herenow Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Actually, the detective that called was way ahead of me. He is going to subpoena both sets of phone records and see who was really calling who. He will then see MM was calling me 8 -12 times a day and texting 3000-4000 times a month. Plus, the detective stated that if he has filed a false charge - to appease the BW - he (the detective) will take care of it for me - I will not need to file anything because he doesn't like to waste his time. Did you tell the detective that you had called the MM recently and he didn't respond? I'm sure the detective will understand that the MM is just trying to make sure you don't try to contact him again. If you really want to end this, just tell the detective what you said in your other thread. You were weak and you called him, but you promise not to call him again. Stick to the promise and you should have no problem. Proving that he called you during an affair will do nothing but prove that he had an affair with you and it sounds like you don't need that kind of proof. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Did you tell the detective that you had called the MM recently and he didn't respond? I'm sure the detective will understand that the MM is just trying to make sure you don't try to contact him again. If you really want to end this, just tell the detective what you said in your other thread. You were weak and you called him, but you promise not to call him again. Stick to the promise and you should have no problem. Proving that he called you during an affair will do nothing but prove that he had an affair with you and it sounds like you don't need that kind of proof. Yes, I made it perfectly clear that I had made calls and left VM as recent as Tuesday - but I would not make any further calls or contact in any way. The detective said that is really all "he" wanted. That we would start from a clean slate from today forward - no more contact. This will not be a problem for me - since I was the one who started the NC to begin with. There were actually no charges filed. However, if he does try to contact me - I will file charges against him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 Wow. I am not quite sure I have ever heard of a cop who cared about a simple RO that much before - and I am not sure why the phone records of the past would have any bearing on what is happening after a certain date. "Filing a false charge" seems weird, too, as you definitely called him recently; the RO would be to to "protect" him from your calling in the future. Honestly - if I were you, I would want the cop to sit down and shut up, bc the more contact you have with him, the more of a chance that your H will find out about all of this. Matter of fact, how can he not find out about it? Won't you have to go to court? Are you sure this is really a cop, and not a friend of his that xMM asked to call you to scare you into leaving him alone and not calling again? Yes, I am certain. I called the police department first and asked if there was indeed a detective by that name. Then, I asked to speak with him since he had left me a VM message. I do think the whole thing was a scare tactic that the W came up with. Just little things that the detective said - like "they" called him - he could hear "her" in the background telling "him" what to say. I also have 2 VM from xMM from last week that I saved where he clearly stated he did not want me to cut off all communication - Well, too late now. I told the Detective I had the VM saved. Regardless, I am finished with this man forever! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Regardless, I am finished with this man forever! A very loosely-applied term... Oh well, he's the W's problem now. To you he's just static, jamming the transmission of what you need to do with your life now. You've really got your hands full right now, Kami. A lot of life-changing decisions need to be made, and you need a clear head to make them. Enough of the sappy romance stuff. It's time to get tough. Show everyone what you're REALLY made of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 A very loosely-applied term... Oh well, he's the W's problem now. To you he's just static, jamming the transmission of what you need to do with your life now. You've really got your hands full right now, Kami. A lot of life-changing decisions need to be made, and you need a clear head to make them. Enough of the sappy romance stuff. It's time to get tough. Show everyone what you're REALLY made of. ANd that is exactly what I plan to do! So, look out world I am coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I don't like going off topic, however the above statement cannot stand. I'm with you LSD. Stuff happens, good and bad. There is no reason for anything happening. What is behind the reason of horrible things that happen in life to innocent people and children? I believe that everyone must find reason in what happens. And some things just don't have a reason for happening. Sometime's it's due to choice and sometimes it's just up to luck. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 ANd that is exactly what I plan to do! So, look out world I am coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just wanted to say that I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad to hear that you have bounced back and are being strong and positive. (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 I'm with you LSD. Stuff happens, good and bad. There is no reason for anything happening. What is behind the reason of horrible things that happen in life to innocent people and children? I believe that everyone must find reason in what happens. And some things just don't have a reason for happening. Sometime's it's due to choice and sometimes it's just up to luck. I agree. One of the last things my xMM said to me was that he just could not undertstand why "everything went to sh*t"! Why "we" could not be! I told him he had choices - but he just didn't see it that way. In reality he made his choice - or as I told him - you made your bed hard - you have to lay in it! I didn't get a vote! Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice- shame on me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Well, you've now learned not to mess with a married man. Too many are simply on the prowl for variety. He'll probably just find another OW who knows how to "behave herself." What a douchebag this guy is. I don't think he is going to be anywhere with anyone but W anytime soon. She has his phone, email (personal and work), computer, phone bills, car keys, is having him followed when he does leave the house to work. "Douchebag"? no, he would probably like that too much! I kinda like the term "WORM DIRT"! LOL!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Just wanted to say that I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad to hear that you have bounced back and are being strong and positive. (((HUGS))) Thanks GEL! I sincerely appreciate everyone's words - for or against! I still hurt - I have wide emotional swings from time to time - but everyday gets easier and I get stronger. I also take satisfaction in knowing that his W will be making his life a living hell for a very long time! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I definitely think that his W is the reason that he is getting the RO, but not in the way that its being implied. Sure, it doesn't matter who is behind the reasons for doing it, he is still doing it. BUT, to me, it shows that he is making his alliances clear. No one goes through all of this if they intend to leave (at least not in the short-term). He has made his choice. I am sorry that it hurts. It is best to move on as best as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 I definitely think that his W is the reason that he is getting the RO, but not in the way that its being implied. Sure, it doesn't matter who is behind the reasons for doing it, he is still doing it. BUT, to me, it shows that he is making his alliances clear. No one goes through all of this if they intend to leave (at least not in the short-term). He has made his choice. I am sorry that it hurts. It is best to move on as best as you can. Thanks NID! I could not agree with you more. I am sure she was behind the whole calling the police thing - I can just hear her now yelling in the background telling him what to say - LOL!!!! But, he has to live with that crap now - not me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Just a follow-up to my original post on this thread. I have conducted a little research and spoken to a relative who is also a detective and this whole call was just a scare tactic. The xMM had no evidence of harassment. First, he NEVER told me NOT to call him - just the opposite, I have a VM message (I was smart enough to save several) from him stating he wanted to hear from me (actually stating he would love to hear from me), how to call him, and when to call - less than a week before he called the PD. This was after I went NC with him. Of course I did break that on one day and made 3 calls leaving VM. Legally, he would have had to tell me verbally or in writing that he no longer wanted contact with me and ask me not to call him. He never did this. So, he lied to the PD about that. Next, there would have had to have been ongoing telephone, email, txt messaging, IMing, or some other sort of annoying or threatening efforts from my end – which, there were not - and never have been. So, he (and yes the W) and the cop thought a little call to the OW would stop all the VM. Well, they are right – but, not for the reason’s HE thinks. Xmm are like fish! After a while they start to stink! I am also thinking about writing a book! What a story this would make! Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 And his cover story to the W may have been that you were stalking him or something...bet he was lying his ASS off to her so she didnt find out he was having an A, so she probably legitimately thought you were harassing him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 And his cover story to the W may have been that you were stalking him or something...bet he was lying his ASS off to her so she didnt find out he was having an A, so she probably legitimately thought you were harassing him! I wish it were that simple. No, the W knows it was me. Knows the whole story and knew 27 years ago too. He certainly may have made up some stupid story about having cut off all contact with me and now I would not leave him alone 0 in fact I am sure that is what he did. What he does not know is that I kept the proof that he has indeed contacted me many times since D-day. I am saving my evidence, however, for another day.:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 Kami, I am so sorry he betrayed you in this. Did your H find out about the RO? Does he know anything at this point? Writing a book eh? Wanna do one together? LOL;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 Kami, I am so sorry he betrayed you in this. Did your H find out about the RO? Does he know anything at this point? Writing a book eh? Wanna do one together? LOL;) No, my Xmm never really filed any charges - just a threat! No my H sill knows nothing - I am pretty good at hiding my emotions - besides my H does his own thing most of the time anyway - another long story!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 Kami, I am so sorry he betrayed you in this. Did your H find out about the RO? Does he know anything at this point? Writing a book eh? Wanna do one together? LOL;) About the book - I just may include some other's stories. I would love to put the past 27 + years of my relationship with the Xmm in print - especially the ending! Of course the names would need to be changed. Because we are all anonymous here one would need to find this web site, be familiar with the details of the events, etc… in order to figure out who we are. With that said, I can assure you releasing my story in print would be a phenomenal shock to many. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 About the book - I just may include some other's stories. I would love to put the past 27 + years of my relationship with the Xmm in print - especially the ending! Of course the names would need to be changed. Because we are all anonymous here one would need to find this web site, be familiar with the details of the events, etc… in order to figure out who we are. With that said, I can assure you releasing my story in print would be a phenomenal shock to many. I agree. I sure wish you had PM rights. Don't want to sound like a broken record, but I do know of a story very, very similar to yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 I agree. I sure wish you had PM rights. Don't want to sound like a broken record, but I do know of a story very, very similar to yours. I will check out getting PM rights tomorrow. I will let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 I don't get why everyone's blaming his wife for all of this. While I'm sure she was livid about the whole thing, I'm betting she didn't hold him at gunpoint forcing him to make that call. He DECIDED to make that call, based on whatever the situation was. She can't FORCE him to do anything...just like the OW can't force the WS to leave either. She gave him a CHOICE...he made his choice. She probably told him that it was her or you. Odds are high that he lied to her about the situation, said that you were stalking him and he'd tried to end it (blah blah blah)...and she called his bluff and told him that he either did something about the situation or it was over between him and her. And here you are... I'm not bashing you, Kami. Just pointing out the flaw in the logic here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 I don't get why everyone's blaming his wife for all of this. While I'm sure she was livid about the whole thing, I'm betting she didn't hold him at gunpoint forcing him to make that call. He DECIDED to make that call, based on whatever the situation was. She can't FORCE him to do anything...just like the OW can't force the WS to leave either. She gave him a CHOICE...he made his choice. She probably told him that it was her or you. Odds are high that he lied to her about the situation, said that you were stalking him and he'd tried to end it (blah blah blah)...and she called his bluff and told him that he either did something about the situation or it was over between him and her. And here you are... I'm not bashing you, Kami. Just pointing out the flaw in the logic here. Owl, no-one said she did, but given that up to that point he was still making attempts to break Kami's NC, I'd say it's a good bet she gave him an ultimatum lol and you're right, bottom line it was HIS choice to go along with that...which is why Kami now at least sees him for the prize wuss he is Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 No sympathies here. Too bad the wife probably can't sue for stealing affections (a man in Ill. won $4802 in his case against his wife's lover). DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 No sympathies here. Too bad the wife probably can't sue for stealing affections (a man in Ill. won $4802 in his case against his wife's lover). DNR I don't believe in that suing for alienation of affection crapola - I mean god, have SOME self respect 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 7, 2008 Author Share Posted July 7, 2008 I don't get why everyone's blaming his wife for all of this. While I'm sure she was livid about the whole thing, I'm betting she didn't hold him at gunpoint forcing him to make that call. He DECIDED to make that call, based on whatever the situation was. She can't FORCE him to do anything...just like the OW can't force the WS to leave either. She gave him a CHOICE...he made his choice. She probably told him that it was her or you. Odds are high that he lied to her about the situation, said that you were stalking him and he'd tried to end it (blah blah blah)...and she called his bluff and told him that he either did something about the situation or it was over between him and her. And here you are... I'm not bashing you, Kami. Just pointing out the flaw in the logic here. I am not blaming the BW. I am pretty sure this IS what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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