Just Hear Me Out....

[soheartbroken]

Hey MMI. Maybe now's not the time to think about it, but are you planning to tackle the possible co-dependency issue in the future?

[MrMayI]

Hey MMI. Maybe now's not the time to think about it, but are you planning to tackle the possible co-dependency issue in the future?

 

i've actually talked to my counselor about it at length. it sort of goes back to the want/need thing lupa was discussing. i have to tell myself that it's not a need for me to have someone there at all times, or at all for that matter. i'll get through it. i enjoy the single life. i know i made out like i don't, but i had more good than bad in those times. i'm just grasping anything negative i can right now. i've gotten so used to drowning, that i don't know if i'm ready to breathe yet.

[2.50 a gallon]

MrMayI

 

It is still part of the roller coaster ride. You are making progress, you might not see or feel it, but I can from your posts, The negative emotions still burble up and affect you, but now you can use a little bit of logic and fight back, and the drop is not as steep. And you already have an angel in your life

Me, I dove back into the single life and went too deep. It was hard for me to give up, I even passed up on a multi millionaires daughter.

[Auroracoladybug]

i've gotten so used to drowning, that i don't know if i'm ready to breathe yet.

 

You are breathing buddy and doing pretty darn good! As far as the being okay with everything? There is so much we all have to learn about ourselves. You have my support.

[tojaz]

i was gonna update in phineas' update thread, but that dude's really pulled his **** together, so i don't want to bring it down with my pity party.

 

i'm back in the crapper today. last nights good talk only put me back to where i've been all week, but a little worse i think. i have come to the conclusion that i am co-dependent and likely always will be. i'm lonely without someone to have physical interaction with. i need to be hugged, to hold hands, to kiss. at least i think i need those things. the 2 years of adulthood i've spent alone were some of the worst times of my life.

 

Your not alone MayI, we all need those things. Sitting alone with nobody to share our lives with hurts, especially when we've had it for so long. I wish I had some advice for you MayI, but i'm suffering this right along side you. Sick as a dog and not really getting better, probably going to have to give up my job! Not to mention my emotions are a mess. Right now I need more then anything, just someone to take care of me for awhile. If that makes me co-dependent, I can handle that. I've spent most of my time for most of my life taking care of others and making their stress my own. I'm comfortable saying when I need that in my life. Everybody needs that every once in awhile. Just know your not alone MayI. I think whether we want to admit it or not, everyone here feels that way. Everyone hates being alone! It's just something we have to learn to do.

TOJAZ

[hopesndreams]

I am currently designing a new information product on how to go through a divorce with having peace of mind.

 

I seriously doubt this is at all possible. It doesn't even make any sense to me.

[PWSX3]

i don't really guess they were the WORST of my life. they were pretty lousy though. you're right, and i needed someone to say it. those years, i was jobless, doing poorly in school, had roommates whom annoyed the hell out of me. i was pretty bottomed out then. now, i have my angel, my little girl, a good job, money in the bank, bills caught up, and plenty of good friends and family. i guess it's all okay.

It is funny when we are at our lowest is when we learn the most. Look back & see what you learned from that & what good things came because of it.

[MrMayI]

i have caught myself speaking to my stbx several times today in my head. i've had some running dialogue with her since i woke up, pretty much. i had awful dreams of she and several men last night. i think i've tapped back into the jealousy issue again. damnit!!!!

 

i just want some relief. i get to go out of town, alone, this weekend to visit some friends, and maybe get a little drunk. i don't know if it'll help or not. i still have to come back to the same mundane routine. i wish i could get paid to teach my little girl all day. that'd be great.

[lupa]

i have caught myself speaking to my stbx several times today in my head. i've had some running dialogue with her since i woke up, pretty much. i had awful dreams of she and several men last night. i think i've tapped back into the jealousy issue again. damnit!!!!

 

i just want some relief. i get to go out of town, alone, this weekend to visit some friends, and maybe get a little drunk. i don't know if it'll help or not. i still have to come back to the same mundane routine. i wish i could get paid to teach my little girl all day. that'd be great.

Man, I get up from intimacy with the girlfriend and have that same running argument in my head with my wife. It doesn't end. Or maybe it does, but it will take some time...don't worry about it, I think it is normal.

 

I will say this, though: go, embrace the time with your friends! Own it! Have a blast! Eat, drink, talk, reminisce, grab back a piece of yourself without her. It won't heal you, but it will show you the path to healing.

 

I know that sounded lame, but trust me on this one. Hanging with your buds won't heal your heart, but it will remind you of a couple of things, not the least of which is that people like you and care, and that there is a way out without her.

[phineas]

That finally stopped happeneing about 3 weeks ago for me.

Give it time.

[PWSX3]

i have caught myself speaking to my stbx several times today in my head. i've had some running dialogue with her since i woke up, pretty much. i had awful dreams of she and several men last night. i think i've tapped back into the jealousy issue again. damnit!!!!

Just don't get into an arguement because she will win in your dreams as well......:lmao: J/K

i just want some relief. i get to go out of town, alone, this weekend to visit some friends, and maybe get a little drunk. i don't know if it'll help or not. i still have to come back to the same mundane routine. i wish i could get paid to teach my little girl all day. that'd be great.

I would suggest pass on the getting drunk. Nothing good comes out of that & you will probably feel worse after wards, so go enjoy the time with your friends & make it a positive time.

[soheartbroken]

I would pass on drinking too, but your call.

 

I think you will have a good time. It will be a good distraction and will remind you that you are your own person, without a SO.

[MrMayI]

Just don't get into an arguement because she will win in your dreams as well......:lmao: J/K

.

 

oddly enough, this is truth. i've had several dreams involving her where i end up in tears or fights.

 

i drink beer on weekends pretty often. just not to what would be considered "partying".

[lupa]

oddly enough, this is truth. i've had several dreams involving her where i end up in tears or fights.

 

i drink beer on weekends pretty often. just not to what would be considered "partying".

You know, at first when this all started happening to me, I couldn't drink a beer without breaking down. Now, i probably drink a little (read: a lot) too much. But...it seems that social situations in our culture revolve around alcohol, so basically I'm just making sure i get out in the crowd.

 

there is nothing wrong with kicking a bunch back, as long as you don't get sloppy. have fun! It is a good feeling, and with the right people can be a wonderful time.

[MrMayI]

You know, at first when this all started happening to me, I couldn't drink a beer without breaking down. Now, i probably drink a little (read: a lot) too much. But...it seems that social situations in our culture revolve around alcohol, so basically I'm just making sure i get out in the crowd.

 

there is nothing wrong with kicking a bunch back, as long as you don't get sloppy. have fun! It is a good feeling, and with the right people can be a wonderful time.

 

last time i got toasted, i had an encounter with a lady, and felt like **** about it for days on end. now, i don't think i would so much.

[MrMayI]

Do not hope something to be different if your still doing the same thing.. Get help, there's still chance to get you wife back to who she was when you love her.. you could get help from "TW. Jackson", He has helped 6,100 people in 67 countries. For "almost" the same situation you're having now, he helped me very much

 

 

Frans H.

 

no, not really. i read that book. it didn't help matters, at all. actually thought most of his ideas were pretty lame.

[floridapad]

That post from Fransbarat and your response is classic. I read that Cr&p too and it is Cr*P. But I can sell you my material on how to get your ex back. It will only cost you 29.99. Damn was I a sucker. Marriagebuilders, loveshack, divorcebusters have done a hell of a lot more for me than T.W. I'm glad you "called" her on it.

 

On the drinking thing. Trust me it doesn't work when you over do it but it sure is fun in the moment. Try this. Do WHATEVER you want to do. Do WHATEVER the heck you want to do. It's YOUR weekend so don't let it pass without having a heck of alot of fun. What would you do when you were single? Sometimes you just gotta have fun and not get caught up in the pitty party. Go with the flow. I can assure you though, we will be hearing stories about your partying next week or at least I hope so. Heck how can you not when your hanging with your buddies. Remember, It's all part of the healing process (or so I tell myself).

[MrMayI]

That post from Fransbarat and your response is classic. I read that Cr&p too and it is Cr*P. But I can sell you my material on how to get your ex back. It will only cost you 29.99. Damn was I a sucker. Marriagebuilders, loveshack, divorcebusters have done a hell of a lot more for me than T.W. I'm glad you "called" her on it.

 

On the drinking thing. Trust me it doesn't work when you over do it but it sure is fun in the moment. Try this. Do WHATEVER you want to do. Do WHATEVER the heck you want to do. It's YOUR weekend so don't let it pass without having a heck of alot of fun. What would you do when you were single? Sometimes you just gotta have fun and not get caught up in the pitty party. Go with the flow. I can assure you though, we will be hearing stories about your partying next week or at least I hope so. Heck how can you not when your hanging with your buddies. Remember, It's all part of the healing process (or so I tell myself).

 

yeah, t.w. was a huge crock. at the beginning of my separation, i kept finding ads for it everywhere i turned. luckily i found a free copy of it, and didn't pay for it. it was terrible.

 

i'm sure it'll be fun. i went to visit them a couple months ago, got really drunk, had relations with a lady, felt like ass about it. last time, about a month ago, i went down, laughed a lot, went to some bars, flirted around, and felt pretty good about myself. this time, we'll see what happens. i need this. i really do. it's only a couple of days and a couple of hours away, but it feels like i'm heading to the land of milk and honey.

[soheartbroken]

Sounds sweet. Have fun!

[Gunny376]

I think George Jones has pretty much covered the whole drinking/divorce thing?

 

It solves nothing, un-does nothing, changes nothing. un-does nothing, prevents nothing.

 

What was? Was!

 

What is? Is!

 

What will be? Will be!

 

It really comes down to this for you and your children:

 

Something you should know about I Hope You Dance Lyrics

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat

But always keep that hunger

 

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small

When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

 

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances

But they're worth taking

Lovin' might be a mistake

But it's worth making

 

Don't let some hell bent heart

Leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out

Reconsider

Give the heavens above

More than just a passing glance

 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

(Time is a real and constant motion always)

I hope you dance

(Rolling us along)

I hope you dance

(Tell me who)

I hope you dance

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)

(Where those years have gone)

 

I hope you still feel small

When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance

 

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

(Time is a real and constant motion always)

I hope you dance

(Rolling us along)

I hope you dance

(Tell me who)

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)

I hope you dance

(Where those years have gone)

 

(Tell me who)

I hope you dance

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)

(Where those years have gone)

 

Get your aZZ busy living or get busy dying!

[ryepatch]

or, as dylan puts it, "he not busy being born is busy dying!"

[Gunny376]

No more loving you outside of my head!

 

A hard thing to do?

 

Just don't know where to go from here without you?

 

Find and make good friends!

 

Friends that truly love you and care about you ~ not lovers.

 

Lovers come and go!

 

Friends?

 

Friends will bring a shovel and a bring a pick up truck to help you bury the body of your lovers? Figuratively speaking!

 

People come and go?

 

Ain't no one monkey makes a show!

 

Seriously speaking!

 

People you've got to learn to accept and love yourself!

 

You need zero acceptance and love from anyone!

 

Once your parents are gone?

 

Your pretty much on your own!

[MrMayI]

i do love myself. if i didn't, i'd be dead by now. the **** i've been through in my lifetime?

well, i understand the concept of loving yourself and not NEEDING the love of someone else.

it's not always about i, me me, mine. she left, so i'm going to keep saying **** her in my head, and move on. no! there's a child immediately involved here. i'm not going to hate, when i too am turning off the love. it will be there. kicking dirt over it and convincing myself i'm tough each day isn't going to make it better when i'm on my deathbed. i'm going to love her until i just don't anymore.

[soheartbroken]

i'm going to love her until i just don't anymore.

 

Too true.

 

You know, I may love mine forever, but I would hope in a happy way, not a sad way. Of course, if I found out about an OW...who knows...

 

But ya, the head can't change what the heart feels. If it were that easy I wouldn't be in the position I'm in.

[tojaz]

i do love myself. if i didn't, i'd be dead by now. the **** i've been through in my lifetime?

well, i understand the concept of loving yourself and not NEEDING the love of someone else.

it's not always about i, me me, mine. she left, so i'm going to keep saying **** her in my head, and move on. no! there's a child immediately involved here. i'm not going to hate, when i too am turning off the love. it will be there. kicking dirt over it and convincing myself i'm tough each day isn't going to make it better when i'm on my deathbed. i'm going to love her until i just don't anymore.

 

That is a great quote MayI!!! it makes a lot of sense too. Your heart will let go when it's ready too. You cant force it, believe me i tried. To be honest MAYI you have it all figured out. This post is the absolute best way to go through this. Just let yourself feel it until you don't!

 

As for loving yourself v/s needing the love of others. It's alright to need love from someone else. Everyone NEEDS that every once in a while. Thats why most of us come here, because we need the support of others, the connection, and it is a NEED!

TOJAZ