Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I also think people need to understand that you just can't pack up and leave a PA spouse/partner. By their own, "logic" they'll dump a load of guilt and blame you, even though you know in your heart of hearts that isn't the case..... At least, that's been my experience with couples I've helped out in the past. PA folk but their partners in between a rock and hard place....they're masters at it in fact... True. It is amazing how they are able to turn things around. It's like playing chess..... a simple conversation turns into a game of chess. I have never had him say "sorry" either unless I requested it. Ask a simple question and you will never get an answer. They never take the responsibility of things gone wrong or right. It is amazing to deal with a person with such behavior. As soon as we were married things went dark. However he did just call to relay a bit of info to me.... problem to solve. I told him "you handle it". Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 "At least, that's been my experience with couples I've helped out in the past. PA folk but their partners in between a rock and hard place....they're masters at it in fact..." Do you feel that most people who are PA are aware of it? You say they are masters at it, so is it possible they don't realize it sometimes? Or do they always know what they are doing and saying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Ahhhh I see. Well its bad enough he makes you feel the way you do. I guess being that way is form of abuse and would be no different if it were a physical form as well. People stay for all kinds of reasons I suppose. I hope you find at light at the end of the tunnel soon. It is a form of abuse. It truly is. I got suckered in..... so partially to blame. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 It is a form of abuse. It truly is. I got suckered in..... so partially to blame. Wow, I'm so sorry! Sounds awful really. Did he display any of these types of PA behaviors back before you were married? I know some people are good at hiding things in the beginning and not letting them surface until later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 "At least, that's been my experience with couples I've helped out in the past. PA folk but their partners in between a rock and hard place....they're masters at it in fact..." Do you feel that most people who are PA are aware of it? You say they are masters at it, so is it possible they don't realize it sometimes? Or do they always know what they are doing and saying? Mine claims he never does anything intentional. As a matter a fact he is full of good intentions 24/7 Nothing is his fault.... the clouds were not lined up right so he could not do anything for a birthday...... the dog farts so the trash didn't go out. I love the "I never said that"...... I agree - you never say anything you just do or don't do it. The PA peeps will drive you mad.... mad I say... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Do you feel that most people who are PA are aware of it? You say they are masters at it, so is it possible they don't realize it sometimes? Or do they always know what they are doing and saying?I think they always know what they are doing. Mrs. Moose admitted to knowingly manipulating me to change my behaviour or to take advantage of certain situations. Although she did tell me it's second nature to her. To me I just thought it was something all women did.....just not as extensively as Mrs. Moose. I've come to realize she's just as PA as a4a's spouse.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Wow, I'm so sorry! Sounds awful really. Did he display any of these types of PA behaviors back before you were married? I know some people are good at hiding things in the beginning and not letting them surface until later on. oh no He was an ass buster.... hard worker. spotless bathroom kinda guy. I was so impressed at how clean this house was.... I really was. Now I am the maid accountant mule and mother. He is also semi narcissisistic...... a narcisissy. He has no empathy for others. It's so cool (ya gotta laugh) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think they always know what they are doing. Mrs. Moose admitted to knowingly manipulating me to change my behaviour or to take advantage of certain situations. Although she did tell me it's second nature to her. To me I just thought it was something all women did.....just not as extensively as Mrs. Moose. I've come to realize she's just as PA as a4a's spouse.... NO MOOSE we don't all do that. If I want or need something I ask or inform. I do not wish to manipulate people to get what I want. H has a list. Still nothing done on it in 2 years. Compliment your wife on occassion is on the list. that costs lots of money and time....... the things I ask of him.... the burden on him... :lmao: Now he has concluded that I disrupt his routine.... He cannot treat me well because I disrupt his routine.... :lmao: post shrink visit conclusion. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think they always know what they are doing. Mrs. Moose admitted to knowingly manipulating me to change my behaviour or to take advantage of certain situations. Although she did tell me it's second nature to her. To me I just thought it was something all women did.....just not as extensively as Mrs. Moose. I've come to realize she's just as PA as a4a's spouse.... Oh, how do you live with someone who is PA then? Isn't that kind of like living with an abuser? I would think thats pretty hard to do. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Whats PA? Sorry to be dense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Whats PA? Sorry to be dense. pantie abuser no passive aggressive Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Oh! Got it. thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Oh, how do you live with someone who is PA then? Isn't that kind of like living with an abuser? I would think thats pretty hard to do. yeah it is..... but you learn it's your fault they are PA. :lmao: Right Moose....... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I know you're making money. I know you don't give a rip about his health but I think you do about yours. Even you said you had lack of motivation, a lack of desire to fix the house up, etc. The whole relationship is taking a toll , if you're not wanting to do things you used to want to or enjoy doing. Staying in that mess will only continue to drag you down. BUt I know, I know, its amoney/business thing. I also feel sorry for someone who is miserable in a M.. but stays just for the money... I am so happy, when I read threads like this one, to be single and to be able to make tons of money and to have the 'choice' of men.. honestly... OP.. get out.. and have fun for Pet's sake.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I also feel sorry for someone who is miserable in a M.. but stays just for the money... I am so happy, when I read threads like this one, to be single and to be able to make tons of money and to have the 'choice' of men.. honestly... OP.. get out.. and have fun for Pet's sake.. Lizzie I don't stay for the money... BTW I built our businesses myself.. with his help.. but on my back and brain power. People don't seem to understand that I have an obligation to fulfill. Far far from selfish reasons. I also run a NPO. I am the sole backbone. I leave it closes.... People rely on me...... lots and lots of people. I will stick to my obligations and to my word. Life is not all about men and sex. Some of us have a far greater reason to get up in the morning. I will sacrafice my own happiness to do what I said I will do until I can find a way out that will not harm others. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Lizzie I don't stay for the money... BTW I built our businesses myself.. with his help.. but on my back and brain power. People don't seem to understand that I have an obligation to fulfill. Far far from selfish reasons. I also run a NPO. I am the sole backbone. I leave it closes.... People rely on me...... lots and lots of people. I will stick to my obligations and to my word. Life is not all about men and sex. Some of us have a far greater reason to get up in the morning. I will sacrafice my own happiness to do what I said I will do until I can find a way out that will not harm others. Good for you.. Do I 'admire' your courage.. yes and no.. You said that YOU built the business yourself.. then why the need to keep a 'dead weight' as you call him.. kick him out.. you don't seem to need any dead weight around you.. I don't really feel sorry for you.. I know you can take care of yourself.. I just don't understand the need to constantly post about your 'dead weight' ... and you don't seem to be doing anything about it.. I know it's not easy.. but it's not easier for a woman with 5 kids, no education, no work, to get away from a physically abusing husband.. when there's a will, there's a way. Anyway.. I like my shoes much better than yours.. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 yeah it is..... but you learn it's your fault they are PA. :lmao: Right Moose.......Absolutely....Some of us have a far greater reason to get up in the morning. I will sacrafice my own happiness to do what I said I will do until I can find a way out that will not harm others.Geeez, some of us can't even sleep if we didn't know we did some damage and got some work done.....I'll stay up until 4am sometimes making sure there's a profit the next afternoon... I seriously don't know how Mrs. Moose and Mr. a4a sleep soundly at night....or anyone else for that matter.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Good for you.. Do I 'admire' your courage.. yes and no.. You said that YOU built the business yourself.. then why the need to keep a 'dead weight' as you call him.. kick him out.. you don't seem to need any dead weight around you.. I don't really feel sorry for you.. I know you can take care of yourself.. I just don't understand the need to constantly post about your 'dead weight' ... and you don't seem to be doing anything about it.. I know it's not easy.. but it's not easier for a woman with 5 kids, no education, no work, to get away from a physically abusing husband.. when there's a will, there's a way. Anyway.. I like my shoes much better than yours.. perhaps the same reason you keep posting about screwing MM. I need to vent... that is why. I need to learn... evolve. that is why I post here. Hell I think Moose got something from my posts..... and I think we used to hate each other..... now friends...... It is always simple to sit on the sidelines and throw simple solutions.... walk a mile in my shoes.... and the answer is not to pack up and move out. That would be stupid for me as well. I cannot kick him out of his own home. Some of us do have morals. This is his home too. You can keep your Shoes Lizzie.... they seem pretty empty to me anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Absolutely....Geeez, some of us can't even sleep if we didn't know we did some damage and got some work done.....I'll stay up until 4am sometimes making sure there's a profit the next afternoon... I seriously don't know how Mrs. Moose and Mr. a4a sleep soundly at night....or anyone else for that matter.... Me either..... specially since I keep a really sharp fork on the nightstand. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Personally, I think you should rig up a tater shooter. Something like those machines that shoot out tennis balls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Personally, I think you should rig up a tater shooter. Something like those machines that shoot out tennis balls. oh god do you remember when I wrapped him up the tater and gave it to him as a gift?? :lmao: it was ammo! I am creative at least. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 oh god do you remember when I wrapped him up the tater and gave it to him as a gift?? :lmao: it was ammo! I am creative at least. I'm tellin ya, when he is out on the tractor or whatever he does, have that tater shooter pointing in the direction he is in, and it will fire taters at random. Or whatever else you might put in there. PS. But make sure that tater shooter is no where to be seen. So he will think he is going crazy, with taters just flying out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I'm tellin ya, when he is out on the tractor or whatever he does, have that tater shooter pointing in the direction he is in, and it will fire taters at random. Or whatever else you might put in there. deer crap.... horse crap..... pig crap.... duck crap..... the fecinator pow pow pow pow Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 I just bought a clip (bag) of russets.... temptation temptation....... oh the temptation to pelt him with taters........ Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 deer crap.... horse crap..... pig crap.... duck crap..... the fecinator pow pow pow pow When he comes to you telling you of all the things flying in the air hiting him, look at him like he has gone mad. Tell him he needs to be admiited quickly to the mental hospital and that you're going to tell the doc he thinks there are taters being flung at him from out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
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