OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 This guy cheated on his wife, he will cheat on you! That is the most ignorant bollocks! Many MMs who go on to marry their OWs do not "cheat" on them. Whether the OP's MM will be one such or not, there is no way of knowing in advance. But to claim to know with certainty that this WILL be the case just reveals a depth of prejudice and lack of life experience that negates any chance of the opinion being taken seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'm glad to hear there are men over 50 that still have it "going on"... watch enough ED ads on tv here and one starts to wonder...... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'm glad to hear there are men over 50 that still have it "going on"... watch enough ED ads on tv here and one starts to wonder...... OK, I don't mean this in a nasty way, but - might that not be an American problem? There are many media reports about the percentage of the American population that is clinically obese, and speculation that this is linked to a sedentary lifestyle and a "fast food" diet - both of which are correlated with high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels and other factors linked to ED. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to join the dots to wonder whether America has a higher rate of ED per capita than elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Yes, I said stability! They do not have any here right now with everyone getting in the middle and involving them in all that goes on. My 8 year old has been dealt with like an adult from all of them and I am still trying to keep her out of it. If I can remove them from the situation and start fresh at least that will be some stability for them. I am running away from the madness, but I am also running to something I want, which is a full happy life with my children and the man I love with out the madness that surrounds it. I have already talked to STBX and he's okay with the move and we will work out all the details when that happens. Just because he cheated on his wife does not mean he will cheat on me! Believe it or not, you created this situation. You made this mess. You may think this man is like this knight in shining armor, why run away from one marriage and hop right into another one, that isnt stability, that's instability. You really think this man is gonna take care of your children wholeheartedly when he has child support andpossible alimony to pay? You cannot have stability on and unstable foundation. One point or another it will crack, shake and or crumble. nd listen to reason, do you think that he will not cheat? He cheated on his wife, so what makes yoou think he will be faithful in the long run to you when he becomes bored and the opportunity arises when someone new comes along. How can you trust a man when he promised a woman the same thing's he's promising you? Is that a good lesson you want to teach to your kids about marriage, family, loyalty? Kids learn from the actions of adults, your going about things all wrong. But hey dont take my words for it. I'm just a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'm sure most BSes would like to belive that the OP their former spouse cheated with will also be cheated on, but frankly, I think it's more wishful thinking than based in reality - unless the ex spouse is a serial cheater that is. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 nd listen to reason, do you think that he will not cheat? He cheated on his wife, so what makes yoou think he will be faithful in the long run to you when he becomes bored and the opportunity arises when someone new comes along. How can you trust a man when he promised a woman the same thing's he's promising you? That is the most ignorant bollocks! Many MMs who go on to marry their OWs do not "cheat" on them. Whether the OP's MM will be one such or not, there is no way of knowing in advance. But to claim to know with certainty that this WILL be the case just reveals a depth of prejudice and lack of life experience that negates any chance of the opinion being taken seriously. My answer stands. Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Believe it or not, you created this situation. You made this mess. You may think this man is like this knight in shining armor, why run away from one marriage and hop right into another one, that isnt stability, that's instability. You really think this man is gonna take care of your children wholeheartedly when he has child support andpossible alimony to pay? You cannot have stability on and unstable foundation. One point or another it will crack, shake and or crumble. nd listen to reason, do you think that he will not cheat? He cheated on his wife, so what makes yoou think he will be faithful in the long run to you when he becomes bored and the opportunity arises when someone new comes along. How can you trust a man when he promised a woman the same thing's he's promising you? Is that a good lesson you want to teach to your kids about marriage, family, loyalty? Kids learn from the actions of adults, your going about things all wrong. But hey dont take my words for it. I'm just a man. hmm i think this is a realistic viewpoint for me to think about- like a man that jumps from one M to another is not stable. & maybe he is just good at breaking promises. he always said he wanted to marry me yet hes still M'ed to someone else. makes no sense. thanks for the food for thought. i guess there isnt a way to know if he will break promises to me & cheat but im beg. to be glad i got out so i dont have to test that. i think i would rather start fresh w/ a man i dont KNOW will cheat on his wife for whatever reasons/ circumstances etc. i guess thats an ironic thought but im thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I'm sure most BSes would like to belive that the OP their former spouse cheated with will also be cheated on, but frankly, I think it's more wishful thinking than based in reality - unless the ex spouse is a serial cheater that is. I'm sure there are some. But to assume that every single person who "cheats" does so compulsively and will do so again and again with whomever they are with is stretching the point. Especially coming from someone who admits to having been a thief when he was younger, but having changed. If you can change from being a thief, why can't you change from being a "cheater"? But I guess it's far easier to point fingers at others than have them point at you, and logic isn't something that fits well with prejudice. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I'm sure there are some. But to assume that every single person who "cheats" does so compulsively and will do so again and again with whomever they are with is stretching the point. Especially coming from someone who admits to having been a thief when he was younger, but having changed. If you can change from being a thief, why can't you change from being a "cheater"? But I guess it's far easier to point fingers at others than have them point at you, and logic isn't something that fits well with prejudice. Hmmmm I was 11, a freaking child. Following the leader, with no thought process of my own. Just doing something with no consequences. I was a child, but now that I am an adult my mind is so clear. I am a leader. and an adult that does not tolerate anything less than excellence. You are an adult still making horrible choices in life, ...So what's your excuse??? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 You are an adult still making horrible choices in life I have never made any horrible choices in my life. I need no excuses and offer none. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I have never made any horrible choices in my life. I need no excuses and offer none. Hmmm so sleeping with a man who's married is not a horrible choice? what would you call it? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hmmm so sleeping with a man who's married is not a horrible choice? what would you call it? Really? I neither need, nor expect, anyone else to validate my choices. I take full responsibility for them and their consequences, and relish the opportunities they provide. I'm not a kid that goes around seeking approval from others. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I neither need, nor expect, anyone else to validate my choices. I take full responsibility for them and their consequences, and relish the opportunities they provide. I'm not a kid that goes around seeking approval from others. ...I see. And yet your actions towards destroying a marriage and family is self destructive and inheritently you know this and yet, in the face of THAT logic you do it anyway's. interesting. I can go all day with you Owoman but bottom line is I wouldnt put too much faith in a person if they do other's dirty. Capacity for change notrwithstanding. Would you trust a person who embellezes money from corporations around your money? would you trust a child molester around your kids? I aint saying cheating is on those heinous levels but to fully trust a person who lies, deceives others, manipulates, Commit's adultery, hurts his family he vowed to love and protect. Yeah that's someone I cannot fully trust. If you blindly trust a person who could do all of that I'd feel sorry for you. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hi Chrome Barracuda, OWoman's story has some unique elements to it. Have you researched her posts? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I will definitely check them out. Link to post Share on other sites
zalsa Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I neither need, nor expect, anyone else to validate my choices. I take full responsibility for them and their consequences, and relish the opportunities they provide. I'm not a kid that goes around seeking approval from others. so well written! I coundn't agree with you more.... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 And yet your actions towards destroying a marriage and family is self destructive and inheritently you know this and yet, in the face of THAT logic you do it anyway's. not remotely. I can go all day with you Owoman but bottom line is I wouldnt put too much faith in a person if they do other's dirty. Capacity for change notrwithstanding. Would you trust a person who embellezes money from corporations around your money? would you trust a child molester around your kids? I aint saying cheating is on those heinous levels but to fully trust a person who lies, deceives others, manipulates, Commit's adultery, hurts his family he vowed to love and protect. Yeah that's someone I cannot fully trust. If you blindly trust a person who could do all of that I'd feel sorry for you. COULD he do all that? I've no idea - I suspect not, based on what I've seen. HAS he done that? Not remotely. For the record though, I've never blindly trusted anybody in my entire life, and am certainly not about to start now! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I just don't see you can see somebody that is lying to, betraying and just dogging out the person that they vowed to love and cherish and be attracted to that? How is this not a turnoff to people? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PG Love Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 I will just say that every R and every situation is different. Yes he did make those commitments and so did I to other people, but sometimes things change. I think that a BS would like to think "He cheated on me, he'll cheat on her", but depending on the situation that may not be the case. In my case it's different. I know that I do not have to defend or validate my actions or feelings to anyone. I have made my choices and like I said I do not pretense that they are right, but none the less I am a grown woman that can make my own choices and suffer my own consequences if need be. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Unfortunately, you're not the only one who has to suffer the consequences of your choices. Your children do as well. They're caught in the middle of this maelstrom you've created by having an affair with a married man. Its destroying your relationship with your family (and THEIR family in extension), its creating an atmosphere of turmoil and anger and destruction that THEY get to live in. This isn't creating stability...its destroying it. Its POSSIBLE that some semblence of stability may form out of all of this when you go live with MM...eventually. But if your family never accepts him, then your children will end up losing a major part of their relationship with your family...as a result of YOUR choices. What about their relationship with their father (I've not gone back and re-read this entire thread)? What happens if MM lets you live with him...but then resumes his relationship with his (current) wife? This happens all the time around here. What happens to that stability then? I know right now you're thinking with your heart over anything else...but you have to balance that out with your head as well. And you have to consider the long term impacts to EVERYONE...not just your own desires. Make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PG Love Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Owl~ Thank you and I appreciate your take on this. I understand that this all stems from the situation that I created, but I have not asked anyone to accept the situation. They all have a choice to accept it or if not, at least keep their mouth shut. My STBXH and I have worked very amicably and will continue to do so for the sake of our children. Nothing will change as far as his contact with the children and the time he spends with them. It is also his choice if the children will see my family while in his care. My family currently sees and supports him more than they do me right now, so this is a possiblitly for the children to keep contact with the extended family. If MM makes the decision to return to his W then I will deal with it and I have read many threads where this has happened. I don't believe that will ever happen, just as I know that H and I will never reconcile. MM is living with friends right now and doesn't have place of his own, he is waiting on me to get my end together so we can find a place to start fresh together, no baggage on either end (house wise). I am thinking with my heart, but I also must keep things in some kind of perspective in order to focus. I just know that time is precious and Love is great and I don't want to waste it. My children will find the love and stability they need between our home and the home of their father once things settle down and fall into a routine. Link to post Share on other sites
NewSunrise Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 MM is living with friends right now and doesn't have place of his own, he is waiting on me to get my end together so we can find a place to start fresh together, no baggage on either end (house wise). What? No baggage? Are you kidding? The dude is 50 and living with friends? IF "STABILITY" is what you want for your children, he should already be in a place of stability to allow the transition period. I really do feel sorry for your children. I mean it sincerely not sarcastically. What do birds do before they bring their offsprings into the world? They work their tails and wings off to find that "perfect" twigs to build the nest. What you're doing is essentially plucking those kids and dropping them smack down on branches hoping they'll hang on and not fall. This is exactly how you are operating your life. Hanging on just enough to not fall off. I am thinking with my heart, but I also must keep things in some kind of perspective in order to focus. I just know that time is precious and Love is great and I don't want to waste it. My children will find the love and stability they need between our home and the home of their father once things settle down and fall into a routine. Yes, you are thinking UNWISELY with your heart at the expense of your kids. Again, IF stability is what you desire for your children, a smooth transition should take precedence over your dreams. This means, you and that MM find a suitable home for your kids. Yes, time is precious. But HOW you spend it determines the outcome. You are in a "rush" mode to get out of the life you're in into another without spending "time" alone with your kids. In your kids mind, they will REMEMBER that you left their father for another man who is married. That is how you have spent your time so far. Had you allowed "TIME" between your H, the D and into the arms of another MM, your children's view would be far different. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Exactly, new surise is pointing out what you need to hear, you arent thinking clearly. Very selfish. And the OM is living with friends? he's gonna have to pay child support and alimony give up some property. Was it all worth it to destroy this woman's family by you stealing her husband? Why cheat??? Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I neither need, nor expect, anyone else to validate my choices. I take full responsibility for them and their consequences, and relish the opportunities they provide. Nah, you only relish the "opportunities they provide" to someone like you. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I wouldnt put too much faith in a person if they do other's dirty. Thats the best way I have heard it put yet. Capacity for change notrwithstanding. Would you trust a person who embellezes money from corporations around your money? would you trust a child molester around your kids? I aint saying cheating is on those heinous levels But a heinous level nonetheless. Link to post Share on other sites
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