wifely duties

[Trialbyfire]

He saw some..

 

He said you guys are so far off is ridiculous.

 

That I'm the best mom in the world, and that is like a noob telling him how to play the game.

 

That your aim is so bad, that is like a shot in the dark.

I'm guessing he spends more time enabling, protecting, counseling and defending you, than he spends on himself. In essence, you've forced him into a role reversal, where he's the parent and you're the child. Totally unfair.

 

How he'll get a job and hold it, will be on your shoulders. If you get hit by a bus tomorrow, how will he survive? Welfare?

[dobler33]

He saw some..

 

He said you guys are so far off is ridiculous.

 

That I'm the best mom in the world, and that is like a noob telling him how to play the game.

 

That your aim is so bad, that is like a shot in the dark.

 

 

yeah, well, he's FREAKIN 19!!!!! of course he doesn't want rules. you are supposed to be his PARENT, not his girlfriend. kids don't like rules. that's why the parents make them, not the kids.

[carhill]

IMO, an important wifely duty is to teach offspring rules and boundaries. It sounds like the OP did just fine wrt her four children. Just to bring this back to the OP

[dobler33]

I am a psychologist and I am getting a headache just reading about this, but I agree with you though. She would be a psychologist's dream case study.

 

Ariadne, I feel very sorry for you that you are so narrow minded and think that women have no other function other than stay at home, raise kids and please their husbands non-stop. What century are you living in? You are setting the women's rights movement 70-80 years.

 

As for your son..man. I pity him. You have provided him with no rules, no guidelines and have not helped him with his development to cope in the real world.

 

What will happen when you are not around anymore? He does no household chores, he is a school drop out and he has no job. I do not see a very bright future for this boy and he will have you to thank. Sorry, but this is how I see it. I thought my mother was bad but you are not even being a mother to him, and what is worse, you are proud of your actions....Damn I need to stay away from this thread before I tear my hair out.

 

 

btw, soul, i'm a therapist too and she has already shared with us that she thinks we are idiots. go figure. big surprise.

[Soul-Searcher]

btw, soul, i'm a therapist too and she has already shared with us that she thinks we are idiots. go figure. big surprise.

 

She is living in a dream world, and she will have a very heavy dose of reality when she sees her son's life fall apart in front of her. Unfortunately, some people have to learn it the hard way, and she will when she falls from this fantasy world in the clouds back to Earth. It won't be a pretty sight when that happens.

[dobler33]

She is living in a dream world, and she will have a very heavy dose of reality when she sees her son's life fall apart in front of her. Unfortunately, some people have to learn it the hard way, and she will when she falls from this fantasy world in the clouds back to Earth. It won't be a pretty sight when that happens.

 

 

lol, and then she might need a therapist.....

[Soul-Searcher]

lol, and then she might need a therapist.....

 

She doesn't believe in therapy.

[allina]

Dobler, ever heard of capitalization? Your other writing issues aside, this is how your sentence should look-

"Btw, Soul, I'm a therapist too and she has already shared with us that she thinks we are idiots. Go figure. Big surprise".

No one taught you that while teaching you all this wisdom about how everyone should run their life?

[Trialbyfire]

Dobler, ever heard of capitalization? Your other writing issues aside, this is how your sentence should look-

"Btw, Soul, I'm a therapist too and she has already shared with us that she thinks we are idiots. Go figure. Big surprise".

No one taught you that while teaching you all this wisdom about how everyone should run their life?

Societally speaking, we're all responsible for our young. The young will be running each of our countries, when we become senior citizens. Do we want a generation of welfare recipients or fully-functioning adults who have the life skills to get to where they want to go, within the confines of society? There are no favours being done to this young man, by allowing him to be boundary free. In doing so, when it comes time to hold down a job, he'll spend more time bucking authority, than progressing in his life.

[dobler33]

Dobler, ever heard of capitalization? Your other writing issues aside, this is how your sentence should look-

"Btw, Soul, I'm a therapist too and she has already shared with us that she thinks we are idiots. Go figure. Big surprise".

No one taught you that while teaching you all this wisdom about how everyone should run their life?

 

 

haha! you are not the first to chastise me for my noncapitalization. i submit, i say uncle. you've got me. it's pure laziness. and i try not to tell people how to run their lives, but this thread has truly terrified me as someone who works with criminal teenagers, many of whose parents have been simililarly neglectful, although for far more understandable reasons - i work with families living WAY below the poverty level and dealing with institutionalized racism, corrupt cops and bigotted school officials. doesn't excuse the neglect, by any means, but to hear it from a woman who appears to have the resources to be able to parent effectively and choses not to - i'm sorry, but it just makes me kinda sick.

[NoIDidn't]

I am so sure that Ariadne is trolling for reactions in this thread. She used to do it on OW/OM a couple of years ago.

 

Too many contradictions in everything that she is saying for her to be telling the truth, unless the therapists on this thread are correct that she is their dream client. I can't see why though. I think a client like this would be maddening. LOL

 

Let's see, she posted an article on what a perfect wife is to do, but she set out to not do one very important part of that. A perfect wife is also a perfect mother. Perfect mothers set rules so that their children turn out perfect, not spoiled.

 

I feel sorry for the OP to have to have this drivel (the trolling) on her thread. I've already decided I'm not taking anything Ariadne posts to this thread seriously.

[Els]

Uh. Am I the only one who is utterly positive that Ariadne is trolling happily through this thread?

 

And we're all providing him/her with some very good entertainment?

[carhill]

Situation normal. Shall we add it to the rules for duties?

[dobler33]

I am so sure that Ariadne is trolling for reactions in this thread. She used to do it on OW/OM a couple of years ago.

 

Too many contradictions in everything that she is saying for her to be telling the truth, unless the therapists on this thread are correct that she is their dream client. I can't see why though. I think a client like this would be maddening. LOL

 

Let's see, she posted an article on what a perfect wife is to do, but she set out to not do one very important part of that. A perfect wife is also a perfect mother. Perfect mothers set rules so that their children turn out perfect, not spoiled.

 

I feel sorry for the OP to have to have this drivel (the trolling) on her thread. I've already decided I'm not taking anything Ariadne posts to this thread seriously.

 

do you really think so? i freakin hope so. she's done this before? well, then, she's even more pathological than i originally thought. the only thing i can see that's good about this is that if the poor OP is still following this she at least can see that there is far more support for her independence and self-preservation than there is for some kind of gag-me evil notion of enslaved femininity. hope that at least helps.

[Ariadne]

do you really think so? i freakin hope so. she's done this before?

 

Everything I said in this thread is the absolute truth.

 

You can choose not to believe if you'd like.

[Trialbyfire]

Everything I said in this thread is the absolute truth.

 

You can choose not to believe if you'd like.

I believe you which is why I'm both angry and sad for your son.

[Ariadne]

I believe you which is why I'm both angry and sad for your son.

 

That is because you don't understand my method.

 

My method has been to instill in him independence from day one.

 

I always treated him like an adult and respected his voice and desires.

 

While providing an environment of openness and love and care.

[anne1707]

My method has been to instill in him independence from day one.

 

I always treated him like an adult and respected his voice and desires.

.

 

 

So when (and how!) is he going to become an independent adult and get a job?

[Ariadne]

So when (and how!) is he going to become an independent adult and get a job?

 

We are not running a race car here.

 

He doesn't feel ready at this point to committing to what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

 

When he is ready, he will.

 

I don't coach, I don't push, I just support.

[Trialbyfire]

That is because you don't understand my method.

 

My method has been to instill in him independence from day one.

 

I always treated him like an adult and respected his voice and desires.

 

While providing an environment of openness and love and care.

I commend you for those aspects but they have to be age appropriate, without enabling the dysfunctional aspects.

 

The human mind doesn't even mature until someone's in their early to mid-twenties. With this in mind, how will he be able to fully mature to his potential, without knowing how to navigate life? How do you rationalize giving him no life skills? How will he eat, where will he sleep? Without the basics in life, there is NO happiness.

[anne1707]

I don't coach, I don't push, I just support.

 

But according to your theory, when he marries (if someone will have him) then he should financially support his wife. How is he going to do that if he can just sponge off other people.

[Trialbyfire]

Bloody hell Ariadne, starvation is not an option for your only child, the one you purport to love. Do you understand that?

[Ariadne]

With this in mind, how will he be able to fully mature to his potential, without knowing how to navigate life? How do you rationalize giving him no life skills? How will he eat, where will he sleep? Without the basics in life, there is NO happiness.

 

He will have to survive by learning a trade, or by having a career.

 

He is not sure what he is going to do at this point.

 

I left for a month to go visit my parents and he had no problem managing on his own, making his meals, doing dishes etc.

 

All he does is study all day, when he is not playing video games. He likes that too.

[Trialbyfire]

He will have to survive by learning a trade, or by having a career.

 

He is not sure what he is going to do at this point.

 

I left for a month to go visit my parents and he had no problem managing on his own, making his meals, doing dishes etc.

 

All he does is study all day, when he is not playing video games. He likes that too.

He's 19 right now. He should have been in college or at least working. That he doesn't even have a high school diploma has set him back at least 6 years behind everyone else. Is this love, to force him to always be behind the rest of his peers? When they're accepted in the work force with their degrees, where will he be? Studying at home and playing video games? Is this love or a desire to destroy his life?

[sally4sara]

We are not running a race car here.

 

He doesn't feel ready at this point to committing to what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

 

When he is ready, he will.

 

I don't coach, I don't push, I just support.

 

I think that your son would rather have no relationship with his father and dropped out of school than show any respect for any sort of boundaries says a lot about the chances of success he will have at holding down a job or marriage.