tojaz Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 It's about time the rest of the gang found your thread ladybug! If your dad does cash out an insurance policy, make sure you add the legal fees to the settlement. At least that way you could pay him back. It still blows my mind how selfish walkaways become, even though I lived it! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 I am glad y'all found me LOL... I am heading home (yeah slow days at work till next week and my boss is away...that is why you see me so much )...going to give my little monkey his hugs and kisses...inevitably he will want to play and I wore a dress today... Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I miss slow days at work! been a long day. I like the part about your dads zippo, I missed it the first time around. When i was like 5 i bought my dad a hokey belt buckle for fathers day. He wore it until the day he passed, even though it was completely ridiculous. Your dads zippo just reminded me of that. My dad was one of the good ones too. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 well I enjoy talking to him and fear the day he will be gone...he suffers from copd/minor empysema (hell if I know how to spell that word) and still he smokes while on oxygen LOL just a good ol type A, retired military, farming boy from NE...my grandmother who is in her 90's and half blind is still as busy as a bee... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 So I text J asking him if he wanted the baby tomorrow... J:Like I said what do you think he would enjoy more? Going to the airfield with grandpa or coming over here me: I have taken him a couple of times...I think he would enjoy time with daddy J:Ok what time do I have to get him? And where from me:do you want to take him tonight? then you dont have to get up early J:No I want you to take him with you in the morning. It would be more enjoyable for him and allow me to get a little more rest he says the courts will force me to give him more visitation and he doesn't take the days we already have set up... went to the counselors today and he said to file for legal separation and then see what J wants...I don't know if it is worth it anymore...all he cares about is himself and I know the OW is there all the time because her dog is living there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 21, 2009 Author Share Posted August 21, 2009 so now J called and said well I planned to get online tonight If absolutly necessary I'll pick him up at 7:30am when I said that we may not be back until after 4pm...hes okay with that of course Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 J really dosen't seem to know what he wants does he? Begging for visitation and then not bothering to use it? I really don't get this guy. A lot of threads you can peg down whats going on, but he's all over the map, has he always been that way? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 No Tojaz I don't think J knows what he wants...at this point I don't know what I want but not this...no he has not always been the most blunt about what he wants...he blamed me for playing WOW and he is still playing and that irritates me to no end...don't use me as your scapegoat...I don't want to be with a man who can't keep his priorities in line, is too lazy to do things to keep his home taken care of, and then complain about never getting out but not making plans... as far as things go I have realized that it was my responsibility for everything...I found the house (that now he is adamant that he never wanted), I set it up (with the exception of his desk and computers), I planned the wedding, I helped find his car, I had to get the MC set up, etc etc etc...the only thing he was really responsible for was the bills (and he screwed that up sometimes too) and had to be pestered to shovel sidewalks, mow the lawn, do laundry, wash dishes...he was pretty good at cooking dinner otherwise I would do it all that I could so I always felt like I did nothing right and so did he... where do i go from here??? I have come to the conclusion that I am going to tell him yes to pick Cian up at 7:30 in the morning (hopefully not to any detrement of my son)...I need time for myself too Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 No Tojaz I don't think J knows what he wants...at this point I don't know what I want but not this...no he has not always been the most blunt about what he wants...he blamed me for playing WOW and he is still playing and that irritates me to no end...don't use me as your scapegoat...I don't want to be with a man who can't keep his priorities in line, is too lazy to do things to keep his home taken care of, and then complain about never getting out but not making plans... as far as things go I have realized that it was my responsibility for everything...I found the house (that now he is adamant that he never wanted), I set it up (with the exception of his desk and computers), I planned the wedding, I helped find his car, I had to get the MC set up, etc etc etc...the only thing he was really responsible for was the bills (and he screwed that up sometimes too) and had to be pestered to shovel sidewalks, mow the lawn, do laundry, wash dishes...he was pretty good at cooking dinner otherwise I would do it all that I could so I always felt like I did nothing right and so did he... where do i go from here??? I have come to the conclusion that I am going to tell him yes to pick Cian up at 7:30 in the morning (hopefully not to any detrement of my son)...I need time for myself too Ladybug, Sounds like he was very passive and let you make most of the decisions and now he resents you because of it. Sounds like my wife LOL. She said a lot of the same things. I agree, you need time for yourself. he needs to be a man and father and honor his responsibilites, 7:30 it is! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 who knows...maybe someday he will see that I really do a lot more than sit in the recliner... Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 who knows...maybe someday he will see that I really do a lot more than sit in the recliner... He will as soon as he has to do it all himself. I must admit that i appreciated what my wife did for me a lot more after she left. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 He will as soon as he has to do it all himself. I must admit that i appreciated what my wife did for me a lot more after she left. TOJAZ Ohhh, thanks for that Tojaz, that makes me feel better to know that my ex may have had that realisation. What a women wants most? Appreciation! If we know we are appreciated, we feel loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 22, 2009 Author Share Posted August 22, 2009 So J came and got the baby this morning...he looked so thrilled:rolleyes: I went the the airfield with my dad and sufficiently fried myself so now I look like a lobster Tojaz unfortunately I doubt he will ever realize what I did...he thought that he did great before living on his own...lets see 3 yrs Navy (that is not living on your own), 6 months living with my friends and family, 9 jobs in his first year here (who do you think footed the bills and got him a car?), then when in his 3rd apt he lost his job for a while (again bills?), then he had roommates, then he moved in with me and my folks while I got ready to graduate college and looked for a house... well it will be a nice evening for myself...my Ethiopian neighbors have a party and my dad and uncle have asked me to dinner...I bet anything all that the baby is getting is fast food...atleast he will eat... I guess the big thing for me now is the fear of the unknown...I am strong enough to be alone but I don't want to be alone and hell if I know how to meet anyone...sure I am younger that others on here but I don't do anything but work and take care of the baby and the house (even then my yard looks like crap) Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 22, 2009 Share Posted August 22, 2009 S.. I guess the big thing for me now is the fear of the unknown...I am strong enough to be alone but I don't want to be alone and hell if I know how to meet anyone...sure I am younger that others on here but I don't do anything but work and take care of the baby and the house (even then my yard looks like crap) I'm right there with you. I don't mind being alone, but I hate it! I like caring about something else. While we were only married for 2 years, we were together for 13. I don't remember how to date, and when would I. This is a scary new frontier for us all, but we will all muddle our way through. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hey TOJAZ!!! I got to post photos woo whooo! I have been with J 12 years this last week...and married 3 (reversal of numbers just a tad) I never really knew how to date in the first place...guess it is time to learn in between all the other crap we have to wade thru...I should be getting all of the household files in order and organized right now and what am I doing...sitting on LS listening to the ethiopians dance and sing my neighbors are great tho Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hey TOJAZ!!! I got to post photos woo whooo! I have been with J 12 years this last week...and married 3 (reversal of numbers just a tad) I never really knew how to date in the first place...guess it is time to learn in between all the other crap we have to wade thru...I should be getting all of the household files in order and organized right now and what am I doing...sitting on LS listening to the ethiopians dance and sing my neighbors are great tho Congrats on getting established!! I'll check out your pics in a sec. You also have PM by the way, upper right hand corner, just so you know. I was never a good dater either. Most of the girls I dated I had known really well. I really have to know someone to take that leap, if you know what I mean. Been burned too many times (worse now). I guess we'll figure it out when were ready, or start spending time on the dating forum LOL Don't worry about all the crap you have to do, go have fun with the Ethiopians. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 ok, are we talking about dating today...ack! i am not sure if i am ready???? are any of you??? we know lupa is...he has IT all together there..;) just lately i have started thinking about IT..dating...and well, lets be honest, s-e-x with another man other than my H...weird, right? but not literally thinking about s-e-x with OM...just thinking of what will my future hold..what will happen...or crap..LOL..will i ever have s-e-x again..LOL:eek: how does that work..exactly????? LOL:bunny: any ideas, suggestions, opinions...what are u doing tojaz? have you gone out and had someone catch your eye..yet? auro..what about you? well, i guess cause it is saturday night...didn't that used to be date night...LOL..i am thinking of of IT...IT being dating, NOT s-e-x..tee hee:confused: p.s. maybe this is way off base for this thread...and forum..sorry...just boot me out if my s-e-x talk is too vulgar for this thread...LOL Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 ok, are we talking about dating today...ack! i am not sure if i am ready???? are any of you??? we know lupa is...he has IT all together there..;) just lately i have started thinking about IT..dating...and well, lets be honest, s-e-x with another man other than my H...weird, right? but not literally thinking about s-e-x with OM...just thinking of what will my future hold..what will happen...or crap..LOL..will i ever have s-e-x again..LOL:eek: how does that work..exactly????? LOL:bunny: any ideas, suggestions, opinions...what are u doing tojaz? have you gone out and had someone catch your eye..yet? auro..what about you? well, i guess cause it is saturday night...didn't that used to be date night...LOL..i am thinking of of IT...IT being dating, NOT s-e-x..tee hee:confused: p.s. maybe this is way off base for this thread...and forum..sorry...just boot me out if my s-e-x talk is too vulgar for this thread...LOL What I'm doing aint working, i'd go ask Lupa. I did have someone catch my eye, but it was one of those imposssible dream kind of things. Makes me wonder if i'll ever be ready really. Probably not. Still, were coming up on 5 months solo, I could use a cheap thrill. LOL:o TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Oh dela I get you on that one! lol I have started to let myself look at other men...I have found that due to my generous nature I find nice qualities in most men (so the red flag is up that the hormones are out of whack and I need to stay the hell away from men!). Dating in itself scares me some...the s-e-x thing sounds pretty good though LOL. Yeah there are some things that only your H/W would know how to do just right tho. I haven't got a clue what to do... I know that I want physical something and not even emotional...I would like it to be with the H...but I didn't respect myself enough before so why would I ever put myself in that situation again...(I was basically a booty call for dear H twice after the separation if you are wondering) Take it slow everyone...nobody wants to be a rebound, none of us want to suffer from a broken heart again, yet all of us need to have some hope that we can find that person who truly cherishes us and respects us...hopefully not too long from now lol Tojaz I hope you find your cheap thrill LOL Dela I hope that your future holds blissful sex...just because you are scared of what might happen... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Tojaz I hope you find your cheap thrill LOL Dela I hope that your future holds blissful sex...just because you are scared of what might happen... LOL Finding it isn't the problem, I'm just not the type. Hopeless romantic remember. Tojaz sleeps alone again! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 <<<< <<<< <<<< BESIDES LOOK AT ME I'M A MESS!!!!! <<<< <<<< Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Yeah well me too because I have that same problem "hopless romantic"...your avatar is much more of a mess then you (you really nearly the same age as me?)...Tojaz I think that we both need vacations LOL...I just want a beer and a beach ...oh and my son to be happy with someone else for a week Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 lol...auro..you crack me up..so cute:) did i ever tell you all that my H IS/WAS my rebound b/f/marriage...:eek: no kidding...oh...should i get into THAT story???? maybe NOT...i don't know if anyone is ready for THAT story:eek: Yikes...anyway, my grand mother always said, i should marry someone that loves ME more than i love HIM...well...this is what she forgot to say...That i will LOVE HIM more than he loves me... in the end...and she also forgot to tell me..that there would be an END:lmao: is this payback? for being a rebound relationship, that lasted 14years..not bad right? well...so...tojaz...let me tell you...just until prolly yesterday, i could NOT even imagine myself with another man... BUT like i said, something snapped after my meltdown in finding out that H has really been with that skank ho for this entire time, more than 6 months now... i used to say, for years, OH, if anything God forbid should happen to my H, cause divorce in my H's words was NOT an option, so if anything happened to him mortally, i would NEVER go online in search of love... we got married BEFORE all that online dating stuff started, and i watched my bff go thru IT all and she still is...ack! so i don't think i would do that..still..i love meeting new friends online..but dating...i always promised myself i would stay true to who i am.. and not date online..i am one of those peope that sees beauty within first..looks are always last for me...but not to say i have dated any dogs..LOL...haven't chewed off either of my arms yet...LOL anyway...so now i am thinking just meeting someone the old fashioned way...someone close to where i live, you know..not out of the country crazy stuff..LOL..although my H works for an airlines, so i do fly for free...LOL..wouldn't that be a kick in the a**... "um, H, can i have some tickets to fly to___________im going to meet my new MAN!"....LOL:D:love: ok where was i...lol...so i am thinking..at the market, Home Depot, had some good luck at HD..LOL...even just driving down the street.. well..i am full of it tonight aren't i..and i don't even drink..LOL well, if and when i meet someone special, YOU all will be the first to know..K! as for s-e-x...hmmm...THAT will be hard...hummm...LOL..i mean weird:eek: after so many years of marriage, you get into a groove and it is more than just s-e-x...you know...its really is about making love:love: well, that was depressing..sorry....ok...back to cheering up talk! who's next???? something funny... come on..where is everyone tonight??? on dates...pooy!.. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 p.s. tojaz...you will NOT be sleeping alone for long my dear... you are WAY TOOOOOOOOO gorgeous...sweet, kind, gracious, chivalrous, young, hard working, good with kids...you are an amazing man and ANY woman would be blessed to spend time with you...and when you fall in love again...IT will be amazing...i promise you...IT will happen...it just doesn't seem like IT right now...i know, i have to practice what i preach...and i am finally..lol... we will all meet an parnter worthy of OUR love and time:love: i am very hopeful...so coming from me..and YOU ALL KNOW ME... that is pretty great..right...so if i can be this optimistic....believe me...you all can too....just takes time...and take ALL the time you need... heck..who knows..i may have a backslide from h***...and well, have to start all over...but for now, i am grateful for this current state of mind and for all of you for helping me GET THERE:D:love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Auroracoladybug Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Okay Dela so funny... J and I were a one night stand that has lasted 12 years LOL no kidding I am not on a date...I need to drink more I agree make new friends but don't find love on the internet! one is silver and the others gold LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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