delajoonal Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 p.s.s did someone mention vacation??????? oh the sand between my toes...laying in the sun with gorgeous hot buffed men half my age bringing me fruity icee drinks with little umbrellas in them... and..and and...sounds yummy! and dipping into the ocean so blue its like clear blue glass.... ahhhhh... where exacly am i thinking of..LOL...i guess something tropical..LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Oh well I have always been the ever optimist (a part of me still wants to work things out...because I know I could but that doesn't get the job done if he won't) and I agree with you there...are you sure you're not drinking LOL J was always a pessimist...thought we balanced each other out...guess he just sucked me into a black hole... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Tropical for me too...and scuba diving...I want to play with the sharks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 hey dela...what happened to your pictures? I am so excited to be established and finally have faces to go with names! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 nope, i don't drink...no reason...just kinda stopped when i stopped going to clubs in my 20's...i used to love champagne with a strawberry... anyway..i am just feeling good ...i feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of me..since i found out they are still together.. so here is my take on it.. maybe they really do love each other...who cares..LOL either way, i am NOT ever ever going back to that lying piece of crap..and um after he s-e-x with her..omg! someone get me a bucket...! ok, so that is very immature..LOL..don't care...i finally feel free.. no more wondering if and when we will get back together..cause now i KNOW...NOPE it aint' gonna happen..i am TOO good for him... he made HIS choice...woof!..LOL sooo..where were we..oh ya, on the beach, white sands, crystal clear blue water..and the waiter was ..ummm..gorgeous and i need to stop reading those trashy novels...LOL:eek: p.s. auro, i am adding you as a contact right now..so you can see my pics...do you have some pics up too? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Sex and dating is easy after going through a divorce! Just go to a bar, walk up to some complete stranger and say ~ "Hi! My name is ______________! Remember that! You'll be screaming it later on tonight!" :lmao: Works like a charm! If only it was that easy! I wouldn't be so cracked up and in a hurry to get back into the dating scene? There's a lot left to be desired and can be very disappointing in it all? The truth of the matter is? Once you've been married, divorced, got some bills, some children ~ well.............................life can be and can get a little complicated. Pile on top of that the everyday stressors of life in a 'good' economy (let alone a bad one) and it gets interesting quick, fast and in a hurry like! First thing you need to do is to make sure your needs are meet. Meting the basics of life. Food, transportation, shelter, clothing, the needs of your children,............................... Then you need to look at your financial situation, your FICO (Credit) Score. You've got bills, (especially credit card debt) get it paid off! A minimum of 10% of your income shouldn't just go toward "savings" but toward an emergency fund ~ that is to say until you can go one solid year (if not two) toward the equivalent of your current yearly income without any income coming in! (Don't even factor in "Well if I get laid off I can collect un-employment?) Now that your going through this mess called divorce? I hope all of you have learned not to take on any debt that you cannot personally afford to pay off on your on? That is to say? Don't depend upon anyone to pay your bills! Become self reliant, self dependent Most of all? Love yourself! Don't seek anyone to validate your exsistence! God saw it fit and proper to put you here? And that's good enough by me! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I see how it is, the party always starts after I hit the sack! Yeah well me too because I have that same problem "hopless romantic"...your avatar is much more of a mess then you (you really nearly the same age as me?)...Tojaz I think that we both need vacations LOL...I just want a beer and a beach ...oh and my son to be happy with someone else for a week Oh I don't know, That pretty much looks like I feel. I'd go for that vacation though, but I'm settling for beer and a laptop. LOL I'm 31 by the way. p.s. tojaz...you will NOT be sleeping alone for long my dear... you are WAY TOOOOOOOOO gorgeous...sweet, kind, gracious, chivalrous, young, hard working, good with kids...you are an amazing man and ANY woman would be blessed to spend time with you...and when you fall in love again...IT will be amazing...i promise you...IT will happen...it just doesn't seem like IT right now...i know, i have to practice what i preach...and i am finally..lol... You coming on to me?????? You are far too sweet Dela, but I'm gonna let that go to my head for a little while anyways.:D:D:D:D p.s.s did someone mention vacation??????? oh the sand between my toes...laying in the sun with gorgeous hot buffed men half my age bringing me fruity icee drinks with little umbrellas in them... and..and and...sounds yummy! and dipping into the ocean so blue its like clear blue glass.... ahhhhh... where exacly am i thinking of..LOL...i guess something tropical..LOL Ahhhh, vacation. Me ant the wife were supposed to do Hawaii this summer. We had been planning it right up til the day before bomb drop!! .....sand.....bikinis.....drinks with umbrellas .....bikinis ..... Ocean air ..... bikinis. :rolleyes:Sorry, drifted off there a little. TOJAZ P.S. Still loving the new attitude Dela!! Keep it up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Gunny you have once again hit the nail on the head...I have to become more self reliant and take care of me and the baby...save money...and get the hell out of this house...30yrs old and I thought I was so ahead in life in so many ways...stupid of me...yep I am here Tojaz sorry man I crashed too after my last post...I even text a friend because I was worried I wouldn't be able to fall asleep...I never got the reply because I was gone. Dela...sadly I wish that there truly was proof for me of another woman...I know there was an EA but I am getting sea sick by my feelings one moment I want him home I want the old J and the next I am perfectly fine without him...I don't like having my son going to another house without me...In one way he is still a baby and in the other thank God for that because this may not be so tramatic for him...it just hurts and I want my baby at home with me...all of this is his fault why should he get the best thing out of our marriage...I know the baby loves daddy but I don't think he is ever going to understand and may blame me later... bad dream last night...the old bff/roommate came to me to apologize but said she would not leave J alone when I said that she needed to disappear...J came over and told me that I disgust him...I tried as hard as I could to yell and I kept swinging to hit him and it was like my arms were asleep and everything was a light touch...well I know that I will never talk to her again and I really have to get figured out what I need to do... Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Gunny you have once again hit the nail on the head...I have to become more self reliant and take care of me and the baby...save money...and get the hell out of this house...30yrs old and I thought I was so ahead in life in so many ways...stupid of me...yep I am here Not stupid, you made all the right moves,planned for forever, thats how marriage is supposed to be. I thought I had it all too. Nice house, money in my pocket etc. Now everything I have almost all goes to bills and just trying to maintain the life i had, all because she flaked. You did it right, he jammed you up. Dela...sadly I wish that there truly was proof for me of another woman...I know there was an EA but I am getting sea sick by my feelings one moment I want him home I want the old J and the next I am perfectly fine without him...I don't like having my son going to another house without me...In one way he is still a baby and in the other thank God for that because this may not be so tramatic for him...it just hurts and I want my baby at home with me...all of this is his fault why should he get the best thing out of our marriage...I know the baby loves daddy but I don't think he is ever going to understand and may blame me later... He will understand. The role that J plays in his life is up to J and that will develop his opinions on what happened. If the way J is acting now is any indication of the future, he will know who to blame..pity TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Oh God do I hope so Tojaz...that little boy is my world Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Oh God do I hope so Tojaz...that little boy is my world As long as you treat him as such, he will always know. Just like your dad knows hes your hero. Don't worry, sounds like your a great mom. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 You know the one think I could use most? someone to just hold me while I break down...I am having such a bad morning...now I am at work crying...I know keep my head in the game Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 You know the one think I could use most? someone to just hold me while I break down...I am having such a bad morning...now I am at work crying...I know keep my head in the game Afraid I can't help you there Ladybug. The only advice I can give is that the emotions catch up to you eventually. If you need to take a moment and let it out, then don't deny yourself of that. Burrying it down, just sets you up for a bigger fall later. Remember, we are always here for you. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks Tojaz...I know you can't help me with that but some of the little things really matter you know? I left you a PM Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I wrote you back. Just find something to focus on. It's not good to be constantly analyzing the situation. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks...I replied and it help take me away from analyzing...I guess off to craigslist I go to look for roommates... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 So J took the baby this weekend and apparently things went okay...when he was chomping at the bit to drop off the baby at 4:15pm on Sunday I decided to make up a schedule with him...things were strained but calm and he even gave me and the baby a hug...he seemed a little like the J I married but my father warned me not to fall into that trap...move on...I still love him and always will but just the fact that he wanted to play WOW before watching his son among other things...I still love him good news though...I have an appointment for this Friday with a lawyer and he said that just with the basics I gave him J would need to pay me around $800 a month (unfortunately $500 go to childcare)... My dad says someone will find me beautiful and love me for me again and says he guarantees it...I sure hope so...I am not a looker like Lisa or HB or Kelly but I have my own qualities...I just wish that there were more men like my dad ...love yall:love: Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 So J took the baby this weekend and apparently things went okay...when he was chomping at the bit to drop off the baby at 4:15pm on Sunday I decided to make up a schedule with him...things were strained but calm and he even gave me and the baby a hug...he seemed a little like the J I married but my father warned me not to fall into that trap...move on...I still love him and always will but just the fact that he wanted to play WOW before watching his son among other things...I still love him good news though...I have an appointment for this Friday with a lawyer and he said that just with the basics I gave him J would need to pay me around $800 a month (unfortunately $500 go to childcare)... My dad says someone will find me beautiful and love me for me again and says he guarantees it...I sure hope so...I am not a looker like Lisa or HB or Kelly but I have my own qualities...I just wish that there were more men like my dad ...love yall:love: LADYBUG, True beauty comes from within. I looked at your pics, and your not unattractive by any means. Lisa, Broken, Kel and I'm going to add Dela as well, are beautiful, not just for whats on the outside, but for their hearts, their values, and their ability to love. I see that in each of them and I see that in you as well, a real man, a deserving man will appreciate you for your beauty on the inside as well as on the outside. Don't sell yourself short, and never settle for less then you deserve!!! Tojaz Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 thank you...mgyyyyy433i3ii3oo3oo3p3pp okay Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 well that is what my 2 yr old had to say... my mom always said my long blonde hair and sky blue eyes were my trait...I really wonder what she would say about all of this (gone for 3 yrs). I promise I will not sell myself short ever again... okay the 2 yr old is having a fit talk to you all laters loves Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 uuuuu00000ndhdurhwbbjjidmqkjdckjkljksaccdn hj (Ask your son, He knows what it means!) TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Hes biased and thinks the world of me LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 So I have been thinking lots about the baby and me... I am so scared that my son will blame me for all of this. I know that when he gets older he will ask why his father and I are not together. The only response I can come up with for now is "your father was not happy with me". It is simple and brief without too much detail but I am scared that things will not matter and he will blame me. I know that I am a good mother and that he will be a perfectly fine child. I don't want him to be an only child and have even decided that if I ever remarry I will hyphenate my name and the name of any children I may have in the future so that there is a bond there for my son...I can't believe that I was about to ask J to try for another baby when all of this started...it makes that hurt all the more to have to come to that decision. I have a journal for my son but I have been avoiding putting too much in there for now because of my emotions being so strong...but I know that he will need to know what was going on with me when he reads it later... I have so much hope for the future for me and my boy...I just am so concerned about everything Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Hes biased and thinks the world of me LOL I'm sure he always will. I don't think the moment of having to explain it all to him will ever happen like you think it will. He will probably put the pieces together for himself with time. Unfortunately divorce is not an uncommon thing. He will grow up with it around him and come to understand. As long as both parents love him and treat him well, the D should not impact him as much as you might think. I wouldn't worry about the answers to his future questions now. The only person that has those is J, when all is behind you, you'll know what to say. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Oh pretty flowers Tojaz! I wish none of this ever happened you know? I wish I would have respected myself more and seen what I had with J and not hurt him 6 years ago. I wish that he would have spoke up more about what he wanted and we would have gotten a house we could afford. I wish that I would have been successful in explaining what I wanted and needed and not seem to just be nagging. I wish J would be mature enough to accept his responsibilities and get off the damn games... I think you are right my baby will put the pieces together on his own. A lot of my fear comes from the fact that I have never experienced divorce in my family...my parents were married 33 years when my mom passed away...I pray that his father will treat him well and I know I will and this will not run my life. I just keep getting in these ruts about holidays coming up (and J never really seemed into them so why should I give them to him? the devil on my sholder says), trying to find a roommate, trying to move on and yet wanting to still love him so much, and mostly feeling so alone. I know that there are so many here on the boards that feel/felt the way that I do. I am so nervous about meeting with the lawyer and affording any advice... I need to break down and have a really good cry...I tend to bottle too much in and then it backfires Link to post Share on other sites
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