CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Yes another problem.... I go to my BF's house usually on the weekends. Tell me if this is normal and I am just over reacting PLEASE. He wakes up earlier than me, and works out or plays video games. Even when I finally wake up he still does this. Sometimes we go out to dinner, but sometimes after he goes back downstairs and plays more videogames for 2 hours about, then works out again for about a half an hour, while I am upstairs BY MYSELF watching TV or on the phone whatever.... We have been BF/GF for about 3 months now, I just feel in the way when I am over there. If thats what he wants to do then I could come over later or something. Then even after he is done working out he comes up and he gets right on his computer for about an hour, just looking up random crap. Almost completely ignoring me. I mean what does this mean. He has been single for 4-5 years and he is in his early 30's. Is he just so used to this lifestyle, do I bore him, or is he just a boring person. I know it doesn't matter why he does this, I just need to say something. But how the hell do I bring this up?!?!?!? We also barely talk on the phone, and we seem to even barely talk when we are around eachother. I know this isn't right, but I just don't know how to bring it up.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 He needs to pull himself away from the computer. He's not giving you his time. When you're hanging out in the house, you don't have to be at each other's side every minute, but what you're talking about is a little extreme. And a 30 something addicted to video games...???? Yikes. Grow up already. Maybe he is used to his single lifestyle, but he needs to realize that things change when you are in a RL.
You'reasian Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Sounds like he feels comfortable doing his own thing around you, which is good. Try to get him off the computer by interrupting him somehow and once you get his attention, have a little talk with him about this.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks for the replies, its just so hard to not take this personal.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 And to answer your question......:bunny: When he is at his computer one night, put on a sexy little number and walk up to him. Scoot his chair out and straddle him. Say, sweetie, I'm sure those little robot people are LOADS of fun for you to play with, but this real live girl wants to play now too! Then go play. The next time you're eating dinner, or whatever, just bring it up. Say did you have fun the other night? I sure did... Honey, I wonder if we can put an end time to the games. How about you play until 10, and then spend some time with me? Because I want to spend time with you, and I can't do that when you're playing the games. So you're not trying to take his toys away. That won't work, LOL. But you guys can find a compromise. If he isn't willing, then you know what you're dealing with.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 And a 30 something addicted to video games...???? Yikes. Grow up already. Yeah YIKES is right! LOL You're suggestions are good, I just am hesitant because we just don't have that type or relationship. But I am not too happy with this situation so I have to say something.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 It is difficult, but you are right, you have to say something. Otherwise it will just fester and then you will get really angry about it. This is your life, and if this isn't the RL you want, then you either need to change it or move on.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 This is your life, and if this isn't the RL you want, then you either need to change it or move on. Great advice. Thanks It just sucks, because I have had a crush on him for years, and he just isn't what I thought he was. I am realizing more and more how my EX and I just clicked, and that is hard to find.
sumdude Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Video games? You've got to be kidding me.. a flesh and blood woman I'm into is way more interesting.. but maybe that's just me.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Video games? You've got to be kidding me.. a flesh and blood woman I'm into is way more interesting.. but maybe that's just me. Exactly, but maybe thats the problem. Maybe he just isn't into me. That is what I am starting to think.
sumdude Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Exactly, but maybe thats the problem. Maybe he just isn't into me. That is what I am starting to think. Make yourself scarce and see how he reacts. It's not like you don't have better things to do than wait around for him to get to the next level in Grand Theft Auto.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Make yourself scarce and see how he reacts. Yeah thats what I am going to do, I have plans on saturday so I'll see how he reacts to that. I mean it seems strange really. If he isn't into me then he should just break up with me.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 It's not like you don't have better things to do than wait around for him to get to the next level in Grand Theft Auto. Halorious! LOL Exactly, I mean I have crap that I could be doing. Laundry, cleaning, seeing my friends, not sitting there feeling out of place. Even when for example we watch a movie together or something, he is just not a very affectionate person. I had another thread about that too.
redant Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 He's acting like he doesn't want a gf. It's probably him, not you. He sounds boring! I'm glad you made plans for yourself! I hope he straightens up or grows up! If not find a real and fun man.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 He's acting like he doesn't want a gf. Yeah I agree, maybe he doesn't but doesn't want to tell me and hurt my feelings?!?!? Who the F knows. The problem is there is no way I can say anything to him, without sounding needy. You know what I mean?
sumdude Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Yeah I agree, maybe he doesn't but doesn't want to tell me and hurt my feelings?!?!? Who the F knows. The problem is there is no way I can say anything to him, without sounding needy. You know what I mean? Actions speak louder than words and that works both ways.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 So when I bring this up to him, you don't think that I am going to sound needy?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 If he implies that you are being needy, then he is telling you he doesn't want to change and he is putting the onus back on you. Candygirl, people have needs in relatiosnhips. Men have needs, women have needs. Speaking up for yourself is not being "needy". The type of person who is "needy" depends on their S/O to prop them up. They depend on them to constantly assuage their egos. What you are asking for does not fall into that category.
sumdude Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 So when I bring this up to him, you don't think that I am going to sound needy? Just do what you're going to do, why explain yourself? Then the ball is in his court and if he brings it up the conversation can happen. He doesn't feel any need to explain his actions does he?
redant Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Is there something that you could do together? Something he might be interested in? You could ask him to do that and see what he says. If he's cold or disinterested then maybe he's not into you. I mean you could possibly nudge him away from video games and ou of the house.
Isolde Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I don't really have advice to give, but I'm really surprised that he doesn't want to talk more, connect more. This is supposed to be the most exciting phase of the relationship. I don't want to be a downer, I just feel like he's taking the whole thing for granted. Based on what you said in earlier threads it sounds like this guy is used to being somewhat shut off and disconnected from girls, but that doesn't make you needy--you are far less needy than average, believe me. Wanting him to call you ten times a day, that would be needy.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Based on what you said in earlier threads it sounds like this guy is used to being somewhat shut off and disconnected from girls, Great observation, that is spot on I think. But its weird he has a lot of friends, including a lot of girlfriends, but they are just friends so he is probably disconnected there as well. but that doesn't make you needy--you are far less needy than average, believe me. Wanting him to call you ten times a day, that would be needy. Thanks, you're right. That makes me feel better
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Okay, you guys are all right. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting here. I do need to bring it up, and it doesn't make me sound needy. Like Isolde said I am not asking him to call me 10 times a day. I just want him to spend time with me if I am there, instead of ignoring me.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I just want him to spend time with me if I am there, instead of ignoring me. Which is completely rational.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 17, 2009 Author Posted March 17, 2009 Is there something that you could do together? Something he might be interested in? You could ask him to do that and see what he says. If he's cold or disinterested then maybe he's not into you. I mean you could possibly nudge him away from video games and ou of the house. That I guess is probably the problem. We just never really know what to do, and he has said to me before that he doesn't like not doing anything. He told me that he always has to be doing something. I am opposite, if there is nothing that I can think about doing, I am content with watching TV or a movie with some popcorn, or something simple like that. I think he gets bored with that.
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