Still heart broken and terrified I may never recover!

[broken hearted]

Ugh, where to start! Currently my life is straight out of a Jerry Springer episode!

 

Update: Since my husband walked out on me on January 31st (yes, I remember the exact day), I have been alone day and night with our 2 year old son, pregnant, taking care of house, dog, bills, etc. He came home July 2nd professing that he loved me more than anything, we were going to be okay, he would never leave another day in his life, and that he needed help from a counselor to heal past hurt from things he says made him unhappy in the marriage. I found out on July 9th (yes, I remember this day as well) that my husband had been having an affair for a few of these 6 months that he was gone! The night I found this out, I told him I hated him, and that I hoped he rotted in hell! The next day I went straight down to the lawyers and filled out paperwork but wasn't ready to officially submit it. It's been almost a month since this and I truly believe that my husband needs to see a psychiatrist bc I think he's got something going on. I've got a degree in psychology, I'm not just trying to make excuses!

 

One night, he'll call me begging for help before it's too late, he loses me and his family, begs me to go back to counseling and says he doesn't know if he can live with himself with what he's done and has thought of suicide and the next day he punches holes in walls and tells me he loves me but doesn't want to be with me anymore.

 

He can't seem to grasp the reality of the things he's put everyone through over the last 6 months and is still blaming me for EVERYTHING!

 

My brother committed suicide on July 25th, a shock to all because he was happier than he has ever been! I called my husband at 4 in the morning when I found out and he came over to my parent's house to be with me! He spent the entire day here with me, calling me babe and honey! After this initial day, I didn't see him again for 3 days! He decided he would be my husband again when the public part came (wake and funeral) and put on a really good portrayal of a supportive loving husband! He spent the day of the funeral at my parent's house and left that night! The very next day, he went back to his old ways of yelling and screaming at me blaming me for everything in the marriage.

 

Tonight, he even told me that he had the affair because of things I've done in the marriage that made him unhappy! I replied, "I don't remember helping you take your f###ing pants off!"

 

I know I should let go, I know this...but my heart can't seem to do it! My heart is holding onto the man I married and the man I have loved for so long! I know he is not him right now but I am still praying for him to come back. I really thought the death of my brother was going to wake him up and allow him to see reality! Our baby is due in just a couple weeks and again, I'm holding on and praying that the baby will be his wake up call!

 

Why the hell can't I let go? Everytime he calls for help or says he doesn't want to lose me, I get sucked back in! Those calls are coming much less now and I am getting more calls that are angry, yelling, swearing, and blaming!

[whichwayisup]

I am sorry about your brother.

 

Rely on your own family and friends, not your sleazy-azzed liar/cheater/a-hole of a husband of yours.

 

He has no remorse for his selfish and cruel actions and it seems he's playing a very cruel game with you. DON'T play. Don't let yourself get sucked in.

 

For your own sanity and health of your pregnancy, cut him out of your life.

 

Sooner or later your heart will catch up to reality.

 

HIS LOSS, not yours. One day you'll see and believe this!

 

Stay strong.

[tojaz]

Glad to see you back Broken! I was worried about you.

It is absolutely horrible how he treated you during this crisis. Regardless of the issues in your marriage, there is such a thing as common decency!

To be honest, the less you talk to him, the easier it will get, especially if his calls are all angry and blaming you. If he is not willing to accept blame, then you really have nothing to talk to him about, hes still in the fog. Save yourself the stress and the pain!

TOJAZ

[hopesndreams]

So sorry for what you are going through. The only advice I can give, in regards to your H, is to forget about him. He is a lost cause. Your heart aches for him, I understand this, but your heart is lying to you right now because your H is not worthy of your love. In time, your heart will ache less as your mind takes over. It may take awhile, a long awhile, but at the end of it, you will be free from his selfish, rotten personality. Sorry to be harsh, but this H of yours takes the prize for cruelty. You deserve so much more in life. At one time, the H could have given it to you but he has turned into a monster and it is only he that can change his ways, if one day he decides to, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Live life for your family and you. The only way for you to survive is to cut him out of your life, he is poison to you now.

[broken hearted]

Thanks Hopesndreams! I do know all of this and I do know what I need to do but my heart just won't let it happen right now! The recent death of my brother brought me back to square one!

[LisaUk]

Hi Broken

 

Pleased to see you back on the boards, I was worried after your brothers death.

 

I know it's hard but I really think you have to concentrate on yourself, your son and your soon to be born baby right now. S*d the H, let him get on with it, put yourself first, get yourself and your children sorted and settled and deal with all his s**t later. This man cheated on you. I know he was your high school sweetheart, my ex was too, but look what he has become! You deserve so much better.

[broken hearted]

Wow, it's been 6 months without my husband, he has done the unthinkable betrayal and treated me worse than anyone could imagine and yet, I still miss and love him tremendously!

 

This whole shipping our son back and forth is so heart breaking for me! My husband and mother in law picked up my son yesterday. Our son was in the truck, I was talking to him through the window and my son said to me, "get in Mommy, come with us!" I told him that I wasn't going with them and he immediately said to my husband, "Daddy, I don't want to go, don't want to go!" My mother in law's reaction to this was to immediately start up the truck and said to my son, "say goodbye to Mommy." I HATE THIS! I HATE RAISING OUR CHILDREN IN SEPARATE HOMES! I HATE THAT MY SON NEVER KNOWS WHEN HE'S GOING TO SEE HIS DADDY! I HATE THAT MY SON SLEEPS DIFFERENT PLACES! I HATE IT ALL!

 

I honestly cannot figure out why I can't just let go of the cruel, cruel, a**hole that I currently call my husband and go ahead and file already!

[skinman]

Broken Hearted,

 

I'm so sorry to read what you are going through because I have been in your shoes twice in my lifetime. No consolation now but with time it will get easier, that I promise you.. During my first marriage, I felt much like you do now.. My heart breaking each and everytime I picked up my daughter or dropped her off she would cry. There wasn't a time when we parted that I didnt drive off with tears in my eyes... Now I am in the same situation, granted almost 20 years apart but its all the same. I can tell you this.. with time the pain will slowly diminish.. your heart has to much invested in what was, what if and all the numerous other things that run through our minds.. its been almost 10 months since my wife and I split, like you I wanted things to work out. I loved her with all my heart and to see the one that meant the world to me treat me with such disrespect, hatefullness and total cruelty made things even worse...

 

but you know.. as time went on and my emotions calmed down to where I could see the real person that she became... It hurt less and less, even after finding that there indeed was another man the whole time it got easier... It will for you too, that I can assure you.. Concentrate on yourself and your little one's, assure them that no matter what happens that both your and your POS ex. love them with all your heart.. Oneday you will wake up and realize that you think less and less of him... It hurts now to think that but in the end you will realize that you are much better off...

 

Your in my thoughts and prayers... I wish you the best Broken hearted...

 

Skin.........

[tojaz]

Wow, it's been 6 months without my husband, he has done the unthinkable betrayal and treated me worse than anyone could imagine and yet, I still miss and love him tremendously!

This whole shipping our son back and forth is so heart breaking for me! My husband and mother in law picked up my son yesterday. Our son was in the truck, I was talking to him through the window and my son said to me, "get in Mommy, come with us!" I told him that I wasn't going with them and he immediately said to my husband, "Daddy, I don't want to go, don't want to go!" My mother in law's reaction to this was to immediately start up the truck and said to my son, "say goodbye to Mommy." I HATE THIS! I HATE RAISING OUR CHILDREN IN SEPARATE HOMES! I HATE THAT MY SON NEVER KNOWS WHEN HE'S GOING TO SEE HIS DADDY! I HATE THAT MY SON SLEEPS DIFFERENT PLACES! I HATE IT ALL!

 

I honestly cannot figure out why I can't just let go of the cruel, cruel, a**hole that I currently call my husband and go ahead and file already!

 

You said it yourself, it's because you still miss and love him. You don't want to let go, because you hold out hope that the old him will return to you.

 

Broken, you are under more stress then anyone should ever have to face at the same time. Being a mother, pregnancy, the loss of your dear brother, and your S**t bag husband (Sorry, seems appropriate). There comes a point with all that, where you have to let go of the things you have no control over and focus on the things you do. Your H is lost right now and he is the only one who can pull himself out. Theres nothing you can do. I'm not saying file, and I'm not saying don't, I'm saying Focus on your own health and happiness and that of your children. Make the best and happiest life you can for you and the kids without him, it will make it easier to let go. Yet, if he is forced to do the same, and find that within himself, maybe you won't have to!

TOJAZ

[hopesndreams]

File, it's over BH, and by doing so, get all the custody arrangements worked out, in your favour. The last thing you need is for your soon to be born, sweet new baby, to be taken out of your arms and driven away by H and his mummy whenever they feel like it. Take the control away from them, they get to see the kids by court order only and they can pick them up and drop them off wherever you say. Keep in mind, his OW, might just get her grubby little paws on them. How is that for inspiration to do what you need to do?

[lupa]

broken, I think I will always love my wife, for the rest of my life even after what she's pulled. I have a feeling there will always be a special place in your heart for that man, and quite frankly there is nothing you can do about it except take care of yourself and your children.

 

I'm learning a new concept lately -- time. I cannot fix everything all at once, and that is what is killing me. You...you have children, you have a birth to plan for. There is time to get ready, and you are not going to get any other answer out of him, any resolution, any peace of mind...today. But you do have time. The world isn't going to stop spinning, we aren't going to suddenly stop rocketing around the sun, even though that is how it feels.

 

What you have are a series of goals laid out in front of you, and time to get them done. Looking for resolution that cannot be found is the source of your pain (and mine), so now let's start working with what we have...the rest of our lives. we can figure everything out from there.

[broken hearted]

Hey guys! I'm thinking of selling my story to the lifetime channel! Any ideas of who could play me??? HAHA!! I was thinking Alyssa Milano is the closest celebrity that my looks resemble!

[broken hearted]

So, the last couple of days/weeks, I have slowly been moving towards the acceptance stage of what has transpired in my life/marriage and what my future holds. It has been a long...VERY LONG...road into allowing myself even the idea of accepting this. I have allowed my heart to understand the unbearable pain, disrespect, and betrayal that this horrible man that I call my husband has put me through. I have begun to envision my life without my husband and accept the life that my husband has chosen for our children...I HATE IT BUT I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT!

 

With all of this being said, I had a really really rough day today that has left me in tears while I sit and type this! There's so many of you that understand my pain, confusion, heartache, questions, and what ifs but honestly, the only person that I want to understand this is my husband!

 

It baffles me how one action, one word spoken, or one memory can send my emotions and pain spiraling out of control and bring me back to zero! Today is my husband's 28th birthday! I can't believe that we're not spending it together like we have for the last 11 bdays of his! I can't believe that I'm not going to be able to make love to my husband tonight on his birthday like I have for the last 11 bdays! AHHHHH! I hate this rollercoaster! I HATE IT! I just want acceptance so that I can begin to move forward with mine and my children's lives.

 

I'm sorry, I am a rambling mess right now! What a horrible day! The pain is back to being unbearable! I don't understand how I was so easy to throw away! I'm not a horrible person, how could he just give up and throw me away? I know plenty of kids grow up with divorced parents but it literally kills me to have to do that to my children! It's not what I want but it's the decision my husband has made for his children's lives. To me, it's a betrayal to our children if I were to be with anyone other than their father! Why can't I get that throught out of my head! I feel as though I am hurting them or betraying them if I move on and build a life with someone other than my husband and their father!

 

How can someone just make a decision and not care about how many other innocent lives it's going to affect? How can someone be so selfish?

[tojaz]

Hey guys! I'm thinking of selling my story to the lifetime channel! Any ideas of who could play me??? HAHA!! I was thinking Alyssa Milano is the closest celebrity that my looks resemble!

ALYSSA MILANO!:love: This man is obviously insane!

So, the last couple of days/weeks, I have slowly been moving towards the acceptance stage of what has transpired in my life/marriage and what my future holds. It has been a long...VERY LONG...road into allowing myself even the idea of accepting this. I have allowed my heart to understand the unbearable pain, disrespect, and betrayal that this horrible man that I call my husband has put me through. I have begun to envision my life without my husband and accept the life that my husband has chosen for our children...I HATE IT BUT I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT!

 

With all of this being said, I had a really really rough day today that has left me in tears while I sit and type this! There's so many of you that understand my pain, confusion, heartache, questions, and what ifs but honestly, the only person that I want to understand this is my husband!

 

It baffles me how one action, one word spoken, or one memory can send my emotions and pain spiraling out of control and bring me back to zero! Today is my husband's 28th birthday! I can't believe that we're not spending it together like we have for the last 11 bdays of his! I can't believe that I'm not going to be able to make love to my husband tonight on his birthday like I have for the last 11 bdays! AHHHHH! I hate this rollercoaster! I HATE IT! I just want acceptance so that I can begin to move forward with mine and my children's lives.

 

I'm sorry, I am a rambling mess right now! What a horrible day! The pain is back to being unbearable! I don't understand how I was so easy to throw away! I'm not a horrible person, how could he just give up and throw me away? I know plenty of kids grow up with divorced parents but it literally kills me to have to do that to my children! It's not what I want but it's the decision my husband has made for his children's lives. To me, it's a betrayal to our children if I were to be with anyone other than their father! Why can't I get that throught out of my head! I feel as though I am hurting them or betraying them if I move on and build a life with someone other than my husband and their father!

How can someone just make a decision and not care about how many other innocent lives it's going to affect? How can someone be so selfish?

 

Remember, you haven't done this to your children, he has. You've done everything you can to prevent this, accepted more then any woman should have to. You tried to save your marriage he destroyed it. He became selfish, cheated, betrayed you and his family. He failed you, and he failed his children, thats his cross to bear and not yours. Let it hurt, grieve the loss, but do not accept the blame.

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

Tojaz, I didn't mean that I was accepting the blame, I simply meant that I was beginning to accept the idea of what is inevitable and what my future will hold, what my children's future will hold! I still hate every second of my life right now and want so badly to rewind my life a year so that I can replay it differently and handle myself differently bc, let's face it, I was NOT very good at following the advice I received here!

[tojaz]

Tojaz, I didn't mean that I was accepting the blame, I simply meant that I was beginning to accept the idea of what is inevitable and what my future will hold, what my children's future will hold! I still hate every second of my life right now and want so badly to rewind my life a year so that I can replay it differently and handle myself differently bc, let's face it, I was NOT very good at following the advice I received here!

 

Hindsight is 20/20 Broken, nobody is good about taking advice right away, you've seen my thread.

literally kills me to have to do that to my children!

I feel as though I am hurting them or betraying them if I move on and build a life with someone other than my husband and their father!

 

Those are the statements I was referring to. You commited yourself, you were married and loved him, cherished him, you stayed true to your vows. He didn't! Because of that you have to be alone for the rest of your life? Come on, your young, you sound like a great and loving woman, AND YOU LOOK LIKE ALYSSA MILANO!!! :love: (Sorry, still getting used to single life!) this isn't what you wanted, it was forced upon you. In the end your children will be happy that you went out and found happiness for yourself.

 

You want to rewind, what would you do differently? HE stepped out, HE left, HE betrayed you. You had no say in any of this. Unless you plan on handcuffing him to a radiator, it's out of your hands. It's in him.

The thing to ask yourselfis, if you know now that this person is in him, would you want to save it and constantly be looking over your shoulder and wondering wher he is?

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

You are very right Tojaz! I'm so angry at what I've become from all of this! This whole situation has taken everything from me...EVERYTHING! It's taken my self esteem, self confidence, I feel so unloved, unlovable, ugly, worthless! It's so ridiculous! I know I sound like such a pushover, such a doormat, like I let everyone walk all over me and never stand up for myself! This is not me at all! I have never been the type of person to allow someone to treat me badly, never allowed myself to be anyone's doormat! This is not me at all! I have always stood up for myself and never taken anyone's crap! This situation and my husband have taken everything from me and that makes me extremely angry!!!!

[tojaz]

You are very right Tojaz! I'm so angry at what I've become from all of this! This whole situation has taken everything from me...EVERYTHING! It's taken my self esteem, self confidence, I feel so unloved, unlovable, ugly,(Alyssa Milano???:love:) worthless! It's so ridiculous! I know I sound like such a pushover, such a doormat, like I let everyone walk all over me and never stand up for myself! This is not me at all! I have never been the type of person to allow someone to treat me badly, never allowed myself to be anyone's doormat! This is not me at all! I have always stood up for myself and never taken anyone's crap! This situation and my husband have taken everything from me and that makes me extremely angry!!!!

 

Sorry about all the Alyssa Milano cracks, always had a thing for her ever since Whos the Boss! LOL:laugh:

 

Simple advice------TAKE IT BACK!!!

 

Complicated advice-----TAKE IT BACK!!!

 

Don't let this A$$ ruin who you are. You've given all you can give, if he's not willing to do what it takes, what choice do you have. It's cliche but he made his bed!! You deserve better, you know it, I know it, it's time to make him know it!

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

All of this advice rings so true to me but it's so damn hard to follow! I know I deserve better and lots of days I want better, for myself and my children!

 

It's those damn days that I still hold onto what my husband was and what our love was that send me spiraling back to square one and throwing all the advice I have received out the window! NONE OF US SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS! I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy! It's just so unfair to love someone so much and have them toss you out with Monday morning's trash!

[tojaz]

All of this advice rings so true to me but it's so damn hard to follow! I know I deserve better and lots of days I want better, for myself and my children!

 

It's those damn days that I still hold onto what my husband was and what our love was that send me spiraling back to square one and throwing all the advice I have received out the window! NONE OF US SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS! I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy! It's just so unfair to love someone so much and have them toss you out with Monday morning's trash!

 

I know Broken, I'm living it. My wife came and picked up the rest of her things yesterday. I haven't seen her in person in a month and a half and our last words to eachother were through text message. The pain is unreal, and i will never know why!

 

It's very hard to move on, but I'm doing it. I miss her everyday when I wake up, my heart jumps into my throat every time i see a car like hers. I still cry at certain songs on the radio.

 

She dosen't recognize that I'm hurt, and alone. Shes just worried about her things and getting her money. Thats why i keep trying to move forward. Look what i need to get away from!! Take a good hard look at what he's become. Be sad, be hurt, be angry,, but keep moving.

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

Honestly, I miss my husband, want the man I love so much back and for this a**hole that he's become to rot in hell but, at this point, my heart is breaking more and more everyday for my children! I look in my son's eyes and my heart breaks! My heart breaks bc my husband never even gave him a chance to live in a home where he can see how much his mommy and daddy love eachother, where he can experience his mommy and daddy living together and portraying what marriage is and should be! He never even gave our son a chance to have a good marriage to look up to as a role model for his future relationships.

 

Then...then there's this poor innocent baby who literally will never see a day of it's mommy and daddy being married and happy in their relationship together! My son at least got 18 months of, what I thought, was a happy mommy and daddy and a happy marriage to look at. This poor baby has experienced the hell that it's daddy has put it's mommy through from almost the day of conception! Gosh, my heart F***ING breaks for my children! This is so unfair to them.....SO UNFAIR!!!

 

Again, sorry, I am a rambling mess tonight! My son is with my husband (at my husband's parent's house) for the night and these nights are really rough for me without my son! I feel very alone without my son! The night's my son is with me are much much more bearable!

[tojaz]

Honestly, I miss my husband, want the man I love so much back and for this a**hole that he's become to rot in hell but, at this point, my heart is breaking more and more everyday for my children! I look in my son's eyes and my heart breaks! My heart breaks bc my husband never even gave him a chance to live in a home where he can see how much his mommy and daddy love eachother, where he can experience his mommy and daddy living together and portraying what marriage is and should be! He never even gave our son a chance to have a good marriage to look up to as a role model for his future relationships.

 

Then...then there's this poor innocent baby who literally will never see a day of it's mommy and daddy being married and happy in their relationship together! My son at least got 18 months of, what I thought, was a happy mommy and daddy and a happy marriage to look at. This poor baby has experienced the hell that it's daddy has put it's mommy through from almost the day of conception! Gosh, my heart F***ING breaks for my children! This is so unfair to them.....SO UNFAIR!!!

 

Again, sorry, I am a rambling mess tonight! My son is with my husband (at my husband's parent's house) for the night and these nights are really rough for me without my son! I feel very alone without my son! The night's my son is with me are much much more bearable!

 

Sorry Broken, thought you'd left or I would have stuck around. Please ramble away!

 

I understand your concerns for your kids, yet lots of kids grow up with divorce in thier lives and become well adjusted. I came from divorced parents, and to be honest it has helped me to relate to my little nephews while they are coping with divorce. It isn't so much the actual divorce that does damage but how the parents treat the kids and the situation. If you both take pride in your children and love them the best you can they will be fine and possibly stronger for having grown up with this.

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

Well...yesterday and last night were very rough for me! It was my husband's birthday and my son was with him for the night! I was a wreck most of the night and my good friend actually came over and we just hung out until about 2 am! Thank God for my friends and family who are there to listen to me ramble and cry! I always feel better and can see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel when I am with my friends.

 

This sounds horrible so please don't take it the way it sounds! I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND WILL DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING FOR THEM! It would be so much easier to get through this pain and this divorce if the kids were not here! Honestly, I truly believe, that I would be 1,000 steps ahead of where I am emotionally and much closer to moving on if the children were not involved!

 

I think I have slowly but surely come to the realization that the man I married is dead and not coming back and, therefore, am able to picture myself moving on from him and finding the man I deserve! However, this man is the father of my children and I have NEVER imagined that my children would grow up in separate homes! This is the part that breaks my heart! This is the part that sends me falling to my knees, rocking back and forth, and sobbing as I ask myself how we got here and why this is happening to our marriage and our children!

 

I know it's hard to believe bc I sound so weak in all my posts but...I truly don't want or love the person that my husband has become! I do, however, love the father of my children and I do love the idea of my children growing up with their mommy and daddy in the same house! This back and forth with my son is torture on me! I do believe it is affecting him and his behavior a little bit as well...

[tojaz]

Well...yesterday and last night were very rough for me! It was my husband's birthday and my son was with him for the night! I was a wreck most of the night and my good friend actually came over and we just hung out until about 2 am! Thank God for my friends and family who are there to listen to me ramble and cry! I always feel better and can see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel when I am with my friends.

It's good that you have friends and family that are willing to support you in all of this.

 

This sounds horrible so please don't take it the way it sounds! I LOVE MY CHILDREN AND WILL DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING FOR THEM! It would be so much easier to get through this pain and this divorce if the kids were not here! Honestly, I truly believe, that I would be 1,000 steps ahead of where I am emotionally and much closer to moving on if the children were not involved!

It dosen't sound horrible, I think everyone understands what you are saying. Hurting you in all of this is unacceptable, but he is not just hurting you, but the whole family. Your kids, parents, mutual friends etc. will all be touched by what he has done. He dosen't see that though. Selfish remember?

 

I think I have slowly but surely come to the realization that the man I married is dead and not coming back and, therefore, am able to picture myself moving on from him and finding the man I deserve! However, this man is the father of my children and I have NEVER imagined that my children would grow up in separate homes! This is the part that breaks my heart! This is the part that sends me falling to my knees, rocking back and forth, and sobbing as I ask myself how we got here and why this is happening to our marriage and our children!

 

I know it's hard to believe bc I sound so weak in all my posts but...I truly don't want or love the person that my husband has become! I do, however, love the father of my children and I do love the idea of my children growing up with their mommy and daddy in the same house! This back and forth with my son is torture on me! I do believe it is affecting him and his behavior a little bit as well...

 

Broken, you don't sound weak in your posts. You rdoing your best to fit the pieces together, thats what all of us do. Is till miss my wife, yes I still love her, but I don't want to be around her like this. It's unhealthy for me. Your coming to accept that for yourself, that while you love and miss him, what he has become is nothing but hurting you. That is the start of acceptance. As you look at him in this new light, things will become easier to handle for you and your son. Young children pick up cues from their parents. Show your strength and resolve and he will pick up on it. It will help him to accept the changes he is facing.

TOJAZ

[broken hearted]

Gunny, where are you?!? Tell me how to get over this OVERWHELMING feeling of resentment and betrayal! I have to have a civil relationship with this man bc of our children! I went to the drs. for my weekly appt. (9 months pregnant) and while I was there, I got a full range of STD testing done bc I don't know whether or not I was with my husband after he was with her and I want to be 100% positive I am healthy before I deliver this baby! I had asked him to get the testing done and show me the results bc if he was clean, I was clean since I haven't been with anyone other than him. He refused to get the testing done bc he said he wasn't with me after her! To me, it is simply respect that he would get the testing done to prove that to me for the safety of this child!

 

Last night, my husband had our son for the night! I ask that he calls me before our son goes to bed so I can say goodnight to my little boy! I have been with my little boy every day since the day he was born, I want to say goodnight to him before he goes to sleep! My husband "forgot" to call me and his "phone was in his truck" the 5 times I tried to call him to say goodnight!

 

I am so resentful and have so much anger towards him! How the hell do I move past this so we can have a friendly relationship for our children??