Is Your Relationship Viable For the Long-Term or Will it be Short-Lived?

[shadowplay]

 

Ok, now to catch up on the rest of the drama. I hate what this thread is turning into.

 

I think it's been nipped in the bud.

[shadowplay]

Haha...that's what this thread is about...having fun while helping others!

 

Good thread Touche!

 

I agree, it's a great thread.

 

I've agreed with most of your assessments so far, Touche.

[Touche]

Ladies, can we settle on a compromise? Shadow, don't comment on SG's relationship. What do you both think about that?

 

As long as people commenting, aren't using this thread as a way to "expose" or "denigrate" people, I think it's a very useful thread.

 

Also, anyone asking for advice within this thread, who solely believes in outside opinions, needs to re-evaluate their own sense of self, be it with a viable or non-viable stamp.

 

Absolutely.

 

By the same token, the relationships with viable or non-viable stamps, whether solely focused on the positive or negative, can still help other people, in that there can be similarities in relationships and that if a relationship is solely positive or solely negative, they are viable or non-viable.

 

What the? Can you re-phrase that, TBF? I read it 3 times and still have NO idea what you just said!

 

2 1/2 years

 

We split the bills and everything else 50/50, though I was initially asking for 1/3 because I have a son who I am responsible for, and I thought it was only fair, but he insisted. Money has never been any kind of an issue for us.

 

As for marriage, he jokes that if he ever thought about marrying again, he'd just find a woman he hates and buy her a house. LMAO I don't really care, 'cause we've both been down that street in the past, but he has hinted about marriage and if he asked me, I'd say yes.

 

It would be! I'm kind of on edge here waiting for my Touche validation. lol!

 

Here you go, Donna: VERY VIABLE. Absolutely.

 

 

Haha...that's what this thread is about...having fun while helping others!

 

Good thread Touche!

 

Thanks so much TBF and others. I just really hate to see this detiriarate (sp?). Please guys ok?

 

Bean, you're next. Stay tuned!

 

Oh, ok Sophie. All you can do is give it your all and see, right?

 

Isolde, I get it. I mean I'm working with probabilities here. Of course some will beat the odds. And some will take that risk. And I don't put people down for doing so as long as they know that the odds are against them and they're still willing to forge ahead.

 

But in giving my assessments I'm going with the odds. But that surely doesn't mean one can't beat them, right?

[Touche]

I agree, it's a great thread.

 

I've agreed with most of your assessments so far, Touche.

 

Oh thanks, SP! That's nice of you to say.

 

I've agreed with yours too. Which ones haven't you agreed with? You can say. It might help those who posted to hear what you have to say.

[Star Gazer]

Which ones haven't you agreed with? You can say. It might help those who posted to hear what you have to say.

 

I bet I can guess!!!

 

I've agreed with ALL of your assessments thus far.

[Star Gazer]

This is a great thread, Touche! Good idea!!!

 

I'll let you know how your assessment turns out on this end.

 

I honestly thought you were already married!!! I guess I just assumed that based on my perception of how "solid" your R is. *shrug*

[shadowplay]

Oh thanks, SP! That's nice of you to say.

 

I've agreed with yours too. Which ones haven't you agreed with? You can say. It might help those who posted to hear what you have to say.

 

The one thing I wasn't sure about is the age issue. To the best of my knowledge there are many successful marriages that start between couples in their twenties. I agree that early twenties is usually too young, but mid to late twenties can work depending on individual levels of maturity. People mature at different ages, so individual maturity is probably more of a factor than chronological age. That is past a certain point. An eighteen year old, no matter how mature, simply doesn't have enough life experience to get hitched.

[Touche]

This is a great thread, Touche! Good idea!!!

 

I'll let you know how your assessment turns out on this end.

 

Thanks so much, Donna!

 

Oh come now. Yours was easy. I'm confident when I say that yours is good for the long haul.

 

I bet I can guess!!!

 

I've agreed with ALL of your assessments thus far.

 

Don't hold out on me! Tell me. Or are you implying that SP means yours? Grrrr....no fighting ladies.

 

 

The one thing I wasn't sure about is the age issue. To the best of my knowledge there are many successful marriages that start between couples in their twenties. I agree that early twenties is usually too young, but mid to late twenties can work depending on individual levels of maturity. People mature at different ages, so individual maturity is probably more of a factor than chronological age. That is past a certain point. An eighteen year old, no matter how mature, simply doesn't have enough life experience to get hitched.

 

Sure there are lots of successful marriages between people married in their 20's but think about it. They were from a different generation. No offense to THIS generation of 20 somethings but I don't think they're as mature...different time.

 

I agree though about people maturing at different ages, etc. That's why this is exercise is but one that involves an educated guess. I don't know the individuals and their maturity levels. So I can only go on generalities to a degree and on what I know from life experience and just general knowledge of what works and what doesn't and what conditions point towards success and what conditions don't.

 

This isn't exactly an exact science by any means.

 

As I said...anyone can beat the odds. And I'm not saying people shouldn't try to beat those odds. Just be aware.

 

Don't be blind.

 

Have a wonderful weekend Donna! Be good...well not too good. Watch out for the 20 something girls who will be watching you!

 

Bean, sorry. I'm getting to you.

[Trialbyfire]

I'd say your relationship is viable for a few reasons. 1) You're so enthusiastic about him and based on what you've written elsewhere you're rarely this into a guy. Since traditionally you've been the relationship ender, you being all in is essential. Once you invest, you invest fully. 2) He's obviously into you and seems like a sweet guy who doesn't suffer from your ex's selfishness. He apparently has that rare combination of confidence/strength and kindness/warmth. 3) You both want this to work so much. 4) You're both independent people who have their sh!5t together, which means there's a lot of mutual respect.

Thanks for your assessment Shadow. He really is an awesome man which is why I would be crazy not to go all in, regardless of time clocked, especially since I'm nuts about him too.

 

By the same token, the relationships with viable or non-viable stamps, whether solely focused on the positive or negative, can still help other people, in that there can be similarities in relationships and that if a relationship is solely positive or solely negative, they are viable or non-viable.

What the? Can you re-phrase that, TBF? I read it 3 times and still have NO idea what you just said!

Hahaha...I know, kinda' circular!

 

If someone solely focuses on the positives in their relationship, they're going to put A LOT of good energy into the relationship. If someone solely focuses on the negatives in their relationship, they're going to self-prophesize the cessation of the relationship.

 

If a third party observer is reading about what's stated and their relationship is equivalent to either the solely positive or solely negative relationships, and can relate, their relationships can be viable or non-viable in the same way.

 

Have fun donna!

[Touche]

Sure, sounds fun.

 

I'm 25 and he's 31. Neither of us have been married. He has one long-term previous live-in relationship (my only previous long-term relationship was in high school so I don't count it really). He has had a few other long-terms. We met in January 2008 and have lived together since April 2008. No kids. We have a dog together. He has a good full-time career. I work part-time and will graduate university in a couple months. We are very compatible. We have no concerns (I originally came to LS based on questions about a friendship, not relationship). We speak frequently about children and marriage but don't plan on it until at least a year or two from now. Neither of us are religious and in Quebec, marriage is not very popular anymore so although we are interested in marriage, it is not a priority at this time (this is a cultural thing). His parents are long divorced (20 years ago) but I get along with both of them. My parents have been married 30 years. He expects me to stay home with the children and if I choose, work part-time. I would prefer that as well.

 

This sounds VIABLE at first glance but before I give my final world let me ask a couple of questions:

 

Why didn't you have any relationships since high school. Were you dating? Give me a little more info on that?

[Isolde]

Do you really think not having a lot of relationship experience is a red flag? I don't think that's fair. A lot of people just don't find quality people for relationships very easily.

[ate_the_paint]

Possibly the best thread ever posted on LS! As I read through the OPs answers to people's queries I can't help but agree!

 

Okay, so last year my ex-fiance and I broke off because she was cheating on me and left me for the other guy.

 

The woman I've been dating for the past little bit broke up with her bf because he kept putting her down and wouldn't take her out and she was just getting sick of it.

 

We both know why we broke up with our ex's, although she talks about hers more (but she talks about all her exes, and guys she's dated, and the weather in Tahiti, etc...lol).

[Touche]

Do you really think not having a lot of relationship experience is a red flag? I don't think that's fair. A lot of people just don't find quality people for relationships very easily.

 

No, Isolde. It's not a red flag necessarily. It can be though. It depends on the individual situation. That's why I ask further questions for clarification.

 

If you're 30 years old for example, and you haven't even been in a relationship for a year, then yep. That's a red flag to me. It tells me that there's some issue there perhaps. Maybe you're TOO picky (there IS such a thing you know) or maybe you have other issues that will get in the way of EVER having a viable relationship with anyone.

 

So that's where the probing comes in you know. It's not across the board a deal-breaker as far as I'm concerned. It's an individual thing.

[jerbear]

Viability is determined by the stock indexes. Long term view should be good, short term view not.

 

So right now, who knows.

[Touche]

Possibly the best thread ever posted on LS! As I read through the OPs answers to people's queries I can't help but agree!

 

Wow, thanks! You guys are going to give me a big head.

 

Okay, so last year my ex-fiance and I broke off because she was cheating on me and left me for the other guy.

 

The woman I've been dating for the past little bit broke up with her bf because he kept putting her down and wouldn't take her out and she was just getting sick of it.

 

We both know why we broke up with our ex's, although she talks about hers more (but she talks about all her exes, and guys she's dated, and the weather in Tahiti, etc...lol).

 

Are you asking for an assessment?

 

Also, I have a request. If you want me to elaborate on a past post of yours in some way and your providing new info, can you please post your past post in the new one? I can't always remember the exact specifics of each situation here and it's too annoying (plus I'm lazy) to try to go back and find the past posts.

 

Thanks!

 

SP, is that you in that avatar? If so, you're gorgeous. It looks like you're not even wearing make-up. Wow.

[Isolde]

Are you asking for an assessment?

 

Also, I have a request. If you want me to elaborate on a past post of yours in some way and your providing new info, can you please post your past post in the new one? I can't always remember the exact specifics of each situation here and it's too annoying (plus I'm lazy) to try to go back and find the past posts.

 

Thanks!

 

SP, is that you in that avatar? If so, you're gorgeous. It looks like you're not even wearing make-up. Wow.

 

I think that is Joan Baez, a true beauty also in my opinion.

[shadowplay]

Are you asking for an assessment?

 

Also, I have a request. If you want me to elaborate on a past post of yours in some way and your providing new info, can you please post your past post in the new one? I can't always remember the exact specifics of each situation here and it's too annoying (plus I'm lazy) to try to go back and find the past posts.

 

Thanks!

 

SP, is that you in that avatar? If so, you're gorgeous. It looks like you're not even wearing make-up. Wow.

 

Lol, no. That's Joan Baez. I'll take the compliment anyway!

[ate_the_paint]

Haha, this is fun!

 

Okay, she's 29 and I'm 32. No kids. She's been in a 3 year live-in relationship, and I've been in a 6 year live-in relationship. We're both educated and working.

 

Met a month-and-a-half ago and hit it off. Both conversationalists. We've recently 'been intimate'.

 

We both say we want to remain single to reach personal goals, but when together we both say "It's so damn hard to stay single!"

 

Anything else? lol

 

Okay, how's that?

[Touche]

I think that is Joan Baez, a true beauty also in my opinion.

 

Lol, no. That's Joan Baez. I'll take the compliment anyway!

 

OMG, I feel so stupid now you guys!

 

Okay, how's that?

 

Ok, ate the paint, I have to be honest in the interest of full disclosure and admit that I read one of your posts. It was actually a thread you started. You're not showing us a true picture here. As far as I'm concerned what you have doesn't even fit the criteria. It's not a relationship. You're not exclusive. Why not post that post here? And let others weigh in.

 

I'm sorry but right now, based on the info I have, yours is absolutely NOT VIABLE.

[chrissylee]

Ok here goes.

 

I am 28 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together 7 years and this is my first serious boyfriend. He has had two relationships before me. One lasted on and off for about 2 years and one was about 3 years.

 

We both agree that marriage is not really important as we feel it wouldn't change anything. We already have been living together for about 6 years.

We both agree that we do not want children.

 

Anything else you need to know just ask.

[ate_the_paint]

Okay, how's that?

 

Sorry touche, I was just having fun with this thread because it was interesting. Didn't realize it was for long-term relationships only.

 

Anyways, keep up the good work!

[Touche]

Ok here goes.

 

I am 28 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together 7 years and this is my first serious boyfriend. He has had two relationships before me. One lasted on and off for about 2 years and one was about 3 years.

 

We both agree that marriage is not really important as we feel it wouldn't change anything. We already have been living together for about 6 years.

We both agree that we do not want children.

 

Anything else you need to know just ask.

 

I have one concern with you. The fact that he's your first and only serious b/f does worry me. You're 28. I think by the time you reach your mid 30's this can come back to bite you.

 

Ok, as for questions before I weigh in.

 

What's the best part of your relationship?

 

What would you change?

 

Are you on the same page with money and sex?

 

Oh and..welcome to LS!

[Touche]

Sorry touche, I was just having fun with this thread because it was interesting. Didn't realize it was for long-term relationships only.

 

Anyways, keep up the good work!

 

Yes, I clarified that early on. Hey, I'm not THAT good that I can predict after a couple of dates!:laugh: What do I look like, God?

 

Thanks though! Good luck with your gal.

[chrissylee]

I have one concern with you. The fact that he's your first and only serious b/f does worry me. You're 28. I think by the time you reach your mid 30's this can come back to bite you.

 

Ok, as for questions before I weigh in.

 

What's the best part of your relationship?

 

What would you change?

 

Are you on the same page with money and sex?

 

 

The best part of our relationship I would say is that I can depend on him to be there for me for anything and I am there for him.

 

I would change the fact that he seems to think that pushing the trash down is the same as taking it out.

I would also change the fact that we never really seem to go out to do anything anymore. We mostly hang out together at home. Which is fine most of the time, but I would like to still go somewhere together once a month or so.

 

 

 

The whole time we have been together we have never had one fight about money. We share the bills, food, and living expenses. Whatever we have left over we spend on whatever we like.

 

We both seem to be on the same page with sex for the most part as well.

He does seem to be in the mood a little more then I am sometimes. It is mostly when I am having cramps or sleeping though when this happens.

[Touche]

Thanks for your assessment Shadow. He really is an awesome man which is why I would be crazy not to go all in, regardless of time clocked, especially since I'm nuts about him too.

 

 

Hahaha...I know, kinda' circular!

 

If someone solely focuses on the positives in their relationship, they're going to put A LOT of good energy into the relationship. If someone solely focuses on the negatives in their relationship, they're going to self-prophesize the cessation of the relationship.

 

If a third party observer is reading about what's stated and their relationship is equivalent to either the solely positive or solely negative relationships, and can relate, their relationships can be viable or non-viable in the same way.

 

Have fun donna!

 

Sorry I missed this before.

 

I'm still not exactly sure I'm following you, TBF.

 

I guess you're saying that the attitude of each person determines viability?

 

If that's what you're saying I guess that's so. I'm confused though...not sure where you were going with that exactly.

 

ChrissyLee I'm going to have to give this one a VIABLE. You, like Allina, previously are probably going to beat the odds. And I'm going against my usual theory about people who are together starting in their 20's.

 

Do watch out for sexual frequency...don't turn him down too many times. And do make it a point to let him know you'd like to go out now and them...at least monthly.

 

I think you two will make it though.

 

But again, I DO worry about you and whether you'll feel like you need to have experiences with other men. I worry that you'll come to see your b/f as a little boring and not exciting.

 

So just pay heed. And trust me, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. If you have a good guy, don't throw him away. Work through your own issues when you get older, if you even have any.

 

None of this may make sense to you now but it may later on.

 

So again, with a few little words of caution, I say VIABLE!