MistyK Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 so thats what its about? How YOU come out of it looking? Is that axe you feel the need to grind constantly heavy? Jeepers. Link to post Share on other sites
Gamine Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 What if the wife beat the living tar out of you? Did you know that in the US 75% of inmates doing time for murder are there because they killed as an extension of a crime of passion? Make sure you know what you are dealing with before you set something into play. Women kill just as men do. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Is that axe you feel the need to grind constantly heavy? Jeepers. it was a legitimate question. the only reason he regretted it was because of how he came out looking. It wasn't about doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 it was a legitimate question. the only reason he regretted it was because of how he came out looking. It wasn't about doing the right thing. Yet we all look at ourselves in retrospect and wonder if we did the right thing. He felt he did the wrong thing so has learned from his mistake. I know you are talking about the bigger picture, but he's still allowed to learn a lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Yet we all look at ourselves in retrospect and wonder if we did the right thing. He felt he did the wrong thing so has learned from his mistake. He felt it was wrong just because of the way it made him look. he didn't feel it was wrong because he didn't think the didn't have a right to be informed. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Your confidence in your love astounds me. This man met you when he was married. He saw you and left you a cute little note and stickers. It wasn't even a friendship that built into a love affair. He set out to pick you up and hit on you when he was married and if I remember correctly he lied to you. He did not tell you he was married. He lied for a long time. How can you have this much faith in him? I bet his wife is very happy with her life today. Yes NF, and your H cheated on you with your best friend. Yet you are still married to him. I don't understand why you question my trust in my H unless it is an unconscious distrust of your own H. (And he didn't set out to hit on me or pick me up. Really you're reaching here, we met in a normal, unseedy way. It's actually a cute story.) Why do I trust him? He's a different person now, NF. And he is very remorseful. You're right that he lied to me about being married and it was for a long time. He knows that was wrong, he feels badly (really badly now) and he's apologized and I've forgiven him. What is the point of staying with someone you don't trust? And why should you hold something over someone's head forever? It's in the past now. It's not an issue. Everyone makes mistakes, you right them and then you move on. She is very happy with her life today. We're all glad about that. She didn't deserve him to cheat on her, he should have left before doing that. (I wish he had done that.) Unfortunately, life doesn't operate on the should, but on the actual choices people make. Plus, I'm starting to wonder if you have a crush on me with the way you're following me around. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Yes and I knew and loved my husband for 20 years before this happened. 20 years of honesty and history together. This man lied to you from the MOMENT he met you. You have no history of honesty with him. For your sake I hope your trust isn't unfounded. Really, thanks for your concern. He knows he's very lucky I am the kind of person I am. I'm sure there are many people who feel like you do. I just feel differently. I don't think just because you've been together 20 years with your H, that your H is more deserving of trust and forgiveness than mine is. GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I haven't read all the other posts because there are so many - so maybe this has already been said. The truth is, if you tell her, I can pretty much promise you that this will somehow end up turning into a nightmare for you, and you'll be painted as the bad one. I'm not sure why or how that works, but it seems to always come back on the OWas being the bad guy. In other words, I'm just concerned that if you tell, it's going to blow up in your face. Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I really hope you decided for sure NOT to tell. This day and age, there are SO many murders due to infidelity - Either BS, or OW, OM, sometimes even the WS. People do nutty things when pushed too far past their emotional limit. You also have NO idea what is going on in their lives.. For all you know, one of her parents could be ill, or she has alot of stress in her life that you aren't aware of. . It isnt' up to you to drop the 411 to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 This day and age, there are SO many murders due to infidelity - Either BS, or OW, OM, sometimes even the WS. People do nutty things when pushed too far past their emotional limit. Yeah, the two most common reasons for murder: infidelity and money. All you gotta do is watch a few Forensic Files. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Have times changed that much? Is kissing and telling not still considered tacky (at best)? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Have times changed that much? Is kissing and telling not still considered tacky (at best)? ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, but this really did make me bust up! Wouldn't you consider cheating on your spouse and lying about it more "tacky"??? Sorry, but the "have times changed" comment, combined with "tacky" when talking about telling a spouse that you cheated just seemed REALLY incongruous here. Sleeping with someone else is tacky. Lying to your spouse about it is tacky. Kissing and telling...ok...tacky, but that aspect of it is just ludicrously MINISCULE when compared to the infidelity part. Not busting you out personally here, Owoman...this just came across as really looking past the HUGE issue to focus on the little one. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Have times changed that much? Is kissing and telling not still considered tacky (at best)? I guess not because it's still OK to have sex with someone else's H and keep it secret from his wife. I would think that in this day and age a person would want to be honest about who they are having sex with. Even if it's just for the basic physical health of all involved. Please don't take this as me being rude, it's just the first thing I thought of when I read this post. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, but this really did make me bust up! Wouldn't you consider cheating on your spouse and lying about it more "tacky"???. no.........SHE wouldn't Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 He felt it was wrong just because of the way it made him look. he didn't feel it was wrong because he didn't think the didn't have a right to be informed. And yet, I'm sure he won't ever do something like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
confused192 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Please don't tell his wife. Because you are only seeking revenge and not wanting to help them fix their marriage, you are only hurting her uneccesarily. She is the innocent party here and it isn't fair of you to hurt her any more than has already been done. Let it go. Their married relationship, whether you believe it or not, is not a 3 person relationship. It is him and it is her, not you. Let them deal with this. Don't be fooled into thinking she doesn't know either or that she won't catch him over some other affair. These things have a way of working out. By the way, before anybody asks for my qualifications to talk on the subject, I have been in this situation myself before. It does no good to act on revenge and hurt innocent people. You were already involved in the affair...that's hurtful enough. Link to post Share on other sites
confused192 Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Also, I think the divergent point to address in all of these posts I am reading is this...are you wanting to tell her for revenge or are you wanting to tell her because you feel that you respect her enough as a fellow woman to want her to know the truth about the life she is living? Big question to ask yourself. In my opinion, even telling someone something like that out of guilt is selfish because you are just wanting to get those bad feelings off your chest so you can feel better. If you tell her, make it for the right reasons and be kind...she is the ONLY person who has been wronged in this situation. If you don't tell her, TRUST ME she will find out one way or another. I am not being judgemental, I am giving you honest advice from an outside perspective. I hope you take it for what it's worth to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 And yet, I'm sure he won't ever do something like that again. whats that? do the right thing and inform someone they are being betrayed? or be a party to the betrayal in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 whats that? do the right thing and inform someone they are being betrayed? or be a party to the betrayal in the first place? Doing that which caused him to regret whatever it was he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 anybody notice Loripuff disapeared? Wonder if she did, or didn't??? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 Not busting you out personally here, Owoman...this just came across as really looking past the HUGE issue to focus on the little one. But Owl, Loripuff HAS slept with someone else's spouse. That's a done deal. Tacky or not, it's happened. She has no choice to make on that one. The choice she is - or was - facing now is whether or not to tell. Personally, I find that kind of thing tacky - and kind of high school. It smacks of point-scoring - of adding a notch to the bedpost. I fully appreciate that to a BS, viewing it through a different lens, it may (and likely will) look different, and that the priorities would be vastly different. But Loripuff is not a BS, and the arguments from a BS POV may not resonate for her. But, if EVEN an OW considers it tacky, that might. Dunno <shrug>. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 25, 2009 Share Posted July 25, 2009 I guess not because it's still OK to have sex with someone else's H and keep it secret from his wife. I would think that in this day and age a person would want to be honest about who they are having sex with. Even if it's just for the basic physical health of all involved. HN, I'm not sure I follow your logic here: it sems to me you're advocating complete disclosure about sexual partners in the interests of sexual health. How, and to whom? It sounds to me a bit like the policy of my former employer where one was obliged to inform the lowest common line manager if you had any kind of R (not just sexual - commercial, residential, familial, etc) with a fellow employee. The reasoning was sound - to render visible the underground dynamics that could affect work stuff - but the logistics were mindboggling. I guess one could 'fess up on a website - Hey all, this weekend I shagged Barry in accounts - lissen up anyone else planning to get into his trousers! But how would one get the info to the select audience for whom it was relevant (ie any current or future partners of Barry) without loading everyone else with TMI that should, really, remain private? And, if youre advocating this kind of disclosure in the case of As only, well, I'd have a huge problem with that. I have no in-depth knowledge of STI transmission patterns in the US, but I was an HIV/AIDS counsellor back in my home country, which has the highest HIV infection rate in the world, and research has repeatedly shown that it's not As spreading HIV/AIDS or any of the other common STIs. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddlingThrough Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Loripuff - I am with you, and I'd love to communicate with you without having an audience of judgmental and harsh women that are clearly unleashing their own projections onto you. May they someday experience the pain, humiliation and anger that you're experiencing now. I, too, want to tell his wife. Revenge, yes. He lied to me, used me, reeled me back in countless times, and then turned on me the minute his happy home was in danger. I am both devastated and enraged. I want to hit him where it hurts exactly as he's done to me. So Loripuff, if you're still bothering to read this thread after all of the rude "support" you've received, please respond, I'd love to talk to you. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
SunRays20 Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Loripuff - I am with you, and I'd love to communicate with you without having an audience of judgmental and harsh women that are clearly unleashing their own projections onto you. May they someday experience the pain, humiliation and anger that you're experiencing now. I, too, want to tell his wife. Revenge, yes. He lied to me, used me, reeled me back in countless times, and then turned on me the minute his happy home was in danger. I am both devastated and enraged. I want to hit him where it hurts exactly as he's done to me. So Loripuff, if you're still bothering to read this thread after all of the rude "support" you've received, please respond, I'd love to talk to you. Hang in there. If you chose not to get involved with a married man, especially the ones who have children at home, you will never be in the position, situation, shame, etc. that you're in. You chose this, that is, to sleep with someone's husband. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Wow SunRay that was particularly insightful and helpful. Do you feel better now? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts