Partner has a crush

[ConfusedAtHome]

Great that she acknowledges that she wants to work on the relationship.

 

BAD that she wants to go to individual counseling first.

 

IC's don't focus on relationships at all. They don't care if your partnership makes it or not...its the LAST of their priorities. So their advice is often DETRIMENTAL to any relationships that the patient may be involved in.

 

She needs to see a RELATIONSHIP counselor jointly with you to fix things in the relationship. If there are things that can't be fixed there, THEN she goes to an IC...that the MC recommends...to work on HER issues.

 

Doing it the other way will more than likely destroy your relationship. Doing it the way I suggest gives BOTH her and your relationship a chance to heal.

 

The individual counseling is more for her to learn to deal with her analytical thinking IN EVERY ASPECT of her life. She analyzes every thought to the point of exhaustion for her. She has to find new ways to not let her mind "race" all of the time...not just about the OW.

 

I'm jaded at this point. She says she wants to work on things, but I have a hard time believing her. Maybe it's because I'm hurting.

[whichwayisup]

Well, her actions should show how she feels. I mean, has she told the OW no contact? No personal chit chat at work, outside of the office? No calls, no emails, no IM's/texts?

Watch her closely, if she's sneaking off in the house again, or acts odd when you're around and she's on the computer..Or phone..

 

Also, I mirror what OWL said about the counsellor. IC are focussed on the person, fixing her only, not fixing the relationship. Ask her to see a therapist trained in couples counselling.

[ConfusedAtHome]

Well, her actions should show how she feels. I mean, has she told the OW no contact? No personal chit chat at work, outside of the office? No calls, no emails, no IM's/texts?

Watch her closely, if she's sneaking off in the house again, or acts odd when you're around and she's on the computer..Or phone..

 

Also, I mirror what OWL said about the counsellor. IC are focussed on the person, fixing her only, not fixing the relationship. Ask her to see a therapist trained in couples counselling.

 

I told her no personal contact outside of work. Who knows if she is sticking to that. They had a work function last night that they were both at. My partner can't find another job at this point.

 

I don't know that she has made an effort to find a counselor. I have and have contacted one. I'm sure we will talk more this weekend at length about where we are going b/c I'm not seeing a lot of change that we need, so basically there's my answer...she wants out.