Just Hear Me Out....

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

I think you see it as it is.

I too was in that dark painful pit of nothingness. No light, no joy, no hope, no love.

Then one day there was this pretty smiling face looking down at me asking me to come out and play, and the dark days were gone, there was light, there was happiness, there was hope, and I was flying up in the clouds. Life was good again, hell life was great again.

So it might crash and burn, who knows?

In fact it did fade, when we were both ready to more on. But I had grown myself a new pair. And there were other pretty faces that I hadn't kisssed.

I have learned that when love knocks, answer the damn door. While this might not be love, it is life knocking

It is your life

Enjoy

[PWSX3]

I dated my G/F for two months before we finally had me meet her two boys & the only reason we did was because her 17 yr old was asking questions.

 

I would NOT introduce your "friend" to you daughter until you are pretty sure there might be something there, or like you said in a group setting.

 

For little kids they can get connected really easy, I have noticed that with my G/F's 9yr old.

He is excited to have me around & I guess he has even asked his mom when I was coming over next?

 

I would suggest waiting.

 

Something else, you don't want the new "friend" to cover up the pain, the feelings from your situation, you REALLY need to work that out because if you don't it will follow you & bring up it's ugly head again.......

 

I still wonder if I've done everything I need to do. Just this morning listening to the radio I had tears come to my eyes for no real reason. It takes time & you can't rush it.

[MrMayI]

Don't forget my friend, that if you let your wife back, you will also be giving custody of your beloved daughter up, and there have been many a spouse say they want back together, using the other spous's pain against them to get back in and then their divorce agreement is out the window, and they then can start back fresh with a custody battle. Your darling daughter is NUMBER 1!!! She is the meaning of life. You will have an absolute blast with just you and her together, going to school functions, watching her grow, imprinting your stability on her and shaping her feelings on intimacy, respect, love, and you will look back one day and be so glad you didn't do anytrhing tp screw up the possibility of raising your baby. The love and closeness you are about to experience is MIND-BOGGLING. Don't fall for no crap about now she's changed or anything because you might be falling in to a trap, then she gets a do-over where your daughter is concerned. If you could go in to the future 2 years and think with your future mind, you would say, "my god, no way on earth would I give up the little happy home I have with just my daughter and me". When you are dealing with your wife, USE YOUR FUTURE MIND to help your decision making, don't let emotional pain play any part in your decisions.

 

very sage advice. i am very thankful you began posting in this thread. being able to get your knowledge from my potential perspective is a big, big plus right now. thanks.

 

MrMayI

 

I think you see it as it is.

I too was in that dark painful pit of nothingness. No light, no joy, no hope, no love.

Then one day there was this pretty smiling face looking down at me asking me to come out and play, and the dark days were gone, there was light, there was happiness, there was hope, and I was flying up in the clouds. Life was good again, hell life was great again.

So it might crash and burn, who knows?

In fact it did fade, when we were both ready to more on. But I had grown myself a new pair. And there were other pretty faces that I hadn't kisssed.

I have learned that when love knocks, answer the damn door. While this might not be love, it is life knocking

It is your life

Enjoy

 

thank you for trusting that i see it for what it is. i do. i'm not going to open any sort of door for love with anyone right now. she's beautiful, witty, young, vivacious, and when she smiles, admittedly i melt. she knows i'm a daddy first, and second, and third, and everything else right now just has to come behind that.

 

 

 

I dated my G/F for two months before we finally had me meet her two boys & the only reason we did was because her 17 yr old was asking questions.

 

I would NOT introduce your "friend" to you daughter until you are pretty sure there might be something there, or like you said in a group setting.

 

For little kids they can get connected really easy, I have noticed that with my G/F's 9yr old.

He is excited to have me around & I guess he has even asked his mom when I was coming over next?

 

I would suggest waiting.

 

Something else, you don't want the new "friend" to cover up the pain, the feelings from your situation, you REALLY need to work that out because if you don't it will follow you & bring up it's ugly head again.......

 

I still wonder if I've done everything I need to do. Just this morning listening to the radio I had tears come to my eyes for no real reason. It takes time & you can't rush it.

 

thanks, as always, pw. i'm definitely waiting. i have tears almost every day for no real reason at some point. i well up, choke, and they're gone. i know i'm not over the wife. i'm not. this girl can't get caught up in my emotion.

[MrMayI]

i've become excited for the future again. i have opportunities appearing before me that i had dodged when still married, for fear of my wife having to support us, and not being able to do so. those same opportunities may be coming up again, only this time i won't need assistance from anyone.

 

as far as my new lady friend goes, well, i'm still on a cloud today about her. she just seems to want to have fun with me, and that's exactly how i'm feeling about it all. this is nice. life is nice.

 

everyone, please trust that it does get better. if you've read any of this thread, you can see that i was just put through total hell for a few months, but i'm climbing back. i'm sure more backslides are coming, but i can feel the old me again. my family and friends can see him too. no longer are people just looking at me vapidly when i talk. they are smiling, and interacting, because it's not all about my sadness and woe. there's sunshine. i'm finding it. you will too.

[MrMayI]

i can clearly see what i've been warned or told of on here. while i'm not saying it's not nice to wake up next to, or even feel i have the full attention of a beautiful, intelligent woman, the stbx still runs through my mind, even while looking at her. that's tough to deal with. it's not a painstaking task to move away from the thought. it's just present, and i feel maybe even a bit obvious. the fling and i were talking last night and i briefly thought about the stbx, and before i knew it, fling was smiling and said 'what is it? where'd you go?'. i told her i just lost where i was in the conversation, and got right back to it.

 

it's just not as difficult now. when i'm alone, or with friends, it's easy to think of her and just let it go, but when the new girl is hanging on my words or reactions, it's quite difficult. i don't know what i'm driving at.

[MrMayI]

the coaster is going downhill, fast, for some reason right now.

 

i wrote this in the middle of the night last night after dreaming about a previous phone call with the ex:

 

I am certainly no longer at the bottom,

but I am almost unbearably lonely, all the same.

I miss it.

I want to be on the tire swing.

I want to hold your hand on the couch, and just be.

I want to feel your kiss upon my cheek, every day.

To hug you when you come home.

To me.

To us.

Our family.

The reasons you left are starting to be of no concern to me.

The reasons you should have stayed are far more important.

[LisaUk]

i've become excited for the future again. i have opportunities appearing before me that i had dodged when still married, for fear of my wife having to support us, and not being able to do so. those same opportunities may be coming up again, only this time i won't need assistance from anyone.

 

as far as my new lady friend goes, well, i'm still on a cloud today about her. she just seems to want to have fun with me, and that's exactly how i'm feeling about it all. this is nice. life is nice.

 

everyone, please trust that it does get better. if you've read any of this thread, you can see that i was just put through total hell for a few months, but i'm climbing back. i'm sure more backslides are coming, but i can feel the old me again. my family and friends can see him too. no longer are people just looking at me vapidly when i talk. they are smiling, and interacting, because it's not all about my sadness and woe. there's sunshine. i'm finding it. you will too.

 

the coaster is going downhill, fast, for some reason right now.

 

i wrote this in the middle of the night last night after dreaming about a previous phone call with the ex:

 

I am certainly no longer at the bottom,

but I am almost unbearably lonely, all the same.

I miss it.

I want to be on the tire swing.

I want to hold your hand on the couch, and just be.

I want to feel your kiss upon my cheek, every day.

To hug you when you come home.

To me.

To us.

Our family.

The reasons you left are starting to be of no concern to me.

The reasons you should have stayed are far more important.

 

Hi MayI

 

Sorry if this isn't my best, I'm very tired after the all the exam cramming and exam today, just heading off to bed but wanted to reply to you.

 

I think it's about intimacy and comfort level. While the new lady is great and making you happy and feel desired etc, you do not have the same level of comfort, familairlity and intimacy that you had with your stbx. You haven't spent the same amount of time with her for a start, plus you are hurting by what she did to you. You are still yearning for the life you had with her and you still love her b/c that doesn't just switch of b/c she did something s****y to you. I know! I wish it was that easy!

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

What you are expereincing is the norm.

 

Yes a pretty face did look down at me and asked me to play, and it got me out of the pit. Yes there was again hope and happiness in my life, where none had been the day before. But the pretty face was not a magic pill. The feelings for the ex still enveloped me. The lonliness, despair, the if onlys, could still get to me. The XW and I used to go on picnics, at least every other week. When I began dating again and the new love interest suggested a picnic, I forced myself to go, sort of you get bucked off a horse and get back on him mentality. Yeah I rode the horse but it was a terrible ride.

 

The hardest things to get over was the guilt of having sex with another. I had made those vows, and even though she had cheated on me and even taunted me, and in my mind I had divorced her, and never wanted to be with her again, I found myself suffering terribly from the guilt. I was fortunate in that my pretty face understood where I was coming from and was gentle with me. There were a couple of times, when we should have been snuggling in the afterglow, and I found myself chucking up my supper.

 

Sorry to say but the roller coaster ride is not over yet. But with the dips I was able to concentrate on that pretty new face, and the drops were less severe.

[soheartbroken]

MayI,

 

As someone who follows your thread every day, for every backslide that you have, you come out of it. You'll ride this one out (I'm sure you know this)...of course Gallon is right, that the rollercoaster ride is not over yet.

[ryepatch]

To me.

To us.

Our family.

The reasons you left are starting to be of no concern to me.

The reasons you should have stayed are far more important.

 

that was beautiful.

 

someday, the reasons they left won't be important to them either.

 

who knows how long that will be?

 

hang in there, mr may.

[MrMayI]

thanks everyone. lisa, i have to say i've always really liked the way you'll show me two of my posts and point out to me where i'm going up and down, contradicting myself, anything. it really gets my attention and makes me think, every time.

 

i'm feeling okay right now. just, sort of, numb. i think the new interest was a bit peeved with me last night. i just couldn't give her the sort of attention i think she was seeking. i didn't feel like being close to her, at all, in any form. when we parted she said "so, i'll see you in a couple of years i guess?". i just laughed it off, but that was either her saying she thinks i'm going to end what's going on, or she's getting a bit more attached than i'd like. i knew things like this could happen, and likely would. oh well. i'll deal with it. i spent well over an hour yesterday just talking with my ex, about every and anything. a few people have expressed concern for me and believe she and i are going to get back together. i can't stress enough, it's not happening. not now, or anytime soon. i'm just really starting to see myself as a bad guy. i haven't been mentioning my daughter much because everything is really good with her. very resilient. i don't even think she's concerned with her mommy and i being together again, anymore. she's just acting very normal, and she is well adjusted to it all.

 

my little girl just came and climbed beside me on the couch. she's half asleep. i'm now having to look away so i can cry. i wish her mommy was here with us, right now. right where we sit. i can't kid myself.

[MrMayI]

i'm sick. the kid's sick. the ex is sick. damnit, mayI! pull yourself together.

 

i just want to take care of each other right now. that's all i want. i'm tired of this cycle.

[lupa]

i'm sick. the kid's sick. the ex is sick. damnit, mayI! pull yourself together.

 

i just want to take care of each other right now. that's all i want. i'm tired of this cycle.

I'm going to say something to you that I've said to myself, but never on these boards:

 

You deserve better.

 

What you are comfortable with, the world you knew...it is done. She killed it. She didn't understand what the two of you had, what you had to offer. The love in your soul for her, the part of you that you gave to her. You weren't just yourself any more, even if there were things about her that you didn't like. You, my friend, made her a part of you and she doesn't understand how truly beautiful that is, so she isn't good enough any more.

 

You deserve better.

 

Take care of yourself and your sick kid...and imagine you looking in the rearview mirror, driving away from your wife. Going down the road, on your way to your new life.

 

You deserve better.

[MrMayI]

awtgwergfgefrhgffgftguyuiythhthjtgg

 

the above is my daughter's message to loveshack. she says it means, it's okay. i swear that's what she said, unencouraged. god, i love her.

 

lups, thanks dude. the rearview is something we all need to focus on. you're right. she didn't understand what i was willing to do for her, and her alone. i'll be fine, but i still love her enough to cling with my fingertips before i slip and fall out of the tunnel.

 

the new fling is gorgeous. she came and watched football with me and a couple of buddies and their wives yesterday. all of them caught me alone to tell me how beautiful she is, and how nice. i told them don't get used to her presence, haha.

[MrMayI]

and yet again, i've fallen several steps backward. the ex came by last night to pick up some of the kid's school things she needs to have at her house. my little girl did not want to let her leave. she kept crying and telling the ex to come back home! stay home! it hasn't happened in a while and it crushed me last night. i had to wait for my little one to fall asleep before i let the tears go. now, today, i too want her to just come back home! to stay home!

 

not saying i'm a pillar, but if i slip and fall like this, i can't imagine what some people are still going through. whoever you are, please be strong. take nothing for granted. keep moving forward every chance you get, so that when you are pulled backward again, it's not so far the next time.

[lupa]

I'm so sorry to hear that, my man. The only thing I can possibly say is that I am heartened by your pain for your daughter, as it shows that you are truly someone that I want to be like someday. The true love you feel in your heart for your child, regardless of how much pain it causes you, is something to be envied by those of us not blessed as you are.

 

Cherish it, cherish her (and we all know you do). More like...keep it up!

 

As has been said here so many times, the pain will get less with time. I don't think it will ever go away, but it will diminish to the point where you can forget about it for a little bit, get a respite.

 

In the meantime, we all can see what is most important, and I am hopeful that one day I will have the kind of love that you do.

 

Keep your chin up, brother man!

[seibert253]

You gotta be strong for that little one Mr. Man your STBXW is heartless. Keep driving forward.

[MrMayI]

You gotta be strong for that little one Mr. Man your STBXW is heartless. Keep driving forward.

 

unfortunately, this statement is very true. i can even reflect on our years together, and see where she was all along. i'm staying strong for my little girl. i've actually completely stopped talking to people in person about it all. i promised myself that when the divorce was signed, i'd stop bringing it up around my friends and family. that's why i post such minute things on here. none the less, today is hard. i miss her and her heartlessness all over again.

[Auroracoladybug]

Mr don't you feel odd...looking back J was pretty bad...I even told him that I believe he may never have been happy since his parents divorce when he was 9...why couldn't I have seen that???

[Jonesey]

I am going to say this even though I may get beat up on in here...

 

Dude, with over 1100 posts/responses you are still here? You need to go and find some self esteem. I do not mean to be harsh, but grow some balls man!

 

I may sound harsh but c'mon, a little self esteem will help you out more than you know. Trust me, I've been there and got the T-shirt but it's time that you put yourself above a woman and get on with it. If you found out you had a week to live would you still be crying the blues over this woman? In reality... I doubt it.

 

Go ahead, fire away....

 

J

[Auroracoladybug]

Okay I'll bite...if you go thru a grieving process and you are trying to keep your venting to a minimum then posting is a great outlet...oh and Mr. has given lots of advice and made some friends here...we all have things to vent and with children it is hard to let anything go in the open...Jonesy I agree that he needs some encouragement and more self-esteem but to tell you the truth...If I had a week to live yes I would still be crying over my H...but I would pack in everything else I could to make me happy.

[Jonesey]

Just a lil tough love.... that's all.

 

If that is your take on having a week left, I respect that. But, on the other hand that is a pretty terrible way to treat yourself and a kid if one is in the mix. Scary thing is that there are people in this world who are told they have a very short time left, what a shame if that time is spent pining/crying/grieving over someone that walked out of their life.... very sad indeed.

 

Just some thoughts... sorry if I offended anyone.

[MrMayI]

no offense taken, jonesey, but you've got me figured out wrong. i use this place to release, to vent. i have a bigger set of balls than any man i personally know who's divorced. i demanded custody of my child, and got it. i got everything i wanted to get out of a divorce. however, i didn't want a divorce. i type a lot. i'm sorry you see me in the light you do. one of the downsides of the internet. you can't see really who you're dealing with. i'm on top of my game as far as every aspect of my life is concerned. without a venue such as this, i'd be talking to myself in the mirror, as i'm worn out with hearing myself talk.

i'm back out in the world. have been for a while. have several t-shirts to prove it. i sacked up the day my wife packed up and left.

[ryepatch]

hey,

 

just wanted to say you can't just "go out and get" self esteem, jonesy. i haven't read your thread or anything, so i don't know what your sitch is, but divorce is hell and loveshack has saved lives, including mine, and everyone should feel free to post whatever they want on their threads, and should move at their own pace and heal in their own way. if you're concerned that someone's not healing fast enough, you should advise them (in the nicest possible way) to see a professional about whether they're having mental health issues .

 

people who've made it through already shouldn't be harrassing us and telling us to just get over it already.

 

i'm sorry to have to say this, but i feel like you all are wolves.

 

or piranhas, is more like it. death by a thousand cuts.

 

the people who come on here are already wounded, and getting enough tough love from the insensitive people in their worlds.

 

more power to you, mr may.

[ryepatch]

just wanted to add that gunny often does tough love in the right way, with a lot of positive reinforcement and humour, and is established as an elder statesman on this board. i don't always agree with him, but he has a pretty good sense of how dish out tough love, so if that's your aim, you might want to study his posts.