Here Tater Tater Tater

[Touche]

I don't get this. I'm not new here, but this thread made me confused. What, in plain words, is OP's issue? It's clear that there is one, but what is it?

 

:laugh:OMG, you almost made me wake my H laughing over this one! Too effin' funny!

 

Ok, I'll explain it to you.

 

The OP has issues that haven't been discovered yet. There are no labels to put on them yet. They're still doing the research. I mean her psychological profile is a complicated one and the issues are very unique and never before seen. It will probably take years and years and many hours of research before the scientific community figures this all out.

 

So you see, your confusion is perfectly understandable.

 

It's not for us to understand everything..or everyone. We need to leave that for the experts.

[soda]

Thanks much for the reply, Touche. I understand now. I'm glad that I didn't wake your H.

[Touche]

Thanks much for the reply, Touche. I understand now. I'm glad that I didn't wake your H.

 

Oh you're very welcome. Yes, I'm glad you didn't wake my H up either. He wouldn't have liked that. Especially since he doesn't even know you.

[Moose]

By the way, I can't stop laughing whenever I picture you and Moose together. OMG. Hilarious! I mean physically you'd make a great looking couple. No question but BOY..that would be one passionate and volatile relationship if I ever saw one.

 

Too funny to think about.

Oh come on....it's not too far fetched is it?

 

It wouldn't bother me one iota to have a capable woman around that's not afraid to get dirt under her little finger nails....doesn't FREAK out when a bead of sweat reaches her brow and can't sit on the couch all day long eating microwave popcorn.....

 

But, I just don't know if a4a could handle being pampered let alone be around a man that can run things himself....it might shock the living daylights out of her.....

[EnigmasMuse]

Oh come on....it's not too far fetched is it?

 

It wouldn't bother me one iota to have a capable woman around that's not afraid to get dirt under her little finger nails....doesn't FREAK out when a bead of sweat reaches her brow and can't sit on the couch all day long eating microwave popcorn.....

 

But, I just don't know if a4a could handle being pampered let alone be around a man that can run things himself....it might shock the living daylights out of her.....

 

 

Not to mention the fact you're a believer and she's a non-believer.

 

Who knows, perhaps you could convince her to step over to your side. But I bet not without putting up a fight.

[Touche]

Oh come on....it's not too far fetched is it?

 

It wouldn't bother me one iota to have a capable woman around that's not afraid to get dirt under her little finger nails....doesn't FREAK out when a bead of sweat reaches her brow and can't sit on the couch all day long eating microwave popcorn.....

 

But, I just don't know if a4a could handle being pampered let alone be around a man that can run things himself....it might shock the living daylights out of her.....

 

It's like Enigma said though. Your belief systems are so different. Probably your politics too I'm sure.

 

As for the what you said, I know you're joking but I've seen many strong women like A4A choose men that really aren't their equal in many ways. I think there's something to what you say. I don't know that she would be able to handle being pampered. Or have a guy who is more "take charge."

 

I wonder if it's somehow threatening to them? I don't know.

 

And maybe I'm wrong about that A couldn't handle it. I've just observed this with other women.

[quankanne]

I think if there were more respect for her and the things she brings to the table, A wouldn't have such a hard time being in a relationship with her tater – and I don't think what she seeks from him is asking too much. It's just that he's not mentally or emotionally wired to give it to her, and I've wondered if he thought he could suck her into his PA game ... you know, it's how emotional vampires operate ... but she's got a straight head on her shoulders she refuses to play because that's not how she deals with people to begin with, so now she's forced to "pay."

 

it's pretty fupped-duck when you think about it. She's the "what you see is what you get" kind of person with no hidden agenda, while he strikes me as someone who has a very public face that hides a whole nother personality ...

[EnigmasMuse]

"while he strikes me as someone who has a very public face that hides a whole nother personality."

 

This sounds like my ex husband. He was like that. He was one of these people that if something were to happen, other people would be like, "What? No way not your husband, he doesn't hit me as the type" etc. kind of thing. He did display himself one way to others on the outside, would do anything for anyone, caring, helpful, but behind closed doors he was someone else. For years I felt like I was being punished for something, because he was one way to others and another way with me, and I hadn't even done anything to him. He sucked me dry emotionally and mentally.Iwas tired and worn out, and was very glad when that relationship ended. Funny how it is theyc an be wired a certain way for others but not wired the same way for the person they are married to or supossdly love.

[quankanne]

maybe they feel that because they "love" them – or because they've paid for a ring and a license – they're entitled to be shxtheads? My dad is like that, a public face that is no way near what he's like around family, and my mom took the brunt of his crappy behavior. Part of it is an insecurity thing, but the larger part is vanity ...

[EnigmasMuse]

maybe they feel that because they "love" them – or because they've paid for a ring and a license – they're entitled to be shxtheads? My dad is like that, a public face that is no way near what he's like around family, and my mom took the brunt of his crappy behavior. Part of it is an insecurity thing, but the larger part is vanity ...

 

 

My ex husbands dad was the same way as well. I guess its a learned behavior. I'm sure its something that can be unlearned, but I guess they would have to reaally want to change. I do think for some people its all they know, BUT thats not an excuse, espcially when they know how they are behaving, not to try to get help or try to work on things within themselves. Not only did my ex display PA behavior alot, but he was a fault finder too, and his dad, the same way. His mother put up with it, for whatever reason for 50 some years, I on the other hand couldn't "put up" with it. Since she chose to put up with that type of behavior, she was/is one of the most bitter depressed people I know, and its sad really.

[a4a]

I broke.

 

He is home today.... I locked myself away here in the bedroom.

 

I am being a complete wuss.... crying my eyes. He is well aware and whistling away when I passed him in the kitchen.

 

my fault that he did not let a dog in because I asked him for his help on something...... I interrupted him..... my fault.

 

This is pathetic.

[a4a]

Oh come on....it's not too far fetched is it?

 

It wouldn't bother me one iota to have a capable woman around that's not afraid to get dirt under her little finger nails....doesn't FREAK out when a bead of sweat reaches her brow and can't sit on the couch all day long eating microwave popcorn.....

 

But, I just don't know if a4a could handle being pampered let alone be around a man that can run things himself....it might shock the living daylights out of her.....

 

Well this morning in a discussion I was told that in so many words I should not be concerned about "getting ready" in the mornings.... you know like combing your hair or looking nice. Normal people would choose not to do so.

 

I am not sure I do know what it would be like to go out to dinner and have a compliment.

[JackJack]

I broke.

 

He is home today.... I locked myself away here in the bedroom.

 

I am being a complete wuss.... crying my eyes. He is well aware and whistling away when I passed him in the kitchen.

 

my fault that he did not let a dog in because I asked him for his help on something...... I interrupted him..... my fault.

 

This is pathetic.

 

Dayummmmmmm woman....please say how you see this is not good for you. Look at what its doing. You are hiding in the bedroom, that doesn't sound like you at all. He is winning here!

 

Is it possible for you to pack a few things and get away by yourself for a few days? You need some time to clear your head. I truly believe you're going to have to do something. Its tearing you down.

[a4a]

Dayummmmmmm woman....please say how you see this is not good for you. Look at what its doing. You are hiding in the bedroom, that doesn't sound like you at all. He is winning here!

 

Is it possible for you to pack a few things and get away by yourself for a few days? You need some time to clear your head. I truly believe you're going to have to do something. Its tearing you down.

 

nope got clients coming early am thurs. He is actually cleaning the house.

 

I just grabbed a glass of water.... he just ignored me.

 

I jokingly mentioned I was getting a prescription for drugs last night to keep me quiet..... he more or less thought it was a good idea.

 

Nice...... such a nice guy.

 

I truly think he is crazy.

I mean really crazy.

[JackJack]

nope got clients coming early am thurs. He is actually cleaning the house.

 

I just grabbed a glass of water.... he just ignored me.

 

I jokingly mentioned I was getting a prescription for drugs last night to keep me quiet..... he more or less thought it was a good idea.

 

Nice...... such a nice guy.

 

I truly think he is crazy.

I mean really crazy.

 

Yes, he probably is crazy, and he is taking you down with him.

[a4a]

OMG I am evil....

I just thought about going out of my den and telling him his mother called.....

she has been dead for 20 some years.... where the hell did that thought come from.... creative revenge???

 

I just wonder if he would believe it.

 

I had a urge to chuck out our wedding pictures..... passing urge. NOt worth the energy to do so.

 

fluxuation between anger and sadness.....

 

suggestions besides moving out.... no can do without serious future repruccusions. (sp? don't care)

 

War of the Roses???

[a4a]

:laugh:OMG, you almost made me wake my H laughing over this one! Too effin' funny!

 

Ok, I'll explain it to you.

 

The OP has issues that haven't been discovered yet. There are no labels to put on them yet. They're still doing the research. I mean her psychological profile is a complicated one and the issues are very unique and never before seen. It will probably take years and years and many hours of research before the scientific community figures this all out.

 

So you see, your confusion is perfectly understandable.

 

It's not for us to understand everything..or everyone. We need to leave that for the experts.

 

 

I am a gay man trapped in a lesbians body who believes that she/he/it is a T-rex with underlying urges to build log cabins and impersonate Abraham Lincoln but in full drag. I also believe that Toto is our savior. And I want to drive a fed ex truck..... one parked out front.

[JackJack]

So what is your plan?

[quankanne]

He is home today.... I locked myself away here in the bedroom.

 

I am being a complete wuss.... crying my eyes. He is well aware and whistling away when I passed him in the kitchen.

 

oh, hell, A – he's really gotten into your head, and that does not bode well. Frankly, it's scary, because it's so far removed from the person I've seen here at the 'Shack.

 

you say he's seeing a mind-prober (with no real results, it sounds like) ... do you have anyone like that to bounce your frustrations or concerns off? Because what he's subjecting you to just isn't healthy ...

[Touche]

I am a gay man trapped in a lesbians body who believes that she/he/it is a T-rex with underlying urges to build log cabins and impersonate Abraham Lincoln but in full drag. I also believe that Toto is our savior. And I want to drive a fed ex truck..... one parked out front.

 

I know. I thought it was something like that. See? No label for this type of affliction. It's a very, very rare disorder. In fact, it's so rare that no one in the history of human kind has ever been diagnosed with it before. That's what I was trying to explain to Soda.

[blair08]

I broke.

 

He is home today.... I locked myself away here in the bedroom.

 

I am being a complete wuss.... crying my eyes. He is well aware and whistling away when I passed him in the kitchen.

 

my fault that he did not let a dog in because I asked him for his help on something...... I interrupted him..... my fault.

 

This is pathetic.

 

 

Oh, I just hate hearing about someone being treated this way. :mad:You locked yourself in the bedroom crying, it shouldn't be that way, and you have the power to change this, because he wont.

 

May I ask you a question? I'm jsut trying to understand, that's all. I'm sure what he is doing is some kind of abuse, mental/emotional. If he was beating the crap out of you and physically abusing you, would you stay and take this?

[Moose]

Oh, I just hate hearing about someone being treated this way. :mad:You locked yourself in the bedroom crying, it shouldn't be that way, and you have the power to change this, because he wont.

 

May I ask you a question? I'm jsut trying to understand, that's all. I'm sure what he is doing is some kind of abuse, mental/emotional. If he was beating the crap out of you and physically abusing you, would you stay and take this?

I'm sure she wouldn't, but that's something totally different. I would almost be willing to bet she would PREFER to be physically abused.

 

This is what'll most likely happen....she'll blow up and let off steam with him, he'll break down and even cry promising her he'll change....

 

He'll admit to not trying hard enough, then swear on a relative's grave that he'll try harder. (And he will, but only for a short time).

 

He'll compliment her on her strength in dealing with HIS problems, telling her how much he needs her and can't live without her.....couldn't of gotten THIS far, (however far that really is).....then just because there will be hours of this....she'll let it go and things will be back to, "normal" for a time....

 

Rinse, and repeat.....(I've been dealing with this for years)

[blair08]

"Rinse, and repeat.....(I've been dealing with this for years)"

 

WHY? As I told her, I'm just trying to understand, that's all. Why would you put up with that? Doesn't it bother you, make you unhappy and know in your mind and heart that you deserve better?

 

And yes, I'm sure being ignored or for him to place blame on her for things is different than being slapped or choked. But its abuse just the same, its destroying who she once was. I'm not saying she caused this, or you did in your situation either, but by staying isn't that enabling it, or allowing it to continue?

[quankanne]

however, it sounds like he's now really got into her head, moose, that's what the scary part is. And his world isn't "right" until he CAN screw with her mind ... it's all a game.

 

and yeah, it sounds like mental abuse to me ...

[Moose]

Why would you put up with that? Doesn't it bother you, make you unhappy and know in your mind and heart that you deserve better?

Of course. But we've made a lifetime commitment. Honoring that commitment is more important, (to some people) than giving up because of our own desires.....I don't know if that makes sense, or perhaps it really is a4a and I being the, "ill" ones in our relationships.....