Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Yup that works but I'm lazy and impatient! Don't know if SG is that way! Hang on, as I'm typing this, something came to mind. If she has the mobile card, it won't physically matter where she is, even outside his home, whether she works from her own place or some air-conditioned coffee shop. It might be appropriate for right now, while she's in transition. Well I'm the Queen of Lazy and Impatient but anyway....yep. That's what I have. AC is right. I have the cellular version. Verizon just calls it Wireless Broadband I believe so yeah. You can work anywhere with it. It's great. And I just got the MIFI card. That's like a wireless router. So you can use it on multiple computers. But I still have my external drives. Just got that thing though. It's a new Verizon offering. I love it. As for this whole twin thing..not really buying into that. My ex was a twin. They lived in different states though and were fraternal twins (is that different than identical ones as far as the relationship goes?) Not sure. He still needs to prioritize and respect boundaries where his bro and SG are concerned..twin or no twin.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 family and friends should always come before a lover... I am FAR MORE than a mere "lover," Lizzie. Unfortunately, you don't have the experience to know what I mean by that. Now please, leave me alone.
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 What you really need to do is spend some time away from him. He shouldn't always be too sure that you are going to be staying there every weekend, everynight, hanging out for the entire weekend and every weeknight. For example, tonight, pack your things and go back to your apartment for the week. Be friendly and make sure you don't seem like something is wrong. Then spend the week at your place, even if that means hooking up internet again. Then when Friday night rolls around, make sure you have other plans. You should keep him on his toes, besides, you need some time to yourself anyway. I completely agree with Cherished... be independant.. not clingy.. he will be at your feet... like all men .. they love independant, strong women...
Jilly Bean Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I'm only competing for time with a twin sibling. So, that's what this was all about? It wasn't really about needing to get any work done, it seems. Blood is thicker than water, Star. If you are feeling the need to compete with your BF's brother for your BF's time after only a few months, then something is very wrong indeed.
OpenBook Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 So, that's what this was all about? It wasn't really about needing to get any work done, it seems. Blood is thicker than water, Star. If you are feeling the need to compete with your BF's brother for your BF's time after only a few months, then something is very wrong indeed. Indeed. Well said, Jilly.
OpenBook Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 And I completely agree with what Cherished said too: What you really need to do is spend some time away from him. He shouldn't always be too sure that you are going to be staying there every weekend, everynight, hanging out for the entire weekend and every weeknight. For example, tonight, pack your things and go back to your apartment for the week. Be friendly and make sure you don't seem like something is wrong. Then spend the week at your place, even if that means hooking up internet again. Then when Friday night rolls around, make sure you have other plans. You should keep him on his toes, besides, you need some time to yourself anyway.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 I don't think you're out of line. Regardless of what other people say, a bf should be considerate of your feelings. I think that's why you're upset. It's not that his family is over and they are having fun while you have to work, it's that you know you are not being taken serious by him and it's rubbing you the wrong way. Here's the thing, if your bf feels you have no right to say what you did when you first addressed how it made you feel, then it being HIS home, should of said "I'm sorry but this is my home, and I just don't feel I should have to curtail my activities or consider your point of view." You're sweating your butt off in an office, and he's off frolicking and having fun, while you're feeling inconvinienced, overlooked, and disrespected. I don't blame you for being upset. I think if the shoes were switched, he would be the one upset also. Maybe I just place more value in my partners, but if someone were serious enough to have more or less moved in with me; then their feelings get some priority and a say, and they get respected. That doesn't mean everytime they say "I don't want this happening" it won't. But I'll work out a compromise with them, and include them in some of the decisions, ESPECIALLY when it's very important (like in this case). We'd come up a solution to meet both needs as best as possible without leaving either one totally out in the cold. I can personally understand why you're so upset, and I would of lost my temper if he would of puppy dog faced me and said "oh sorry babe." When you know how I feel about something, and you shrug it off- don't even dare with an insincere apology and patronize me. I don't stand for that at all. So he's lucky you took everything as quietly as you did. If someone repeatedly overlooked my feelings and consideration oh damn I'd have some issues. Again, I place my partners as a high priority though and I would afford them the same respect, courtesy to their feelings. I don't think the fact that it's his house is any excuse to overlook that.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 You know your b/f and yourself. Trust in the solid foundations of your viable relationship. You don't need agitation right now and the sharks smell blood. Walk away from the computer. ((hugs)) As usual, you're right. Dinner is also waiting for me...
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 As usual, you're right. Dinner is also waiting for me... Yummy! Go eat darlin'. Low blood sugar isn't good when you're stressed.
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Oh, FFS. What a convenient little quote you made there. I was responding to Lizzie's ridiculous comment. If there's anyone I'm competing with or for anything, it's for consideration. I suppose people like you and Lizzie can't understand that, given your lack of experience with HEALHTY, long-term, monogamous relationships. As for the rest of what you posted, go back and read the entire thread before making comments. Thanks. OMG ... you probably missed a lot of my posts then.. I was in 2 long-term verrry healthy monogamous relationship.. the first one lasted 18 years... so yes.. I know what I'm talking about.. I honestly feel sorry for you.. really..
Jilly Bean Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Oh, FFS. What a convenient little quote you made there. Hey - YOU are the one who admitted that you are competing with your BF's brother for his time. Not me. I didn't make up your revelation that you now regret. But, it seems like Tanbark called that one pages ago. Back peddle all you like, doesn't matter to me.
OpenBook Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Again, I place my partners as a high priority though and I would afford them the same respect, courtesy to their feelings. Excellent point, hoping2heal, but I would hardly call Star and her lover a "partnership." Unless I'm wrong, they're still in the dating stage. No firm commitments have been made to each other. Just a lot of vague general talk about future togetherness.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Hey - YOU are the one who admitted that you are competing with your BF's brother for his time. Not me. I didn't make up your revelation that you now regret. But, it seems like Tanbark called that one pages ago. Back peddle all you like, doesn't matter to me. The only thing I read, was her wanting to be treated with consideration. Haver her feelings validated. Never once did I see her competing for time with her brother over her boyfriend.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Excellent point, hoping2heal, but I would hardly call Star and her lover a "partnership." Unless I'm wrong, they're still in the dating stage. No firm commitments have been made to each other. Just a lot of vague general talk about future togetherness. I must be different from most people. This doesn't sound like a FWB situation by any means, and they have been together since November of 2008. I'm not quite sure how long two people need to date before they start treating one another with respect and consideration for the other's feelings.
Jilly Bean Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Never once did I see her competing for time with her brother over her boyfriend. Read her post #58. She admits that she is competing with her BF's brother for his time. I didn't make this up. lol
Author Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2009 Author Posted June 29, 2009 Excellent point, hoping2heal, but I would hardly call Star and her lover a "partnership." Unless I'm wrong, they're still in the dating stage. No firm commitments have been made to each other. Just a lot of vague general talk about future togetherness. My "lover"? Just dating? No commitment? Vague talk about togetherness? That isn't us. Who are you confusing me with???
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 See even your supporters come to your 'rescue'.. Star needs no rescuing, I was just advising her to not bother. Good advice seeing as what this thread has now turned into. I hope you got your work done Star. And enjoy your dinner.
hoping2heal Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Jilly, I read post 58. Semantics. This thread is about her feeling upset that she talked to her bf about an issue, and after having done that he continues to overlook her feelings, and take her seriously. I understand why she feels upset and I don't blame her. Maybe he is doing this rather "cluelessly". It's a possibility. Either way, it's happening and I don't blame her for being upset.
carhill Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Hope court goes well tomorrow. No matter how easy you make it look in court, I know how much goes into that. BF's twin brother (and I'll presume his family) is likely going to be a priority to him for the rest of his life. Some families are like that, joined at the hips. I would suggest, if you find common ground with brother's fiance, to get to know her. You may find, if things with you and BF progress, you and she will be spending more time together, both with and without the brothers. My first thought, when reading this thread a couple hours ago, was to, upon brother's arrival, to ask if he had internet at his house so you could get your trial prep done. After all, it's only 10 houses away. You could walk over there and have all the privacy you desired and bro's could have their bonding time Being the generous guys I know they are, I'm sure they would have definitely said yes and told you to get whatever you needed out of the fridge or pantry. Win-win...
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Problem is... Star thinks they had their first fight... he just doesn't give a 'hoot'... what she thinks.. 'it upsets me when he doesn't even think of me when making plans that directly affect me, and that this has happened before. hoping that he'd take the 5 minutes it took me to get my stuff together to call his brother back to say it wasn't a good idea. But that didn't happen. He just had this sort of "Sorry, babe" with a shrug this repeated situation really drives me nuts. I do get a little jealous of how easy he (and others) have it.' He couldn't care less... he's happy BBQing with his family.. and she's home alone (or at the office.. sweating and working)... then she admits that she is jealous of him.. Not good... really not good..
Trialbyfire Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 My first thought, when reading this thread a couple hours ago, was to, upon brother's arrival, to ask if he had internet at his house so you could get your trial prep done. After all, it's only 10 houses away. You could walk over there and have all the privacy you desired and bro's could have their bonding time Being the generous guys I know they are, I'm sure they would have definitely said yes and told you to get whatever you needed out of the fridge or pantry. Win-win...Whoah! Now that's thinking outside the box. Great alternative!
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Whoah! Now that's thinking outside the box. Great alternative! I don't know. Speaking for myself that wouldn't work. I like to work in my t-shirt and undies, surrounded by my things and my snacks, etc. But maybe SG is more flexible that way. The more I think about this the more I think SG has to make a decision about whether she's REALLY living there or not. That's key. And then they can really discuss boundaries, time together alone, etc. But really that needs to be spelled out more definitively anyway..no mater the living situation. I don't get all the gloom and doom posts here or the ones advising SG start playing stupid games. No wonder some people are still single! Sheesh.
Touche Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 Oh wow...so he slipped up and wasn't considerate TWICE in seven months! Yeah, that means he doesn't give a crap and is inconsiderate. Wow. Some of you must be perfect considerate angels ALL the time. Interesting. So you demand perfection of your men? Do you HAVE a man? There you go. Case closed.
tanbark813 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 For the women responding to this thread: Imagine you're living in a house that you not only purchased, but own outright. Your bf of 8 months, who sort of lives with you but hasn't totally committed to the idea, asks that you run it by him for approval whenever your twin sister living nearby wants to come over because it may disrupt his work. How do you respond? Are you totally compliant or do you look for a middle ground? (No offense to you, SG, just looking for some consistency of thought and curious about the responses.)
Lizzie60 Posted June 29, 2009 Posted June 29, 2009 The logistics of using the internet, etc. really isn't the issue. The issue is he stated that he would respect her need to do work when she was there by asking her first if it was OK if bro/fiancee/dog came over. He didn't respect that. I think that it is very rude when you have made romantic plans for dinner and a movie for the evening and then to have that go 'poof' with a phone call of the brother. (she said this happened another time.) This is not cool. I think he is taking her for granted that she will put up with this crap. That is why I feel that it is necessary for her to become more independent again by heading back to her own place for a while and not be so available to him. I think he will then appreciate and respect his time with her more, then, and he'll be less likely to drop everything for his brother. I totally agree again.. especially with the bold part... from her posts, she comes across as being very insecure and clingy... and they (bfs) quickly get bored by her insecurity... (this is a huge turn-off)... I really think that, at first, she comes across as being a very independant, strong woman... but once she's hooked.. she falls apart.. becomes very vulnerable... the guy feels that.. so he lose interest and becomes more and more detached.. and when that happens, it drives her nuts.. that when she starts to want to control him and become extremely possessive.. So unless. she goes back the way she was at first... she will lose him.. (or maybe she already lost him )..
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