Mary3 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Haven't read the whole thread. And, I am aware that the motivation is revenge. But, as a BS, in retrospect, I would have been grateful for the info regardless of the motivation. It would have saved me valuable years that were wasted with my WW. I do think the OP is off the wall and is forgetting that she is every bit as culpable as the MM. But, again, I wish someone had told me. I have to say I agree with this poster 100% . If I were married to a cheating no good man who was LYING to me all the time ,I would kiss the ground the person walked on who TOLD ME whoever that was.~~ From a victimized OW to a ground squirrel ! I would appreciate knowing so I could DUMP the cheating no good loser ! Who hath spared me by keeping silent ?
stillafool Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 As a married woman myself, I would definitely want to know as soon as possible if my husband was cheating on me. Some of you are right though that some women don't want to know.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 It amazes me that those of you who are standing in judgment could be so very certain that nothing like this could ever happen to you. Not one of you has ever made a questionable decision? Hurt someone? Done something you regret? Fantasized about getting revenge? Trod on someone else's feelings and put your own first? Never, huh? Somehow loving another woman's husband is faaaaaaar worse than any transgressions you may have made, right? What about attacking people anonymously on a thread that's very focus is about BEING THE OTHER WOMAN? Does that fall under the umbrella of your definition of "honorable?" It must be so superlatively wonderful to be as guilt-free, pure, and, well, smug, as you. Internet bullies need to turn the same magnifying glass on themselves that they so easily turn on complete strangers. No, I can honestly say that I've never hurt someone else, and how dare you compare lying and sneaking around with a married man a "questionable decision". She did it for FOUR YEARS, it wasn't a drunken one night stand, it was a conscious CHOICE that she made every day for years. Now, that being said, I've been a member here for years but rarely post unless I feel I have some insight. My H had a brief affair and broke it off...I won't go into detail about how I know this, suffice it to say I have proof. Three days after he dumped the OW (because I found out and he made his choice), I received evidence in the mail in the form of emails, phone bills, etc. of his affair. What this confirmed for me was that it was indeed brief, she was in fact the aggressor and finally, that she was hoping I would leave him. None of that happened. He was more convinced than ever of what a huge mistake he had made, he felt that she was a desperate psycho and I believe he was that much more determined to reconcile and prove his incredible remorse. I didn't lash out at her, I pitied her since I saw her stunt for the desperate vengeful act it was. I called her once and said one sentence to her, then I never spoke to her again, since as far as I was concerned, she was a non-entity, just a lonely desperate women who chased after men. On the other hand, my husband got all my wrath, followed by some soul-searching on his part and joint counseling on both are parts. That was almost 5 years ago and our marriage is stronger than ever. So tell her, I think she should know, but when you tell her, make sure she knows you knew he was married and agreed to be an accomplice in his deceit for FOUR YEARS. I guarantee she'll think of that when she's poring over the evidence of yours and his lies and deception, and she'll be aware of exactly what kind of "woman" you are.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 As a married woman myself, I would definitely want to know as soon as possible if my husband was cheating on me. Some of you are right though that some women don't want to know. Absolutely. BTDT, and knowing, while painful, is better than being kept in the dark.
utterer of lies Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 No, I can honestly say that I've never hurt someone else I can't decide if this is very funny or very sad. Are you delusional?
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I have to say I agree with this poster 100% . If I were married to a cheating no good man who was LYING to me all the time ,I would kiss the ground the person walked on who TOLD ME whoever that was.~~ From a victimized OW to a ground squirrel ! I would appreciate knowing so I could DUMP the cheating no good loser ! Who hath spared me by keeping silent ? The cheating no good losers that you as an OW CHOOSE to sleep with? If I'm making an assumption I apologize, but I assume you're aware that the man you're with is married? Also, please explain to be how an OW who knows the man is married is "victimized"?
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I can't decide if this is very funny or very sad. Are you delusional? No, are you? Also, I'm curious as to your choice of a name. Care to explain?
utterer of lies Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 No, are you? So you are truly convinced that in your whole life, you never, ever hurt anyone? Also, I'm curious as to your choice of a name. Care to explain? No.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 So you are truly convinced that in your whole life, you never, ever hurt anyone? Yes. Unless you count when I broke up with high school boyfriends. I've never lied to anyone or cheated on them. I've never knowingly hurt anyone in my "real life". I don't berate, criticize, belittle or harm anyone. Now I may speak my mind here and tell people who DO knowingly hurt others what I think of them, but if words on a screen from an anonynous poster can hurt someone, then they need to logoff. Why is that so hard for you to fathom?
utterer of lies Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Yes. Unless you count when I broke up with high school boyfriends. I've never knowingly hurt anyone in my "real life". Why is that so hard for you to fathom? Just because you don't realize you hurt people doesn't mean you're not doing it. 'It is so hard for me to fathom' because anyone with the slightest bit of empathy and thought will realize that you cannot live a life without hurting others, and especially not if you are involved romantically with someone. It doesn't have to be intentional, it might not be clear to you when you did it, but you did. You might have just ignored some guy who was in love with you. You might have made a funny remark that some shy person misunderstood. Or maybe some of your highschool boyfriends, when breaking up. Whatever. Insisting that you didn't is just ridiculous. Therefore, my advice to you: Know thyself.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Just because you don't realize you hurt people doesn't mean you're not doing it. 'It is so hard for me to fathom' because anyone with the slightest bit of empathy and thought will realize that you cannot live a life without hurting others, and especially not if you are involved romantically with someone. It doesn't have to be intentional, it might not be clear to you when you did it, but you did. You might have just ignored some guy who was in love with you. You might have made a funny remark that some shy person misunderstood. Or maybe some of your highschool boyfriends, when breaking up. Whatever. Insisting that you didn't is just ridiculous. Therefore, my advice to you: Know thyself. I'm sure I ignored some guy who was in love with me, but that's not real, is it? My advice to you: Don't take things so personally.
Silver Wolf Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 Hi! 10 days ago I ended an affair (close friend co-worker for 4 1/2 years followed by 6 months of emotional affair with touching and a few weeks of sex.) I felt very disrespected because the last few weeks I thought he was over with his wife...they hadn't had sex in probably a year....and they he came over to my house for sex and then went home and within hours slept with her. I am angry and sick about it and told him not to ever talk to me. I am heartbroken. Here I am hurt and lonely and he gets to just pick up his life where he left off. I want to tell her...so very badly so he can feel as badly as I do. What do I do? It's not fair that he not have any consequences. You knew he was married. Did you not think that there was a high chance he would go back to his wife? he used you. Almost all married men who have affairs go back to their wives. How do you think she would feel if she found out her husband cheated on her? she would be devistated...and you feel hurt? You should be ashamed to have an affair with a married man...shame on you.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 You knew he was married. Did you not think that there was a high chance he would go back to his wife? he used you. Almost all married men who have affairs go back to their wives. How do you think she would feel if she found out her husband cheated on her? she would be devistated...and you feel hurt? You should be ashamed to have an affair with a married man...shame on you. It's a lost cause. If there is one thing I've learned reading these boards it's that there are people who aren't capable of feeling shame, remorse or of taking responsibility for their actions. It's almost like we're not the same species.
Reggie Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Just because you don't realize you hurt people doesn't mean you're not doing it. 'It is so hard for me to fathom' because anyone with the slightest bit of empathy and thought will realize that you cannot live a life without hurting others, and especially not if you are involved romantically with someone. It doesn't have to be intentional, it might not be clear to you when you did it, but you did. You might have just ignored some guy who was in love with you. You might have made a funny remark that some shy person misunderstood. Or maybe some of your highschool boyfriends, when breaking up. Whatever. Insisting that you didn't is just ridiculous. Therefore, my advice to you: Know thyself. As you mention , the key is the lack of intent. And, many people have not made fun of others, like the shy person example cited. Of course things like ignoring a potential suitor may cause that person distress. But, what is the alternative? Date someone to whom you are not attracted. It seems really out there to compare having an affair and causing the attendant damage to something like not reciprocating romantic overtures for someone one has no interest in.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 As you mention , the key is the lack of intent. And, many people have not made fun of others, like the shy person example cited. Of course things like ignoring a potential suitor may cause that person distress. But, what is the alternative? Date someone to whom you are not attracted. It seems really out there to compare having an affair and causing the attendant damage to something like not reciprocating romantic overtures for someone one has no interest in. It's an absurd analogy. There is NO comparison to participating in an affair with the resulting anguish and devastation that causes and not dating someone who has a school boy crush on you. It's too ridiculous to even entertain.
utterer of lies Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 As you mention , the key is the lack of intent. And, many people have not made fun of others, like the shy person example cited. Of course things like ignoring a potential suitor may cause that person distress. But, what is the alternative? Date someone to whom you are not attracted. It seems really out there to compare having an affair and causing the attendant damage to something like not reciprocating romantic overtures for someone one has no interest in. That's not the point, the point was simply that a statement such as her 'I never hurt anyone.' is nothing short of ridiculous. I wouldn't said anything if she had added any qualifiers, but even after pointing it out, she insists she's right. Talk of delusional.
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 That's not the point, the point was simply that a statement such as her 'I never hurt anyone.' is nothing short of ridiculous. I wouldn't said anything if she had added any qualifiers, but even after pointing it out, she insists she's right. Talk of delusional. Surely, then, you can understand that she is talking about intentionally causing pain in personal relationships. Maybe if she put "in this way" after "never hurt anyone" you'd be happier? I don't think its fair that you lump all "hurts" into the same basket. Like the others have said, there is no comparison in the issue you listed. You don't hurt someone by not dating them. Its not only about what they want. That's just ridiculous. It would hurt someone to not live in my house, am I to move out so they won't be hurt? I don't think so.
utterer of lies Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 Surely, then, you can understand that she is talking about intentionally causing pain in personal relationships. Maybe if she put "in this way" after "never hurt anyone" you'd be happier? But that's exactly the point. I wouldn't said anything if she had added any qualifiers, but even after pointing it out, she insists she's right. Talk of delusional.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 To bring this back on-topic, when an OP sleeps with a MP, they KNOW that they are wrong and that they are hurting someone. They just don't care.
Reggie Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 But that's exactly the point. This is minutae. I think it was clear that she was referring to intentionally hurting another.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 To bring this back on-topic, when an OP sleeps with a MP, they KNOW that they are wrong and that they are hurting someone. They just don't care. But that's exactly the point. Oh but I DID add a qualifier. You must have misread. I clearly stated that I "never intentionally hurt anyone". Would you like me to go back and quote it for you?
Impudent Oyster Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Yes. Unless you count when I broke up with high school boyfriends. I've never lied to anyone or cheated on them. I've never knowingly hurt anyone in my "real life". I don't berate, criticize, belittle or harm anyone. Now I may speak my mind here and tell people who DO knowingly hurt others what I think of them, but if words on a screen from an anonynous poster can hurt someone, then they need to logoff. Why is that so hard for you to fathom? There's the qualifier.
utterer of lies Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 ...wrong quote... Here's the right one, the original quote I answered to: No, I can honestly say that I've never hurt someone else Here's my answer to that: So you are truly convinced that in your whole life, you never, ever hurt anyone? and your reply: Yes. Of course, later on she does use 'knowingly', but in the context of I've never lied to anyone or cheated on them. I've never knowingly hurt anyone in my "real life". I don't berate, criticize, belittle or harm anyone. where the first phrase is obviously either a lie in itself or just blatant ignorance. She never lied? In her whole life? Never uttered the slightest of untruths? What about the 'Yes' in the post above? She doesn't criticize anyone? Does she even read her own posts? She cannot be that ignorant...unless she sees herself as this singular perfect human being, an angel among us, which would lead this discussion back to the 'delusional' question I asked in my first post. Yeah, this is getting boring, but it's funny that she complains about people taking responsibility and then fails with something as small and insignificant as a post on an internet forum. So. < / flamewar > Edit: reading my own post, I wonder if this board gave me asperger's, or OAI - Obsessive Arguing on the Intarwebs disorder. I'm usually not that anally retentive.
Impudent Oyster Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Here's the right one, the original quote I answered to: Here's my answer to that: and your reply: Of course, later on she does use 'knowingly', but in the context of where the first phrase is obviously either a lie in itself or just blatant ignorance. She never lied? In her whole life? . . No, I have NEVER lied. And I didn't use knowingly "later on". It was in my very first post. READ.
utterer of lies Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 No, I have NEVER lied. Except in the posts above? There's obviously no point in arguing with you any longer.
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