Author kellykellykelly Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 I'm sorry. I feel like the friend who just goes on and on. All your advise and support has really helped me get through the last 6 days. I think today is day 6 of us not being together. I have been good. Haven't called or text him or stalked him. I'm doing the right thing, right? It's just that the second I open my eyes in the morning, I think about him. All day I have this sadness and gloom. Nothing is fun or funny. I miss him so much. I wish he would just save this relationship. He is sad. I am sad. He already left once. Why can't he just do it?!!!? I know I feel this sadness because I haven't really let go yet. I'm afraid to. I don't want to lose him. I don't want it to be over. I love him. I miss him. I want to kiss him. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I am not trying to be cruel here. I just want you think about how you are feeling right now. His wife feels or has felt the exact same way (Why she stays with him only she knows and why you want him, only you know)anyway. You know that it is not going to be an easy extracation, especially while you sit and think of the what if's and if only's. This is who he is, whether he loves you or not. Whether he loves her or not, he is with her and his children. You must move on. It isn't healthy for you or anyone else involved. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I'm sorry. I feel like the friend who just goes on and on. All your advise and support has really helped me get through the last 6 days. I think today is day 6 of us not being together. I have been good. Haven't called or text him or stalked him. I'm doing the right thing, right? It's just that the second I open my eyes in the morning, I think about him. All day I have this sadness and gloom. Nothing is fun or funny. I miss him so much. I wish he would just save this relationship. He is sad. I am sad. He already left once. Why can't he just do it?!!!? I know I feel this sadness because I haven't really let go yet. I'm afraid to. I don't want to lose him. I don't want it to be over. I love him. I miss him. I want to kiss him. Try to hand with the NC until he leaves for good. You will have stronger days. I don't like seeing you go through this Yo-Yo effect. Be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I'm sorry. I feel like the friend who just goes on and on. Kelly - don't be sorry! Posting here is getting you through what you need to get through, and that's nothing to be sorry for! It's tough, but hang in there. (((((hugs))))) Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 Kelly, keep posting, it is your thread, and you can go on and on being confused for as long as you like. I just feel like I was to harsh. Or is this the part where he does something wrong, I get mad at him, he gets upset because I'm mad at him, all the focus goes to him, then I apologize for hurting the poor baby, then it looks like the whole thing is my fault, and what he did to start the whole thing goes to the wayside. ? Errrr... yes. That is what it would be doing!! You are NOT being too harsh. He's just deliberately 'not getting it' because he's sure you're uncertain and likely to cave in (like always..?). You have to be what feels to you like harsh, because it goes against your normal nature, which is to do what you've described above! So... don't do it!! Leave it where it is. You have nothing to gain from buying back into it at this stage, and everything to lose. Don't text him anything at all. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I am not trying to be cruel here. I just want you think about how you are feeling right now. His wife feels or has felt the exact same way (Why she stays with him only she knows and why you want him, only you know)anyway. You know that it is not going to be an easy extracation, especially while you sit and think of the what if's and if only's. This is who he is, whether he loves you or not. Whether he loves her or not, he is with her and his children. You must move on. It isn't healthy for you or anyone else involved. BNB I love your motto an will immediately adopt it unto myself! "Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death"... I feel stronger already! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 BNB I love your motto an will immediately adopt it unto myself! "Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death"... I feel stronger already! Our mininster said it a week or so ago. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellykellykelly Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 I text him last night. I couldn't take it anymore. Something in me snapped and I said "Fu*# it!" and I just did it. I asked to see him. He came over. We hugged in the driveway for a long time. God, he smells so good. Then we started kissing like teenagers. We talked just a little. Then we went down to the lake and made love in the backseat. OMG! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I text him last night. I couldn't take it anymore. Something in me snapped and I said "Fu*# it!" and I just did it. I asked to see him. He came over. We hugged in the driveway for a long time. God, he smells so good. Then we started kissing like teenagers. We talked just a little. Then we went down to the lake and made love in the backseat. OMG! It's ok...I think everyone caves...If you love him and are willing to wait, no one is going to fault you... If you don't want to take him back, just restart NC... This is totally normal... (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellykellykelly Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 For today I've decided to not plan out the rest of my life. Just gonna take it a day at a time...... until I freak out again! I must say that I feel sooooooooo much better now. Ya'll need to go get laid. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 OK, so where does this put you? Are you going to be OK for the moment or will you be right back where you were in a week? I'm not poking or prodding cause I could very well find myself in your situation and really want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellykellykelly Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 OK, so where does this put you? Are you going to be OK for the moment or will you be right back where you were in a week? I'm not poking or prodding cause I could very well find myself in your situation and really want to know. Well, I'm not sure. I'm really not thinking about it to much, as I am so tired of thinking about it and trying to figure everything out. Why do I think I have to figure it all out? I'm also tired of hurting, crying and pleading. I really need a break from all the drama. That includes NC. I need to laugh again. For now, I'm just gonna take it one day at a time, see what tomorrow brings and deal with it then. Today I don't feel like making any hard and fast rules that everyone has to follow so I am happy. I am going to concentrate on making myself happy and I am going to continue to make plans with friends and family around my schedule, not his. I was thinkingtoday about how he never asked me revolve myself around him, I did that to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Ya'll need to go get laid. Oh honey, I already have! Yesterday, day before yesterday, tonight and tomorrow so forth and so on... Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Oh honey, I already have! Yesterday, day before yesterday, tonight and tomorrow so forth and so on... Hmm, interesting response... Were you also in the back seat of a car? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Ya'll need to go get laid. Some more than others.... :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 hi kelly. thanks for the update. how are you feeling? ive done this before w/ XMM & i notice that i feel GREAT when i see him & for some time thereafter, & then i start to feel really, really down. its almost like a high & then i crash. i hope this doesnt happen to you. i feel for you B/C i have been there... feeling so strong for days & then caving & contacting XMM. then feeling up, like this is all ive wanted, & then feeling down, like NO, this is not what i want, i want him for me & only me... & this is settling for less. maybe you are just not ready to end your A. im not trying to beat you up over this- ive been there & i totally understand the range of emotions your prolly feeling. (or maybe im wrong & you are just feeling happy. if so, ignore what im saying LOL) i guess a good thing to think about is, what do you really want? do you want to continue being OW? some OW do & if so, ok. or do you feel like your giving him more of you then he deserves, & that you dont want to be his OW, you want to be his (or someones) one & only? if so, go back into NC & its going to be really hard & your going to be sad & lonely but you have to fight through it to get to the other side. the whole 'what doesnt kill me makes me stronger' thing. another thing to think about (this is honestly what ive been thinking about lately)... WHY do you think you love/ want/ need him so much? is it a healthy desire or a unhealthy one? when ive read about your MM, it reminds me so much of mine- selfish, confused, willing to keep 'using' you on the side instead of doing something big to be what you need. so im just at that point (NC/ distance helps) of looking at MM for the man he is & thinking, do i want him like this? i mean, really, WHY do i crave being around someone i KNOW is being weak & not doing the right thing & not giving me what i deserve? why did that make ME weak enough in the past to settle for less w/ him then i know i deserve? if you do want to go back into nc maybe you could ask yourself ?s like these when you start to feel lonely/ sad/ miss him... put the focus on YOU & what you want instead of on him, & when it is on him, then turn it around into being angry at him for what he ISNT giving you. i hope im helping some, if you are completely fine w/ how things are then ignore me. but if your hurting or confused i just wanted to let you know im in the same place & these are some thoughts i think of to help stay grounded. i think that i turn my thoughts/ cravings to XMM when im unsatisfied about something in my own life or in me, but when im feeling strong & happy w/ myself, i dont have that strong craving to run to XMM & i see him more for what he is doing & who he is right now- not nec. a BAD man through & through but someone who is not healthy for me to be w/ right now B/C he is willing to put me through his selfish & confused turmoil when if he had true concern for me he would realise that isnt good for me & he shouldnt give me anything if he cant give me everything- that just leads to false hope in my heart. ps i really like frannies advice to you, she said: "He's just deliberately 'not getting it' because he's sure you're uncertain and likely to cave in (like always..?)." kelly i think you need to show him hes not getting any part of you if he cant give you everything. but thats just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 ps i really like frannies advice to you, she said: "He's just deliberately 'not getting it' because he's sure you're uncertain and likely to cave in (like always..?)." Ha. That's because that woman was me My first attempt at NC lasted about a week . Thing is, kelly, if you're not ready you're not ready and that is that! There's no way you can stick to NC if you're not fully certain that it's what you want and need. And there's no reason why you have to! You don't have to follow anyone else's rules. If there's one thing about affairs it's this: it's not cookie-cutter. So take what makes sense to you, or what works, and try it for size. Link to post Share on other sites
surgngnl Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 stop it. stop it right now. what would you be telling your girlfriend if she had just explained this situation to you as her own? yeah, that's right. you would tell her to kindly step away from the madness. no. stop. move it along. this man is dangling a string that you are finding intriguing, just like my cat finds dental floss intriguing - it won't get you either anywhere, but you keep swatting at it in hopes that you'll catch it. you won't catch it, honey. he would have never moved back in with her if he really wanted to be with you. i have finally come to the conclusion that if he wanted to be with you, he would move mountains to do so. anything less is an indication that he's not next to you, by your side. you deserve someone whose right there, holding your hand, ready to step forward... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 just like my cat finds dental floss intriguing Ouch! I hope not while you're brushing your teeth??? :eek: Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 he would have never moved back in with her if he really wanted to be with you. i have finally come to the conclusion that if he wanted to be with you, he would move mountains to do so. anything less is an indication that he's not next to you, by your side. you deserve someone whose right there, holding your hand, ready to step forward... Hmm... you don't know that. There's at least one poster on this board whose MM moved out and back once before because of guilt over the children (and is now out again). It's not so easy to just let go when there are children involved. Not that I'm saying kelly's guy is doing a good job of things... nor that he'll end up moving out permanently. Just that there's no predicting how things will go. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hmm... you don't know that. There's at least one poster on this board whose MM moved out and back once before because of guilt over the children (and is now out again). It's not so easy to just let go when there are children involved. Not that I'm saying kelly's guy is doing a good job of things... nor that he'll end up moving out permanently. Just that there's no predicting how things will go. I agree Frannie, mine moved out twice. Each time lasting longer. Guilt got him....who knows what the future brings... But if he didnt want to be out, he wouldnt be trying it again and again... We do that with alot of things, we fail, we try again, until we finally succeed, Its the end result that maters. Link to post Share on other sites
neverendingsaga Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I agree Frannie, mine moved out twice. Each time lasting longer. Guilt got him....who knows what the future brings... But if he didnt want to be out, he wouldnt be trying it again and again... We do that with alot of things, we fail, we try again, until we finally succeed, Its the end result that maters. i dont know, for me right now what matters is being in a fulfilling relationship. it wasnt fulfilling for me when he was stalling on his D & esp. when he moved back in. i should have never spoken to him again after that. i would be alot better off. if he has to 'try' to be w/ me, whats the point? i want someone who is just with me. thats why im really kicking myself for being w/ a MM. (Ha ha even though im down i just thought of something that made me giggle-- yoda saying 'there is no try, theres just do.' i think its yoda? someone says that LOL) Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 i'm really kicking myself for being w/ a MM. You may be, but the OP might not feel the same... And maybe the OP is willingly to wait a little longer. That was my choice. I waited and when I couldn't handle it anymore, I broke it off. And that was what it took for him to make his final decision...And his decision was for us... Now sometimes you wait and hope and it doesn't work out...But sometimes it does and I know firsthand that hope...And if the OP makes the choice to continue in the R, then I support her...I am not here to make her feel less for whatever her choice... Love is a powerful force...OP, just make sure that your choice, is really your choice...Not a habit... GEL Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 We do that with alot of things, we fail, we try again, until we finally succeed, Its the end result that maters. ...and the fun we have trying Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellykellykelly Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 First of all Green Eyed Lady, what is OP? I'm assuming that's me. I've been busy working all week, then the site was down. Things are going fine with me for now. I have to leave for work in a min., so here's the short version... I have seen him a couple of times since Sunday. I'm not ready to leave him. Things are different though. I'm different. I'm not banging down his door to see me, to figure things out, actually, I haven't even talked about it. We both know the score. Also, I haven't been so available to see him either. He asked me to golfing this Sunday. I told him I have other plans, and I do. He laid on my bed to take a nap yesterday, and I just stood there and let him know that he had to leave, because I had things to do. (usually I would have laid down with him, scratched his back, made out) I haven't been mean to him, just non-shalantly showing him that I have a life, and it's not going to be centered around him anymore. I quit smoking on Tuesday. 3 days ago. Yeah Me!! Started running this morning. So, I'm doing things to take better care of myself. I've even been going to bed by 10:30 ish, actually turning off the light and closing my eyes and going to sleep, instead of laying in bed w/ the light on till 1AM, reading break-up books and crying. I'm not saying I have it all figured out, or that I don't have weak moments. I've really just been taking it one day at a time, and dealing with what is on my plate at that moment. I'm trying to detach myself from him and his problems. I also decided that I don't have to tell him everything..... everything I'm thinkng, feeling, when I'm sad or hurting. I don't have to tell him all my personal business either, like I used to. I made a list of what I need to feel whole, secure, happy, content. Then I wrote down people's names that I know who seem like they fulfill that in me, or can if I let them. Because MM has a whole other life, he isn't available to fulfill a lot of my needs, which sucks, but instead of carrying around this resentment towards him, and ME feeling miserable about it all the time, I decided to accept it. Not saying that his actions are acceptable to me, but I need to feel better, especially if I ever want to get out of this situation. On my list, the only things that MM comes in good for is FUN (going out, or golfing, hanging out talking, laughing) and SEX. So, I decided that's just what I'm going to use him for. Not that I'm trying to use him. Also, I'm trying to stay positive. Not about him or us, but about ME! I know for me, I'm not ready to go through that heart wrenching pain of NC right now. (Just because people say that is the best thing to do, that doesn't mean the timing is right for everyone.) More on this later, I gotta go to work! Just wanted to touch base with you all. Link to post Share on other sites
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