Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Sounds like a child to me. (looked like one too ) A selfish Child! TOJAZ Well, I did warn you when I sent the pictures that he look younger than he is. He always did, everyone comments on that! Used to get him down. I thought he was lovely though. Probably means he will pull a young hot 22 year old next time I can't handle this anymore........
Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Not beating myself up, I'm not blaming myself, I just can't take the pain anymore. I've had enough. I don't want to feel like this any longer and yet I have this knowledge that this is never going to go away, not completely. Like everyone keeps saying on here, it changes you forever and it is always going to be a part of you, you just learn to live with it. I don't want to learn to live with it. I cannot handle feeling like this for the rest of my days.
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Your not going to feel like this for ever. What has happened will change you, but you get to decide how. Learn, become stronger, improve yourself, or flame out and spend the restof your days pining for someone who treated you poorly.
soheartbroken Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Hey Lisa, I don't have any advice to give - everyone on here is so much more experienced than I am (and further along in healing than I am) - but I just wanted to let you know that I'm reading your posts and rooting for you. I don't want to feel like this forever either...but everyday I'm scared that I will. May be a stupid question, but have you read any books on separation/abandonment?
Gunny376 Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Not beating myself up, I'm not blaming myself, I just can't take the pain anymore. I've had enough. I don't want to feel like this any longer and yet I have this knowledge that this is never going to go away, not completely. Like everyone keeps saying on here, it changes you forever and it is always going to be a part of you, you just learn to live with it. I don't want to learn to live with it. I cannot handle feeling like this for the rest of my days. What's happening is your dragging a dead horse and saddle around with everywhere you go. And everywhere you go? Everyone reminds you of such. "Hey! Did you realize your dragging a dead horse and saddle around with you everywhere you go?" And you continue to do so, until you get tired of doing so. So you'll eventually quit doing so. You'll resign yourself to accepting your new single life for what and how it is ~ and that more than likely you'll be single and alone for the rest of your life. Then one day you'll be going about your business and your day? And you will meet someone. He'll be about "Where have you been all of my life!" And you will be ~ "Where have you been all of my life!" All of this is very, very, very much temporary. Your not going to get through this life Lisa without some heartache, heartbreak, or troubles. But in doing so? You've always got to remember? THAT THIS TO WILL PASS! Listen Sweetie ~ you didn't fail him! He failed YOU! You didn't let him down! He not only let you down, but the two of you down! I've yet to figure it out, but its almost always the one that got 'dumped' that was the mentally, emotionally stronger of the two ~ but its always the one that gets dumped that ends up being the basket case and ends up in counseling. Its not that he's the mentally and emotionally stronger of the two ~ its that your self esteem has taken one in the bow and stern. (Naval terms) Your stronger than most ~ and are actually further along than your realize! Your a good person with a lot of love to give! What one will abuse? Another can certainly use! GOOD people ~ be they men or be they women? Are damn hard to come by! They're like finding a good job! They're out there? But they're hard to come by and find! The ones that have them? They've had them a good long while, and they plan on hanging on to them ~ and your just about going to have to fight and kill them in a death-match to the end to get them away from them. You won't be on the 'market' for very long, before someone snacthes you up! Your working on improving yourself, learning about yourself....................... Your identifying your weakness and shortcoming and daily seeking self improvement. Your working on becoming the best "me" that you become ~ regardless of the @zzhat, or anyone else for that matter. Daily your pulling yourself out of bed, making, forcing yourself to "Got to get the 'get-down' feeling ~ got to get it up and get it on!" Your on here helping others, offering words of advice and encouragement! Learning, growing by leaps and bounds! Your light years away from where you were when you first came on here! I see it! You can't and don't! Your still see yourself crawling out from the shock of awe of having gotten ran over by the bus! In short? "You've come a long way Baby!"
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Great post Gunny!!! Lisa, print that out and carry it with you! I sent you an E-mail sweetie, have a good day today. TOJAZ
Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Thanks all of you. Thank you Gunny I needed that today, Tojaz I will print it and put it in my diary to carry with me, along with some of the e-mails you sent me! Sobroken, I have only read He's Scared She's Scared about commitment phobia as I thought that was what had happened with my ex, after reading it I def think so. Do you have any to recommend? I just don't know what's wrong with me, I guess I hit the depression stage of grief. I should be excited about going back to uni, instead I just keep wishing I was at home with him on the sofa. Planning our wedding, why do I keep visualising him in that Church, it's torture.
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 Theres nothing wrong with you. You just miss him is all. Just look forward to going back to school, becoming a solicitor, finding someone better!
Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 This about sums it up! Barbra Streisand Life Stroy Don't want to stay here Not very nice You boiled me over Now you're cold as ice From what you gave me To what you made me I should be homeward bound Why am I hangin' round knowing You're life story began with somebody else Find your glory out there with somebody else I'll be where you find me I'll be somebody else Somebody else Dog in the manger Teller of lies I see a stranger laughing in your eyes Though I don't know how I'm in the way now No matter what you do I go on loving you knowing Your life story began with somebody else Find your glory out there with somebody else I'll be where you find me I'll be somebody else Deeper than your valleys Longer than your memory I got to your story's end Your life story began with somebody else Find your glory out there with somebody else I'll be where you find me I'll be somebody else Somebody else, somebody else, somebody else Somebody else, somebody else, somebody else I'll be somebody else... I'll be somebody else...
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 This about sums it up! Barbra Streisand Life Stroy Don't want to stay here Not very nice You boiled me over Now you're cold as ice From what you gave me To what you made me I should be homeward bound Why am I hangin' round Yes Lisa, that does about sum it up. Let him do it to..... Somebody else, somebody else, somebody else Somebody else, somebody else, somebody else Don't ever be somebody else... somebody else... Yes, that about sums it up! TOJAZ
Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 I'm seriously losing it. I'm seriously thinking about going out to a bar and just picking up some random guy just to get laid, I just want this man out of my system. This isn't me. What the h**l is happening to me?
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I'm seriously losing it. I'm seriously thinking about going out to a bar and just picking up some random guy just to get laid, I just want this man out of my system. This isn't me. What the h**l is happening to me? Your trying to let go, but not allowing yourself. If you do that, you'll regret it and it probably won't help. I came very close, remember? I felt terrible just going that far.
Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 Your trying to let go, but not allowing yourself. If you do that, you'll regret it and it probably won't help. I came very close, remember? I felt terrible just going that far. What do you mean I'm trying to let go but not letting myself? This is so not like me, I have only had sex with my ex, the thoughts I'm having go against everything I beleive in. What is wrong with me? Gunny is right, women in their early 30's do reach their sexual peak, I know b/c I'm there, that's why the sex increased in our relationship ober the last year, something else to thank that S**T Heap for. CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe that's it, perhaps I'm just bl**dy desperate. You're right I would regret it, it isn't me.
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 What do you mean I'm trying to let go but not letting myself? This is so not like me, I have only had sex with my ex, the thoughts I'm having go against everything I beleive in. What is wrong with me? Gunny is right, women in their early 30's do reach their sexual peak, I know b/c I'm there, that's why the sex increased in our relationship ober the last year, something else to thank that S**T Heap for. CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe that's it, perhaps I'm just bl**dy desperate. You're right I would regret it, it isn't me. If it isn't you, and it's against everything you believe in, then why let the bastard do that to you, change your values, and your personality? What did he do to deserve so much power over you? TOJAZ
Author LisaUk Posted August 15, 2009 Author Posted August 15, 2009 If it isn't you, and it's against everything you believe in, then why let the bastard do that to you, change your values, and your personality? What did he do to deserve so much power over you? TOJAZ I don't know, I just feel like I'm going crazy, I just feel like going out there and doing that just to get him out of my system, you know? Don't worry I won't. I know myself and I know I would regret it.
tojaz Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I don't know, I just feel like I'm going crazy, I just feel like going out there and doing that just to get him out of my system, you know? Don't worry I won't. I know myself and I know I would regret it. Good, you don't want that. Thats not the system hes in anyways. Your not crazy! <<<<<thats crazy!!!
hopesndreams Posted August 15, 2009 Posted August 15, 2009 I don't know, I just feel like I'm going crazy, I just feel like going out there and doing that just to get him out of my system, you know? Don't worry I won't. I know myself and I know I would regret it. Hate to be a downer but when you are feeling your lowest, you attract the wrong sort. I have been out and about and have only managed to attract two 65 year olds, a 37 yr old who had a tiff with gf and a 28 yr old who had been in and out of jail for this and that crime. It will just make you more depressed and lonely, honestly...so take the time to build up the self-esteem and besides, your off to uni...you will meet loads of decent guys there right? Better than the bar scene anyways. Will be heading out soon, not looking for anyone though, nor looking to get lucky, just need company and a laugh or two.
soheartbroken Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Lisa: I'm reading "Journey from Abandonment to Healing". Probably not for everyone, lots of inner child stuff. But I found the first few chapters comforting. There's some science stuff (you would have covered it in psychology) that makes a lot of sense. The exercises in the book might sound silly to you. I just like reading about the different stages of abandonment. The book is a take on Kubler-Ross' well-known book on Grief, but tackles relationship endings. The stages following abandonment really rang true. They are not the same stages of grief that you are mentioning. Shattering (the awful, initial shock and punch in the gut). Withdrawal (the addiction to the person part, like a heroin addiction), internalizing (blaming yourself), rage (haven't read it yet), and the final stage which I also haven't read yet, cause I'm not there!! I'm planning on self-medicating with self-help books. Just gotta order some.
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Wish I could go out on any random night and get laid! But Nooooooooooooo! I've got to do the whole, meet and greet, dress to impress, wine and dine thing! Maybe if I got my Marine Dress Blues out?
hopesndreams Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 In other words, sex is meaningless without love. Not just love for who you are with...but love for yourself. Right Gunny? Dress to impress, have that air of confidence...it attracts the right fellas, not the wrong ones. But hey, some people are into that sort of thing, the oh, let's just get laid attitude...makes me ill really...would do the same for you Lisa, and now that you are single, these vermin will come out of the woodwork to take advantage..tell them to f off Oh dear, I've had a few tonite, sorry for being crass but life is like that unfortunately and we, you and I, are a different breed
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 The stages following abandonment really rang true. They are not the same stages of grief that you are mentioning. Shattering (the awful, initial shock and punch in the gut). Withdrawal (the addiction to the person part, like a heroin addiction), internalizing (blaming yourself), rage (haven't read it yet), and the final stage which I also haven't read yet, cause I'm not there!! I can laugh about it ~ NOW! But back in the day? Back before the Internet and such forums as LoveShack, during the First Gulf War in the early nineties? I kind felt like that Iraq's that keep surrendering to us? All they wanted to talk about was the big bombs the B-52's kept dropping! That's pretty much how I felt emotionally at the time ~ just stumbling and fumbling through life. This latest post of your SHB, shows that your making progress. Today was a hard day for you having to go back to the apartment and packing your life away in boxes and putting them into storage. Lisa your making great progress ~ and your doing what exactly you should be doing! Getting busy ~ getting busy. Learning to drive a stick shift, taking driving lessons, going back to Uni. Right now? I can imagine its like slogging through a swamp, but your doing it, putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe we can get the Discovery Channel to do a show about you titled "Survivor Woman!"
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 In other words, sex is meaningless without love. Not just love for who you are with...but love for yourself. Right Gunny? Dress to impress, have that air of confidence...it attracts the right fellas, not the wrong ones. But hey, some people are into that sort of thing, the oh, let's just get laid attitude...makes me ill really...would do the same for you Lisa, and now that you are single, these vermin will come out of the woodwork to take advantage..tell them to f off Oh dear, I've had a few tonite, sorry for being crass but life is like that unfortunately and we, you and I, are a different breed :lmao: :lmao: I don't need nor want one of those "gifts" that keep on giving, and giving and giving! And I sure as Hell don't want to be sending a quarter of my paycheck (after taxes) to someone who hates my gut, just because I go her Pregno! So these days? I'm more like the guy that was sitting at the bar, and a old hooker slid up to him and said, "I'll do anything you want for $20!" To which he responded, "OK! Paint my house!" But your right! It wasn't the material investment of twelve years ~ in losing everything worth stealing! It wasn't the financial investment of twelve years that I was so 'pained' about! It was the emotional investment that 'pained' me the most! Like most here? I poured my heart and soul into that marriage ~ only to have her hand me my @zz as she walked out the door!
Gunny376 Posted August 16, 2009 Posted August 16, 2009 Not to hijack your thread Lisa, but I've had nineteen ~ going on twenty to reflect back on why my marriage failed. I've read all kinds of books about marriage, seduction, rommance, etc. And it all came down to this! Stress, and her being weak minded, not having the self control, self discipline to stick it out through the hard times, the bad times. At 28 years of age, I would lay in bed having chest pains (I was on the drill field for the second time, which is nothing but STRESS! You just say the wrong word to someone and you've just 'washed' your career down the toliet) Went to the Dr. and he told me it was stress! Woke up one morning with a knot on my forehead about half the size of a golf ball! Stress!
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