Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Historically, did you guys need your SOs to make you pay attention to them within a three month relationship or did you do it automatically, since you were interested in interacting with them? Exactly what I am saying. He should just be interested in me. I mean I am not conceited but I am an attractive girl. I still have EXES calling me, wanting me back, and guys asking me out.
bean1 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I would ask my 30 year old SO's opinion but he's busy with the xbox. True story. But Candy, when we first met and for the first 6-8 months, those video games didn't really exist and when we spent weekends together, there wasn't a lack of anything in the bedroom! He seems pretty comfortable already for a 3 month relationship. Sounds like he just hasn't had time to adjust from bachelor to girlfriend mode. Or, maybe he is just one of those guys that needs an "xbox widow" for a girlfriend? I'm not one for sure, but I know girls who do not spend much time at all with their SO. Not my cup of tea, personally.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Sounds like he just hasn't had time to adjust from bachelor to girlfriend mode. Thats what I tell myself, to not feel so bad. I just take it way too personal, really.
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Who initiated your being there for the entire weekend? Did he ask you to come every weekend, or did you sort of push for it?
elaina Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I think it's great for couples to have time away from each other and alone time, but it doesn't seem like your boyfriend does all that much with you than just sex? Sex is awesome, but life involves more than that. Do ya'll do fun things together? Do ya'll go out to eat or cook together and take walks and work out together and go out with friends together?
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Who initiated your being there for the entire weekend? Did he ask you to come every weekend, or did you sort of push for it? He ALWAYS initiates when we spend time together, I try to give him his space.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 I think it's great for couples to have time away from each other and alone time, but it doesn't seem like your boyfriend does all that much with you than just sex? Sex is awesome, but life involves more than that. Do ya'll do fun things together? Do ya'll go out to eat or cook together and take walks and work out together and go out with friends together? Yeah I mean we go out to dinner, movies, we have gone out with his friends multiple times, and we have gone to events together.... just last weekend I guess was a disaster IMO at least. But like I said, even when we are out together he just seems disconnected to me. We really never have much to talk about, and it gets kind of uncomfortable for me.
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 He ALWAYS initiates when we spend time together, I try to give him his space. So every Wednesday or Thursday, he says something like, "Hey babe, what time do you think you can be here on Friday?" Weird. I mean, if he is asking you to come spend the weekend with him every week, you would think he would want to spend more time doing things with you. Honestly, he sounds really bored. Do you ever ask him to do other things? Bowling? Flying kites? Going kayaking? Going to the flea market? How does he react when you suggest activities?
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 I know I am probably over reacting a bit here. Here is what happened last weekend. REMEMBER I didn't see him ALL week. I get there Friday night, and I think he spent maybe a half an hour with me, then he left to go play videogames, and he wanted to wait until midnight to get food so that we could eat meat. (Catholic) So then at midnight we went out to eat, had sex, then afterwards we went to bed. On Saturday, he woke up early went and played videogames, I went downstairs, he still played. A little later we went out to lunch, then we went shopping a little bit, then we came home, had sex and took a nap (he likes naps because he can't sleep in the mornings) Then we woke up and he made me dinner, and we watched a movie together (but remember no affection during the movie, no cuddiling or anything) Then after he was on his computer until bedtime. NO SEX Sunday, same thing he woke up early played videogames, then we ate breakfast together, he took a nap, then we went out to dinner, after dinner he went and played more videogames for 2 more hours, then worked out for 1 hour, then came back upstairs and was on the computer for another hour, then he showered, and we went to bed. NO SEX See I guess its a mixture, maybe I wouldn't mind as much if he were more affectionate. Also he never calls me, he texts me usually at night to say good night, but thats it. We never have really long phone conversations. He has said to me before that he isn't a phone person, he is more of a texter, also he has said he always feels like he has to be doing something, and he doesn't like doing nothing.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Honestly, he sounds really bored. Do you ever ask him to do other things? Bowling? Flying kites? Going kayaking? Going to the flea market? How does he react when you suggest activities? Yeah I mean thats the problem, I really never come up with ideas to go do. He always says so what do you want to do today, and I just say I don't know.
D-Lish Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'd say that after 3 months together- the amount of time he spends playing video games when you are around is a sign that something is off. I don't think you'd sound needy broaching this subject. You've got a valid point. If he likes to do things- why not suggest getting out and going somewhere together. Plan in advance- ask him if he wants to go to the zoo or a show or to a museum next weekend. I had a video gamer bf for a while. He started cancelling dates to play WOW online with his buddies. It was an obsession! I left him behind because of it. As for hobbies- I don't consider video gaming a hobby any more than watching tv is a hobby. If you're only spending weekends together- the time should be about the two of you.... If it's only been 3 months, I'd be expecting more out of the weekends- including the sex! It doesn't sound as if the two of you are good at communicating with one another. I'd be pretty bored with those kind of weekends! You have to bring this up- it's obviously making you unhappy. It might be a simple case of mis-communication. Maybe he thinks that you want your alone time watching tv...? You have to talk to him about it though. Imagine what things will be like at 6 months if you don't straighten this out!
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 If you're only spending weekends together- the time should be about the two of you.... If it's only been 3 months, I'd be expecting more out of the weekends- including the sex! Exactly what I think. ESPECIALLY the sex, I mean seriously I feel like I want it more than he does. I have never had that issue before, its crazy. I mean I am thinking 3-5 times a day if we have the whole day together, but I am lucky if its once. But when we do have sex its good, or at least I thought so.
Isolde Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Candy, I feel you've invested a lot in this, but at the same time you owe it to yourself to draw a line somewhere. This just doesn't bode well, for a lot of reasons. Even if your b/f is unaware of what's going on, he clearly isn't ready for the kind of connection you're ready for. I'm not saying you're doomed, but I would try to divest a little bit until things become more clear. Best luck to you.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Candy, I feel you've invested a lot in this, but at the same time you owe it to yourself to draw a line somewhere. This just doesn't bode well, for a lot of reasons. Even if your b/f is unaware of what's going on, he clearly isn't ready for the kind of connection you're ready for. I'm not saying you're doomed, but I would try to divest a little bit until things become more clear. Best luck to you. Yeah that is what I am trying to do. I am just giving myself space from him, and trying to not get emotionally attached until I figure out what the F is going on with him.
D-Lish Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Exactly what I think. ESPECIALLY the sex, I mean seriously I feel like I want it more than he does. I have never had that issue before, its crazy. I mean I am thinking 3-5 times a day if we have the whole day together, but I am lucky if its once. But when we do have sex its good, or at least I thought so. Yep- I am usually thinking the 3-5 times a day thing as well. It's usually like that early on. I've only dated one guy where it wasn't like that... He was a guy with a very low sex drive. We went away after 2 months of being together- for FOUR days.... and had sex once. We went out for a year- lucky if we did it once a week! He told me he'd always been like that.... It drove me nuts! Don't let these issues drag out... address them asap. It's better to find out now if you're incompatible rather than 6 months or a year from now.
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