Author Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 *Shrug* Is it weird that I already feel 50% over this situation? I mean, I'm bummed still...but more like disappointed. I liked him a good deal and found him incredibly attractive, but he clearly didn't have similar romantic ideations. I wish things had gone differently - on both my end (being forward) as well as his (being flaky) - but it is what it is. I don't usually like guys who aren't into me, and I have no intention of allowing this to be an exception to that rule. I guess it helps that I made a second date for later in the week and have another friend I know through an organization flirting with me. I'm still just as loveable as I was before this dude. Link to post Share on other sites
likestolaugh Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 so essentially you're in the best possible situation, all things considered. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 so essentially you're in the best possible situation, all things considered. essentially she's like a computer that just reprogramed herself Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 essentially she's like a computer that just reprogramed herself What helped is that we didn't have sex, and very little other physical intimacy. If we had, I'd be straight up devastated right now. I'm almost relieved. I've been all stressed wondering what was up, something wasn't right in my gut. But as soon as he said he wasn't feeling it on Friday, although I was VERY SAD, I also felt relieved...because at least I now KNOW, ya know? That said, still not sure about the friends thing... Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I guess it helps that I made a second date for later in the week I feel sorry for the new guy meeting you when you're still thinking of the previous guy. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 SG, I don't really think your personality had come into play as much, considering you're a lawyer and it does show in the way you present yourself. The guy went into the date expecting nothing but a good night out, only you went in with a bit of more expectations than he did. " Didn't feel it" just meant he never felt any desire to be with you for an LTR, but he felt the initial attraction to you as you are very pretty. Most guys nowadays aren't looking for an LTR from the very beginning. They prefer to test out the water, before jumping in. It's just most women are romantics, and the "love at first sight" mentality does come into play. Just don't place so much hopes on a guy the next time around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 I feel sorry for the new guy meeting you when you're still thinking of the previous guy. Well, I'm hardly hung-up on the previous guy. Also, I've been dating other people the entire time. This "new" guy is one of them; this will be our second date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 SG, I don't really think your personality had come into play as much, considering you're a lawyer and it does show in the way you present yourself. The guy went into the date expecting nothing but a good night out, only you went in with a bit of more expectations than he did. " Didn't feel it" just meant he never felt any desire to be with you for an LTR, but he felt the initial attraction to you as you are very pretty. Most guys nowadays aren't looking for an LTR from the very beginning. They prefer to test out the water, before jumping in. It's just most women are romantics, and the "love at first sight" mentality does come into play. Just don't place so much hopes on a guy the next time around. If he finds me attractive, cool, fun, and having the qualities he's looking for in someone long term... I guess I just don't understand the lack of romantic feelings, the inability for things to "develop beyond friendship." (His words.) I wasn't looking to jump into a LTR either, but I definitely had some romantic feelings towards him. Oh well! Link to post Share on other sites
LionLover Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 I was only feeling her personality right away... but she became more attractive physically in my eyes the more I got to know her. Yes the guy I dated wasn't into me physically either. I remember one night we were in his car just talking & enjoying each other’s company... I sensed he wasn’t attracted towards me so we just ended up talking the rest of the night. I don’t really recall what was discussed per se, there was a lot of noise so it was difficult to hear anything. I think he was really uncomfortable being there w/me, like he wanted to go home or something. Not really sure, hard to say.. Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 If he finds me attractive, cool, fun, and having the qualities he's looking for in someone long term... I guess I just don't understand the lack of romantic feelings, the inability for things to "develop beyond friendship." (His words.) I wasn't looking to jump into a LTR either, but I definitely had some romantic feelings towards him. Oh well! The last guy I dated broke up with me for the same reasons. I was everything he wanted, very attracted to me, but missing that "feeling." I don't think it has anything to do with you or me. People just have different ideas of how relationships "should be." For me, those strong romantic feelings can develop if the ground basis is there, for others, they just don't work that way. For instance, two of my very happily married friends are with guys who they were just casually dating for a long time 6-12 months, then all the sudden, BAM, their feeling changed from casual to serious. To each their own! Link to post Share on other sites
likestolaugh Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Yes the guy I dated wasn't into me physically either. I remember one night we were in his car just talking & enjoying each other’s company... I sensed he wasn’t attracted towards me so we just ended up talking the rest of the night. I don’t really recall what was discussed per se, there was a lot of noise so it was difficult to hear anything. I think he was really uncomfortable being there w/me, like he wanted to go home or something. Not really sure, hard to say.. crickey! that's never good. He should at least want to stay and talk with you.... but I digress... I'm not gonna hijack this thread... Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 If he finds me attractive, cool, fun, and having the qualities he's looking for in someone long term... I guess I just don't understand the lack of romantic feelings, the inability for things to "develop beyond friendship." (His words.) I wasn't looking to jump into a LTR either, but I definitely had some romantic feelings towards him. Oh well! You just can't predict it, Star. Cop and I have EVERYTHING in common - mad sexual chemistry, religion, politics, family values, basically all the core values and all the social compatibility, etc. At the end of the day, despite what seems to picture perfect to me and a total no-brainer, he told me last week that I am "not what he pictures himself ending up with." I will never know what that means exactly, nor will I continue to wrack myself over it. Sometimes we just need to move on and not try to decifer the unknown. Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 He's not into you. If someones into you they'll want to make you a permanent lover Otherwise they're just not into you. I don't get what's with all the analysis it's a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 He's not into you. If someones into you they'll want to make you a permanent lover Otherwise they're just not into you. I don't get what's with all the analysis it's a waste of time. Yeah, I didn't read everyone's responses but this is what I'm thinking. He said it straight up "Hes just not feeling it." And he even said he didn't want to lead you on. At least he is honest about what he is feeling instead of just using you to hook up! I think this guy is a waste of time. After your reaction to his "i'm just not feeling it" he probably felt bad and guilty so he through in the whole "well we can keep getting to know each other." I've been given that, it means that they will be freinds with you but not date you. You said you are dating others. How do you feel about them? Are they romantically interested in you? If they are why are you still dating a guy who isn't interested in you? I'm sure you can find someone who is!!!! If this guy isn't interested than its his loss and his opinion. Dont put up with that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Star Gazer Posted August 26, 2008 Author Share Posted August 26, 2008 Yeah, I didn't read everyone's responses but this is what I'm thinking. He said it straight up "Hes just not feeling it." And he even said he didn't want to lead you on. At least he is honest about what he is feeling instead of just using you to hook up! Yeah, he's a good guy. He could have EASILY slept with me and then never talked to me again, but he didn't. I think this guy is a waste of time. After your reaction to his "i'm just not feeling it" he probably felt bad and guilty so he through in the whole "well we can keep getting to know each other." I've been given that, it means that they will be freinds with you but not date you. Well, that was my question. Does he even WANT to be friends? Not sure. I'm really starting to not care one way or another though, to be honest. At first I totally did, because he's really a cool guy... You said you are dating others. How do you feel about them? Are they romantically interested in you? If they are why are you still dating a guy who isn't interested in you? I'm sure you can find someone who is!!!! If this guy isn't interested than its his loss and his opinion. Well, until today I was just lukewarm about the others. But today I reconnected with someone from a LONG time ago (college years), and he asked me out. I'm literally GIDDY! Funny how it only takes 5 minutes of giddyness (is that a word? LOL) to get over someone.... Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 Yeah! GIddyness is good. Clearly you weren't all that hung up on the guy or you wouldn't be able to get over him this fast I was told the exact same thing a couple of months ago. I had gone out with this guy a few times. At first if felt really passionate when we were together. Then it wasn't so much. The last time I saw him we were at his house eating dinner with a couple of friends. He offered to drive his friends home...and me too! I was like, oops, so I guess you don't want me to stay. It was an awkward drive home. He told me he just wasn't feeling it, that he thought I was "absolutely beautiful and so cool" but he just didn't think we were right together. I felt like our age difference was a big part of it. Anyway, I saw him out recently and he asked me to play pool with some of his friends. Basically he was following me around the whole night. Later on we were kissing in the bar (yeah, get a room hahaha) and he wanted to go home with me. I told him no. I thought it was so odd because I thought he just wasn't attracted to me, and that's why he wasn't "feeling it". I guess for him, he just wasn't feeling like we had long term potential. And he was right. Anyway Star, I don't think you really want to be friends with him, do you? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 What does "not feeling it" mean, anyway? well SG, if I said that to a female it would most probably mean I don't feel any sexual or romantic chemistry Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 well SG, if I said that to a female it would most probably mean I don't feel any sexual or romantic chemistry What's the difference between sexual and romantic chemistry? For me, they go hand-in-hand. Or is that just a "woman thing"? haha Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 What's the difference between sexual and romantic chemistry? For me, they go hand-in-hand. Or is that just a "woman thing"? haha it's a "woman thing"....men can seperate sex and love. Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 it's a "woman thing"....men can seperate sex and love. But liking a girl + sexual chemistry = romance? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 But liking a girl + sexual chemistry = romance? for a man? not necessarily Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 for a man? not necessarily God, you men are confusing! Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 for a man? not necessarily Yes. Please explain. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 I'm not alpha but here goes what I think are the main two reasons: Deeper Meaning #1: It goes back to the tripod foundation of trust, respect and like. If a man or a woman doesn't respect you, they're not going to consider the other person as relationship material. Shallow Meaning #2: Is she hawt enough? Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted August 26, 2008 Share Posted August 26, 2008 So relationship material might = attraction + tripod foundation (x) whether she's hot sexual material = she's just hot + i might/sorta like her Link to post Share on other sites
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