I am married, a friend trying to get close

[taylor]

Basically you are just lying to yourself if you really want to believe this guy is a friend. He already asked you on a date and tried to hook up with. Do not let being lonely cloud your judgment. Also, you need to tell your H what happen and let him have a say in it.

 

I doubt the OP will tell her husband anything.

 

She feels she has the situation under control AND she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong because she is not acting on her attraction at this point in time.

 

She is trying to convince herself that she is "just friends" with this man and that she can ignore the emotional and physical "pull" she has toward him.

 

She thinks she is "safe' as long as this guy doesn't touch her or try to hook up with her again. But her heart may be crossing lines that her body isn't. No one knows but her.

[RinClavin]

I just wanted to make a comment regarding your statement above.

 

If all married people, including myself, listened to these words of wisdom, most affairs would never happen. This is how they start.

 

I was JUST friends with my OM. Then he made a pass, and then another, and then another.

 

If this had been a person I had ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUAL ATTRACTION to at all, the passes would have bounced off of me as if I were wearing a protective force field.

 

Instead, I enjoyed the flirtation and reciprocated so as to ensure that it would continue.

 

And because there was NO TOUCHING involved, we continued to flirt in the name of "friendship."

 

It didn't take long before I found myself in a full-blown emotional affair.

 

I crossed boundaries that I shouldn't have.

 

It took me a long time to look back on the affair and figure out exactly where it was that I crossed over.

 

I figured out it was exactly at the point you describe...the friendship crossed the minute he made a pass at me...and that's when the friendship was no longer a friendship and it should have ceased, given the fact that I did have a sexual attraction to this man.

 

I think this OP is very vulnerable (as was I) and will continue to fight the attraction she feels toward this man as long as they are "friends." I hope she realizes a woman can get deeply involved with a man emotionally without ever touching him.

 

Vulnerability + Sexual Attraction + Friendship = Precursor to an Affair

 

That is a very good formula. I usually don't like sweeping generalizations about emotions but in this case I think you hit the nail right on the head. I read a lot about Emotional Affairs when I first began suspecting that I was in one. I was often dissatisfied with the varying definitions. Sometimes they made it sound like any friendship between a man and woman was crossing the line.

 

In my case the "vulnerability" was the catalyst. Because I had maintained a perfectly platonic friendship with this man for 2 years. Never contemplated being with him... never did things outside of work... never talked on the phone. The friendship was there, and he's always been his gorgeous self, but when I became vulnerable in my own marriage that's when the line was crossed.

 

Anyway... thanks for putting it down so clearly!

[taylor]

Thanks Rin Clavin.

 

I spent many agonizing hours, days, months trying to figure out how on earth I put myself into an "affair." Like many WS, I wondered how I...of all people...could do that.

 

And that's what I came up with..vulnerability, sexual attraction, and friendship (connection)...is what put the affair in motion. If any one of those components had not existed, the affair would not have happened.

 

I called it "the perfect storm."

 

Right now I am dealing with alot of anger...at myself...for letting myself become so weak and vulnerable that I gave in to the attention of another man. I am actually embarrassed by how weak I became.

 

This is coming from a person who has always prided herself in her strength...someone who others often turned to for strength...someone who doesn't bend easily under pressure or opposition or difficult stressful times. But I did. I let this man bring me to my knees and it makes me angry at myself for losing that much control.

 

My MC says I need to forgive myself for being weak. But I haven't been able to do it yet. Still kicking myself in the butt.

 

I just hope the OP isn't creating a perfect storm for herself. The aftermath is brutal.

[missdreamy]

Dear Miss Taylor,

 

Thank you so much for your last two posts.. I liked the way you put it.. especially the last post, that was so sensitive and personal, it brought home to me what I was just feeling. you are exactly right. i was also feeling this way, and that might just have been the reason i turned to this ite for help. if i would not be feeling vulnerable and weak, then i should not have thought so much about it. actually, i know what happened to me. i am supposed to be very strong and everyone in my family, including my husband look upon me for their mental strength. any problem with anyone, and here i am always there. so with friends. it happened that i have no one to depend on in times of distress. this made me vulnerable. added to that a sexual touch was enough to kindle in me a weakness and desire. yes, i understand, and i would be truthful to myself. my being depended upon by all makes it ever the more diffisult for me to tell these things to anybody. but i know you people are there.

 

yes, i would have to be the strong woman, whom i know. thanks for your support and understanding. i would have to take care to see that i give enough time and space to myself, so that i will never again be weak. not only for this man, but any body else in this life. please help me if you can tell me what to do when i am in need of support, a strong shoulder to lean on? how can i help myself if there is non like that around?

 

regards,

 

dreamy

[RinClavin]

Hi MissDreamy,

Your last post was specifically to Taylor, but if I may I thought I would share my thoughts. I spent most of my life being strong. I prided myself on being a good friend, on "being there" emotionally for people that needed it. I dealt with my own difficulties in silence... told myself it was because I didn't want to burden people. But what I didn't understand about myself was that, in a way, I was keeping my own vulnerability at arms length.

 

By making my life about other people, I was able to shift my focus away from my own problems. A good friendship is never one sided. Of course, there are times when your friends needs will be greater than your own...but it goes both ways.

 

You are entitled to weakness... you are. And those that truly love you (your husband, your family, and your true friends) will not lose respect for you when you need their support. Emotional intimacy requires that both parties give of themselves. That means that it won't work unless both parties are supporting and being supported emotionally.

 

I would suggest that you examine your relationship with your husband (both as it currently is with the physical distance and as it has been in the past when you were together) and see if there is a breakdown in your emotional intimacy. That could be the key to why this relationship with your neighbor seemed so satisfying. I know it was in my case.

[missdreamy]

Ms. RinClavin,

 

Thank you so much for your post. I am sorry that my last post seemed to be personally for someone. I thank all of you who have been so good as to help me out of this.

 

Yes, you are right. i need to think it out. but it happens that everyone takes me for granted. if i get too pressurized by something, say a problem of my parents, and they just try to share it with me. The first mistake i make is that i take everything to heart, and try to relieve them of the pain, by shifting the responsibility onto my own shoulders. But then, it is difficult at times, with my own problems, professional and personal. i tried talking it out with my husband. he just gets furious with the other people, but that doesn't help much to support me. it becomes even more difficult, and i have to tell him to keep calm.

 

the day all this began, i was in this kind of a situation. and yes, it was an emotional starvation, a need for a shoulder to cry on. someone to listen to my worries and caress me as if i were a child. my relationship with most people, elder or younger to me, is as if they are my children. i end up loving them in that manner. i had good sexual relation with my husband, but its gone down much with time, especially after getting married. yes, when we were together, it mostly happened that we were a bit immatured with respect to balancing our life properly. and at the end of the day we were both too tired, and were never both aroused at the same time. well, i tried to put it off at times, yielded most of the times. but the greatest problem with me is that i do not have the habit of asking anything of anybody. actually i try to begin doing it. but if it fails twice or thrice, i stop it altogether. as far as sex went, i could satisfy myself, when i needed. but emotionally? i cant be my own support at all times.

 

perhaps i have to change myself, and that i can try. but i cant change the rest of mankind. so, here i am, sooo lonely at times. i like to love all men, and hate to think bad about anyone. but, yes, i have been hurt more than once, because of this. i do not want this stupid EM relation, but i want a confidante, a support, a mentor.

[Dexter Morgan]

i like to love all men

 

And there is your problem, or more to the point, your husband's problem.

[missdreamy]

I am sorry if I sound rude. But i do not want you to add to my problems. If you can't give good advice or inspire anyone, please do not discourage them. As far as your reading into my lines, "I love all men" doesn't mean all human beings of the MALE SEX it just means all HUMAN BEINGS, all HOMOSAPIENS, and even more, all BEINGS in this world.. include cats and dogs and plants and all other creatures that come to your mind, for that matter....

 

and i wonder, what you are yourself? I mean a "puritan" of some sort, coming here to bully others, who are in a problem and trying to get out of it?? I think the world is a lot harder for them with people like you around. in the post which was "Last edited by Dexter Morgan; 9th March 2009 at 4:59 PM.. " you did a great job bullying Ms Karen100 around. And I am really sorry that it was she who pulled out of this thread, and not you. If this would not be my thread, i would perhaps have more words for you, but i would better reserve them for future, when i would surely come back to this community to see that people in trouble are being helped out of their situation by matured poeple; by people who have been through these, and can be of help to the neebies... and to take care to see that negative people like you do not do their part to bog them down more than they already are..... believe me, it doesn't help. try to be more helpful and supportive, and you can make a lot of difference... and the world would surely be a better place.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Again.. your tapdancing around the situation at hand. Your friendship with this man is blinding you and yet you refuse to see what it is, your naive, and gullible and that weakness will be your downfall.

 

Like I asked earlier are you cool if your husband had a similar friendship ms dreamy? or are you afraid to answer my question?

[2sunny]

i missed the middle section - did she have an explanation why the OM was in her apartment? and what happened while they were there?

 

if he was in her apt, i guess it's safe to presume that more than a kiss is what happened. did she own up to that?

[Dexter Morgan]

I am sorry if I sound rude. But i do not want you to add to my problems. If you can't give good advice or inspire anyone, please do not discourage them.

 

I have given good advice, you just don't want to hear it.

 

I have told you that being "friends" with a man that wants you sexually and made a pass at you is an inappropriate relationship for you to have as a married woman. I know you don't want to hear that and want to be around this man no matter what, but think about your husband for a change. I don't think you'd want your husband having a female friend that tried to get in his pants.

 

 

 

and i wonder, what you are yourself? I mean a "puritan" of some sort

 

Not at all. Nobody is perfect. But one thing I will never do is cheat, be a party to someone cheating, or befriend a woman that wants to bone me when I have a committed partner. If I were to have some sort of relationship with a woman that made a pass at me, it would be highly disrespectful to my significant other.

 

As I've said, "friends" don't make passes at other friends. Because one "friend" wants to be MORE than "friends".

 

Bottom line, its unacceptable for her to be "friends" with THIS particular guy.

 

I'm sorry you don't like that in your insistence to be "friends" with a man that tried to hit it with you.

 

If you think it is perfectly ok and acceptable, then you should have no problem telling your husband, "a male friend made a pass at me, but I still want to be good friends with him"

 

 

coming here to bully others, who are in a problem and trying to get out of it??

 

The only "problem" is that you want to be "friends" with a man that wants more than that.

 

 

in the post which was "Last edited by Dexter Morgan; 9th March 2009 at 4:59 PM.. " you did a great job bullying Ms Karen100 around. And I am really sorry that it was she who pulled out of this thread, and not you.

 

Thats because you don't want to hear the truth. Again you have this insistence to be "friends" with a man that wants to have sex with you while you are married.

 

That is my advice that its inappropriate to be friends with this guy. Sorry you don't like that.

 

 

If this would not be my thread, i would perhaps have more words for you, but i would better reserve them for future, when i would surely come back to this community to see that people in trouble are being helped out of their situation by matured poeple

 

And just what "trouble" are you looking to be helped out with? Seems to me you just want someone to tell you its ok to canoodle with this guy that made a pass at you.

 

 

by people who have been through these, and can be of help to the neebies... and to take care to see that negative people like you do not do their part to bog them down more than they already are

 

Here is the thing. I represent your husband. I have been through situations like this with women like you. Apparantly, even though you are keeping your husband in the dark, you wouldn't want to see what it would be like on his side if he knew what was really going on.

 

 

 

..... believe me, it doesn't help.

 

Ya, I should know that. I should know that you don't want to see what it would be like in your husband's shoes and that you want to be told that its ok to do what YOU want.

[Dexter Morgan]

Again.. your tapdancing around the situation at hand. Your friendship with this man is blinding you and yet you refuse to see what it is, your naive, and gullible and that weakness will be your downfall.

 

Like I asked earlier are you cool if your husband had a similar friendship ms dreamy? or are you afraid to answer my question?

 

CB, she doesn't get it...either that or she doesn't care and thinks its ok to have a male friend that wants to have sex with her.

[Dexter Morgan]

i missed the middle section - did she have an explanation why the OM was in her apartment? and what happened while they were there?

 

if he was in her apt, i guess it's safe to presume that more than a kiss is what happened. did she own up to that?

 

No, she said that he made a pass at her, but she, once it started, shut it down.

 

But she thinks its ok to be friends with him after that happened.

[taylor]

Missdreamy, take comfort in knowing that there are other women and men who are and who have been in exactly the same situation you are in now.

 

 

You say you are weak and vulnerable. Focus on this, missdreamy. Focus on what is happening (or not happening) in your life that is making you vulnerable and weak. This is an important "component" of an affair. If you want to "affair-proof" your marriage, you need to address this.

 

What is making you feel vulnerable and weak? Is it loneliness??? Loneliness is an awful feeling. I know I felt very lonely just prior to my emotional affair. It's kind of funny that married people can feel lonely...BUT THEY DO! If they don't feel emotionally connected to their spouse, it can be a lonely world.

 

My therapist told me a husband (or wife) can't be EVERYTHING to their spouse. Yes, it would be GREAT if your spouse could provide all the emotional support and intimacy you need. But often, this just isn't realistic. So you need to find SAFE ways to get your emotional needs met.

 

A "friendship" with a neighbor man you are sexually attracted to is NOT a safe way to get your emotional needs met. This is what I did. Wrong move. Wrong, wrong move.

 

Like RinClavin suggested, I would first discuss this with your husband. He needs to know how lonely and empty you feel. He needs to know why you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to hear you once in a while.

 

Sometimes people think strong people are invincible...they can handle anything. They need to know this isn't true. We all have our moments where we need someone to be there for us, too. We need the roles reversed sometimes.

 

And it is OK to reach out to others for emotional support and intimacy as long as they are SAFE. Let a trusted friend or relative know YOU NEED THEM for a change. Tell them you are weak, lonely, upset, unhappy, confused, etc. and you need them to be there for you. They can't reach out to you unless and until you can extend a hand to them.

 

My husband is not a touchy feely kind of guy. I, on the other hand, bond quickly with people who are. I need to be careful WHO I bond with, though. So do you.

 

I am working on restoring and developing emotional intimacy with my husband because he knows this is an important need I have. But I have also turned to two good girlfriends of mine, letting them know my vulnerability. We are more bonded now than ever before.

 

I also have one male friend who helped me immensely to recover from the death of my father and the end of my affair (which occurred simultaneously). But I have NO sexual attraction to this man, he is older and he and my husband have met several times. All of our phone conversations are done in the presence of my husband.

 

So, missdreamy, I guess what I am saying is don't be afraid to be weak, don't hesitate to admit your vulnerability, and reach out to others who can take some of that loneliness from you and provide emotional support. Just make sure the connections you make are SAFE.

 

You may also want to join some organizations or clubs that are involved in activities that you have an interest or passion for. This has also helped me immensely to regain strength and cope with feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

 

I will guarantee you that if you choose to participate in an affair with this neighbor man you will feel more lonely and more empty than you do now, in the end.

[Dexter Morgan]

Taylor, so the question is, do you think its appropriate for her, as a married woman, to have a male friend that wants to be more than a friend? to have a male friend that made a pass at her?

[taylor]

I have given good advice.

 

I have told you that being "friends" with a man that wants you sexually and made a pass at you is an inappropriate relationship for you to have as a married woman.

 

As I've said, "friends" don't make passes at other friends. Because one "friend" wants to be MORE than "friends".

 

Bottom line, its unacceptable for her to be "friends" with THIS particular guy.

 

The only "problem" is that you want to be "friends" with a man that wants more than that.

 

 

Again you have this insistence to be "friends" with a man that wants to have sex with you while you are married.

 

That is my advice that its inappropriate to be friends with this guy.

 

Honestly, Dexter, I truly wish I had come on LS in September 2007 when my OM made his first pass at me. May have saved me A TON of heartache. Oh, the regrets.

 

Excellent advice. Direct and well said.

 

 

 

And just what "trouble" are you looking to be helped out with? Seems to me you just want someone to tell you its ok to canoodle with this guy that made a pass at you.

 

She's looking for a way to get her emotional needs met and at the moment this OM is the most "tempting" alternative to a distant husband. She is too confused and too weak to figure the answers out for herself so she is coming here for advice and guidance.

 

She not only needs to know her "temptation" is the WRONG ANSWER; she also needs to have some alternatives laid out before her to help her solve her problems.

[taylor]

Taylor, so the question is, do you think its appropriate for her, as a married woman, to have a male friend that wants to be more than a friend? to have a male friend that made a pass at her?

 

It's more than inappropriate. It's dangerous, not only to her marriage but to her own personal well being.

 

MissDreamy, something for you to consider. You met this man and it did not take long for him to make a pass at you...a few months perhaps? And he knows you are married...your aren't available for a long term relationship, right?

 

What do you think this OM is after? Do you think HE has emotional needs he wants met, like you do? Do you think he wants to feel emotionally connected...have a loving relationship with you...perhaps fall in love?

 

NO.

 

This man is attracted to you and mainly interested in having sex with you. If you give in, it may very well be the first and last time you see him. The "friendship" may end as soon as he gets what he wants. And if he isn't completely satisfied, he may come back for more.

 

But meet your emotional needs? HE is not interested in that.

 

That is why even if you give in to sex, you will still find yourself lonely and empty inside because he is not interested in an emotional connection with you..only a sexual one.

 

Think about this for awhile.

 

I had to learn this lesson a very, very hard way.

 

I didn't have sex with my OM (thank God) but I came close. I wanted to very badly because I was emotionally involved with him. BUT he was not emotionally involved with me..not like I thought he was. His primary motivation was sex.

 

It crushed me to know he was not emotionally involved with me like I was with him. It hurt like hell. I THOUGHT I knew him. I didn't.

 

And you don't KNOW this man. If you give in to sex in an effort to find emotional intimacy, you are setting yourself up for tremendous heartache.

[missdreamy]

@ Dexter

 

I understand what you mean, and that you mean well. But if you accuse, it will not help an already confused and sad person. This is what i wanted you to see. You should not only see that my husband will be cheated, and he will feel terrible if he knows about this. but you should also take care to see that the person you are helping out learns a lesson from this experience and this helps him/her to never commit the same mistake again.

But what is 'this thing' you are talking about? i can rest assure you that my husband will not be angry if he knows what this man has done, for he did not force me into something. i guess i was overestimating the situation, because i fetl myself vulnerable, and i did not want anything further to happen. nor would he mind that i still want to be freinds with this man, ofcourse only if i feel safe and confident. thats what he actually said. i too care for my husband more than i express it here, and i would not dream to hurt him, else i would not have thought about this so much.

trying to help a marriage or a relationship means helping to make it stable. that is by saying things directly, but not accusingly... thanks for your concern anyways...

 

@ Taylor

 

Thank you for all your words of concern. This is exactly the conclusion i came to after the last discussions, and your previous posts. I understand what you mean, and surely believe in the fact that if i am not emotionally supported, nothing else will satisfy me. it will rather leave me feeling bitter, lonely and perhaps cheated by my own self!! yes, this is the primary thing. i should not cheat on myself, i should believe in myself and try to care for myself. I completely understand what you say, and i am in agreement with it. i have nothing more to do with this OM, other than he is just a neighbour. But i will not reach out to him for anything, either physical (which i would ofcourse not do), or emotional. If i do find somebody its ok, else i would have to teach myself to care for my own self. give myself more time, and try to take care that i do not get this vulnerable again. i am not worried about this affair any more, as i know what i want, and what i should do. i need to focus on the generality of my problem, and see to it, that this vulnerability condition is not again repeated. i don't want myself to be in a soup once again. it leads you to a lot of unnecessary emotional turmoil... and i need to stop all this. Thanks you once again. and i'll reach out to you people if i need more help in this. this open discussion makes me feel much stronger and wise.

[Dexter Morgan]

Honestly, Dexter, I truly wish I had come on LS in September 2007 when my OM made his first pass at me. May have saved me A TON of heartache. Oh, the regrets.

 

Excellent advice. Direct and well said.

 

Well tell that to MD. Apparantly it wasn't good advice since it doesn't fit in to her desire to still be associated with a man that wants to jump her bones.

 

 

She's looking for a way to get her emotional needs met and at the moment this OM is the most "tempting" alternative to a distant husband. She is too confused and too weak to figure the answers out for herself so she is coming here for advice and guidance.

 

If she were, she would have taken what I said and thought about it.

But she doesn't. Seems all she wants to hear is that its ok to be with Mr. Handsy.

 

 

She not only needs to know her "temptation" is the WRONG ANSWER; she also needs to have some alternatives laid out before her to help her solve her problems.

 

??? What alternative? Since she can't get an emotional need met with one man....perhaps with another?

 

She is married. She shouldn't be getting emotional "needs" met by anyone but her husband. And just why live in 2 different countries? Thats nuts to me.

 

Looks to me as if they shouldn't be married to each other.

[Dexter Morgan]

@ Dexter

 

I understand what you mean, and that you mean well. But if you accuse, it will not help an already confused and sad person. This is what i wanted you to see. You should not only see that my husband will be cheated, and he will feel terrible if he knows about this. but you should also take care to see that the person you are helping out learns a lesson from this experience and this helps him/her to never commit the same mistake again.

 

Thats all fine and dandy, but seems that you think its ok to keep this man as a friend.....sorry...its not.

 

 

But what is 'this thing' you are talking about? i can rest assure you that my husband will not be angry if he knows what this man has done, for he did not force me into something.

 

doesn't have anything to do with whether he forced you or not. He knew you were married and tried anyway. How do you know he won't be angry?

 

And if I were your husband, I wouldn't be angry at YOU just because some jackoff tried to bone a married woman, but I would be angry at him. And I'd be thrilled with the fact that you stopped his advance.

 

but if I knew you wanted to be friends with that very same man, the one that tried to jump a married woman, THEN i'd be angry with you.

 

The moment he tried to get on you was the moment the "friendship" should have ended.

 

 

i guess i was overestimating the situation, because i fetl myself vulnerable, and i did not want anything further to happen. nor would he mind that i still want to be freinds with this man

 

How do you know? You haven't told him. And according to you, you aren't going to tell him. So if what you say is true then tell your husband, "a neighbor made a pass at me....I stopped his advance, but I still want to hang out with him". If your husband wouldn't get angry, then why be anything less than honest?

 

 

thats what he actually said.

 

Thats what the "friend" said, or thats what your husband said? Because I am not under the impression that you told your husband.

 

And if you did tell your husband and he doesn't care that you are still friends with him, then sorry to say....he is a fool.

 

I don't care if my girlfriend has male friends....not the kind of friend that goes out on dates...or in your case, bumped and grinded him on the dancefloor, but just friends in general.

 

But the moment one of them tries to cross that line, then she is disrespecting me by keeping said male as a "friend". Friends don't try to hump other friends.

 

 

i too care for my husband more than i express it here, and i would not dream to hurt him, else i would not have thought about this so much.

trying to help a marriage or a relationship means helping to make it stable.

 

exactly...and there is nothing stable about you having a male friend that tried to get all over you.

 

 

i have nothing more to do with this OM, other than he is just a neighbour. But i will not reach out to him for anything, either physical (which i would ofcourse not do), or emotional.

 

Good. Because being the kind of "friends" that hang out with each other with this particular guy is inappropriate, no matter of the claim of whether your H would mind or not.

 

 

If i do find somebody its ok

 

As in a man? Why do you have to have a man as a "friend". Anything wrong with striking up female friendships?

 

 

i am not worried about this affair any more

 

affair??

[lkjh]

Missdreamy you are not a five year old girl. When people tell you that you need to tell your H and that this man is not a friend you can not play the sad and confused card. Just because you are sad does not mean people can't be straight with you. Its plain and simple.............the guy wants to have s** with you and you are keeping him around because you are lonely. You are trying to believe that this is ok and its not. You say your H will not be mad but yet you will not tell him what happened. You want to water down because you are lonely. yes being sad and lonely sucks but it does not mean a person can not see reason.

[mental_traveller]

Your question should be "how do I avoid divorce if and when my husband finds out I went to a nightclub and danced with a single guy, then invited him into my apartment on another occasion".

 

IMO your behaviour is way out of line for a married person.

[missdreamy]

Hi all,

 

I am back here with a wound that would never heal. As I have hurt someone yesterday. I made mistakes after mistakes, wanting to build a friendship out of something which had already gone out of hand. I was already in love when I stopped writing in this forum. I could sacrifice anything to make my friend happy. That made me do things that I perhaps shouldnt have done. I messed up both our lives to some good extent. I became a bad distraction for him, and he tried to tell me and convince me umpteen times that he had not or would not have any emotional relation with me, however, his friendshiip, support and care made me believe otherwise, and I had already been bound by my emotions. It was wrong of me to keep trying, for it distrurbed his mental peace. I thought I could be helpful in his bad times. I tried to make him feel wanted and cared for. I was ready to be anything from a mother, a sister to a friend. But I should not have been present where I was not wanted.

 

I made him read this forum yesterday, and now he hates me. That hurts I know. But I wanted him to be out of my distractions. If he hates me, I no longer distract him. Though it hurts a lot, it will hurt a lot. He felt bad. He thinks I was hurt because of his physical advances. But I was hurt because of his words.. all the time. he felt i was disturbing him. i needed to be less intrusive into his life. but whenever he called me i became powerless.. i wanted him to smile. i wanted him to be happy. i thought we could have a real selfless friendship,and i could be happy to see him happy and successful. someday he seemed rightly to say that i mess up lives of all those whom i am close to. it feels as if he was right. it might be true. he now hates me. he said he never expected this of me. it will be difficult only for a little time for him, i know. then he will be happy again, when i am no longer in his life.

 

i am sorry to all of you and to this dear person, whom i respect and love and i know he would be a great friend and partner for whomever he chooses as his life-mate. i just wish these would not have happened, and we would be able to part with smiles, when each of us went the our own way.

 

this will teach me to keep my emotions away from my decisions. logic and only logic should come ahead. i just hope that he is once again that happy self, successful in all he does. May God bless him.

 

I know all of you will critisize me and blame me. I am to be blamed. But believe me, I did not think selfishly even once. i never wanted anything for myself. i wanted to give. but maybe, the way i thought was not right. i hurt myself numerous times in the process. I once thought he loved me, or had soft feelings for me, and I wanted to help. I was in a deep emotional relation. I allwoed "my heart to cross the boundaries" after all. I was vulnerable to a lot of pain and words tore apart my heart. And none but i am to be blamed for this. And now, I hurt someone, for whom i would rather sacrifice all my happiness. i would remember him with prayers and love all my life. thats the only good thing i take from here. Just wish he would know and understand. i would not ask for anything more in this world. i am ready to face all rebuke and scorn for all i did.

 

I write here, not to share. But to warn others not to act like i did.

 

Good bye. And good luck.

 

Yours unfortunately,

 

Miss Dreamy.

[Dexter Morgan]

and after all that, and the bunk about not acting selfishly once.....not one mention of the person you should truly be sorry for hurting...and no, I'm not talking about the other man either.

 

and although you think you have some newfound knowledge of how you will protect YOUR emotions, rather than doing right by the person who dedicated his life to you.....you still don't get it.

Edited January 4, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

[bestplayer]

and after all that, and the bunk about not acting selfishly once.....not one mention of the person you should truly be sorry for hurting...and no, I'm not talking about the other man either.

 

and although you think you have some newfound knowledge of how you will protect YOUR emotions, rather than doing right by the person who dedicated his life to you.....you still don't get it.

 

can't believe this , isn't it the outcome most of posters were warning u about , but that seemed to be rude & righteous by some posters including u

 

But I hope u will be able work out ur issues & learn from it .

 

Best of luck