He bought a motorcyle?

[Walk]

He said he wouldn't want me to anyway, until he was used to riding by himself.

 

LB stated first that she wouldn't ride with him, then LB said her bf made the above comment. Her bf seemed concerned about her safety in riding with a person who has no experience riding a motorcycle.

[Citizen Erased]

I've just got a feeling that everyone concerned will be better off if he disappears with his bike and LB finds someone willing to give her what she wants.

 

Even if he does propose, then the struggle will come with setting the date. Then if they marry, when they want to buy a house, when they want to start having kids etc. Neither of them want the same things at the same time and it will be a lifetime of struggle if LB finally gets him down the aisle.

 

LB, if he truly is not ready is he worth waiting around for? Wouldn't you prefer he asks you to marry him because he loves you and wants to spend his life with you and not because you nagged him into it and he's sick of the drama and the thought of disappointing you yet again when he doesn't ask?

[Ocean-Blue]

I would be annoyed that he didn't consult me before making such a purchase, especially if he wants to MARRY me.

[Walk]

LB, do you go snowboarding with your bf? If you don't, is that because you don't enjoy it?

[Walk]

I would be annoyed that he didn't consult me before making such a purchase, especially if he wants to MARRY me.

 

LB said they had already talked about him purchasing a motorcycle before he bought it. She thought he wouldn't because he's indecisive and slow on shelling out cash for things.

 

LB's bf is responsible with his money. He pays his bills. It's not like he's out there buying crack, and couldn't pay his rent payment this month. He's not hittin' up LB for a grand so he can pay off the creditors. Why can't he buy something he's always wanted for his Christmas present?

[Lauriebell82]

Thanks for all the responses. To answer a few questions, yes I actually ski so it works out nice that we can go skiing/snowboarding together. I thought about a season pass but they are really expensive, the only reason my BF is buying one is because he gets a huge discount through his work. I said I would go about 4 times this winter though with him.

 

We had a very honest talk tonight. We laid EVERYTHING out on the table. I told him how I was feeling and how the conversation we had made me feel. He told me he didn't know why I didn't have more faith in him, that he didn't get why I still question whether or not he wants to marry me. He told me he can't imagine his life without me. He also said that the snowboard/motorcyle purchase had nothing to do with me, and that he still has plenty of money for a ring. I asked him if he was ready to get married and he said he was, he just wants it to be a huge surprise and has it all planned. He told me that if he told me anything else I would ruin it for myself (which is why he didn't give me a timeline) So I feel really really good about the conversation. I told him I would really try to relax now, that I felt good about what we talked about and that we got everything out in the open. He said that he wants me to be able to talk to him about anything and not be scared or upset. So overall the talk was a huge success. I feel better.

 

Thanks for the responses everyone, you all gave me some real good advice and help. Much appreciated!

[norajane]

I had a good conversation with him regarding marriage, he told me that a wedding will happen, but the proposal is going to be a suprise.

 

He said he knew exactly when he would propose and how he would do it, and it would happen when I least expected it. He said that I was the one for him

 

Don't you trust him? How is it a good conversation if you don't trust what he says and couldn't understand or accept his viewpoint? How can you want to marry him if you don't trust him? What kind of marriage do you think you'll have if you don't trust your husband and don't believe him when he talks to you about something this important to you?

 

There could be so many explanations for his behavior, which is why I was curious what everyone though. I have similar thoughts to everyone's points, but I will just need to wait and see what happens.

 

You have similar thoughts to everyone's? You think that you've been nagging him incessantly about marriage and that he's stringing you along?

 

Look, you live with him and see him every day - if you believe he's the kind of guy who would string you along as part of some twisted plan to keep you hooked without actually wanting to marry you, then you obviously want to marry him just to be married and not because you believe he's a good man you can count on.

 

I'm not sure what to do now.

 

You said above what you would do - you'd wait and see what happens. Pushing him further for a timeline isn't going to get you any closer to a proposal.

 

Can you try to give it at least one solid month without asking him about marriage? Can you do No Contact with the subject of marriage? It might help you heal. And it might give you some time to look at your bf, really take a good hard look at him, and evaluate whether you want to spend your life with him because of who he is and how he treats you, and not because you just want to be married and he's stuck around this far.

[norajane]

Thanks for all the responses. To answer a few questions, yes I actually ski so it works out nice that we can go skiing/snowboarding together. I thought about a season pass but they are really expensive, the only reason my BF is buying one is because he gets a huge discount through his work. I said I would go about 4 times this winter though with him.

 

We had a very honest talk tonight. We laid EVERYTHING out on the table. I told him how I was feeling and how the conversation we had made me feel. He told me he didn't know why I didn't have more faith in him, that he didn't get why I still question whether or not he wants to marry me. He told me he can't imagine his life without me. He also said that the snowboard/motorcyle purchase had nothing to do with me, and that he still has plenty of money for a ring. I asked him if he was ready to get married and he said he was, he just wants it to be a huge surprise and has it all planned. He told me that if he told me anything else I would ruin it for myself (which is why he didn't give me a timeline) So I feel really really good about the conversation. I told him I would really try to relax now, that I felt good about what we talked about and that we got everything out in the open. He said that he wants me to be able to talk to him about anything and not be scared or upset. So overall the talk was a huge success. I feel better.

 

Thanks for the responses everyone, you all gave me some real good advice and help. Much appreciated!

 

All better now?

 

Why was this conversation more reassuring than the previous one? Because he told you he still has enough money to buy you a ring? Because, otherwise, it's pretty much the same conversation you already had, the one you started this thread about.

[Lauriebell82]

All better now?

 

Why was this conversation more reassuring than the previous one? Because he told you he still has enough money to buy you a ring? Because, otherwise, it's pretty much the same conversation you already had, the one you started this thread about.

 

The other one was reassuring until he bought the motorcycle. Then I went nuts and started trying to analyze if that was some kind of "sign." Unfortunately that is the downfall of what I do for a living, it kind of carries over into my life when things I can't figure out start happening. Then everyone started saying that he wasn't ready (which I was already confused about) so I started to get a little panicky. What you had was a good idea, go "No contact" on the marriage talk for the month of December. So that's my plan, not bring it up at all. I think it's just my own insecurities and past relationship hurt that makes this so difficult for me. That's my own stuff that I need to/am trying to work on.

[Star Gazer]

Why was this conversation more reassuring than the previous one? Because he told you he still has enough money to buy you a ring? Because, otherwise, it's pretty much the same conversation you already had, the one you started this thread about.

 

I don't see how this conversation is any different than ANY other conversation they've ever had about marriage.

[2ndWife]

I agree with other posters that this conversation is in fact not much different than others.

 

So if I were you, I would do this.

 

1. Stop talking about marriage. Completely.

2. Work on your BF's mother. Or anyone who is influential to his decision making. By saying this, I don't mean have them ask him to propose to you. I am saying make them think that you are the best girl he could have as his partner for life (from their point of view) "without" talking about marriage.

 

Then after a few months, maybe a couple of months before the lease expires, do this.

3. Check out new apartments by yourself. And casually disclose this information to him. For example, "babe what have you been doing before you come back home today other than your work?" "oh, I went to check out a few apartments with my friend annie"

 

Be patient. If he's worth it, being your partner for life, then there's no hurry screwing things up within a few months of time. You have the whole life time ahead of you.

 

Good luck.

[2sunny]

i still don't understand the rush to be getting married...

 

you have been pushing this topic for a very long time... if you are to spend your life together and you both are sure you love each other - why the rush?

 

you can have a happy relationship without the pressure looming of marriage.

[The_Flawed_Gawd]

I can't enjoy it. I think he gets some kind of sick pleasure out of watching me squirm too. I don't see how 2 1/2 years is a short amount of time, we are both financially stable, have a good relationship, enjoy living together, know each other's families. It's just not time for him though, and that sucks. So I need to either break up with him or live with it and neither are appealing to me.

 

Dear...

 

2 1/2 years IS a short time...really...

 

as for the motorcycle, well, I hope at least you can enjoy it WITH him. Take a ride or two, and let him have some fun. Make sure he takes a State certified motorcycle safety class for new riders (most states offer them free of charge) and go out and enjoy the open road.

 

The marriage should happen...although maybe not on your time line... you are both still young, give it some more time. If you "trash" this relationship too soon, (which I gather from reading, you're NOT that unhappy with) you'll regret it for years to come.

[carhill]

In the beginning:

The next day he goes out and pays $3,400 (in cash) for a motorcyle, and now says he is broke.

 

Then, later:

He also said that the snowboard/motorcyle purchase had nothing to do with me, and that he still has plenty of money for a ring.

 

 

Which is it? More importantly, why did the story and/or your perception of it change?

 

TBH, if I was in this situation and not married, I'd be long gone. Life is too short. People, in general, really aren't that important in the scheme of things. Find a few who appreciate you for who you are (and vice versa) and enjoy that. I'm not hearing that here.

 

I'll say it again....you can love someone and be incompatible. The schism of the two quotes above mirrors this reality. It's up to you if you want to live like this. I'm here to tell you I have and it's no fun at all, not even a little bit, at the essence of it.

 

You say you felt good about the conversation which included the last quote. Come back here in a month and tell us that you continue to feel good about it. That's my personal challenge to you

[Lauriebell82]

 

Which is it? More importantly, why did the story and/or your perception of it change?

 

TBH, if I was in this situation and not married, I'd be long gone. Life is too short. People, in general, really aren't that important in the scheme of things. Find a few who appreciate you for who you are (and vice versa) and enjoy that. I'm not hearing that here.

 

I'll say it again....you can love someone and be incompatible. The schism of the two quotes above mirrors this reality. It's up to you if you want to live like this. I'm here to tell you I have and it's no fun at all, not even a little bit, at the essence of it.

 

You say you felt good about the conversation which included the last quote. Come back here in a month and tell us that you continue to feel good about it. That's my personal challenge to you

 

My perception changed because he told me. That doesn't even matter though, I shouldn't have doubted him in the first place because he is a good BF. I get to wrapped up in my own stuff sometimes and can't see that, but I'll try.

 

Everything is good now, so I feel much better. And anyone who tries to tell me otherwise is dead wrong.

[Lishy]

Oh Lb!!!!!!!

[Lauriebell82]

Oh, I told my boyfriend the whole "why by the cow when you can get the milk for free" b.s. and he said that he hates that saying too because he doesn't want my free milk, he wants me. He screwed it up when he said it back to, he was like "why buy milk when you don't have to buy a cow." LOL Personally, I think that's b.s. too, if you are living with a guy and he doesn't want to marry you it's because he doesn't think you are the one, not because he feels he doesn't HAVE to marry you bc you are giving him everything he needs.

 

Plus, I don't think living together hurts your chances of being married, 5 couples who have gotten married that I know all lived together before they even got engaged.

[Lishy]

LB, you are extremely passive aggressive and you are spinning yourself in circles.

 

He is keeping you on a string. He knows how much you want this and if he wanted it too, as bad as you do, you would have a ring on your finger right now!

 

He really wanted a motorbike, so he got one! He can do what makes him happy but he does not want to do what makes you happy. You have admitted before that you do not want the huge surprise and he knows this so why is he insisting that are gonna get this big huge surprise?

 

Personally I think you are both far too immature for marriage at this time and everyone else on here knows this too. You need to get over this childish need for marriage with a guy who does not want it.

 

If he wanted it LB, you would be engaged or married by now!

[amaysngrace]

LB don't listen to people when they try to rain on your parade. You are the one who is in your relationship. You know what you and he share. You know what the future holds for you.

 

You know how you feel now that you and he spoke.

 

You got yourself sidetracked here once already and it led you to believe things that didn't even apply to your situation just because it applied to other people's situations. (like you thinking he's not ready)

 

Be happy and don't let anyone take your happiness away simply because they themselves are unhappy.

 

[Lishy]

Amay, seriously, if the dude wanted marriage at the moment they would be engaged!

 

End of!

[amaysngrace]

Amay, seriously, if the dude wanted marriage at the moment they would be engaged!

 

End of!

 

Oh pardon me. I hadn't realized you were him just pretending to be you.

[Lishy]

Oh pardon me. I hadn't realized you were him just pretending to be you.

 

 

And I didn't realise you were in the enabling gang!!

 

His actions speak far clearer then his words but if you want to make LB feel better so that her bubble will be burst again in a month then its all good, crack on !

[amaysngrace]

And I didn't realise you were in the enabling gang!!

 

His actions speak far clearer then his words but if you want to make LB feel better so that her bubble will be burst again in a month then its all good, crack on !

 

First off my message to LB wasn't directed towards you but somehow you seem to think it was?

 

I'm not enabling anyone here. I listened to her words. How she and he spoke last night and she feels better about it. I witnessed other words from nay-sayers saying it didn't mean jack.

 

Since they weren't even there how could they even have an informed opinion?

 

Anywho it's LBs life and if this is what she chooses to do with it that's her decision. She sounds pretty happy to me.

 

I'd rather her enjoy her moment and if her bubble bursts I will help her then if I can but I will not be the one to burst her bubble now.

 

That's just wrong in my opinion.

[Lishy]

I want LB to be happy too you know - I dont get any pleasure out of bursting her bubble and the day she comes here saying they are engaged I will be the happiest for her!

 

But right now she is not happy, she is spinning herself in circles and she is not getting what she wants, she is getting empty words that make her feel better for a few days and then she is back at square one.

 

I dont wanna rain on her parade or make her feel bad, her bf does that already! I just want her to wake up and smell the coffee!

[Lauriebell82]

I want LB to be happy too you know - I dont get any pleasure out of bursting her bubble and the day she comes here saying they are engaged I will be the happiest for her!

 

But right now she is not happy, she is spinning herself in circles and she is not getting what she wants, she is getting empty words that make her feel better for a few days and then she is back at square one.

 

I dont wanna rain on her parade or make her feel bad, her bf does that already!

 

Actually, I am happy with our conversation. It's true that he was spinning me in circles, however he did not want to ruin a surprise for me, therefore was trying to throw me off. My BF would NEVER just give me empty words that he didn't plan on following through. I don't think I would want to marry someone who would be that cruel.

 

I know him, he has to have everything planned out before he goes and does something. He sets a date and time when he is going to go do something/buy something and he does it. So I believe him when he says he has it all planned out. I should have had more faith in him in the first place, before I got sidetracked here. My bad.