PORN..what's really the deal?

[Woggle]

And we would never be with a man who did not respect our feelings, even if he did not agree with them.

 

I would respect her feelings but I do what I want anyway.

 

As for bonding there is nothing like a night of pure debauchery that can bring male friends closer.

[JackJack]

i'd like to know the answer to this too, i am a woman who watches porn sometimes and its never led me to be abusive towards someone else. i just like to watch occasionally and thats that. no motive behind it..

 

Maybe its kind of like, how someone can smoke pot and only pot and it never esculates beyond that. But for some people, it can esculate from pot to meth to harder stuff, etc etc. Maybe people who have more of an addcitive type of personality are more prone to letting things esculate into worse things, because they have a harder time controlling their impulses? I really don't know.

[Pyro]

Men just like to look at nude women and women need to get over that. Sometimes it is an easy release for men and a strip club can be a good way for men to bond and hang out together. I think that some women just have a problem with everything men enjoy though. If we do something that is fun for us they think we are being selfish and not respecting their feelings.

 

Deny it all you want, but I am willing to bet that if the roles were reversed and your W had that same attitude towards going to male strip clubs, you would go on one your rants about it.

[JackJack]

Deny it all you want, but I am willing to bet that if the roles were reversed and your W had that same attitude towards going to male strip clubs, you would go on one your rants about it.

 

You know he would. He would be ranting and ravin' how awful women were.

[Ruby Slippers]

Unrealistic or not, I think some people don't want to know their SO is fantasizing about screwing other people.

That's partly it for me. I honestly don't look at other men in a sexual way or think about other men when I am in a committed relationship. I only want my man, and I want him a lot! I can't help being sad if he doesn't feel that way about me.

 

I think that porn also dampens the excitement of real sex and makes it more ordinary. My boyfriend tells me he watches porn occasionally, and he told me that over the last month or so, he has not watched any. It doesn't surprise me that our sex has been even better over the last month and we are both more into it and getting more enjoyment from it.

 

I'm sure the sight of my naked body and our sex is more novel and exciting when it's the only naked body and sex he's seeing. And that makes him more expressive of his attraction and excitement for me, which makes me feel more confident and sexy, which means we are more all over each other and loving it up -- good for everyone!

[Woggle]

Deny it all you want, but I am willing to bet that if the roles were reversed and your W had that same attitude towards going to male strip clubs, you would go on one your rants about it.

 

No I wouldn't. My wife has been to male revue clubs and I have no issue with it.

[Jersey Shortie]

Sure porn is degrading, I certainly wouldn't subject myself to getting gang banged or having my face sprayed with semen so yes in that sense it is degrading to women but remember these women..most of them anyway, also consented to that treatment...

 

 

The fact that these women consent doesn't have much to do with the fact that men with women in their lives are condoning and supporting the degradation.

 

They being degraded. We all acknowledge that on some level that alot of porn degrades women. Yet we are suppose to be okay with the men in our lives who we love and care about and "respect", are okay with treating womein in a general sense in a degrading way? The one thing men need most is respect. How come men don't want to give women respect then?

 

.....what two CONSENTING adults choose to do with themselves is their business as long as no one else is getting hurt.

 

Do you consider getting hurt something that is only physical?

 

We are just watching two bodies joining together in a sexual animalistic way and I'm sorry, that sends certain signals to one's sex organs. I don't know why it does, it just does. It makes me want to have sex. If the SO is not around, I take care of myself.

 

I get why porn excites people. I however still don't think it's a great resource in our society and I personally think alot of men and women are getting alot less out of life for it.

 

 

All I'm saying is if you don't have a legitimate gripe and your SO indulges in moderate use and is not neglecting you or making you feel inferior.

 

But who are you to determine what is a "legitimate gripe" or not for everyone? Perhaps if you re-phrased your sentence to say that *you* don't have a legitmate gripe to be bothered by porn, I could understand the statement. But you can't dicitate what others should and shouldn't be bothered by. Some people are bothered by Global Warmings..other's by animal abuse..and others yet by porn use.

 

Please pick your battles and find something else to fight about. Isn't marriage difficult already as it is without going to bat at every perceived slight?

 

I agree! But I also understand that that argument can work both ways in regards to being anti-porn or pro-porn.

 

So you take one for the team this time and let the guy enjoy some harmless fun and on the next issue, let your SO take one for the team.

 

When to guys "take one for their team" when it comes to other men and their SO's in sexual situations?

 

Once again, excessive use which leads to neglect is a whole different ballgame. You have a different dilemma on your hands with that. And just to note, chat rooms, cybersex, anything interactive is NOT garden variety porn, and fall outside my argument.

 

Once again OP, you seem to hold a different set of standards and ideals for men then you do women. You want women/people to be understanding of their SO's porn use and be open to it. You want them to be strong and rise about the occasion. But you don't have those same expectatiosn for men. YOu excuse and jusfy their weakness for porn and their behaivor with it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks JS. I think for me, its because I had seen so much of it when I was younger

 

To be honest I don't know if that's good or bad but it is what it is.

 

I think one reason that she is ok with it, is one, we watch it together, and two, she knows how much I cherish, and love, and respect her. If she said to me right now, "Jack, please lets not watch porn anymore." I would say, "Ok, no problem." Why? Because porn is not as important to me than a real human relationship.

 

 

Well perhaps if more men created the environment that made their SO's feel safe, loved and cherished, she would be open to more sexually adventerous things. Unfortunetly, I don't think most men do this. I also think it's important that you could easily leave the porn with no problem. That is why I think most men are addicted to it on some level because most men seem to hide it or defend it inspite of their real life SO.

 

Most men take the stance that it's porn that stays and if she doesn't like it too bad. You have the opposite mentality and I think that makes a woman feel open and loving towards her partner.

 

 

 

As for bonding there is nothing like a night of pure debauchery that can bring male friends closer.

 

 

Debauchery can include activities that don't involve other naked women no?

 

Although, it does make it hard to trust men when they say things like they want to have "debauchery" with other women depsite having a woman that loves them.

[Rorocher]

Unrealistic or not, I think some people don't want to know their SO is fantasizing about screwing other people.

month and we are both more into it and getting more enjoyment from it.

 

I think this is where the big misconcception comes in. Just because you enjoy porn doesn't mean you are fantasizing about screwing the porn stars. The visual stimulation of two bodies joining together is where the pleasure comes in. If it's about fantasies, then you can just completely ban your SO from looking at women in general. At work, in magazines, on TV, in movies. Just because they are not naked doesn't mean they don't look good. It's summer, cleavages and short skirts everywhere. Not to mention music videos, commercials and the like, that don't skimp on sexuality these days.

 

One more thing, you can never really know what someone is thinking when they are making love to you. He could be fantasizing about his co-worker, the mail carrier or that cute waitress in that restaurant. You can't control his or her fantasies unless you are a mind reader. So why even bother setting yourself up for that heartache.

[porter218]

"I wish more men were like this".

 

 

Thanks JS. I think for me, its because I had seen so much of it when I was younger. All kinds pretty much, so over the years it just got to the point to where it was boring. I think part of it for me too, was I grew up and grew more inlove with my wife and the relationship we have. I place far more importance on that, than watching who is banging who in a video.

 

I'm not saying I never watch it anymore. Both my wife and I do together sometimes. I think one reason that she is ok with it, is one, we watch it together, and two, she knows how much I cherish, and love, and respect her. If she said to me right now, "Jack, please lets not watch porn anymore." I would say, "Ok, no problem." Why? Because porn is not as important to me than a real human relationship.

 

I do however, feel if there are people with real true sexual addictions, then that is possibley harder to break free from.

Oh Jack, how nice it is to see a man with some sense:love:. What a good H you are.

[trubella]

The visual stimulation of two bodies joining together is where the pleasure comes in. If it's about fantasies, then you can just completely ban your SO from looking at women in general. At work, in magazines, on TV, in movies. Just because they are not naked doesn't mean they don't look good. It's summer, cleavages and short skirts everywhere. Not to mention music videos, commercials and the like, that don't skimp on sexuality these days.

 

this is so true, they might as well blindfold the guy while their out in public as well. theyre gonna look and fatasize regardless if your around or not to control what he's viewing.

[blair08]

I guess as long as the cameras are rolling and the show is going on, thats all that matters.

 

I read some info about a porn stars life, why she got in it to begin with. What went on when the cameras weren't rolling, how she got out it etc.

 

She did NOT say ALL this kind of thing happened to ALL porn stars, but she did say a good part of them it did. They were not only paid big bucks to screw but to lie and put on happy faces too. I know, I know, they CHOSE to get into that kind of thing. Just as they CHOSE to get out of it. Some may have not known what it was truly likes before getting into it, after all people make mistakes.That's why she educates and writes books on the truth about what really went on while she was in it.

 

She said, alot of them got beat, by not only the people they were doing the movies with, but by the producers/directors. Most were heavily into drugs. Some were screwed so hard up the poop shoot, after being told they wouldn't do that kind of scene some have bowel issues from it, because they got so tore up. Sometimes if a they didn't do something a particular producer wanted them to do or gave them lip about it, they got raped and tortued afterwards by having many men shove objects up them (and it wasn't sex toys either). The list goes on. that was just a little of what I read.

 

So as long as they look good infront of that camera, and they are catering to people's pleasure and fantasies, that is all that matters. Who cares what goes on when the cameras are not rolling.

[redfathom]

That's partly it for me. I honestly don't look at other men in a sexual way or think about other men when I am in a committed relationship. I only want my man, and I want him a lot! I can't help being sad if he doesn't feel that way about me.

 

I think that porn also dampens the excitement of real sex and makes it more ordinary. My boyfriend tells me he watches porn occasionally, and he told me that over the last month or so, he has not watched any. It doesn't surprise me that our sex has been even better over the last month and we are both more into it and getting more enjoyment from it.

 

I'm sure the sight of my naked body and our sex is more novel and exciting when it's the only naked body and sex he's seeing. And that makes him more expressive of his attraction and excitement for me, which makes me feel more confident and sexy, which means we are more all over each other and loving it up -- good for everyone!

This is how it is for me too. My H does have an addictive personallity. At 26 and having had to deal with his porn usage for eight years I did finally tell myself I had to change my belief on it and I did. But you know what also changed my respect for him and my love. I don't love him nearly as much as I used to and I don't want to be sexual with him like I used to. In reality it's very sad. We are more like roommates and porn is the reason behind this. He is truelly addicted to it.

[Jersey Shortie]

Then men shouldn't pretend they care about committing when they really care about is what is their new masturbation material.

[blair08]

Then men shouldn't pretend they care about committing when they really care about is what is their new masturbation material.

 

 

I tried to send you a PM but said you couldn't receive them.

[redfathom]

this is so true, they might as well blindfold the guy while their out in public as well. theyre gonna look and fatasize regardless if your around or not to control what he's viewing.

But this is sticking it in your face. How would you feel if your H came home and said a new really hot girl at work just started and he wonders what it would be like to **** her. That is in your face too, but most guys would not do that.

[Jersey Shortie]

I tried to send you a PM but said you couldn't receive them.

 

 

Sorry, I don't know how to fix that.

 

 

I guess as long as the cameras are rolling and the show is going on, thats all that matters.

 

I read some info about a porn stars life, why she got in it to begin with. What went on when the cameras weren't rolling, how she got out it etc.

 

She did NOT say ALL this kind of thing happened to ALL porn stars, but she did say a good part of them it did. They were not only paid big bucks to screw but to lie and put on happy faces too. I know, I know, they CHOSE to get into that kind of thing. Just as they CHOSE to get out of it. Some may have not known what it was truly likes before getting into it, after all people make mistakes.That's why she educates and writes books on the truth about what really went on while she was in it.

 

She said, alot of them got beat, by not only the people they were doing the movies with, but by the producers/directors. Most were heavily into drugs. Some were screwed so hard up the poop shoot, after being told they wouldn't do that kind of scene some have bowel issues from it, because they got so tore up. Sometimes if a they didn't do something a particular producer wanted them to do or gave them lip about it, they got raped and tortued afterwards by having many men shove objects up them (and it wasn't sex toys either). The list goes on. that was just a little of what I read.

 

So as long as they look good infront of that camera, and they are catering to people's pleasure and fantasies, that is all that matters. Who cares what goes on when the cameras are not rolling.

 

That's really sad. i don't even know what to say to that. Sometimes when you see a porn you can even tell the girl isn't enjoying it that much but is just making alot of sounds and big motions that I don't think men pick up on.

 

I doubt most men will comment on this post. And if they do it will be to say.. "yeah but..." they won't directly address the negative side of porn. That's been my experience at least.

[redfathom]

You know blaire I never really thought about what the porn industry was like, all I cared about was how it made me feel and what it has done to my marriage but now I have another reason to not like it.

[Rorocher]

I guess as long as the cameras are rolling and the show is going on, thats all that matters.

 

I read some info about a porn stars life, why she got in it to begin with. What went on when the cameras weren't rolling, how she got out it etc.

 

She did NOT say ALL this kind of thing happened to ALL porn stars, but she did say a good part of them it did. They were not only paid big bucks to screw but to lie and put on happy faces too. I know, I know, they CHOSE to get into that kind of thing. Just as they CHOSE to get out of it. Some may have not known what it was truly likes before getting into it, after all people make mistakes.That's why she educates and writes books on the truth about what really went on while she was in it.

 

She said, alot of them got beat, by not only the people they were doing the movies with, but by the producers/directors. Most were heavily into drugs. Some were screwed so hard up the poop shoot, after being told they wouldn't do that kind of scene some have bowel issues from it, because they got so tore up. Sometimes if a they didn't do something a particular producer wanted them to do or gave them lip about it, they got raped and tortued afterwards by having many men shove objects up them (and it wasn't sex toys either). The list goes on. that was just a little of what I read.

 

So as long as they look good infront of that camera, and they are catering to people's pleasure and fantasies, that is all that matters. Who cares what goes on when the cameras are not rolling.

 

As you make your bed, so you shall lie in it. Sure we all want the big bucks and we want it fast, but some of us are not willing to sell our soul for it, for those that are, more power to them. Why should I feel sympathy for a porn star?. They are not victims even if they do get beat up. Some of us drudge away in our 9-5 which pays chump change/ If others choose the seemingly easy and quick way to make big bucks then whose fault is it but their own? If there are no willing participants, porno flicks will not be made and the whole issue will be moot.

 

I will still watch porn though, free porn on the internet and I won't hold a grudge against any man that does it in moderation. The way I see it, it's a guilt free pleasure.

[blair08]

Sorry, I don't know how to fix that.

 

 

 

 

That's really sad. i don't even know what to say to that. Sometimes when you see a porn you can even tell the girl isn't enjoying it that much but is just making alot of sounds and big motions that I don't think men pick up on.

 

I doubt most men will comment on this post. And if they do it will be to say.. "yeah but..." they won't directly address the negative side of porn. That's been my experience at least.

 

 

It was awful. And as I said she didn't say it was like that for ALL but for a good part of them, and alot of them that are still in that industry don't care enough about themselves just yet to get out and haven't hit that rock bottom, so they are going to keep on smiling for that camera and saying how much they love it. This was a pretty famous porn star too. But she had been in the industry for awhile and knows many of the famous porn producers and other top notch porn stars.

 

Of course someone will comment. The comment will be along the lines of "BUT THEY CHOSE THAT LIFESTYLE." Its kind of like saying they deserve what they get. As I said, some didn't know what they were getting into and didn't know the other side of porn until they got deeper into it. But you better believe that matters not to alot of people. As long as they do their thing infront of the camera then what goes on afterwards is tough cookies.

[The Collector]

.

They being degraded. We all acknowledge that on some level that alot of porn degrades women.

 

No, we do not all acknowledge that. I find your attitude to men and the reasoning and emotions you ascribe to us pretty degrading however.

[blair08]

"As you make your bed, you shall lie in it."

 

"Why should I feel sympathy for a porn star?"

 

YOU don't have too. So its probably best for you to keep supporting that industry and eveything that it stands for, and everything that goes on, on and off camera.

 

I mean just because some don't, doesn't mean you don't have to.

[redfathom]

As you make your bed, so you shall lie in it. Sure we all want the big bucks and we want it fast, but some of us are not willing to sell our soul for it, for those that are, more power to them. Why should I feel sympathy for a porn star?. They are not victims even if they do get beat up. Some of us drudge away in our 9-5 which pays chump change/ If others choose the seemingly easy and quick way to make big bucks then whose fault is it but their own? If there are no willing participants, porno flicks will not be made and the whole issue will be moot.

 

I will still watch porn though, free porn on the internet and I won't hold a grudge against any man that does it in moderation. The way I see it, it's a guilt free pleasure.

How would you feel if you did not meet the deadline for a report and your boss beat the **** out of you. Well heck, you joined the company. That is your bed to lie in. Or heck you married the man who beats you everynight, that's your bed to lie in. They joined up to have sex on TV and get paid, not to be beaten or raped. Most of those girls have probrably need raped before which is why they can desensatize themselfs to selling their bodies for money. Does that mean they deserve it.

[redfathom]

No, we do not all acknowledge that. I find your attitude to men and the reasoning and emotions you ascribe to us pretty degrading however.

Boo hoo.

[shadowplay]

Great points, OP. I've never understood the hooplah either and I'm someone who's prone to jealousy.

 

This was hilarious and kind of sad:

 

"It'll be utterly ridiculous for you to feel threatened by some chick who lives on having her face showered with semen by a gang of douchebags. "

[soserious1]

The bottom line truth of all of this is very simple.. no matter how worried you get about porn it's not going to make a man desire you more, no matter how much you attempt to talk about porn with him or make deals, no matter how upset you get.. it's not going to make his sexual desire for you stronger. In fact, constant conversation about these topics might well serve to only make your sexual life together more and more ackward, things won't feel spontanous and fun they'll feel so strained and weird that eventually performance problems will crop up on both sides of the bed. At the very end you'll BOTH be so weary of the subject that sex with each other will be about the last thing either of you want to do... it will switch from something joyous and passionate to an anxiety and shame inducing act..one that you'll both say/do anything to avoid.

 

My husband in his honesty has let me know that I do not physically arouse him, the women who excite him are a good 20-25 years younger than I am. He has also let me know however, that he loves me with all his heart, for all those emotional,non-physical traits I possess and for how well I treat him. Out of his respect for this love he's offered to still have sex with me occasionally even though it's "not worth the amount of work it takes him" but I need to ask him to put me on the schedule and to not ask to often.

 

I don't care what or who he looks at, I no longer care who arouses him..all that matters in the end is the 100% crystal clear knowledge that I don't arouse him. The thought of having to ask for sex on these terms totally kills

my desire and replaces it with feelings of guilt and shame. On his side of things, he can't understand why I'm not asking, why the thought that I'm getting mercy sex bothers me.

 

He wins... he can watch anything or anybody he wants, he can even sleep with anybody he wants.. what he won't ever get is me approaching him to ask for sex..like a sexual charity case.