Valentine's Day Didn't Just Bring a Bracelet

[Trialbyfire]

I could sell them to Dumbledore, then Id make use of the money and hed find some use for the figurines

Ha...I'm sure he would, although my great-aunt would have a stroke!

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, and silver picture frames with fake bride and groom photo inside.

 

That's crazy. You've got stuff coming out of your stuff.

 

A friend of mine had people make donations to her favourite charity when she was married. She had one of those huge Greek weddings and the thought of telling people to come empty handed horrified her mother.

Hey, that's a great idea!!! The Food Bank!!!

 

Two words.. Garage Sale!!

I really should do that but they're gifts, where people spent time to pick things out. I'm silly that way.

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, just thought of something really meaningful! Donations should be made to the Lung Association!

 

Thanks for the perfect idea C_E!

[Citizen Erased]

Wow, just thought of something really meaningful! Donations should be made to the Lung Association!

 

Thanks for the perfect idea C_E!

 

That sounds lovely, glad I could help!

[Alpha Female]

Your marrying a guy you've been dating for a month and a half?

 

Do you have much dating experience? Because it sounds like you don't. What you are experiencing is the honeymoon phase. This is when infatution clouds reality. You may think you know someone after a month, but you don't. You know what they have chosen to show you, and in a month, you haven't spent enough time to even begin to have a clue about someone's true character. You are just in the early hormonal attraction phase, which has absolutely nothing to do with real love and long-term compatibility. If you really felt like he was "the one", then you wouldn't have been stressing over it for 5 days.

 

Certainly people get married for a lot of reasons. Financial security, boredom, fear of being alone, green cards, et al. I think the fact that you never said you loved this guy shows that you must have your own agenda and that love doesn't factor into this "arrangement".

 

Personally, I don't see how anyone can consider marrying someone they have only spent one menstrual cycle with. I know my friends and family truly love me and are very honest, and would not be supportive of such a sham, but good luck nonetheless! I do suggest you do some research or investigate how healthy people date, court, and work towards marriage. Because this sure ain't it.

[Trialbyfire]

Gotta' love multiple screen names...

 

Anyways, I'll take your advice under advisement. Most definitely, I'll be continuing with this financial arrangement, as it's lucrative to both of us in emotional ways.

[sunshinegirl]

Haha...ssg! The album's now public!

 

Is that a pic of you? You're adorable!

 

I like bling, but I was hoping to see a pic of you with the snowman...!

 

Et oui, c'est moi. I also put up a pic in my profile, temporarily.

 

You're getting fun(ny) commentary in this thread.

[Trialbyfire]

I like bling, but I was hoping to see a pic of you with the snowman...!

 

Et oui, c'est moi. I also put up a pic in my profile, temporarily.

 

You're getting fun(ny) commentary in this thread.

You got to see our hands in one place!

 

You're adorable. Such a cute smile with dimples!

[sb129]

SSG- you are cute!

[sunshinegirl]

You got to see our hands in one place!

 

You're adorable. Such a cute smile with dimples!

 

SSG- you are cute!

 

[blush] Aw, thanks.

 

Hopefully "cute" will eventually attract my own Snowman / Wonderboy / Shirt Guy.

 

Nice to hear all the happy stories.

[Trialbyfire]

[blush] Aw, thanks.

 

Hopefully "cute" will eventually attract my own Snowman / Wonderboy / Shirt Guy.

 

Nice to hear all the happy stories.

Guaranteed it will happen! It's only a matter of time. You're adorable, fit and intelligent. You've got it all going baby!

[JamesM]

Perhaps those that were "tearing each other's eye balls out" can see that something like this, what should be a very happy time for anyone, is worth getting over oneself and congratulating TBF as is the correct and adult thing to do.

 

 

Let's just sing Kum Ba Yah.

 

As for the future, it will be what is will be.

[lord alfred douglas]

Guaranteed it will happen! It's only a matter of time. You're adorable, fit and intelligent. You've got it all going baby!

stop stalking me

[Citizen Erased]

stop stalking me

 

:laugh:

[Ocean-Blue]

TBF! Talk about 180...

 

I couldn't resist adding that.

 

I've gotten a lot of slack (some of it totally warranted) for getting married this summer, considering how "interesting" my relationship has been. It's a bit of a bummer when people rain on your parade (at least, that's how I felt in my thread). I post a lot of personal stuff on here, without realizing how things can be interpreted, how things can come back and bite you in the a$$ when you're trying to share good news. I also use this place as a place to vomit all emotional my stuff sometimes...I keep forgetting that what I post is here and people can go back, read it and analyze my R to death and conclude that my fiance and I aren't compatible, etc.

 

Still...

 

At the end of the day, I'm sincerely overjoyed that I'm marrying the love of my life. He and I haven't reached the level of maturity and grace you and your fiance have...but I know in my heart that we will get there. It just gets trying when you are put on the spot sometimes to prove yourself and your R...and even the best of women sometimes take the bait.

 

I went home for a week recently and had a lovely time. It confirmed why I'm marrying him. It also told me that he and I are the real thing, mess and all.

 

I had no idea about Snowman, though. Your story is very romantic. He sounds like a very simple, classy guy. If you know, on a very visceral, fundamental level, that this is right, then it is. I'm actually quite happy that you're taking this mini leap of faith. He's obviously grown on you, in the short time you've known him. These things happen. Sometimes, it's hard to articulate that sense of surety...especially when it goes against everything that has come before. You have experience on your side. You are no dummy and I know you wouldn't make a rash decision out of sheer girly sentiment.

 

Many congrats to you, TBF.

[Trialbyfire]

TBF! Talk about 180...

 

I couldn't resist adding that.

Hmmm....I wonder why?

 

You might smile a bit more because when I first typed the comment, I accidentally typed 360, which in many ways, is more appropriate since it's where you started from!

 

I've gotten a lot of slack (some of it totally warranted) for getting married this summer, considering how "interesting" my relationship has been. It's a bit of a bummer when people rain on your parade (at least, that's how I felt in my thread). I post a lot of personal stuff on here, without realizing how things can be interpreted, how things can come back and bite you in the a$$ when you're trying to share good news. I also use this place as a place to vomit all emotional my stuff sometimes...I keep forgetting that what I post is here and people can go back, read it and analyze my R to death and conclude that my fiance and I aren't compatible, etc.

 

Still...

 

At the end of the day, I'm sincerely overjoyed that I'm marrying the love of my life. He and I haven't reached the level of maturity and grace you and your fiance have...but I know in my heart that we will get there. It just gets trying when you are put on the spot sometimes to prove yourself and your R...and even the best of women sometimes take the bait.

 

I went home for a week recently and had a lovely time. It confirmed why I'm marrying him. It also told me that he and I are the real thing, mess and all.

I'm happy for the two of you and also glad that you're certain, or as certain as anyone can be. No one can guarantee forever but you can work towards making forever happen, if you both put into it.

I had no idea about Snowman, though. Your story is very romantic. He sounds like a very simple, classy guy. If you know, on a very visceral, fundamental level, that this is right, then it is. I'm actually quite happy that you're taking this mini leap of faith. He's obviously grown on you, in the short time you've known him. These things happen. Sometimes, it's hard to articulate that sense of surety...especially when it goes against everything that has come before. You have experience on your side. You are no dummy and I know you wouldn't make a rash decision out of sheer girly sentiment.

 

Many congrats to you, TBF.

He's something else. Not simple but very direct, a clear thinker. He's what I want and need. The next year and a half will give us ample time to see if we can make this work. I think we can.

 

Thanks.

[scratch]

Yes, something bone, ivory or cream. It will depend on the style. If the dress ends up being something formal for the big do, I might even add some insert colour panels, almost Elizabethan...maybe.

 

If it's okay to get engaged after 7 weeks as long as you have a long engagement, wouldn't it be fair to draw the transitive conclusion than an engagement is meaningless? It seems you want to enjoy the thrill of the announcement without a willingness to acknowledge the accompanying commitment and responsibility.

 

Then there's the hypocrisy that others have touched upon, only to be dismissed as jealous. You explain it away with "things just feel right;" were I to peruse your eleventy thousand posts would I find one of you advising someone to wait before getting engaged, despite them feeling just as you feel here?

 

In closing, I can't really offer congratulations, because that would imply that you're a person with whom I feel some connection. I don't, not because you're evil or rotten, but because you are a stranger on the internet. For someone with such a robust life, you certainly spend an awful lot of time consorting with other strangers on the internet, who have equally robust lives. It simply doesn't compute.

 

However, I thank you for the tales, they provide a nice contrast from my World of Warcraft multiplayer quests. The people I know who live on the internet get very excited about those too. Want some hot pockets?

[JamesM]

If it's okay to get engaged after 7 weeks as long as you have a long engagement, wouldn't it be fair to draw the transitive conclusion than an engagement is meaningless?

 

Some truth here.

 

When I was engaged, it was not a "now let us see what happens to our relationship" kind of thinking and "give it a year or so to develop."

 

We were married within six months after we knew what we wanted.

 

My only curiosity would be and it is not intended to be "nasty" at all is...why be engaged if you are not ready to marry? Wouldn't a longer dating period make sense even if it was known that marriage was on the horizon without publicly saying it was and then wait and see how the relationship develops?

 

What were the reasons for waiting a year and a half for a wedding if the two of you know what you want enough to get engaged?

 

Just some "food for thought."

[blind_otter]

I just saw this thread. Congratulations! It's not something I would do at all (being that I don't believe marriage confers anything special on a relationship), but I totally respect your decision to do so.

 

I hope you find happiness in this endeavor.

 

Also, I saw that bit about a co-ed engagement party and I agree. I had a co-ed baby blessing party and I enjoyed that much more than the traditional all female baby shower. Those things give me the willies.

[blind_otter]

No matter which way we go, the big deal or eloping, we don't want gifts. He's got a fully furnished house and I have a condo full of stuff AND a substantial storage unit full of more...stuff. We don't NEED more stuff!

 

Oh, I saw this, too...

 

When exH and I got married we asked that the guests donate to a selection of charities instead of giving us gifts because we had been engaged for 17 months and living together for a year and didn't need anything.

[Trialbyfire]

scratch, I don't know what's so hard to believe about my life or any of this. I honestly can't fathom lives so sad, that something as simple as my life, is like fantasy to them.

 

James, it's not as if I had control over the timing of his proposal. He proposed, I accepted. Optimally, sure, it would have made more cautionary sense for him to wait. Sure, I could have turned him down but why would I do so, when this feels so right? Sure, I questioned myself afterwards a million times but each time, there was no basis for refusal since no matter how I look at this, there are no red flags.

 

I ask you this from a practical and emotional perspective, since I now have the leisure to review it by stepping back as a third party. If you believed a woman was "the one" and she turned down your proposal, how do you think YOU would feel? Do you suppose you'd be "okay" enough with it to continue the relationship? I can tell you from my four turned down proposals that each relationship died, upon refusal.

 

If I had turned him down, it would have been the biggest regret of my life, for no good reason beyond...What?

 

Thanks blind_otter! We're going with donations to the Lung Association because of what's recently happened with my Dad.

[Stockalone]

What were the reasons for waiting a year and a half for a wedding if the two of you know what you want enough to get engaged?

 

I am surprised that the longer engagement is drawing criticism. The longer engagement seems to be the right thing, and also the smartest thing to do, in this situation. At least from my point of view.

 

I don't want to derail TBF's thread, but in general, it depends on how you view the engagement, what it means to each couple. Personally, I think a longer engagement is not a bad idea even when the situation isn't as exceptional as what we have here.

 

I certainly understand the doubts, and I share a healthy scepticism about getting engaged so soon. And what would have me concerned was already addressed by previous posters.

 

I know quite a few couples that had such engagements (one year+). Church, venue, registry office, caterer. The list goes on. If you want to marry in the summer, that means half a year is usually too short to find a date where that all fits together. And for some venues or even some churches, having to book one year in advance is not uncommon where I live.

 

A couple I know got married a good year after the proposal. Due to the above mentioned logistical difficulties, that was one of the first dates that was available. Also, they had not been living together before the proposal and considered this year to be some sort of test run. They wanted that year, living like a married couple without being actually married.

 

Frankly, I think that is a very good idea. I never had a live-in gf and I am certain that living with me will be a lot different than spending every other day together or one or two consecutive weeks together. At least from my point of view, a longer engagement makes a lot of sense. I think of it as the final safety net. It's not that I think it will be needed, but I don't think there is any harm in having it in place if, God forbit, something would unexpectedly go wrong.

 

Considering TBF's situation, I think it would be insane to get married this summer. The longer engagement makes it seem more adventurous than crazy. It was a bold move by the snowman and trusting your instincts can often be the right choice.

 

But the longer engagement gives them a clear goal they can work towards as a couple and more importantly, it gives them time to verify that those feelings they have right now are going to be the same or hopefully even stronger in a year. The heart has already made a decision and is moving awfully fast, the longer engagement is a concession to the rational mind. To give the mind time to catch up with the heart.

[Alpha Female]

If it's okay to get engaged after 7 weeks as long as you have a long engagement, wouldn't it be fair to draw the transitive conclusion than an engagement is meaningless? It seems you want to enjoy the thrill of the announcement without a willingness to acknowledge the accompanying commitment and responsibility.

 

Then there's the hypocrisy that others have touched upon, only to be dismissed as jealous. You explain it away with "things just feel right;" were I to peruse your eleventy thousand posts would I find one of you advising someone to wait before getting engaged, despite them feeling just as you feel here?

 

In closing, I can't really offer congratulations, because that would imply that you're a person with whom I feel some connection. I don't, not because you're evil or rotten, but because you are a stranger on the internet. For someone with such a robust life, you certainly spend an awful lot of time consorting with other strangers on the internet, who have equally robust lives. It simply doesn't compute.

 

However, I thank you for the tales, they provide a nice contrast from my World of Warcraft multiplayer quests. The people I know who live on the internet get very excited about those too. Want some hot pockets?

 

That's all just funny and true. Talk about being owned.

 

Some truth here.

 

When I was engaged, it was not a "now let us see what happens to our relationship" kind of thinking and "give it a year or so to develop."

 

We were married within six months after we knew what we wanted.

 

My only curiosity would be and it is not intended to be "nasty" at all is...why be engaged if you are not ready to marry? Wouldn't a longer dating period make sense even if it was known that marriage was on the horizon without publicly saying it was and then wait and see how the relationship develops?

 

What were the reasons for waiting a year and a half for a wedding if the two of you know what you want enough to get engaged?

 

Just some "food for thought."

 

I find it interesting that she has not said she loves this man. Just that he is "very direct, a clear thinker. He's what I want and need".

 

And I agree with you James, you and your wonderful HR brain. I can see a couple just "knowing" they have found the one, and getting swept up in romance and love and then eloping or getting married very quickly, but I don't see the point in getting engaged after 6 weeks and then taking a year and a half to "give us ample time to see if we can make this work".

 

That is why I said I don't think Trial has much dating experience or understands how this works. Dating is the time you take to get to know someone to decide if you want to marry them. You get engaged when you "know" you want to marry someone. It is "engaged to be married", not "engaged to continue to date and decide over a year and a half if you want to actually get married." This is all so silly.

[sunshinegirl]

I find it interesting that she has not said she loves this man. Just that he is "very direct, a clear thinker. He's what I want and need".

 

See posts 87 and 118.

[Trialbyfire]

Considering TBF's situation, I think it would be insane to get married this summer. The longer engagement makes it seem more adventurous than crazy. It was a bold move by the snowman and trusting your instincts can often be the right choice.

 

But the longer engagement gives them a clear goal they can work towards as a couple and more importantly, it gives them time to verify that those feelings they have right now are going to be the same or hopefully even stronger in a year. The heart has already made a decision and is moving awfully fast, the longer engagement is a concession to the rational mind. To give the mind time to catch up with the heart.

Thank you Stock for putting into words, what I'm feeling.