then he can not talk to you about anything but the necessities.

 

He's going to get scared now. He's going to see you picking up the pieces of your life and be afraid to lose you. This is good. Honest. BE TOUGH. Don't let him play games with you. Make sure he knows you are willing to talk if and when he is done with her.

 

TELL HER HUSBAND. Trust me on this. You have to tell her husband. It will knock his and her world into a tailspin when her husband knows. I know you are probably afraid her husband will throw her out and then they can be together. Don't fear that. Wouldn't you want to know now rather than later. Get out of the limbo? Their fantasy will come to a screaching halt when it is all out in the open. Tell.

 

Good luck and great job being strong.

FAKE IT if you have to and break down after he leaves. You can do this. It is the only way of possibly saving your marriage or saving yourself. Fake strong and you will get strong.

[greengoddess]

Being tough also shows him that you have much better self esteem and stronger values and morals than the ow. That you are not willing to share a man like she did. That you respect yourself more than that. He will respect you for this even if he is not showing this right now.

[Logik]

I'm not sure that telling the OW's husband is a good idea. Yes, you know about the OW that your husband is seeing, but her marriage doesn't have anything to do with you. If the reason you want to tell her husband is for revenge and to show your husband and the OW that they're playing a very dangerous game with lots of lives, then don't do it. They're old enough to know exactly what they're doing. What your husband is doing to your family seems under-handed and selfish. Don't do the same thing. You should be the better person. Just my opinion.

[Peaceful Guy]

i agree with logik.. telling the ow's husband sounds like a lot of trouble. i think you should avoid the temptation for revenge. as of now, from what ive read, you've done nothing wrong.. why start now? you had no control of your husband's actions, but you do get to choose how you will behave now.

[greengoddess]

Why would telling the ow's husband be revenge?? Why should this man have to live in the dark with a wife who is cheating on her? If she tells her husband she will have a confidante with him. Things will change when the affair is out in the open. It destroys the fantasy.

[Logik]

Fantasies are just that, fantasies. They eventually destroy themselves. They don't last forever. This is about a problem between you and your husband. The OW's problems with her husband is their issue. Energy should be put into solving your problems, not into other peoples'. Anyway, telling her husband will only complicate the matter further. Would you want to add any more complications to your problem?

[JaneDoe35]

GREAT JOB!!!! Now you are doing it right. No matter what you do you must be strong around him. You can not fall apart because then he knows he still can have you and the ow.

 

It's ok to want him back. It's even ok to take him back. You have a long history of trusting and loving him before he got all screwed up with the ow.

 

Now stay tough and do not entertain the "you met someone" conversations. Tell him I'm sorry I will just discuss our daughter and finances with you. As long as we are separated and you are seeing ow I will not discuss anything personal. Friends do not hurt you like this. At the moment he is a co parent. Not a friend. He can't have her and your shoulder too. He needs to know that. He needs to know as long as he is talking to her then he can not talk to you about anything but the necessities.

 

He's going to get scared now. He's going to see you picking up the pieces of your life and be afraid to lose you. This is good. Honest. BE TOUGH. Don't let him play games with you. Make sure he knows you are willing to talk if and when he is done with her.

 

TELL HER HUSBAND. Trust me on this. You have to tell her husband. It will knock his and her world into a tailspin when her husband knows. I know you are probably afraid her husband will throw her out and then they can be together. Don't fear that. Wouldn't you want to know now rather than later. Get out of the limbo? Their fantasy will come to a screaching halt when it is all out in the open. Tell.

 

Good luck and great job being strong.

FAKE IT if you have to and break down after he leaves. You can do this. It is the only way of possibly saving your marriage or saving yourself. Fake strong and you will get strong.

 

I am trying so hard to be tough....it is so difficult. Last night & this morning I ignored a few calls & messages from him as I knew I would break down if I spoke to him.

 

Eventually I answered and he said he was just calling to 'see if everything is ok'. How does he think anything is 'ok'.

 

I am dying here, I am completely shattered and broken. I am scared & lonely and have no idea what to do. I did not say any of that to him. I just said 'all ok here'.

 

He has said that he is not with the other woman. And he also says that he does not see us being able to repair our marriage. Lies??? People that know him (knew him!!) say that it is like he has backed himself into a corner and sees no way out because of the pain he has caused.

 

I have not told the husband yet. My husband mentioned the other day that he feels that threat is hanging over his head. I did not tell him it was or it wasn't.

 

I think that if he tells our daughter the truth about why he is at home less I will then bring him down.

 

I can forgive what he has done to me but if he breaks her heart too, I will never forgive him and I feel that I will not be able to control what I do then.

 

This sadness is quite overwhelming. I question that this is even happening at least every 5 minutes. How can I be in denial after 7 weeks?

[JaneDoe35]

i agree with logik.. telling the ow's husband sounds like a lot of trouble. i think you should avoid the temptation for revenge. as of now, from what ive read, you've done nothing wrong.. why start now? you had no control of your husband's actions, but you do get to choose how you will behave now.

 

I guess I feel like a 'victim' and I do not like feeling that way. Also my husband partly blames me for this. Sort of 'you reap what you sow'.

 

I can accept my part in this and I am now suffering the consequences of not completely supporting him in his big career.

 

But he lied & cheated and when he is going to pay for his actions?

[JaneDoe35]

Fantasies are just that, fantasies. They eventually destroy themselves. They don't last forever. This is about a problem between you and your husband. The OW's problems with her husband is their issue. Energy should be put into solving your problems, not into other peoples'. Anyway, telling her husband will only complicate the matter further. Would you want to add any more complications to your problem?

 

 

I guess I feel that this 'fantasy' has destroyed my family. I agree that they do eventually destroy themselves. I am just so hurt & humiliated that he has been discussing our marriage with a 22 or 23 year old woman.

 

He loved me once and I cannot comprehend how he did this.

 

I was also lonely with him away so much but I never felt the need to confide in another man.

[hopesndreams]

Hey Jane,

 

Glad to see you are holding up. The LC is good for you, very good, do not falter from this no matter how tempting. The loneliness can weaken you but stay firm, stay strong. Being in denial for 7 weeks is not that much time considering you have been with this man for 13 years, count em, 13...1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13. You are still looking at months and months here of trying to wrap your head around it. The sooner you end things, the sooner your suffering will begin to end but as long as you hold on to a M and an H, that by all accounts is over, you are only delaying the inevitable of the eventually demise. If, by some miracle, you both end up together again, things would never be the same anyway and you will always think was it even worth it.

 

He'll pay for his actions when you decide enough is enough. He's still lying and cheating and getting away with it. He is claiming to have nothing to do with the MOW because he is protecting her from the wrath of her husband but mainly protecting himself. He knows if MOW's H finds out it could be the end of his A. Her H might not be a pushover and they could end up repairing the M and he'll be tossed aside. This scenario can only play out if the A comes to light. His A is still growing in the dark, when exposed to light, that is when they can whither and die, not a guarantee, but there is a chance of that happening. Then there would be a window of opportunity for your M.

 

Of course you are lonely. This is now the time to become your best friend, to find you and to love you. Your self-worth and dignity isn't something you get from another, it can and should only come from within you.

[ryepatch]

hey jane,

 

just came back to LS partially to check on you. just needed a break. i'm glad to hear you cancelled the trip. as for being in denial after 7 wks and questioning it every 5 minutes, i'm at 4 months and i'm the same way. or maybe it's every 10 minutes. progress.

 

how is therapy going? what does your therapist think about exposing the affair?

 

don't let anyone talk you into or out of it.

 

have you thought of trying to use it as leverage to get your husband into MC? it might sound manipulative, i know. just a thought.

 

hang in there. don't give up until you want to, until you feel in your heart that you don't want him back, that you couldn't forgive him.

[JaneDoe35]

Right now I feel that I cannot do this.

 

I even asked my father to 'please fix this, please make 'husband' stop this now'. I was in tears at the time and felt so bad for behaving this way.

 

I feel so sad and weak. The pain seems to be deepening with each passing day. I don't tell my husband how I feel. Should I?

 

Just when I feel I am right at the 'bottom', I get even lower. How much further can I go? Today I did not want to live another moment.

 

My beautiful girl still does not know the real reason Daddy is away more than usual. I am fighting a losing battle in trying to protect her.

 

I was such a strong person. People came to me with their problems. I cannot fix my own though.

 

I have no patience. I want it to be next year already. Just want to feel something better than this.

 

So sorry for this depressing post. I know we all feel like this. Just wish I could see my life without him. Does he not know what he is doing? I was so used to going to him if I was down or had a problem.

 

Now I cant ask him for help because he is doing this. Keep dreaming about us, wake up and for 10 seconds forget this is happening. So confused and torn about what to do next.

[PWSX3]

Right now I feel that I cannot do this.

 

I even asked my father to 'please fix this, please make 'husband' stop this now'. I was in tears at the time and felt so bad for behaving this way.

 

I feel so sad and weak. The pain seems to be deepening with each passing day. I don't tell my husband how I feel. Should I?

Are both of you going to counseling together? If not then don't tell him anything, try & go NC as much as possible. If you are going to MC then that is the place to share how you are feeling.

If you aren't going to MC then that proves your stbx isn't wanting to work on the marriage, that he is happy just hanging out when he wants to. Sorry but I didn't read all your story so I'm not sure if you are in contact with him now or not.

Just when I feel I am right at the 'bottom', I get even lower. How much further can I go? Today I did not want to live another moment.

When you hit bottom is when you decide enough is enough & you start doing something about it. You start taking those baby steps back out of that hole one at a time. You choice to put up boundaries, you start to look at yourself & not the situation, you start to do things for you & your child. You slowly start to realize that I can't let this other person live my life for me & that is when you start to rebuild, start to dig yourself out of that pit.

 

Yes it is VERY hard, yes it takes time, but you didn't get in this situation over night & you won't get out of it over night.

You said you have a good support system around you, what have they done to help you??

Do they take you out once in a while for ladies night, will someone watch your child so you can go do that hobby you have always wanted to do?

A good support team isn't one that will just say; oh I'm sorry for you, they are the ones that make you do things, get you moving again.

My beautiful girl still does not know the real reason Daddy is away more than usual. I am fighting a losing battle in trying to protect her.

 

I was such a strong person. People came to me with their problems. I cannot fix my own though.

You are the only person that can fix your problem. No one can tell you what to do, we are only in control of ourselves. As you are finding out with others here, we have let our spouses run our lives or we have leaved our lives thru our spouses.

 

By fixing your problem it might not be what you want, it might not be what you thought would happen but you are the only one that can do something about yourself.

 

My former W was the one that left me, I thought my world was going to come to an end. She blamed me for everything that went wrong in our marriage and I started to believe it. It wasn't until I started to look at myself that I realized, yes I did have a part in this, but what can I do for me to make myself better?

I have no patience. I want it to be next year already. Just want to feel something better than this.

 

So sorry for this depressing post. I know we all feel like this. Just wish I could see my life without him. Does he not know what he is doing? I was so used to going to him if I was down or had a problem.

This is a very hard time & I feel so sorry for you having to deal with it but I also feel it will be the best time for you & personal growth. These situations are put in our lives for a reason & if we look for the positive in them I feel it is a blessing.

 

One thing I learned in divorce care, God HATES divorce but he LOVES divorced people, so he will make the best out of a bad situation.

 

Now I cant ask him for help because he is doing this. Keep dreaming about us, wake up and for 10 seconds forget this is happening. So confused and torn about what to do next.

 

It takes two to make a marriage, but only one to wreck it & when that person decides he or she is done there isn't much you can do about it.