Lovelybird Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Hey, at least she thinks I'm only lightly addicted . Compared to some of the other things regularly implied here, I'm getting off easy . First off, I don't have a porn "habit" as that strikes me as one of those "When did you stop beating your wife?" questions. But I'm going to try and answer what I think is the intent of your question. I can recall three times in the last year when porn has been a topic in my circle of friends. Once, one of my friends that seems to have a large collection touted us on some movie and actress that he had just seen (both names escape me). He went into some detail on this girl's sword-swallowing ability. The second occasion, I had another friend send me a series of pornagraphic "joke-of-the-day" emails. I initially deleted them without reading them for fear of any accompanying virus or malware attached. I finally blocked his email address when he didn't follow-up on my request to stop forwarding them. Third time, someone mentioned a link to a site to me where couples post soft and hardcore pictures of themselves online. I checked it out, didn't find it that compelling (if I want wrinkles and bald spots, I'll just look in the mirror ) and haven't looked at it since. Satisfied ? Mr. Lucky .......................appreciate your effort Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Mr. Lucky, that isn't why I asked. I wasn't asking for a play by play. But I enjoyed the gulity Catholic boy confession. (Although hearing about men talking about and passing porn around amongst themselves reenforces my negative perceptions). You made the point that most men don't "esculate" in what they view. So I wanted to know how many men you share that kind of information with about what you look at and what they look at. If its something you discuss with your friends and most of them just like to watch sweet couples making sweet love, fine..whatever. But I don't think most men know what other men look at . I could be wrong but I don't think I am. I think it's natural to assume that porn is a much bigger parts of men's lives today then any point in history. Can we agree on that? Isn't it logical to assume that the type of things men are viewing is more hardcore as well? If porn is something that has become a bigger medium..a billion dollar one, why wouldn't you assume that the type of porn being viewed also wouldn't become more graphic? Link to post Share on other sites
nowhereman82 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I would post a reply but I am too busy watching porn Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 But I enjoyed the gulity Catholic boy confession. You left out guilty "failed" Catholic boy ... I think it's natural to assume that porn is a much bigger parts of men's lives today then any point in history. I don't know why you want to assign porn some hyper-important status in most men's lives? I don't own a porn film, magazine or book. I don't have porn stored on my hard drive. The sum total of my interaction with porn is 3 minutes (on a good day ) 5 or 6 times a year. I spend more time annually thinking about what brand of weed killer to spray on my crabgrass. I think that makes me an average guy. You want to make men like me out to be the enemy, so be it... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I don't know why you want to assign porn some hyper-important status in most men's lives? Because most men defend it and can't live without it to various extents. There was only one man on here that said he could easily give it up and wouldn't bat an eye. I don't own a porn film, magazine or book. Today you don't have to. You can just own a computer. I don't have porn stored on my hard drive. How about your mental hard drive? The sum total of my interaction with porn is 3 minutes (on a good day ) 5 or 6 times a year. I spend more time annually thinking about what brand of weed killer to spray on my crabgrass. I think that makes me an average guy. You want to make men like me out to be the enemy, so be it... Mr. Lucky I think the average guy looks at porn more then that. At a billion dollar industry most men aren't looking at it 5-6 times a year for 3 mins. I think men shoot themselves in the foot with porn. This isn't about making men the enemy. Maybe men made women the enemy when they decided porn was needed in their life. Especially the way porn treats women. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 This isn't about making men the enemy. Sure it is and porn is just a small part of it. You've posted many times that any man that fantasizes about any woman other than his partner is a liar, cheater and guilty of "mental" adultery, condemning 99.99% of the guys on the planet. Your disapproval of "men" is palpable, consistent (I'll give you that !!!) and unwavering in your posting. Oh wait, I forgot. You don't dislike "men", you just dislike the things "men" do... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 It seems the porn debate is mostly held between Jersey and Mr. Lucky. Do you think you both will ever agree on anything with this whole issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Terminator Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 It seems the porn debate is mostly held between Jersey and Mr. Lucky. Do you think you both will ever agree on anything with this whole issue? Doubtful - JS gets off on portraying the porn/male interaction as inherently evil and ML enjoys yanking her chain Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Doubtful - JS gets off on portraying the porn/male interaction as inherently evil and ML enjoys yanking her chain Yeah, they are feeding off one another. Link to post Share on other sites
piscesgirl28 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I am going thru the EXACT same thing! However, I am 28, he is 34. He eats, sleeps, and thinks about porn all the time. He tries to downplay it and tells me I'M insecure for not wanting him to look at it. He tries to show me all these articles that say women like porn and stuff and well I don't. We have a terrible relationship because of this and I don't know what to do... He's stopped doing it in front of me, but he still replaces it with sex. And the sex, we maybe do it once a month, or once every two months. Maybe. And I beg for it. And not to sound full of myself, but I am told I'm very attractive. I could understand him doing it if I was ugly or overweight. No offense, it's just that I happen to be a very good looking girl. I get hit on all the time, etc. I don't know what to do about this and that is why I joined this forum... Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I am going thru the EXACT same thing! However, I am 28, he is 34. He eats, sleeps, and thinks about porn all the time. He tries to downplay it and tells me I'M insecure for not wanting him to look at it. He tries to show me all these articles that say women like porn and stuff and well I don't. We have a terrible relationship because of this and I don't know what to do... He's stopped doing it in front of me, but he still replaces it with sex. And the sex, we maybe do it once a month, or once every two months. Maybe. And I beg for it. And not to sound full of myself, but I am told I'm very attractive. I could understand him doing it if I was ugly or overweight. No offense, it's just that I happen to be a very good looking girl. I get hit on all the time, etc. I don't know what to do about this and that is why I joined this forum... Hi, here are many articles that people dealing with porn addiction, maybe it would help you to decide to stay and fight or leave http://www.christianitytoday.com/search/?query=porn+addiction Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Sure it is and porn is just a small part of it. You've posted many times that any man that fantasizes about any woman other than his partner is a liar, cheater and guilty of "mental" adultery, condemning 99.99% of the guys on the planet. Your disapproval of "men" is palpable, consistent (I'll give you that !!!) and unwavering in your posting. Oh wait, I forgot. You don't dislike "men", you just dislike the things "men" do... Mr. Lucky Yes Mr. Lucky. I don't dislike men, I dislike how they act with porn. You say it mockingly but the statement is true. You get on me and make over statements like I think men are "evil" because I am troubled and feel disconnected from men when it comes to something like porn. Something like porn which isn't about respecting women, which isn't about honoring women, which isn't about anything but how nice her t&a is and what crazy sexual act she can perform to get off with a stranger while a man with a wife, girlfriend, daughter wanks it with a big ole smile on his face. It hurts knowing that that is what women get selled out for. You think I think men are evil? How are women suppose to feel when the man they love wants to replace her, even for 5 mins, with images of other women that never did a thing for him? That sometimes are refered in degroatory names. That are only treated like three holes. How do you expect women to feel about that? Safe? Secure? Trusting of men? Vunerable? Feel that men honor and respect women? I have seen so many men get mad that women have the nerve to be upset a his porn use. Something that is pretty derogatory towards women and that is indirectly used to fuel his fantasy of other women. As if men are suppose to indulge their bad behavior and yet women are still suppose to think he is the greatest, most honorable, most manly men of all. How dare a woman get upset at the man she loves looking at Horny *insert nasty name here* 5000. How dare she. Of course he loves and respects women! That's why he likes watching one on screen get used like all she is worth is three holes. She is the evil nasty one! He's just a man and a woman should be proud and happy and trusting of her man exploiting college aged girls for his own amusement. He is honorable. And she is just an evil uptight prude for being upset and the balantant replacement of her in his life and his enjoyment of the debasement of the female gender. Even if it's for 5 minutes. So excuse me if I don't understand how men turn it around where they are the hurt ones when it's the women that are getting used in the movie for a man's enjoyment. When it's usually the woman being called a name. When it's the woman that has to meet some stereotypical ideal fantasy. Where it's the wife and girflriend that has to accept her place next to a man's porn to use in relationship with his real life because he can't be fullfilled with what he has. Maybe you don't mind if your daughter ended up in porn Mr. Lucky. Maybe you don't think it would be degrading to her at all. If that's the case, then you are one of the rare men that think that way. More power to you then. If you don't mind your daughter doing it, then you truly don't believe to be degrading to women. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 How are women suppose to feel when the man they love wants to replace her, even for 5 mins, with images of other women that never did a thing for him? Well in my wife's case, assuming she's not in the mood, I'm guessing she'd feel relieved . There are times when I'm ready to go and she isn't (and vice versa) and so on those occasions I "help myself". If you think those 5 minutes define me as a man, I guess that's your right. Good luck finding someone able to pass your tests and navigate the emotional minefield you seem determined to lay out. I don't like your chances... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 So you admit that you are replacing your wife for those minutes. I think those 5 minutes do say something about who you are. Sorry. That's the way it is. If you steal diamonds and it takes 5 minutes does it make the action any less true? If a wife gives another man a bj and it only lasts five minutes does it not define her in some way? I like how you keep avoiding the points I made about porn not exactly being about respecting women yet we aren't suppose to wonder what is going through our man's head when he advocates porn. Men use the women in porn, stereotype them and make over exploited fantasies that no real women can live up to yet men turn around and get "hurt" and "mad" and think that they are being called "evil" for enjoying a medium that is about debasing women. Please explain to me how that works out as right. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 So you admit that you are replacing your wife for those minutes. I think those 5 minutes do say something about who you are. Sorry. That's the way it is. Life has a way of humbling judgmental people like you, Jersey. Perhaps as you get older you'll understand the fact that there are different supportable points of view on a complex issue like this. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do - in my mid-20's, I thought I had all the answers too . Perhaps the next couple of decades will broaden your outlook. If you steal diamonds and it takes 5 minutes does it make the action any less true? If a wife gives another man a bj and it only lasts five minutes does it not define her in some way? So a man that masturbates to a fantasy is like a diamond thief or a woman that gives a blow job to another man? Wow! You've mentioned several times that you have a BF that looks at porn and notices other women. Given your views, how do you reconcile climbing in bed with him? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
manugeorge Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Mr. Lucky, you gotta cut Jersey a break, she has been hurt by this porn business, she mentioned that in some posts. It's unfortunate that right now, she can only see the world through her pain but that is for her to work out and process on her own, just like any kind of pain we suffer. Argue this porn thing until the cows come home, it's just going round and round in circles. We've read it all before. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 "I thought I had all the answers too." I don't think its so much about her having all the answers as it is her just standing her ground on how she feels on the issue. Just as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Life has a way of humbling judgmental people like you, Jersey. Perhaps as you get older you'll understand the fact that there are different supportable points of view on a complex issue like this. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do - in my mid-20's, I thought I had all the answers too . Perhaps the next couple of decades will broaden your outlook. You can't argue the porn argument so you try to turn it around on me as something personal. None of this addresses what we have been talking about. I am sure I will learn more things as I get older but I don't see myself all the sudden thinking that porn is great and men are honorable, wonderful men that respect and care for women while they are masturbating to a 20 year old getting tagged teamed. Sorry. That isn't how it works. So a man that masturbates to a fantasy is like a diamond thief or a woman that gives a blow job to another man? Wow! You've mentioned several times that you have a BF that looks at porn and notices other women. Given your views, how do you reconcile climbing in bed with him? Mr. Lucky You're the one that made a point that the time spent on an activity gave it it's meaning. If 5 minutes is no big deal and doesn't define who you are, lets be consistant then. A wife giving another man, other then her husband, a bj for 5 minutes doesn't define her. It's no big deal. She isn't a cheat. She respects her husband still right? She goes home, cooks and cleans the house even if she gave another man a bj, she still respects him. that's kind of what you seem to be saying in regards to the concept of time bineg what defines a situation. I don't think its so much about her having all the answers as it is her just standing her ground on how she feels on the issue. Just as you are. thank you Blair. Exactly. I have been hurt by men's porn use but I am not illogical. I think I make many valid points that often alot of the men here ignore because they can't argue against some of the truth in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 You've mentioned several times that you have a BF that looks at porn and notices other women. Given your views, how do you reconcile climbing in bed with him? You've asked me several direct questions and, in the last couple of pages, I've honestly done my best to answer them. So why not answer mine? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 You know, there are many sides to this arguement and reading the responses of those dead set against porn has been an interesting eye-opener for me. But this idea that the average guy that looks at porn is compelled to pursue ever-increasing levels of depravity is nonsense. There is no logic behind the idea that one day you're looking at the Playboy centerfold and then six months later you find yourself online looking for snuff films with 8-year olds. So the idea that her H will be "whacking off to kiddie porn" doesn't make sense... Mr. Lucky Well, In regards to my relationship it does make sense, we're not talking about the average healthy guy here.. we are talking about someone who has major addiction issues, with addiction the addiction always grows and that IS the case with people with Porn ADDICTIONS! and you can go to self help sites and read up about it, and it does get worse and worse and they do need more hardcore stuff as time goes on to be able to get off.. but anyways. Its been a few weeks im going to do an update after i get back from lunch. some interesting stuff has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2nd-Best Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 You left out guilty "failed" Catholic boy ... I don't know why you want to assign porn some hyper-important status in most men's lives? I don't own a porn film, magazine or book. I don't have porn stored on my hard drive. The sum total of my interaction with porn is 3 minutes (on a good day ) 5 or 6 times a year. I spend more time annually thinking about what brand of weed killer to spray on my crabgrass. I think that makes me an average guy. You want to make men like me out to be the enemy, so be it... Mr. Lucky I dont think that she is making you out to be the enemy, and I understand both of your points of view, but what you do not realize and what we do from being in these kinds of relationships with these kinds of guys is that there are ALOT of men who abuse porn and have no self control, and YES would rather beat it to the screen then have sex with their gf's. Also I think what she may have ment by men talking to eachother is that, men yes say Oh I watched this chick suck back the biggest dick or that betch has got massive tets! lol you know that sort of thing, im not a chauch douche bag kind of guy or guy at all so i probably soudn funny and lame the way i jsut said that but, I think men like my bf who watch the kidn of htings that he does, he doesnt discuss it with his friends.. i dont think he would be like " I was jerking off to this chick getting fisted by 3 guys" or whatever, because that kind of stuff makes them feel bad but thats always why they like it.... because its taboo. Link to post Share on other sites
piscesgirl28 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Jersey, I completely agree with you! 100%. It's not that I am completely and utterly against porn, I've seen it before and Im sure I will again. And I understand that 99.99% of men are going to view it no matter what. However, with my current b-friend now, it's the way he views porn and the women, or should I say girls, in porn that are offensive. Not to mention he is replacing that with being with me. Also, him knowing I find it offensive and disrespectful he continues to do it. If Im not in the mood,(which is never) or I'm at work, or asleep or what have you, then fine, I can accept it at that point under the pretenses that we have a happy and healthy and active relationship including sex. And he makes sure I know about it, therefore not hiding it or lieing to me about and he makes me feel like #1. I could deal with it in this respect. It's just that men take it too far, he wants me to be like the girls in his porn flicks. Why can't he be turned on just by me? He knows me for gods sake, who I am, mentally and emotionally... And I'm not ugly... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I dont think that she is making you out to be the enemy, and I understand both of your points of view, but what you do not realize and what we do from being in these kinds of relationships with these kinds of guys is that there are ALOT of men who abuse porn and have no self control, and YES would rather beat it to the screen then have sex with their gf's. I don't doubt that there are men out the like that and patners like you that struggle with everything that kind of displacement implies. I'm going to check your "update" thread, hope things are going better... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 You've asked me several direct questions and, in the last couple of pages, I've honestly done my best to answer them. So why not answer mine? Mr. Lucky You've avoided alot of questions I have posed as well Mr. Lucky. I guess i reconcile going to bed with a man for the same reason a man can reconcile going bed with a woman that looks nothing like a porn star or acts like one or a man who can go to bed with a woman after enjoying the degradation of another female in a porn movie. I don't hate men. You're question implies that I do. There are many things I love and enjoy about men's sexuality. But there are also things that men do to exploit it and their position in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 I guess i reconcile going to bed with a man for the same reason a man can reconcile going to bed To me, that's one of the first "real world" things you've posted. "Men" as a group don't agree with everything that "Women" as a group do and (obviously! ) vice versa. Both the man and woman in a relationship will have areas of disagreement regarding sexuality and other interactions, so compromise is inevitable. I just don't see how either party's side is enhanced by using wholesale labels such as "cheaters", "liars" and "adulterers". I don't hate men. Then lighten up on us, will ya ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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