Author broken hearted Posted September 7, 2009 Author Posted September 7, 2009 Thanks for this Broken! Oops, I mean thanks Tojaz!
tojaz Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 Thanks for this Broken! I do know that I did not choose this for my children or my family an that my husband made that decision by himself but it's the furthest thing away from the life I had planned and expected for myself, my marriage, and my children! I've got to find some way to get over it and accept the reality of the situation, it's just taking me a LOT longer than most people I guess! Sometimes our plans are better off broken. The greatest things in life are rarely planned but grow organicly of their own accord. Just because things aren't going according to the plan in your head, dosen't mean it won't be better then you imagined! It's not taking you any longer then most, and there is no set schedule. You will accept it as you are ready to, as you can prepare yourself. If I'm still hollerin at you a year from now, then we got a problem! My son spent the night with my husband on Saturday night and he had him until about 8 pm last night and that's probably a huge reason I had such a backslide of a day! It seems as though everytime my husband has our son, I backslide...I just miss my son like crazy when I'm not with him. I didn't become a mother to be a part-time mother yet my full-time status was yanked away from me overnight...' You will always be a mother full time 24/7 even when he has kids of his own, nobody can strip that from you. Praying this morning that I can find love again, let love in again, let love consume me again, and live happily ever after! Love is the most amazing and consumingly painful feeling in the world! That was beautiful Sure, Love is painful, but there is also no bliss quite like it. It makes it worth the pain in the end. You will find love again, when your ready you will open your heart and see what you have been missing. You deserve all the love you can manage Broken, dont settle for anything less then you deserve. TOJAZ
2.50 a gallon Posted September 7, 2009 Posted September 7, 2009 broken heated Just the fact that you are praying that you will be able to love again, proves for certain that it will happen. It says you are open to the possibility After my XW and I divorced, I honestly had NO DESIRE to ever let my heart love again. For self protection I built multiple high thick walls around me that I thought were unpenetrable. Then the right woman came along, and all it took was one smile, one hello and the walls were dust. My GF was in a similar fort, the left over of an abusive XH. Both of us were determined to never fall in love again. Yet love conquers all and here we are 14 years later, totally commited and totally in love. And loving her is one of the easist things I have ever done
Auroracoladybug Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Hey make sure and get some of those really good pregnancy photos And smile like no other because you know you want this baby! Seriously though I kinda wish I was having my second...my password for my work computer at the time of my marriage was babywishes...yep bad case of baby fever...I don't want my little boy to be an only child and yet now that J is doing what he is and seemingly not so interested in his child...naw I wouldn't care because I will always have more love for my children than anyone else...Yep that is the optimist in me hoping for number two ... I'll be thinking about you BH and wish I could be more help
floridapad Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Broken Your quote "I know I need to let the love I have for my husband go but I just can't seem to do it!" You don't have to let the love or care for your husband go but you can realize that he is not your soulmate and not the man for you and is not the man you thought he was. Love will just change its form and you will move on. You have so much anger towards him, (rightly so), but you share children together, and your relationship with him/without him will be important for the children. It seems that both of you have boiled up so much that TODAY you feel as though you will hate each other forever. That will only be true if you want it to be. (and No he does not want it to be even though he can't see it right now). You will be having a baby soon and he very well may or may not want to see him/her. If he does, I hope you use this as an opportunity to at least start a healing process for yourself (for the childrens sake). He is a jerk I know but he wasn't always that way (unless you say he was) and he is being extraordinarily immature (which is his issue). The only way you can heal with him though is to heal YOURSELF, and stop wondering about what could have been and stop worrying about his anger (those are his issues). You do sound like an educated intelligent woman (with a lot of hormones going on :-) but please try to learn how to release the anger properly. If he wants to be angry let him and let it eat away at him. But don't let his actions affect your healing process. His anger and actions are HIS problem. You can only be the best and noblest you can be. when he see's YOU healing and not getting angry then he may calm things down. It is your ressponsibility to your children to heal yourself. Learn to release the anger and not react to his outbursts or actions by focusing on controlling YOUR anger and actions. You can only control yourself.
tojaz Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 Oops, I mean thanks Tojaz! You should be thanking yourself Broken, I'm just some idiot with a laptop. Your the one getting yourself through this. Your courage, your strength! All i'm giving is some words on a screen! Still pregnant... I thought tomorrow was the big day? Good luck Broken, I wanna see lots of baby pictures! TOJAZ
soheartbroken Posted September 8, 2009 Posted September 8, 2009 I tend to agree with Floridapad. I don't think you have to stop loving your husband, maybe it just has to evolve into a different kind of love.
ryepatch Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I tend to agree with Floridapad. I don't think you have to stop loving your husband, maybe it just has to evolve into a different kind of love. wow, this quote just really got to me. that's what i need to do. . . love my wife in a different way. (not to threadjack. . . i know i keep doing that.) but i've got to find a way to keep my love for her, without needing anything in return. . . it's hard, though, when it seems like there's no middle road. good luck with the baby! (honestly, i really would like to be pregnant myself, but that's currently medically impossible. i really have gender issues. . . kind of want to be a housewife!)
Author broken hearted Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 So today is my due date, and yes everyone, I am still pregnant. With the birth of our second child likely to happen at any moment now, I still have visions of my husband and I being together and being a family and him in my future a year from now, 10 years from now, and 50 years from now. Now, I understand the reality of the situation and I understand that we are divorcing and a future with us is not reality but I find it so bizarre that when I picture us leaving the hospital with our new chid, I picture us leaving as a family. I know, I have been extremely emotional and all over the map in terms of highs and lows but, when does the heart finally catch up to reality and finally leave behind the past, the what ifs, and the what could have beens? I hope it's soon because I am really looking forward to the day my heart can love this man as the father of my children but no longer as the "love of my life" that I once thought he was.
MrMayI Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 I know, I have been extremely emotional and all over the map in terms of highs and lows but, when does the heart finally catch up to reality and finally leave behind the past, the what ifs, and the what could have beens? I hope it's soon because I am really looking forward to the day my heart can love this man as the father of my children but no longer as the "love of my life" that I once thought he was. that day will come broken. it really will. for now though, there's the reality of it all right there staring at you. it's time to have your baby, and he's nowhere to be found. this is indication of any form of future with him. i'm thinking of you, and hope the labor goes smoothly. please take care of yourself. i know the coming months are going to be the hardest, but you have all of us here, and you're pretty wonderful, so i'm sure you have a lot of people to support you in the real world too.
LisaUk Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Hi Broken The fact that you are pregnant may be contributing to why have not been able to let go completely. The whole betrayal feels even more unnaturel to you b/c you have your new child, that you created out of your love for each other, still growing inside of you. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are anamazing women, with a strength of iron will. I wish I had an once of your courage. I wish you well with the birth, (hope it's not too horendous and get that EPIDERAL, don't be a martyar! LOL). Looking forward to all the baby pics, OK? I know it's going to be so incrediably tough Broken, we're here for you.
Auroracoladybug Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Broken...you have my feelings on the mark right now... I am really looking forward to the day my heart can love this man as the father of my children but no longer as the "love of my life" that I once thought he was. Lisa may have a point about hormones and expectations about the new little one... but because I am not pregnant and have a son the same age as yours I think I get it...Our children deserve so much better (and that is what we wanted for them was the whole kit and kaboodle)...the visions are still there for me of "our family" and yet the reality of what it is right now...unfortunately we are stuck in that middle of "our family should be" and "our family is". We are not the leavers and we still saw so much that we could do to work things out and yet were never given the chance. We are the mothers who are doing our best to give our children the most stability and love and caring and good examples that we can. We know the person we fell in love with is still in there somewhere but they may never resurface...Until then trying to be a good mommy and give time to the new unknown father of your children is worrysome so it is all the harder to let our babies go with them...Lionesses we are Broken I think you have the courage of a fighter and wish you nothing but the best. And as horrible as this may sound...I wish in a way I was in your shoes because I don't want my baby to be an only child and yet I don't to have a child later for him to say "he/she is only half my brother/sister"...scares the hell out of me to think about the future but it never goes necessarily the way we want/think it will... LOVES!!!
Author broken hearted Posted September 9, 2009 Author Posted September 9, 2009 Oh, don't you worry Lisa, I will be getting that epidural! I'm strong and I can handle pain but...I made it to 8 cms last time and the fear of the unknown with those last 2 cms had me begging for an epidural. Needless to say, I am not afraid of the epidural and I will be using it again...after all, it was invented for a reason right!?!?!
tojaz Posted September 9, 2009 Posted September 9, 2009 Oh, don't you worry Lisa, I will be getting that epidural! I'm strong and I can handle pain but...I made it to 8 cms last time and the fear of the unknown with those last 2 cms had me begging for an epidural. Needless to say, I am not afraid of the epidural and I will be using it again...after all, it was invented for a reason right!?!?! :confused::confused: And Tojaz slowly backs out of the room. You and your baby are in y thoughts Broken, I hope all goes smoothly for you, and looking forward to hearing all about Lil, Baby Broken. TOJAZ
Author broken hearted Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Wow! Talk about a backslide!!! The last few days have been rough for me and I have been very emotional, most likely because of the upcoming birth of my baby (2 days overdue already) but tonight after going to church for a mass said for my brother, I saw the OW coming out of a store and walking to her car! The very sight of her made me sick to my stomach with my emotions spiraling out of control. I was already a little emotional after leaving a mass said for my brother who just committed suicide 1.5 months ago! Honestly, I'm sure everyone always said this but, you guys have no idea what my husband left me for (although he says he's not still seeing her, I'm not sure I believe it). I'm 27, my husband is 28, she is 40! She has a 13 yo son from a random hookup and was married on 2007, filing for divorce a year later (she definitely values marriage huh), she is said to have slept with married men before and broken up marriages, she used to work with me, knew I was married to my husband, knew we had a 2 yo son, knew I was pregnant, knew we were high school sweethearts...she literally is a white trash whore, and that's being conservative! WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING!!! Someday I hope he realizes what he had and the trash he threw it all away for bc right now, he just doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone but himself!
tojaz Posted September 11, 2009 Posted September 11, 2009 Wow! Talk about a backslide!!! The last few days have been rough for me and I have been very emotional, most likely because of the upcoming birth of my baby (2 days overdue already) but tonight after going to church for a mass said for my brother, I saw the OW coming out of a store and walking to her car! The very sight of her made me sick to my stomach with my emotions spiraling out of control. I was already a little emotional after leaving a mass said for my brother who just committed suicide 1.5 months ago! Honestly, I'm sure everyone always said this but, you guys have no idea what my husband left me for (although he says he's not still seeing her, I'm not sure I believe it). I'm 27, my husband is 28, she is 40! She has a 13 yo son from a random hookup and was married on 2007, filing for divorce a year later (she definitely values marriage huh), she is said to have slept with married men before and broken up marriages, she used to work with me, knew I was married to my husband, knew we had a 2 yo son, knew I was pregnant, knew we were high school sweethearts...she literally is a white trash whore, and that's being conservative! WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING!!! Someday I hope he realizes what he had and the trash he threw it all away for bc right now, he just doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone but himself! Broken, they always trade down. My wife did, they all do. Someday he will realize exactly that. He'll see you, looking as good as ever with your two beautiful children, and he'll be on the outside looking in next to some trailerpark tramp. Wondering how he let it all get away. Shes a homewrecker and he's a fool! Nothing else to say there. It dosen't make it much easier to cope, but it will in time. Be strong Broken. You have so many great things coming your way when you get through all this. I think we all do. Stay strong TOJAZ
Author broken hearted Posted September 11, 2009 Author Posted September 11, 2009 Thanks Tojaz! I know I will be better off when I finally begin to heal from this trainwreck of a life I am living right now, be better off for experiencing this pain, and be able to have a better marriage and stronger love for someone else in the future as a result of what I've been through...but...these backslides are literally KILLING AND TORTURING ME! I no more than think I have made 2 leaps forward when out of the blue something sets me off and takes me 10 leaps back! I just want to be able to put this all behind me, move forward with mine and my children's lives and find love again. I can't wait to be happy again! I hate being miserable! I can't wait to get my pre-pregnancy body back and knock everyone's socks off! You all benefited from the divorce diet and weight loss, I wasn't able to do that bc I was pregnant...watch out everyone, the revenge diet is in full effect as soon as I finally deliver this child!
LisaUk Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Are you going to nurse Broken? That burns calories off like nothing else! My friend was shoving chocolate down her like nothing you have ever seen and was back in her size 10 (US size 6) jeans within two months! The other mothers were not best pleased! LOL
Auroracoladybug Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Broken I wish I could hug you...your husband is stupid but we all knew that. I am very sorry for the loss of your brother and excited for the birth of your new child...I know the frustration of being overdue...everything sets you off...too bad you were not close enough to throw up on her
tojaz Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Thanks Tojaz! I know I will be better off when I finally begin to heal from this trainwreck of a life I am living right now, be better off for experiencing this pain, and be able to have a better marriage and stronger love for someone else in the future as a result of what I've been through...but...these backslides are literally KILLING AND TORTURING ME! I no more than think I have made 2 leaps forward when out of the blue something sets me off and takes me 10 leaps back! I just want to be able to put this all behind me, move forward with mine and my children's lives and find love again. I can't wait to be happy again! I hate being miserable! I can't wait to get my pre-pregnancy body back and knock everyone's socks off! You all benefited from the divorce diet and weight loss, I wasn't able to do that bc I was pregnant...watch out everyone, the revenge diet is in full effect as soon as I finally deliver this child! Well Broken, I'm coming off a doozy myself. Drank myself stupid last night just to get some sleep. The thing about backslides is, you learn something from each one. Something pushes you back and you find ways to overcome that the next time it comes around. Sure it's 10 steps back now, but then it will be 5 and then 3 eventually it's 2 steps forward and one step back. When you get that pre prego body back, I'm sure you will knock everyones socks off. When yo do, make sure you do some struttin past the ex. "Yeah buddy you messed up BIG TIME!!!":D I've seen your pics, you are way out of his league anyways, I sure hope that baby looks like momma. TOJAZ
2.50 a gallon Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Broken hearted Hold on to that thought of getting your body back, then you are going to knock them dead. She is 40? He needs a second mommy? In a few years her hair will be turning gray, missing a few teeth. And then he will look back at the babe he threw away. My GF's ex spent the last 20 years of his life begging, her to come back.
ryepatch Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 Honestly, I'm sure everyone always said this but, you guys have no idea what my husband left me for (although he says he's not still seeing her, I'm not sure I believe it). I'm 27, my husband is 28, she is 40! She has a 13 yo son from a random hookup and was married on 2007, filing for divorce a year later (she definitely values marriage huh), she is said to have slept with married men before and broken up marriages, she used to work with me, knew I was married to my husband, knew we had a 2 yo son, knew I was pregnant, knew we were high school sweethearts...she literally is a white trash whore, and that's being conservative! WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING!!! Someday I hope he realizes what he had and the trash he threw it all away for bc right now, he just doesn't seem to care about anything or anyone but himself! I don't believe this!!! he left a beautiful 27 yr old for a 40 yr old? fog + walkaway = affair goggles? my wife is living with a thrice-divorced 33 yr old woman who's lost 3 out of 4 kids in custody battles, barely knows how to read, and does coke all the time (with an 11 yr old daughter living in the house!)! and for awhile at least, was still living with her ex, whose arms are covered in swastika tattooes from prison! these are the people my pacifist, intellectual wife is hanging out with! i don't think they're having an affair, but still!!! the people our spouses leave us to hang out with are disgusting! brokenhearted, you'll find much better, and your husband will realize he screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him!
Author broken hearted Posted September 12, 2009 Author Posted September 12, 2009 Ok so now I'm really starting to believe that I may never recover from this pain.............
ryepatch Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 hang on! things'll look different after the birth. . . no way your husband isn't affected by it either, even if he isn't there.
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