PORN..what's really the deal?

[trubella]

But this is sticking it in your face. How would you feel if your H came home and said a new really hot girl at work just started and he wonders what it would be like to **** her. That is in your face too, but most guys would not do that.

 

when we're out in public or he's watching tv etc he will occasionally point out the hot chics, sometimes i do too (i'm bi) but i know not everyones R is like ours. we're secure enough to know its not a big deal. i cant control his fantasies, he cant control mine either.

[JackJack]

I guess as long as the cameras are rolling and the show is going on, thats all that matters.

 

I read some info about a porn stars life, why she got in it to begin with. What went on when the cameras weren't rolling, how she got out it etc.

 

She did NOT say ALL this kind of thing happened to ALL porn stars, but she did say a good part of them it did. They were not only paid big bucks to screw but to lie and put on happy faces too. I know, I know, they CHOSE to get into that kind of thing. Just as they CHOSE to get out of it. Some may have not known what it was truly likes before getting into it, after all people make mistakes.That's why she educates and writes books on the truth about what really went on while she was in it.

 

She said, alot of them got beat, by not only the people they were doing the movies with, but by the producers/directors. Most were heavily into drugs. Some were screwed so hard up the poop shoot, after being told they wouldn't do that kind of scene some have bowel issues from it, because they got so tore up. Sometimes if a they didn't do something a particular producer wanted them to do or gave them lip about it, they got raped and tortued afterwards by having many men shove objects up them (and it wasn't sex toys either). The list goes on. that was just a little of what I read.

 

So as long as they look good infront of that camera, and they are catering to people's pleasure and fantasies, that is all that matters. Who cares what goes on when the cameras are not rolling.

 

 

I have heard of these kinds of things happening in that industry too. My wife has a friend who had a book on this very kind of thing, I remember her mentioning it before, and it was about a ex porn star who told the dark side of that industry. I'm not sure if its the same person you are talking about, but I have heard of these things going on.

[Rorocher]

How would you feel if you did not meet the deadline for a report and your boss beat the **** out of you. Well heck, you joined the company. That is your bed to lie in. Or heck you married the man who beats you everynight, that's your bed to lie in. They joined up to have sex on TV and get paid, not to be beaten or raped. Most of those girls have probrably need raped before which is why they can desensatize themselfs to selling their bodies for money. Does that mean they deserve it.

 

This is why you do your research thorougly before you get a job, any job. If my boss beat the **** out of me for not meeting a deadline, I'd quit, get him arrested and sue his ass to boot. If my husband beats me just once, not even twice, I'd file for divorce and get the hell out of dodge. That's really comparing apples to oranges. The porn industry doesn't hide what it is behind something else. Like your husband may be nice to you at first and suddenly you start to notice the anger issues.

 

You joined up to have sex on TV and get paid, oh you somehow think you're going to work for a fortune 500 company with no blemishes to its name? Come on now, let's not get cute here.

 

It's unfortunate that they get beaten, and I didn't know it goes as far as raped...eeek. But if a situation like that arises, you get the hell out, admit you made a terrible choice and learn from it.

 

How can they not know what they are getting into? How is a gang bang or getting literally pounded non stop for 1 hour fun for any woman? How is choking on something that big fun for any woman? you can hear the actual gagging sounds at times. There is only one side of porn and that is, it ain't pleasant for the participants. It's a get rich quick scheme which doesn't even look easy or fun. Who can't tell that the fake moans and smiles are not fabricated?

 

But yet people see this, especially women and still CHOOSE to be involved in it. Oh please cry me a river.

[JackJack]

This is why you do your research thorougly before you get a job, any job. If my boss beat the **** out of me for not meeting a deadline, I'd quit, get him arrested and sue his ass to boot. If my husband beats me just once, not even twice, I'd file for divorce and get the hell out of dodge. That's really comparing apples to oranges. The porn industry doesn't hide what it is behind something else. Like your husband may be nice to you at first and suddenly you start to notice the anger issues.

 

You joined up to have sex on TV and get paid, oh you somehow think you're going to work for a fortune 500 company with no blemishes to its name? Come on now, let's not get cute here.

 

It's unfortunate that they get beaten, and I didn't know it goes as far as raped...eeek. But if a situation like that arises, you get the hell out, admit you made a terrible choice and learn from it.

 

How can they not know what they are getting into? How is a gang bang or getting literally pounded non stop for 1 hour fun for any woman? How is choking on something that big fun for any woman? you can hear the actual gagging sounds at times. There is only one side of porn and that is, it ain't pleasant for the participants. It's a get rich quick scheme which doesn't even look easy or fun. Who can't tell that the fake moans and smiles are not fabricated?

 

But yet people see this, especially women and still CHOOSE to be involved in it. Oh please cry me a river.

 

 

Some of those women (and it was mentioned in blairs post) did NOT know about the dark side of that industry. I would imagine alot of them, came directly from the streets. Who may not have had a decent home and wondering the streets in a daze. When someone, a good kind decent soul to them (pimp/porn producer)approches them and offers them a better life. They glam it up for them, promise them a good life with all the frills. then next thing you know all that glittered to them, wasn't gold after all.

 

As far as getting out of something. Some people may very well be stronger than others. If you've been beat and can get up and walk out the door, good for you, thats wonderful. BUT not all people may be able to do that. Espcially if you know nothing of their troubles or how far their issues go.

[redfathom]

The bottom line truth of all of this is very simple.. no matter how worried you get about porn it's not going to make a man desire you more, no matter how much you attempt to talk about porn with him or make deals, no matter how upset you get.. it's not going to make his sexual desire for you stronger. In fact, constant conversation about these topics might well serve to only make your sexual life together more and more ackward, things won't feel spontanous and fun they'll feel so strained and weird that eventually performance problems will crop up on both sides of the bed. At the very end you'll BOTH be so weary of the subject that sex with each other will be about the last thing either of you want to do... it will switch from something joyous and passionate to an anxiety and shame inducing act..one that you'll both say/do anything to avoid.

 

My husband in his honesty has let me know that I do not physically arouse him, the women who excite him are a good 20-25 years younger than I am. He has also let me know however, that he loves me with all his heart, for all those emotional,non-physical traits I possess and for how well I treat him. Out of his respect for this love he's offered to still have sex with me occasionally even though it's "not worth the amount of work it takes him" but I need to ask him to put me on the schedule and to not ask to often.

 

I don't care what or who he looks at, I no longer care who arouses him..all that matters in the end is the 100% crystal clear knowledge that I don't arouse him. The thought of having to ask for sex on these terms totally kills

my desire and replaces it with feelings of guilt and shame. On his side of things, he can't understand why I'm not asking, why the thought that I'm getting mercy sex bothers me.

 

He wins... he can watch anything or anybody he wants, he can even sleep with anybody he wants.. what he won't ever get is me approaching him to ask for sex..like a sexual charity case.

You're not happy, you just gave up. That't not really good advice for everyone here. That we should just accept it like you did. I do feel bad for your situation.

[redfathom]

This is why you do your research thorougly before you get a job, any job. If my boss beat the **** out of me for not meeting a deadline, I'd quit, get him arrested and sue his ass to boot. If my husband beats me just once, not even twice, I'd file for divorce and get the hell out of dodge. That's really comparing apples to oranges. The porn industry doesn't hide what it is behind something else. Like your husband may be nice to you at first and suddenly you start to notice the anger issues.

 

You joined up to have sex on TV and get paid, oh you somehow think you're going to work for a fortune 500 company with no blemishes to its name? Come on now, let's not get cute here.

 

It's unfortunate that they get beaten, and I didn't know it goes as far as raped...eeek. But if a situation like that arises, you get the hell out, admit you made a terrible choice and learn from it.

 

How can they not know what they are getting into? How is a gang bang or getting literally pounded non stop for 1 hour fun for any woman? How is choking on something that big fun for any woman? you can hear the actual gagging sounds at times. There is only one side of porn and that is, it ain't pleasant for the participants. It's a get rich quick scheme which doesn't even look easy or fun. Who can't tell that the fake moans and smiles are not fabricated?

 

But yet people see this, especially women and still CHOOSE to be involved in it. Oh please cry me a river.

Yes they can leave, but you know what it's to late, they already got rapes. You pass it off as no big deal. You talk about how it's not fun, so how do you get any enjoyment out of it. They are unhappy maybe even miserable and you enjoy it.

[Rorocher]

Yes they can leave, but you know what it's to late, they already got rapes. You pass it off as no big deal. You talk about how it's not fun, so how do you get any enjoyment out of it. They are unhappy maybe even miserable and you enjoy it.

 

I enjoy it because it's sex, period!. Like I said, I don't sit there analyzing it to death. It's sex and when I watch it, something sends some signal to my brain and nether regions and I get aroused.

 

You buy clothes, you freely go shopping whereever. For all you know, some poor kid in some underdeveloped country is working 23 hour days in some dingy sweatshop to make those clothes for mere pennys. And this has been documented too. Do you research the origin of the garments that you buy? Do you ever wonder where how they were made?

 

It's an unfortunate situation, it is, but as you have the poor ones who are being mistreated, by the same token, you have your abundance of Jenna Jamesons and the like who readily flaunt their sexuality have made this a very lucrative business in the tune of becoming millionaires. Perhaps I should only look at porn with women like that.

 

There is a dark side to most businesses and there will always be people who get the short end of the stick. We ALL pick and choose which ones we overlook. So please let's stop with the self righteousness.

[Rorocher]

The bottom line truth of all of this is very simple.. no matter how worried you get about porn it's not going to make a man desire you more, no matter how much you attempt to talk about porn with him or make deals, no matter how upset you get.. it's not going to make his sexual desire for you stronger. In fact, constant conversation about these topics might well serve to only make your sexual life together more and more ackward, things won't feel spontanous and fun they'll feel so strained and weird that eventually performance problems will crop up on both sides of the bed. At the very end you'll BOTH be so weary of the subject that sex with each other will be about the last thing either of you want to do... it will switch from something joyous and passionate to an anxiety and shame inducing act..one that you'll both say/do anything to avoid.

 

My husband in his honesty has let me know that I do not physically arouse him, the women who excite him are a good 20-25 years younger than I am. He has also let me know however, that he loves me with all his heart, for all those emotional,non-physical traits I possess and for how well I treat him. Out of his respect for this love he's offered to still have sex with me occasionally even though it's "not worth the amount of work it takes him" but I need to ask him to put me on the schedule and to not ask to often.

 

I don't care what or who he looks at, I no longer care who arouses him..all that matters in the end is the 100% crystal clear knowledge that I don't arouse him. The thought of having to ask for sex on these terms totally kills

my desire and replaces it with feelings of guilt and shame. On his side of things, he can't understand why I'm not asking, why the thought that I'm getting mercy sex bothers me.

 

He wins... he can watch anything or anybody he wants, he can even sleep with anybody he wants.. what he won't ever get is me approaching him to ask for sex..like a sexual charity case.

 

This truly breaks my heart. I'm so sorry.

[redfathom]

I am not being self righteous. I said in an earier post that if people want to watch porn fine, but don't dismiss the negative side of the industry because you refuse to feel guilty because it might mess up your poor little day. The world is not about you. Notice that I am caring for someone else not myself, I think the word self should be taken out of term self righteous.

 

Clothes are also a necessity, porn is an indulgence. And you said I was comparing apples to oranges.

[JackJack]

*YAWN.* Well, I'm pulling out of this thread (pardon the pun) but it has become a bore and its a vicious cycle like most all of the porn threads end up being. But damn I did COOSE to give my input now didn't I?

 

There's not but a zillion of porn threads, but thats ok, everyone has questions. Bottom line, some love it, some hate it, some are on the fence about it. It will always be a debateable topic. Those who love it will probably never truly see or understand fully why some do not. Those who don't care for it, will probably never really understand or see why some do.

 

If you love it and support everything it is, good for you, have at it.

 

If you don't care for it, and don't support everything it is, good for you too.

 

With that being said. I'm going to go eat dinner. Good night.

[redfathom]

Which is why I never understood why people start these particular posts wanting to know what other people think about it. If you want to watch it have fun, but don't put someone down because they don't want to, or don't want it in their marriage. Live and let live.

[soserious1]

You're not happy, you just gave up. That't not really good advice for everyone here. That we should just accept it like you did. I do feel bad for your situation.

 

 

 

You cannot legislate sexual desire,I cannot wave a magic wand and melt the wrinkles off my face, I cannot will my tiny,sagging old breasts to be perky and large, I cannot wish away the effects of too many years, too many babies and too many surgeries. I cannot force his eyes to light up with pure animal lust at the sight of my aging nude body and I cannot pretend watching his erect penis go totally limp the minute he see's me naked doesn't shame and silence me.

 

The man loves me as a person, he respects my values, appreciates the things I do for him... I don't arouse him physically and there's not much that can happen from there. I cannot force him to lust for me, I can hold him to the marriage contract, I can force him to hold his nose, close his eyes tightly and to service me because I'm his wife... but that's not the kind of sex I want with anyone.

[redfathom]

I guess if you are happy with your life then keep on living it. I personally don't think you're too old to meet someone who can fullfill all your needs, or maybe those needs that are most important. If you current husband does that, then I am happy for you. But you did not say that you love him or that you appreciate what he does for you, just what you do for him.

[pr-girl]

Any woman who thinks men who watch porn have problems should ask themselves if they use pleasure toys themselves. It's the same thing. I currently work for a sex toy company and can say that almost everyone on this planet has sexual desires - men AND women. It's how we fulfill them that is interesting. I sometimes watch porn myself and have with my man in relationships.

 

I would MUCH rather have my man watch porn than go out and sleep with someone else.

 

This is the way I see it (because my father was a porn watcher according to my mom): Take your man's porn away = take the risk of getting cheated on. Not all men WOULD cheat, especially if his woman is taking "care" of him, BUT you HAVE to spice up your sex life or it will dwindle away.

[redfathom]

Would you say that most men who cheat also watch porn? I would since I would say 99% of men watch it. So then if your SO cheats on you because you were mean and would not let him watch porn does that mean you got what was coming to you? Also, sex toys are personal and I see nothing wrong with those either. It is different then watching people have sex though, imo.

[pr-girl]

Would you say that most men who cheat also watch porn? I would since I would say 99% of men watch it. So then if your SO cheats on you because you were mean and would not let him watch porn does that mean you got what was coming to you? Also, sex toys are personal and I see nothing wrong with those either. It is different then watching people have sex though, imo.

 

I understand your question. It reminds me of something I hear all the time: "All cops are pricks."

 

Not ALL cops are pricks, BUT, it takes a certain type of person TO BE a cop. Make sense? Maybe that's what you're saying?

 

Not all guys who watch porn are cheaters, but it takes a certain type of person to watch porn. But, it also takes a certain type of person to cheat. I've dated both. Out of several men I dated who watched porn, I only caught one of them cheating. Yes, it's possible the others just weren't caught and were cheating, BUT it's not probable.

 

Men and women both can cheat. Men and women both can watch porn. I just think if we have sexual desires, we should be able to fulfill them - especially if we're not cheating on our SO.

[Mr. Lucky]

No, we do not all acknowledge that. I find your attitude to men and the reasoning and emotions you ascribe to us pretty degrading however.

I think that the women that are against porn under any circumstances rely on cliched generalizations about men to support their arguement. Here's one that stood out to me:

Sex is a little more of a compulsion to men

Here I thought my W and I were sharing our love for each other in the most intimate way possible. I didn't know that I just acting on a "compulsion"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[The Collector]

Sex toys are different? yeah, they are an actual physical object that the woman is having sexual pleasure from. She is rejecting her man for a piece of plastic. She is saying all she needs is a pretend penis. That vibrates. What if the vibrator was connected to a humanoid robot, would that be ok? If men were having sex with robot women would women see it as nothing, like their use of vibrators is?

 

And as for the porn industry being a horrible industry - if youdon't like it, leave! Go work in an office. No ones got a gun to your head. (though someone will no doubt fantasize that the women are often forced at gun point now...)

[porter218]

I think that the women that are against porn under any circumstances rely on cliched generalizations about men to support their arguement. Here's one that stood out to me:

 

Here I thought my W and I were sharing our love for each other in the most intimate way possible. I didn't know that I just acting on a "compulsion"...

 

Mr. Lucky

What you are talking about is 'making love'. A lot of times when people are cheating it is just 'sex' not what you are talking about. The compulsion I am talking about is just the cheap thrill.

[soserious1]

I guess if you are happy with your life then keep on living it. I personally don't think you're too old to meet someone who can fullfill all your needs, or maybe those needs that are most important. If you current husband does that, then I am happy for you. But you did not say that you love him or that you appreciate what he does for you, just what you do for him.

 

No I didn't say anything about being happy but I don't see any line in my marriage vows that promised me happiness anywhere. I do appreciate that he was finally able to be honest with me, there's nothing more crazy making than having somebody, deny,deny and deny when you confront them with your very accurate perceptions of such a situation.

 

My major point here is this.. by the time you're to the point that you're crying,arguing and fighting over issues like porn, strip clubs and constant ogling of other women,the days,weeks,months the anger about going without sex while he self-pleasures, the anger over the ocean of lies he's told, the blame he's tried to place on you. the sexual side of the marriage is pretty much dead in the water. The doubt, the mistrust is already there, the hurtful words hurled in anger.. all this adds up.. sex feels weird and strange, you're always worried about the lights being too bright, worried if your scars and marks show too badly, wondering what young beauty he had to think about to get an erection in the first place.

 

My husband asked me the other night why I haven't asked him to schedule sex(it's been several months) I held up my hand to silence him and just quietly told him that the thought of being added to his chore list totally humilates me and the thought of him touching me makes me cringe. I also told him that as far as I'm concerned, discussion on this issue is closed. his sexual life is no longer my concern and mine is no longer his concern.

[Rorocher]

No I didn't say anything about being happy but I don't see any line in my marriage vows that promised me happiness anywhere. I do appreciate that he was finally able to be honest with me, there's nothing more crazy making than having somebody, deny,deny and deny when you confront them with your very accurate perceptions of such a situation.

 

My major point here is this.. by the time you're to the point that you're crying,arguing and fighting over issues like porn, strip clubs and constant ogling of other women,the days,weeks,months the anger about going without sex while he self-pleasures, the anger over the ocean of lies he's told, the blame he's tried to place on you. the sexual side of the marriage is pretty much dead in the water. The doubt, the mistrust is already there, the hurtful words hurled in anger.. all this adds up.. sex feels weird and strange, you're always worried about the lights being too bright, worried if your scars and marks show too badly, wondering what young beauty he had to think about to get an erection in the first place.

 

My husband asked me the other night why I haven't asked him to schedule sex(it's been several months) I held up my hand to silence him and just quietly told him that the thought of being added to his chore list totally humilates me and the thought of him touching me makes me cringe. I also told him that as far as I'm concerned, discussion on this issue is closed. his sexual life is no longer my concern and mine is no longer his concern.

 

Of all our nonsensical arguing back and forth here trying to prove one another wrong, your post is the only one that makes me stop and pause. It's such a sad situation. It sounds like you have been married for a long time. Could you shed some light on how the downward spiral began?

[porter218]

No I didn't say anything about being happy but I don't see any line in my marriage vows that promised me happiness anywhere. .

Ohh that is where you went wrong. See my vows did say that he promised to make me happy..and d@mnit, I will hold him to it!

[Rorocher]

Ohh that is where you went wrong. See my vows did say that he promised to make me happy..and d@mnit, I will hold him to it!

 

I think soserious is talking about her husband's actual desire for her, as opposed to him just sleeping with her to fufil his marital vows, out of some sense of obligation or duty.

 

Kind of like the issue men sometimes have with women just rolling over and saying "allright, just hurry up and don't mess up my hair". You want your SO to actually lust for you, droopy breasts, wrinkles and all.

[soserious1]

Of all our nonsensical arguing back and forth here trying to prove one another wrong, your post is the only one that makes me stop and pause. It's such a sad situation. It sounds like you have been married for a long time. Could you shed some light on how the downward spiral began?

 

That's simple, it began with mid-life issues,I kept my weight down but menopause made small but definite changes in my face and body.

 

My husband is not an intentionally cruel man.. as I aged he had increasing difficulties in reaching orgasm with me, that progressed to losing erections at the sight of me nude..me finding porn on the computer screen after a sex attempt, finally it turned into him being unable to be aroused by ANYTHING I might do to excite him.. and the excuses started along with it.. "too tired" "too worried, too stressed" about whateve situation he could think up, he saw his doctor and everything came back normal. He has no trouble quickly getting an erection at the sight of any pretty woman between the late teen's to late 30's or so in age, he has no trouble orgasming when viewing nudes or porn.

 

After a 3-4 yr period of fights and constant issues around this we finally had the convo that put the matter to rest for all time.

 

He's only sexually aroused by younger women,he didn't ask for it to be this way, he didn't plan it,isn't happy or thrilled about it.. but there it is.

[Lizzie60]

This thread just gave me the hots for some little porn.. I just went on YP.. wow.. I thought I saw myself in there.. featured at the top (big boobs)..