Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Total guy moment..... GF is PMS'ing, stressing about a trial, PO'd that her evening has been messed up and he proposes a marriage proposal as a solution It might have flown at Second City, but, yeah, I'd agree with that. Proposing marriage just to get your PMSing g/f to chill is a "guy moment?" Ah...I don't think so.
Lyssa Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It may not be the kinda proposal you were hoping for... but woman, that was a proposal!
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I don't know...something's not right with this. Men don't just throw that marriage word around lightly. Not in my experience anyway. I think he was feeling you out and you again, dismissed him. Like you have about the moving in thing. Boy would I have loved to have been a fly on the wall or that discussion! I have a feeling that I'd perceive it differently than you did. I could be wrong but I don't know.... He may have been feeling me out, but it wasn't a "Will you marry me?" thing, at all! Note: Earlier today, before any of this stuff started, he brought up living together again, and said something like, "If only you'd let go of your cow theory." The way he said it, made me giggle. 12 hours later, he's saying marriage is now an option? Maybe he's drunk and I just can't tell. I don't see how getting married and then moving in would change the fact that he has his brother come on over without any regard to you. Why would this stop this practice? It wouldn't, that's why I didn't take it seriously. I don't think whether I live here or not, or we're engaged/married or still just a couple, should change whether he unilaterally changes things on me without talking to me about it first. He understands that, so to suggest that marriage is a solution just is... weird. Right?
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 It may have been but I don't think it was one anyone would exactly be jumping up and down to accept. Well nor was my marriage proposal from Mr. T (and from the ex come to think of it.) But a proposal is a proposal. It's serious that he even mentioned marriage. It's the notion and desire to get married that is being expressed that is important here..not the WAY he did it. SG, you've basically "rejected" his offer to move in. Now he's upped the ante. You want all the "rights" of the lady of the house with none of the commitment he's looking for. That's what I was saying earlier. This really doesn't surprise me. I'd really like to know how you handled this. Did you brush it off? What was your reaction? And yes, Lyssa it WAS a proposal.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 I think it was SG. WTF? It better not be! I refuse to accept that *that* was how the love of my life asks me to spend forever with him. If there's one thing I've dreamt of, it's that moment... and that had better not be it. No, no... it wasn't. It really wasn't. He probably had to many beers with his brother. (I hope.)
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yup, men don't throw around the marriage word for fun! Give him some positive feedback, if you want this man!
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 WTF? It better not be! I refuse to accept that *that* was how the love of my life asks me to spend forever with him. If there's one thing I've dreamt of, it's that moment... and that had better not be it. No, no... it wasn't. It really wasn't. He probably had to many beers with his brother. (I hope.) Now that's just silly and is reminding me of a certain other poster. He's no nonsense. You'd die if I told you how I was proposed to by my ex and by Mr. T. So what? It's about substance over style. Spill it, SG. What the heck was your reaction!!!!????
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Oh and...doesn't matter if he had a few beers. Makes no difference. It was still a proposal and he's not likely to forget about it.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 This really doesn't surprise me. I'd really like to know how you handled this. Did you brush it off? What was your reaction? I honestly cannot remember now. I remember telling him that wasn't a solution, and he just kinda shrugged and said he didn't know what else to do to fix it, and then said he was going to go up to bed, and kissed me on the forehead.
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 For many relationships, one partner isn't as romantic as the other. I'm the more pragmatic one and he's the romantic. Looking back, that's been the case for all my serious relationships. It sounds like it's the opposite, in your relationship SG. Does how he proposes matter as much as who he is?
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I honestly cannot remember now. I remember telling him that wasn't a solution, and he just kinda shrugged and said he didn't know what else to do to fix it, and then said he was going to go up to bed, and kissed me on the forehead.Go upstairs and give him some positive feedback. I'm going to guess that his feelings are a little hurt.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 But I don't want to be engaged! I'm sooooo not ready for that.
carhill Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Proposing marriage just to get your PMSing g/f to chill is a "guy moment?" Ah...I don't think so. Hey, you're talking to a guy who proposed in a Santa suit
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 For many relationships, one partner isn't as romantic as the other. I'm the more pragmatic one and he's the romantic. Looking back, that's been the case for all my serious relationships. It sounds like it's the opposite, in your relationship SG. Does how he proposes matter as much as who he is? Yup. That was my point. Go upstairs and give him some positive feedback. I'm going to guess that his feelings are a little hurt. Yup again. Even if you're not ready for that step, SG. Acknowledge his frustration and his proposal at least! You can work this all out. Hey, you're talking to a guy who proposed in a Santa suit See, SG? Substance over style!:laugh:
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I think SG's man is getting some lurvin' right now I hope so, I felt sorry for him when I read that he kissed her and went upstairs. Poor fella.
donjoaoresort Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 As you said its only 7 to 8 months for your relation As some relations requires years to be understood & some can be understand in few day John Don Joao Resort
Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I think the most sensible thing you have ever said is that you are not ready to be engaged SG. You have had some horrible experiences with guys over recent years and it would be understandable if you just leaped head first into it with this guy. To me, and for the first time in your case, I would say this guy is a keeper! He has all the right attributes for a long term deal so why rush it? You are doing it right SG and this recent dispute was minor and you are probably already over it. It is good that you are able to post about things and get help still knowing that people will be batting you down. I am impressed! I hope your case went well and I am sure your relationship with this lovely man will go well as long as you realise that he is who is is and you have to accept his funky ways like he will have to accept yours! I would also like to add that he was defo fishing for how you feel about marriage even though I doubt it was a serious proposal, if you give him the right vibes you may get it soon!
Kamille Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 First: good luck in court today! Knock 'em them SG! It wouldn't, that's why I didn't take it seriously. I don't think whether I live here or not, or we're engaged/married or still just a couple, should change whether he unilaterally changes things on me without talking to me about it first. He understands that, so to suggest that marriage is a solution just is... weird. Right? I wholeheartedly disagree. I think he's on to something and the fact that he proposed to try and solve the issue shows that he's more then willing to compromise . What he's hoping will change is that you two will be more comfortable discussing these issues as they happen. He wants you SG, he wants you in his life, living in 'your' home, building a future together. So it sounds like you have a decision to make: are you moving in or not? Yup, men don't throw around the marriage word for fun! Give him some positive feedback, if you want this man! Totally! Maybe you aren't ready to be engaged just yet, but I think he was speaking marriage because he means marriage. I disagree that it was a 'full-on' proposal. I think if you would have 'accepted' the solution (by smiling in that 'you're so cute' kind of way), it would have encouraged him to continue on the proposal path so that a few months down the line you would be getting a more romantic proposal (ps: sounds like you need to start hinting about what kind of proposal you want :bunny:) But I don't want to be engaged! I'm sooooo not ready for that. Really? You're not? Why not? I don't know Star, I'm getting the impression that you're stalling here, and that it has very little to do with him, or with the relationship, but way more to do with your insecurities. Whatever you do, DO NOT be a commitment phobe (like me ). You deserve a great man who loves you loves you loves you. Now, as to the twin brother thing: you're not competing. He messed up, but you yourself have agreed there is a viable compromise (set up the home office). That way, he can spend Sunday afternoon with his best friend and you can work from home. This isn't about proving YOU are the priority (because really, do you doubt you are???), this is about making sure both of YOU are each other's priorities.
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm inclined to agree with this from Kamille: I don't know Star, I'm getting the impression that you're stalling here, and that it has very little to do with him, or with the relationship, but way more to do with your insecurities. W/QUOTE] I mean you called him the "man of your dreams" I believe and yet in the next breath practically, you said you're not ready to be engaged. That doesn't jibe for me. Usually by the time you figure out that a man is the man of your dreams, (however long that takes..and yeah it's different for different people) well usually by then you ARE ready for a deeper commitment. It seems you've already figured out that he's the man of your dreams but for whatever reason have been unable to even commit to living with him. There's more to this and I'm not sure what it is. Kamille, you may have hit on something. Because really, for most of us as soon as we realize that we finally found that right match and the love of our lives, it's like "bring it on baby!" And again, I do think it was a serious proposal (having gotten two pretty much like that one.) How did I handle it? Both times I said "Are you serious? ahahah, right." And then he said "No. I'm very serious." I swear. That's how it was for me both times. Except in Mr. T's case I told him to ask me again in the morning if he was REALLY serious, as we had been drinking a little that night. He asked again in the morning and the rest is history. So yeah, I think he was serious too. As has been pointed out before, men don't joke about marriage.
Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Star has only been with him for 8 months, I dont think anyone should be encouraging her to get engaged! It is not a race and like they say ... Marry in haste, repent at leisure! Just because a couple of you did it and it turned out ok so far, it does not make it a sensible thing to do.
2sure Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 First, you are right about not moving in completely. Wait until he is serious about making the commitment and does it. Don't move in until you are married. I say this only because your guy sounds a bit go with the flow. If marriage is what you want - he is going to actually have to take action himself and not just go with the flow. As to the current problem: You have told him you need quiet at times. You have told him and he has agreed to consult you prior to inviting guests over. And then he didnt. Instead, he was ok with your leaving. That may mean your needs are not as important to him as his desires or his brothers OR it may just prove the "go with the flow" thing. You need a place of your own to work. In your office or your apartment. Take some clothes back to your apartment. If marriage is what you ultimately want...insinuating yourself into his home via your clothes and work space is going to do more harm than good.
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Uhm, first no one that I saw (including myself) encouraged her to get engaged before she's ready. Not sure where that came from. (yeah, it's worked out "so far":lmao: Wonder when the "repenting" part comes in?) 2sure, I really do agree with a lot of what you said. But she's already really moved in. The only step she hasn't taken was give up her place. She has one foot in each place with the result being that she's not firmly planted in either. How long has it been that way, SG?
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 As a side note, for those of you who are wondering, "Why can't you go somewhere else in the house?", we've been lazy about setting up the office, we don't have wireless internet yet, and the internet line is currently a 4 foot cord in the middle of the great room that the entertaining is about to take place in. I need a computer and internet in order to do my work, so that means that if I need peace, I have to leave the house if I want to get my work done. Maybe now is the time to do that. Set up wirelss so you can have a room to yourself upstairs, you can close the door and put a fan on (for white noise so keep their noise from bothering you), this way you can work and he can entertain. Somehow you two have to work this out, compromise.
Lishy Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Uhm, first no one that I saw (including myself) encouraged her to get engaged before she's ready. Not sure where that came from. (yeah, it's worked out "so far":lmao: Wonder when the "repenting" part comes in?) How long has it been that way, SG? I was actually talking about Kamilles comment about why she isnt ready to get engaged and I did not mean it disrespectfully to anyone, it is simply MY opinion and Touche, not everything is about you ok? I had no malice to you at all and my post was not against you so stop being so defensive and quick to attack. I made that comment because Star has only been with him for 8 months and in my opinion you should not be thinking of marriage after 8 months. Again that is a personal opinion and I am not putting down anyone who has done this so dont bother attacking me for that either! People may get married quick and last forever and it may not, they may wait 20 years to get married and then get divorced the next year but in MY opinion you should not rush into something as serious as marriage. I think Star is doing it right and I told her that, it is that simple!
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