Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 also, if your son never had a single rule, then you are unquestionably one of the worst parents i have ever had the misfortune to converse with. No. I don't believe in rules. Children should be free to do what they want and be supported by parents. Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 No. I don't believe in rules. then women should not have rules that force them to be the mindless chattel of their husbands. can't have it both ways, kitten. Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Children should be free to do what they want and be supported by parents. it is the opinion of more or less every respected expert on child development that children need rules, depend on them, that in fact parents who do not provide rules are lazy and self-absorbed and pathologically narcissistic. these are the collective empirical findings of the entire field of child psychology. you don't have to argue with me, but you've got a hell of an army ranged against you on this bullsh*t. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 it is the opinion of more or less every respected expert on child development that children need rules, depend on them, that in fact parents who do not provide rules are lazy and self-absorbed and pathologically narcissistic. these are the collective empirical findings of the entire field of child psychology. you don't have to argue with me, but you've got a hell of an army ranged against you on this bullsh*t. I just showed this post to my son and he said, why is she using curse words if she is trying to look good? I told him you were a therapist or something like that. He said, is she certified or college educated? Or is she like Dr Phil? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Talking with my son in his room about rules that people are so attached to... He said: If you are going to treat somebody like an idiot (giving him rules), then he is just going to be an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Talking with my son in his room about rules that people are so attached to... He said: If you are going to treat somebody like an idiot (giving him rules), then he is just going to be an idiot. And if you teach him nothing, he will be an idiot. Ariadne, you're a child who's never grown up. In some ways, that can be charming, in other ways, it does you no good at all. You live a dream of being with someone who you'll never be with. While it's your life to live, it's sad that your son has had to pay the price. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 And if you teach him nothing, he will be an idiot. No, I don't believe in teaching anyone anything either. He studies anything he wants to learn about. Freely. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Your son is 19, a high school dropout and doesn't know how to do any household chore? Does he have a job? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Your son is 19, a high school dropout and doesn't know how to do any household chore? Does he have a job? Nope. No job either. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 This is what happens when a boy has no male role model to teach him how to be a man. I know many fatherless boys who grow up to be men who can't take care of themselves. A huge problem in the US. The black community has been dealing with this problem for a long time. A huge percentage of black men have at some point in their lives been to jail. Many grew up with absent fathers. The sad and horrifying thing is, other communities are catching up.... if not, already. Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Talking with my son in his room about rules that people are so attached to... He said: If you are going to treat somebody like an idiot (giving him rules), then he is just going to be an idiot. huh. interesting. i had thought you were the parent. you treat your son like you'd treat your husband, apparently. there's a few names for that in the DSM IV. and i'm not trying to look good - the curse words are a reflection of my shock and disgust at your negligible parenting skills and deeply misogynistic worldview. and although i utterly disagree with dr. phil in more or less every way, he is in fact a licensed therapist, as am i. to be so one must indeed be college educated. i am about to go on to a doctorate, in fact. but, that probably holds no weight with you, as you probably think that women should not be educated at all, as will your son, most likely. good job, continuing the tradition of men indoctrinated to see women as property and slaves. good thing the patriarchy has you - without you and people who think like you it'd just wither clean away. we can't have that, can we? we are but poor helpless women........ Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 No job.. So, I take it, you don't want him to ever have a family of his own? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 So, I take it, you don't want him to ever have a family of his own? That's not for me to decide. He'll have to figure that out on his own when he is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
MindoverMatter Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Avoiding the question. Do you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 That's not for me to decide. He'll have to figure that out on his own when he is ready. jesus, the poor kid. how the hell is he supposed to figure anything out when you've never given him any rules or guidance or information of any kind? it seems kind of cruel to me, throwing him out into the world having totally neglected to parent him in any way. i think i'm feeling more sorry for him than i was for you now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Avoiding the question. Do you want that? As usual, if that is what he wants I'll support him 100%. If he is happy, I'm happier. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 how the hell is he supposed to figure anything out when you've never given him any rules or guidance or information of any kind? He has his own mind to do the thinking. I don't need to think for him. Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 He has his own mind to do the thinking. I don't need to think for him. yes, but his mind is younger and less developed - that's not an evaluation of his intelligence, it's just a physiological fact - which is why children need their parents to instill rules of conduct and provide information and guidance as they grow. that's why we call them parents. cause they're older and should be the ones in control. it sounds to me like your son missed out on all of this from you, which is heartbreaking. the blithe tone with which you brag about your total lack of parenting is frankly terrifying. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Even animals train their young in social and survival skills. Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Even animals train their young in social and survival skills. exactly. the executive functioning areas of his brain - decision-making, knowing right from wrong, planning, goal setting, problem solving - will not be anywhere close to fully developed until his late twenties, and you have utterly failed to provide your own executive functioning resources in teaching him or guiding him. children need a parent - you can't just feed them and clothe them and expect them to take care of the rest on their own. all the breakfast trays and nicely folded napkins in the world can't make up for what you've denied him. you seem proud of the fact that he's getting laid - do you know if he is safe? do you know what his relationship is like? do you care? or is it just a pat on your back that you have raised a studly manchild to take the place of whatever studly manchild you seem to want as your own mate? it's seriously gross. freud would have a freakin field day with you, honey. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-Searcher Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 exactly. the executive functioning areas of his brain - decision-making, knowing right from wrong, planning, goal setting, problem solving - will not be anywhere close to fully developed until his late twenties, and you have utterly failed to provide your own executive functioning resources in teaching him or guiding him. children need a parent - you can't just feed them and clothe them and expect them to take care of the rest on their own. all the breakfast trays and nicely folded napkins in the world can't make up for what you've denied him. you seem proud of the fact that he's getting laid - do you know if he is safe? do you know what his relationship is like? do you care? or is it just a pat on your back that you have raised a studly manchild to take the place of whatever studly manchild you seem to want as your own mate? it's seriously gross. freud would have a freakin field day with you, honey. I am a psychologist and I am getting a headache just reading about this, but I agree with you though. She would be a psychologist's dream case study. Ariadne, I feel very sorry for you that you are so narrow minded and think that women have no other function other than stay at home, raise kids and please their husbands non-stop. What century are you living in? You are setting the women's rights movement 70-80 years. As for your son..man. I pity him. You have provided him with no rules, no guidelines and have not helped him with his development to cope in the real world. What will happen when you are not around anymore? He does no household chores, he is a school drop out and he has no job. I do not see a very bright future for this boy and he will have you to thank. Sorry, but this is how I see it. I thought my mother was bad but you are not even being a mother to him, and what is worse, you are proud of your actions....Damn I need to stay away from this thread before I tear my hair out. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 And I worry she is still showing her son these posts. Link to post Share on other sites
dobler33 Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 I am a psychologist and I am getting a headache just reading about this, but I agree with you though. She would be a psychologist's dream case study. Ariadne, I feel very sorry for you that you are so narrow minded and think that women have no other function other than stay at home, raise kids and please their husbands non-stop. What century are you living in? You are setting the women's rights movement 70-80 years. As for your son..man. I pity him. You have provided him with no rules, no guidelines and have not helped him with his development to cope in the real world. What will happen when you are not around anymore? He does no household chores, he is a school drop out and he has no job. I do not see a very bright future for this boy and he will have you to thank. Sorry, but this is how I see it. I thought my mother was bad but you are not even being a mother to him, and what is worse, you are proud of your actions....Damn I need to stay away from this thread before I tear my hair out. hahahaha! here's a handful of mine, soul searcher. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 And I worry she is still showing her son these posts. He saw some.. He said you guys are so far off is ridiculous. That I'm the best mom in the world, and that is like a noob telling him how to play the game. That your aim is so bad, that is like a shot in the dark. Link to post Share on other sites
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