PORN..what's really the deal?

[soserious1]

This thread just gave me the hots for some little porn.. I just went on YP.. wow.. I thought I saw myself in there.. featured at the top (big boobs)..

 

 

 

that's nice, my husband's probably shot his jizm all over your pics a time or two.

[Jennifer26]

This thread just gave me the hots for some little porn.. I just went on YP.. wow.. I thought I saw myself in there.. featured at the top (big boobs)..

that is truly fascinating.

[Jennifer26]

Soserious -

 

Prior to menopause, would you say you and your H had a good sex life? Or have there always been some issues?

[soserious1]

Soserious -

 

Prior to menopause, would you say you and your H had a good sex life? Or have there always been some issues?

 

 

 

He's never had quite as much drive as I do but the differnce was small enough to not be any sort of problem.

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess my point is, this qualifies as a lot of men. Sex is a little more of a compulsion to men then it is to women, and porn fits nicely into that category.

Porter218, above is what you said in response to this part of the OP's post (I assume the bolding is yours):

 

"An undisciplined mind cannot and will not be able to separate fantasy from reality"

 

You point seems to be that, for "a lot of men", sex is some kind of mindless "compulsion". Like Jersey and many other posters here, your real opponent isn't me and the men I know, but rather some cartoonish caricature of a straw man that you have created to serve your purposes. It's just as worthless as the occasional "women use sex to trick men into marriage and then lose all interest in it" quotes that one sees here. Real people defy the easy categories you seem to want to shove them onto...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Jennifer26]

He's never had quite as much drive as I do but the differnce was small enough to not be any sort of problem.

Do you think your husband possibly has a sexual addiction? His inability in the bedroom might not be about you at all.

 

If he is masturbating to porn frequently he will no doubt have issues having sex with you. Whether you are attractive or not. When men masturbate too often they can become desensitized. Not only that, but some people think that it can actually have changes within the brain as to how he is stimulated.

 

I am 27 years old and I think fairly attractive, and yet, I have the same problem as you. So you see, it doesn't necessarily matter how "hot" you are.

 

The problem is very likely not about you at all.

 

 

Edit: Also, I recommend picking up the book "codependent no more" if you have a chance. Someone recommended it to me recently - I had no idea that I was codependent until I read it. It was a real eye opener.

[Jersey Shortie]

You point seems to be that, for "a lot of men", sex is some kind of mindless "compulsion". Like Jersey and many other posters here, your real opponent isn't me and the men I know, but rather some cartoonish caricature of a straw man that you have created to serve your purposes. It's just as worthless as the occasional "women use sex to trick men into marriage and then lose all interest in it" quotes that one sees here. Real people defy the easy categories you seem to want to shove them onto...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

To an extent you are right Mr. Lucky. You can't put people into easy categories and think you have them figured out. But we also are basing our comments on our experiences with men. Sex might not be a "mindless compulsion" but porn and masturbation seem to be. And how much porn and masturbation do men engage in? You expect us to see beyond the action into a man's head of what he *really* thinks. But all we have to go on is a man's actions. And when you see other men in relationships and have your own relationships with men that use porn, it sure does *seem* that sex, porn and masturbation is a "mindless compulsion" that they can't and don't even want to really control to a point.

 

It doesn't feel good for either sex to be pigeoned holed into a caricture of who they are, it's frustrationg on your part and other men to hear the women here say such things. Since that is the case and you said it yourself, can't you understand how porn can also make women feel pigeoned holed and made to be a caricture of who they are as well?

[Rorocher]

We've beaten this post to death. Bottom line some men enjoy porn in moderation to enhance their sex life, just like one would go to a bar, have two drinks, get a nice buzz, dance, go home and be happy. Not get puking drunk, grope strange women or drive drunk. Some men cannot escape the fantasy of porn, they make it their reality which leads to various other issues.

 

Some women don't see porn as a threat, Some women do.

 

It's a free country, thank God, so everybody do you. Rule your household however way you see fit.

 

I will throw in a piece of advice that my grandmother always gave me about men, "you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar". Let everyone read into that what they will.

 

As the OP, thanks to all, it's been a fascinating spirited discussion.

[Rorocher]

That's simple, it began with mid-life issues,I kept my weight down but menopause made small but definite changes in my face and body.

 

My husband is not an intentionally cruel man.. as I aged he had increasing difficulties in reaching orgasm with me, that progressed to losing erections at the sight of me nude..me finding porn on the computer screen after a sex attempt, finally it turned into him being unable to be aroused by ANYTHING I might do to excite him.. and the excuses started along with it.. "too tired" "too worried, too stressed" about whateve situation he could think up, he saw his doctor and everything came back normal. He has no trouble quickly getting an erection at the sight of any pretty woman between the late teen's to late 30's or so in age, he has no trouble orgasming when viewing nudes or porn.

 

After a 3-4 yr period of fights and constant issues around this we finally had the convo that put the matter to rest for all time.

 

He's only sexually aroused by younger women,he didn't ask for it to be this way, he didn't plan it,isn't happy or thrilled about it.. but there it is.

 

How old is your husband? and I wonder, has age caught up to his body in any way?

 

Are you physically attracted to him as he looks now?

[JackJack]

I thought I had pretty much summed it up last night before I left. Come back and its still going around and around in circles.

 

Rorocher, just a suggestion, but you might want to start a completley different thread if you're discussing soserious situation, espcially if you're wanting this thread to come to an end or you'll have two differet discussions going on at once. Some will continue to reply to this thread while you're discussing things with soserious too. Just a thought.

[Jersey Shortie]

We've beaten this post to death.

 

We've beaten this subject to death but it is a subject that will always be talked about.

 

 

I will throw in a piece of advice that my grandmother always gave me about men, "you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar". Let everyone read into that what they will.

 

Yeap, that's true. That's something that is a two way street too.

 

My grandfather would always say "Dance with the one that brought you". Read into that what you will.

[Rorocher]

I thought I had pretty much summed it up last night before I left. Come back and its still going around and around in circles.

 

Rorocher, just a suggestion, but you might want to start a completley different thread if you're discussing soserious situation, espcially if you're wanting this thread to come to an end or you'll have two differet discussions going on at once. Some will continue to reply to this thread while you're discussing things with soserious too. Just a thought.

 

That is actually a good idea. thanks:)

 

 

p.s., you know us women, we always have to have the last word, redundancy and all:p

[The Collector]

I'll remind you again Jersey Shortie - masturbation isn't a male thing. Women masturbate too, maybe just as much. And are they always fantasizing about their SOs or some other PC scenario? Not if you look at the studies. All the things you find offensive in porn are present in women's fantasies, and often more extreme. Good for them.

[PandorasBox]

I will say this one last thing, and then I'm done here too.

 

I understand if there are people who like it, and those who don't like it. and each has their own debate on the issue.

 

However, there are some people, some of the ones that love it, they act like its the most sacred thing in the world to them. Kind of like getting a visual picture, where they are running around with all of these porn vids under their arm, looking around cursing, and yelling saying,. "damn you all to h*ll that don't like porn." And then just holding their collection closer to themselves, like its the love of their life.

[Jersey Shortie]

I'll remind you again Jersey Shortie - masturbation isn't a male thing. Women masturbate too, maybe just as much. And are they always fantasizing about their SOs or some other PC scenario? Not if you look at the studies. All the things you find offensive in porn are present in women's fantasies, and often more extreme. Good for them.

 

Such as?

 

I think porn in general degrades women much more then it degrades men. I also think more men watch porn.

 

I am just lately resigned to the fact that most men don't care, love or respect women very much.

[Rorocher]

Such as?

 

I think porn in general degrades women much more then it degrades men. I also think more men watch porn.

 

I am just lately resigned to the fact that most men don't care, love or respect women very much.

 

That's not a fair statement to make about MOST men. Just because men don't kowtow to every female whim doesn't mean they don't love or respect women very much.

[Jersey Shortie]

That's not a fair statement to make about MOST men. Just because men don't kowtow to every female whim doesn't mean they don't love or respect women very much.

 

And it's not fair that so many women have to share their men with porn but that's the way it is. It's not a fair statement to make but it's a realistic one about what I think.

 

And this has nothing to do with men catering to every female whim. That is a false assumption on your part.

 

Most porn is pretty degrading to women. Most men like porn and defend it over their real woman. It makes me question what men think and feel about women for real.

[Rorocher]

And it's not fair that so many women have to share their men with porn but that's the way it is. It's not a fair statement to make but it's a realistic one about what I think.

 

And this has nothing to do with men catering to every female whim. That is a false assumption on your part.

 

Most porn is pretty degrading to women. Most men like porn and defend it over their real woman. It makes me question what men think and feel about women for real.

 

Ok, porn is degrading to women, do you mean degrading to the pornstars or to you as his wife? If it's to porn stars, I agree because of the things they have to do in exchange for money but once again, they CHOSE that.

 

if you feel it's particularly degrading to you as his wife? that I don't really get. Can you elaborate?

 

Note: that we are talking about moderate use of porn here.

[Jersey Shortie]

Ok, porn is degrading to women, do you mean degrading to the pornstars or to you as his wife? If it's to porn stars, I agree because of the things they have to do in exchange for money but once again, they CHOSE that.

 

if you feel it's particularly degrading to you as his wife? that I don't really get. Can you elaborate?

 

Note: that we are talking about moderate use of porn here.

 

I think it's degrading to the pornstars and to his wife. I never said that the porn stars don't choose to be in a porn. But a man just as easily chooses to support another woman being degraded for his benefit. Men don't respect the women they see in porn. They wouldn't want anyone they really cared about in one, but it's okay to treat women in a general sense as less then human and only there for a man's pleasure. Usually these women are of a certain age and body type. There are many componants of porn I find degrading. Even in moderate porn use. What does it say about the men of today if they don't mind women being degraded and used in a general sense?

[blair08]

You're right, pornstars did CHOOSE to be in that industry. Just like alot of people CHOOSE to continue to support it and everything it stands for it, all of it. ON and OFF camera.

[Rorocher]

I think it's degrading to the pornstars and to his wife. I never said that the porn stars don't choose to be in a porn. But a man just as easily chooses to support another woman being degraded for his benefit. Men don't respect the women they see in porn. They wouldn't want anyone they really cared about in one, but it's okay to treat women in a general sense as less then human and only there for a man's pleasure. Usually these women are of a certain age and body type. There are many componants of porn I find degrading. Even in moderate porn use. What does it say about the men of today if they don't mind women being degraded and used in a general sense?

 

Do you think sexual intercourse in general treats women as "less than human"?

 

Honestly, I still don't get it. And I'm even beginning to rethink this whole blanket "degrading to women" assumption. Let's think about it, porn stars are having sex, sex feels good for BOTH men and women. Perhaps men enjoy blowjobs more than women. But women also enjoy cunninglus(wrong spelling I'm sure) more than men. The kissing, touching and penetration part of it, both people enjoy. Some women enjoy a threesome, all varieties of it so they perform in it. Some women favor kinkier aspects of sex so they perform in it. Both parties are getting paid even for the activities they don't particularly enjoy, especially the over extended hours of sex. So exactly who is really getting "used" here?

 

And what part of the sexual acts do you find degrading? thinking about it , I can only come up with gangbangs, and the types of blow jobs where the girls are choking but the rest seems like perfectly enjoyable activities for both parties.

[The Collector]

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Sex/sexpsych/sexual_fantasies/top10_female_sexual_fantasies.htm

 

Keep in mind that fantasies are a normal and healthy part of our sexuality. They are either taken from past experiences or may even be entirely imaginary. Sometimes these fantasies are taboo, or socially unacceptable, therefore they are only available through fantasy.

 

10. Strangers in the night

]Many women relish the idea of meeting up with a mystery man and going to some no-name motel with him for a wild night of uninhibited sex. Sometimes women feel like the only people they can truly let loose with are strangers simply because they won't be judged. And who cares anyway? They'll probably never see the beautiful stranger again.

 

9. The more the merrier

Group sex was a popular one among the ladies. "The freedom of being nude in front of a bunch of people who are equally exposed, allowing different men and women to touch and penetrate your body simultaneously is incredibly erotic."

Now don't mistakenly assume that all women want to engage in group intercourse, and gather up all your buddies for your next date (unless, of course, she asks you to).

8. Who's your daddy?

If there's one thing that women are dying to do, it's dominate a man like never before. The creative ideas that flowed from this topic were quite interesting, to say the least. They included:

 

• spanking him
  
• ordering him to perform certain sexual acts
  
• making him beg for what he wants
  
• having him suck on their stiletto heels or some other phallic object
  

7. Lay me out on display

In today's world of confident women, I was not surprised to learn that many of them fantasize about having an audience whilst engaging in sexual acts with a partner. I guess the idea of knowing that others are getting excited by their "performance" provides them with a feeling of empowerment. "Imagining that people are watching me while I'm taking my partner's manhood into my mouth gives me a feeling of satisfaction because it makes me feel sexier." Perhaps these women feel as though they're participating in an erotic movie... speaking abstractly, of course.

6. Sexually ravaged

Although most women agreed that they fantasize about having a master, their role in the scenario differed. Whereas some women said that they would surrender to their master's demands, others opposed the idea and said that they would resist and disobey his commands.

Vicky said, "Having him instruct me on how to lick and suck his member or at what pace to ride him will make me orgasm faster than I can say Yes, Master." On the other hand, Denise interrupted saying, "It depends. In some fantasies I obey, yet in others I fight him and refuse to do anything he says until he finally ties me to the bed and calms me with his rhythmic penetration."

Whew, is it hot in here, or is it just me???

5. I taw, I taw a putty tat

Come on, guys, I'm sure you smelled this one coming from miles away (no pun intended... seriously). Yes, virtually every woman wants or will share her body with another woman. Are you jealous because you get left out? Don't be, most of these women want their man to watch them while they work... or play, as the case may be.

"The idea of touching another soft, hairless body and softly sucking her tongue, amongst other things, seems very erotic," said Sara. Actually that does sound pretty inviting, but won't it be difficult for you guys to sit in the corner and just watch? After all, these women don't want you to participate -- okay, one of them did.

4. Leave a good tip

Keeping in mind that the women interviewed are professionals with commendable careers, some of them fantasized about being strippers, while others took things a step further and imagined being prostitutes. Obviously, the fantasy is romanticized beyond belief because the life of either is not so glamorous that women would opt to have it as a career choice.

"While I'm performing a lap dance for my customer, he hands me a $100 bill and requests that I perform the lap dance... minus his pants," Tina boldly stated. When I asked Amber about her prostitution fantasy, she said, "The gentleman would pick me up in his expensive car and I would ride him in the driver's seat in some dingy back alley. He would pay me my fee and I'd be on my way."

3. Two can chew

Most men enjoy being spoiled by two women who fawn over them simultaneously. In the same instance, women also fantasize about having two men all over their bodies. Some wanted a more gentle erotic scene, while the rare few wanted porno-like sex.

One of the most interesting statements regarding two men was having one penetrate her while the other licked her clitoris. It sounds virtually impossible (especially if the guys are not bisexual), but nevertheless intriguing.

Other good ones include having two guys perform cunnilingus simultaneously, or having one guy perform oral sex while the other sucks on her breasts. Oh, and this goes on for hours by the way.

Another woman made no secret of the fact that she wants to be nasty and do all the taboo things that most women would find degrading. She wants to be penetrated from the anus and the vagina, she wants the guys to release their load all over her, and craziest of all, she wants to be blindfolded through it all.

2. Strap me on, I'm going in

By far, one of the most popular fantasies women have is being the man for one night... literally. They would like to act and dress up like a man, and I mean straight down to the penis. That's right, I'm referring to a strap-on One woman actually had the opportunity to fulfill her fantasy and took full advantage of her boyfriend's willingness. "It was absolutely incredible to be able to penetrate a man and feel the empowerment usually associated with being the aggressor."

"There's something about having a man in a vulnerable position that is an incredible turn-on." Carol admitted. The idea of knowing that we're in the position that is usually assumed by men is probably the most aphrodisiacal element of it all.

1. Ooh, my virgin ears

Although saying "rape fantasy" sounds somewhat unthinkable, that's exactly what most women call it. They want to play the innocent, naïve, unknowing little girl who gets taken advantage of by the devious, predator-like man.

Forcibly pushing her against the wall and "pinning my arms above my head with one hand while the other hand has made its way under my skirt and is fondling my vagina," received nods of approval by all the women in the room. Andrea went even further expecting the man to "rip off my clothes, force open my legs, penetrate me, and concurrently smear my lipstick all over my face with his forceful kiss." Hmmm, interesting.

So let's see JS..

 

10. Presumably this fantasy is off-limits to any woman in a relationship?

9. Nor this, unless the SO is okay with it I guess.

8. Degradation of men. Oh noes!

7. Fantasizing about an audience, or even being part of a porno? Surely not.

6. Degradation of women. Not your bag we understand.

5. Love this one. Again, probably not appropriate if you have a 'soulmate' who must command your every erotic thought at the expense of any other.

4. Fantasizing about being a prostitute? Your head must be spinning... does... not...compute...

3. More than one at a time. That's wrong! And as for the part about wanting to be 'slimed' as you once put it... she must just have self-esteem issues or something.

2. Dominating a vulnerable helpless man... in his special place. Eeek, I feel faint.Can't we just cuddle?

1. Rape. That's women's number one sexual fantasy. Hey whatever turns you girls on. In fantasy land and not real life, of double course, we get that.

 

So JS, presumably when a woman masturbates (or when having sex with their partner) , maybe some of those scenarios are helping her achieve erotic bliss. Cool. But are men's fantasies really so different, baser or more shameful?

 

Like you've been told, if you can't stand a partner who watches porn, find one who doesn't. Telling men en mass to 'put down the porn' sounds reasonable, but you might as well tell all women to put all the above fantasies out of her head if she's in a relationship. No one has that right. It's up to each couple to set their boundaries that are mutually acceptable. You are not going to convince men to stop masturbating, nor use whatever masturbatory aids they choose for this private act. You play the poor victim pleading for compassion, but your demands are controlling and dictatorial.

 

Anyway, I could go on, but you're clearly not going to change your mind on this issue. However you asked for the list of women's sexual fantasies, and I've given it to you. Take it on board, or dismiss it as irrelevant, I'm not bothered. But women masturbate and their fantasies are not PC. Fell free to dismiss this as irrelevant to your cause, just as you do all the posts from women saying they enjoy porn or have no problem with their partners use of it.

[EnigmasMuse]

I don't even know why everyone is trying so hard to fight to proove their point on how they feel about it. The ones who like it will never really agree with the ones who don't, and vice versa. There will always be people who like it that will find justification in why they feel the way they do, just as the ones who don't care for it will as well. It will never be something that is truly agreed upon. I hope someone waves the white flag soon and puts it to rest.

[fral945]

And what part of the sexual acts do you find degrading? thinking about it , I can only come up with gangbangs, and the types of blow jobs where the girls are choking but the rest seems like perfectly enjoyable activities for both parties.

 

I've asked her this question before, and she couldn't give me an answer. I told her I can only assume that any act other than vaginal intercourse is degrading to her. She had no reply. I'm sure she'll have something to say about it, though, which doesn't directly address your specific question.

 

You shouldn't waste you're time with posters like JS. She represents the segment of society that will always be opposed to porn. I hope some of the other, more reasonable women on this board can be persuaded that porn is not as evil as JS and her kind make it out to be.

[redfathom]

I don't even know why everyone is trying so hard to fight to proove their point on how they feel about it. The ones who like it will never really agree with the ones who don't, and vice versa. There will always be people who like it that will find justification in why they feel the way they do, just as the ones who don't care for it will as well. It will never be something that is truly agreed upon. I hope someone waves the white flag soon and puts it to rest.

Agreed, feelings are feelings. Live and let live.