Dr. Laura: Women Share Blame for Cheating Men...

[Daphne Crane]

Schlessinger said later in the show that there are some instances in which it doesn’t matter what the wife does.

“If he’s sociopathic or narcissistic, all bets are off,” she said. “The woman can be the best person in the world, and he’s going to be a jerk.”

But most men aren’t like that, she said, adding, “The average husband longs for one thing, and that’s to be special to his woman.”

 

This is so TRUE....SO TRUE!

[shadowofman]

Her comment, “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,” really disturbs me. I just cannot come to terms with believing this is Always true.

 

Despite the common belief, men don't sleep around to stroke their egos, they sleep around for the "strange", as has been described. If egos get stroked in the process, great, but that is not the goal. Cheating men are promiscuously oriented. One sexual partner does not equal fulfillment. It is not at all the fault of the wife. The fault comes with the man entering into a monogamous relationship that he couldn't or had no intention of upholding.

 

In very few cases, a man might cheat for emotional reasons. Very few.

 

1. A Married Man should learn to accept his wife for whom she is, and they should be best friends.

 

Likewise, in a perfect world, a wife should accept her husband for who he is. It's hard to be possessive and best friends. Can you really openly discuss sex without hurting each others feelings? I mean like best friends. If women heard half of what men say to each other about sex and women, they would never speak to us again.

 

2. Men should understand that a woman, especially once they have children, cannot focus All her attention on her husband, and accept that.

These guys don't want more attention from their wives. They want to not feel possessed. They want to have sex with other women but they are not allowed.

 

3. Why is it the wife's responsiblity to make her husband feel like a man, like a success? He should know by the time he's ready for a marital commitment, how to be successful and a Man.

 

Totally agreed. I don't even think this is an issue at all.

[shadowofman]

“If he’s sociopathic or narcissistic, all bets are off,” she said. “The woman can be the best person in the world, and he’s going to be a jerk.”

But most men aren’t like that, she said, adding, “The average husband longs for one thing, and that’s to be special to his woman.”

 

This is so TRUE....SO TRUE!

 

A cheater is not a necessarily a jerk. He is a coward. He took what his heart desired and broke a promise. There are people that never planned on keeping that promise and these are the narcissistic sociopaths. These are the jerk cheaters.

 

The average husband (I assume she includes the average cowardly cheater), longs for more than one thing. Sure he wants to be special to his lady. But he also wants to bang two chicks at once.

[Can'tGiveUp]

Im so sorry to hear that. Hopefully things are looking up

 

Absolutely. I left him years ago. While my R with MM is obviously not perfect, it is better than what my M was.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Why then does a man feel the need to still cheat EVEN when he is getting sexual fulfillment at home from his W?

 

Just because he has one piece of cake and eats it regularly doesn't mean he doesn't want another, all new different flavor of cake to nibble at on the side. Some cheaters cheat not because of needs but simply because they are addicted to the "new" part of relationships: the seduction, the discovery, learning a new body, etc.

[twice_shy]

I found this interesting since it has come up quite a few times around here. I haven't read the whole thing, but read enough to know this woman's kinda crazy...

 

The words of some bubble gum psychologist who cheated on her own first husband with an old fart, posed for nude pictures of herself with her OM that eventually found their way to the internet, of any value whatsoever.

 

And she is where she is at on radio today because she slept with the guy she cheated on her husband with. Her OM got here where she is today. So I don't take her seriously at all.

[MimiMe]

This lady sounds like my MIL. Loca en la cabeza!

 

But some of her points are true. Full blasting it on TV was not a good idea. LOL!

[Gwyneth]

Although she has experienced life as the OW and has listened to the OM's story, so she might be onto something. However I don't agree with her that it's the Wife's fault the husband cheats. That's ridiculous.

 

I truly believe the man I had an affair with was caught up in a marriage with the wrong woman. That was an instinct I had even before the first time we talked. Sometimes you can feel vibes from a person and his vibes were always a "please help me" kind of thing. Maybe that's what intitially drew me to him. I can't say MM is happy in his marriage because I truly don't feel he is. The way he told me she's pregnant sounded like a burden to him "she's that thing I told you about." Thing? That's his word for "pregnant?" No matter who I am to him, he should out of respect for his own baby, be able to say she's pregnant, not "that thing." He again told me this was all Her plan and blah blah blah--and I again asked him if he was not there when he got her pregnant. I mean C'mon! It takes two hun!!! He laughed because he knew how ridiculous he sounds. Then he made other stupid comments that really rattled my nerves about his W and the baby. This was prior to me dumping my own news onto him.

 

I don't know what this guy's specific reason is for cheating other than my assumption that he is an unhappy married man whose wife made him even unhappier with the news that she's pregnant. Or, it just hasn't kicked in that he's going to be a father (x3).

[MimiMe]

Although she has experienced life as the OW and has listened to the OM's story, so she might be onto something. However I don't agree with her that it's the Wife's fault the husband cheats. That's ridiculous.

 

I truly believe the man I had an affair with was caught up in a marriage with the wrong woman. That was an instinct I had even before the first time we talked. Sometimes you can feel vibes from a person and his vibes were always a "please help me" kind of thing. Maybe that's what intitially drew me to him. I can't say MM is happy in his marriage because I truly don't feel he is. The way he told me she's pregnant sounded like a burden to him "she's that thing I told you about." Thing? That's his word for "pregnant?" No matter who I am to him, he should out of respect for his own baby, be able to say she's pregnant, not "that thing." He again told me this was all Her plan and blah blah blah--and I again asked him if he was not there when he got her pregnant. I mean C'mon! It takes two hun!!! He laughed because he knew how ridiculous he sounds. Then he made other stupid comments that really rattled my nerves about his W and the baby. This was prior to me dumping my own news onto him.

 

I don't know what this guy's specific reason is for cheating other than my assumption that he is an unhappy married man whose wife made him even unhappier with the news that she's pregnant. Or, it just hasn't kicked in that he's going to be a father (x3).

 

 

Sorry to be F8cked up right now... and I will get flame for saying this but-this is the man that you are going to have babies with??? a "please help me" kind. You are in for the ride of your life.

[reddog63]

In a final appearance with TODAY’s Ann Curry and Hoda Kotb, Schlessinger stuck to her guns.

“The point is, what he’s done is wrong. The point is, what she’s done is wrong,” she said. “I have kept marriages together after affairs because I have reminded women that you have the power to turn this around. He had his children with you. He has his future life plans with you, his dreams, his whole mind, body and soul was wrapped up in the promise of you. If you now turn that back on, all that stuff you turned off because ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’m irritated’ or ‘I’m annoyed’ or ‘I’m self-centered’ — if you turn that around, you have that man back.”

She said that there are reasons why men look outside the marriage for sex and companionship.

“I would challenge the wife to find out what kind of wife she’s being,” she said. “Is she being supportive and approving and loving? Is she being sexually intimate and affectionate? Is she making him feel like he’s her man? If she’s not doing that, then she’s contributing to his wrong choice.”

 

First, let me say, I am not a fan of Laura Whatsaface.

 

I know a lot of people are not going to like this but IMO she is completely right. It may not be the case in all A but for the most part it is. Both men and women do what it takes to get the man/woman (by any means necessary) but once they have the ring on their finger something goes missing. I don't know if they feel "well I have him/her now and he/she is not going anywhere". Come on let's be fair about this, what you do to get him/her is what you must do to keep him/her.

 

We all have to be supportive, approving, and loving even when we don't want to. LOL Sometimes they need to hear "everything's going to be alright". You have to ask "how was your day" and listen to what they have to say even if you don't care two flips of a shyt. When you are dating, you find the time to be with him/her sexual so why can't you find the time once you get married. People go from having sex everyday to have sex once every 3 or 4 months. And you think that's going to keep him/her from somebody else's bed. CHILD PLEASE. Make him feel like he is a man and that he matters. Give him/her a hug for no apparent reason.

 

Now on the flip side, you do have some men/women that are getting everything they need at home and just want more. You just can't please some people. LOL!

 

I do not like her that much but I beleive she is on target.

 

All the women can get defensive and I understand. However, just read all teh posts on this site. SOMETHING is not going right in all these relationships stories.

 

Some of the posts on LS are so sad. You have stories of guys who would give their right arm for their wife to love them. The work hard, bring in teh money, take care of kids.........and wife walks away. They just want intimacy, a kind word, some support..........they long for it. Do you not recognize these type posts??

 

Dr. Laura said cheating is wrong .....period!!!! Alls she said is she can understand WHY. As I think some can agree, men are fairly simple. Show them you love them, treat them as best friend, and dont stop having sex and they most likely will not stray.

 

To me......it can be made more simple.......if needs are not met, either sex will stray. I think I read a post on this thread that said...........if wife has kids and is real busy, you can not expect her to have that much time for sex, etc. Thats a crock.

 

Bottom line............marriage vows mean more then not cheating. It is about putting your parnter first, treating them with respect, loving them, meeting their needs, etc. The trouble is.......we all forget to put our spouses first. Both sexes. We get caught up in the rat race, we feel slighted by our partner, we see ourselves as too busy, etc.

 

Well, we can justify our actions...........life can get busy........no time for sex...........etc............and we loose the objective of putting spouse first.

 

I have lost most of my respect for the instituition of marriage. With the attitudes of today.......as seen by many posts on this thread........putting your spouse first does not happen often. Children, work, etc come before the spouse. I came to the conclusion I have no reason to stay married or be married ..............for what??? Just read the posts .........everyone is F'd up.............

 

And I tell you what.......for the nay sayers of Dr. Lauras basic concept..........experiment........put your husband first............see if it works. Certainly what everyone is doing now sure the hell is not working.

[LakesideDream]

It doesen't seem that there are many male opinions on this thread. Suprising as it is a thread about male infidelity.

 

Dr. Laura goes to extremes to make her points. Typical of Talk Show hosts and Self Help authors. She's made herself fabulously rich doing it. She's the #4 talk show host in the USA. That's huge money.

 

The above being said, I can relate pretty well to some of her opinions. As I have said here before, I can break down my 25 year marriage (I never cheated) into about 3 good months, 6 good weeks, and 30 good individual days. That ain't a hell of a lot of positive reinforcement over 25 years (300 months! - over 9000 days). That includes the first 10 years of our kids lives when my ex was a stay at home mom (enjoying an upper middle class lifestyle) it didn't come cheap as I worked 12 hours, 6 days a week to achieve it. I don't remember her iniating intimacy more than a dozen times in 25 years. I don't remember receiving Valentines presents (a card usually) or a "suprise night out" nada.

 

Obviously that was enough to keep me "on the reservation" keeping home and hearth together, raising two kids to adulthood. Looking back, I don't know how.

 

I cannot imagine a world in which a woman actually both cared, and showed me that she cared one or two times a week, (which is basically what Dr. Laura is reccomending). My efforts and sacrifices were taken totally for granted.

 

Now I'm 57 years old, a couple of months from 58 and frankly I doubt I ever will, maybe... I hope so... but frankly I'm not counting on it.

 

Would a more active emotional participitation by my ex have made a difference? I really don't know as she was involved in an on-and-off affair with her High School boyfriend for at least 23 of the 25 years of our marriage. It's not to difficult to imagine that it would have helped though.

 

Am I the "Jerk" Dr. Laura talks about? Maybe. I certainly had many moments during the marriage I'm not proud of. Did my ex give me reasons to stay in the marriage? Not many. Did she "make me cheat" well, I didn't cheat. Would I have cheated if I knew she was? ... Good question, maybe I would have to "get even", or maybe I was to well trained to risk the family. As it is, I live with the knowledge that I wasted 26 years of my emotional life. That's a loss that I can never recover.

 

Dr. Laura takes her stand to the extreme. At the core her message has merit.

[Cagney]

It doesen't seem that there are many male opinions on this thread. Suprising as it is a thread about male infidelity.

 

I watched that interview and then re-watched it to make sure for myself.

She did NOT say things like she's been mis-quoted in this thread.

Many of these posts have put spin and extreme words into her mouth. On the other hand, some of these posts have more accurately quoted her.

 

I see some here who for some reason MUST believe that fault can only be 100% one way or the other!!! But that's unreasonable. Dr. Laura didn't say it's ALL the betrayed spouses fault. But some of these posters are most definitley writing that it's NONE of the betrayed spouses fault. These posters are the extreme ones, not Dr. Laura (at least not on that recent show.) FWIW- I don't like her that much either.

 

As a man, my opionion is that some cheaters are just cheaters. But, on the other hand, some cheaters had some regrettable conditions that threw them off balance.

 

To any of the betrayed spouses here, who were doing all they should have been doing, but got cheated on anyway, then that is sad, but what could you do? You know the truth about yourself!

 

But to any betrayed spouse (man or woman) who was neglecting his mate, he/she definitley broke a few vows on his/her own and I'm talking about vows of loving and cherishing and honoring.

 

If a man neglects his wife - for ANY reason - she's going to feel pain and lonliness and it can hurt to the bone. Something further might go wrong.

 

If the wife now has children and responsibilities, she will be able to give less attention, but that is not a reason to neglect the husband. Likewise, if a husband now has more responsibilities, then he will have less capacity too, but he must not neglect her.

 

Like Sting sang in a song. "If you don't love her then your best friend will."

 

And then, if your spouce strays, and if you as the betrayed spouse want to lay 100% of the blame at you mate's feet ... that's your choice ... but you might be wrong.

 

Being cheated on is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me, but I can't help wondering where I failed too. I can not blame her completely - 100%. So then who else is there? It's me too.

 

If that pi$$es of any betrayed spouses here, then I don't mean to. I'm giving my most honest opinion.

Edited March 13, 2008 by Cagney

[LucreziaBorgia]

Well, of course lackadaisical behavior of a spouse can make you think "Well, then I will just cheat", but you know what? When it comes down to blame, BS did not co-mingle the sexual organs of their spouse with OW/OM. MM/MW chose to do that destructive action 100% on their own. Blaming someone else for your own destructive actions, or even expecting someone else to share the blame is ludicrous.

 

MM/MW can get away with saying "my spouse made me want to choose to cheat" but not "my spouse made me cheat". There's a difference.

[Owl]

OK, here's my take on this...

 

In a way, she is right.

 

We OWE it to our marital partners to make them feel loved. To show them how much we love and value them...in ways that make them FEEL that love. To use their "love language" if you liked that book. Even if its different from our own.

 

BUT...she's wrong...its not ONLY the woman's responsibility...the man has the exact same responsibility to make his wife feel just as loved...in a way that makes them feel/know that they're loved.

 

My wife and I were doing this wrong for a good while. She was doing things for me that made HER feel loved...but didn't always have the same affect on me. And vice versa... I didn't realize that doing the things that made me feel loved for her didn't have the same affect. I thought that if I did all the stuff for her that I WANTED her do to for me...she'd feel that love too.

 

It doesn't work that way.

 

Instead, we learned how to talk about what makes us feel loved. Marriagebuilders has a great "emotional needs questionnaire" that helps figure out exactly what things make each other feel loved, and help you find ways to demonstrate your love for your spouse.

 

They also use a concept they call "the love bank". When your partner does something that makes you 'feel loved'...its a deposit. When they do things that hurt or cause negative feelings...its a withdrawl. Somethings are major deposits, and some are major withdrawls. Once you get into a "negative balance"...its easy to "fall out of love" with your spouse.

 

I equate the "love language" thing in that case to currency. If my wife's currency is Euro's, and mine is dollars, that means that I'll get a BIGGER deposit in her bank using the money SHE uses, not mine. A better "exchange rate" if you will. And vice versa.

 

So the crazy lady has the right idea about how important it is to make your SO feel loved...its HUGELY important. But she's wrong about who should be doing it...its BOTH parties responsibility to do so.

[Cagney]

MM/MW chose to do that destructive action 100% on their own. Blaming someone else for your own destructive actions, or even expecting someone else to share the blame is ludicrous.

 

Well there you go then!

[carhill]

Excellent treatise LakesideDream. I empathize with you and hope your journey is fruitful

 

Kotb asked her if she would stand by her husband as Silda Spitzer and Matos did by theirs in a similar situation.“If I had been a truly loving, caretaking, supportive wife, and my husband did such an egregious thing, his butt would be standing there by itself,” Schlessinger replied.

 

Therein lies the examination...

 

IMO, as a husband, I saw a lot of my own issues in the quoted interview portions.

 

 

 

She said that there are reasons why men look outside the marriage for sex and companionship. “I would challenge the wife to find out what kind of wife she’s being,” she said. “Is she being supportive and approving and loving? Is she being sexually intimate and affectionate? Is she making him feel like he’s her man? If she’s not doing that, then she’s contributing to his wrong choice.

 

 

 

My single biggest issue in MC has been the overall feeling that my wife doesn't "believe in me", even with my emotional makeup, intellect and work ethic. More precisely, she doesn't show it. So, from my perspective, I can understand the quoted assertion. It literally makes me want to be not married. I thought of that this morning as I gave my wife a back massage before sending her on her way to her next Keith Urban concert, while I continue to build back my business. Life is a bit more complex than what a few sound bytes can proffer. LakesideDream's story is proof of that. Hope that helps...

[LakesideDream]

The whole "love bank" idea may be the most important concept that Dr. Laura is pushing. It doesen't work for everyone. In my case the ex was a sponge. She was almost incapable of showing outward affection, or appreciation. Some of this was due to things that happened to her in her pre-teen years as both her parents were suicides, one due to an incurable disease, the second six months later due to a "broken heart" leaving her with a grandparent to continue raising her.

 

I understood the concept at an early point in our marriage, and tried to assure her she was loved. It ended up being a quarter century waste of time.

 

While I don't believe she was a "bad" person.. she was damaged. A situation that did not reveal itself until the last 18 months or so of our marriage. For her the "grass was greener" all the time. The time to change that might have been in the very beginning, when neither of us understood the dynamic.

 

Maybe we would have had a chance of figuring it all out early on with help. Dr. Laura's concepts and radio blather might have led to a beginning of that understanding. Or not.. who knows it was such a long time ago.

[Owl]

Well, I'd assume that ANY 'plan' would be based on working with people who are relatively emotionally 'normal'...or 'healthy'.

 

It would makes sense that there are people who could not use this plan due to a spouse/SO who isn't emotionally healthy/normal.

[LakesideDream]

Well, I'd assume that ANY 'plan' would be based on working with people who are relatively emotionally 'normal'...or 'healthy'.

 

It would makes sense that there are people who could not use this plan due to a spouse/SO who isn't emotionally healthy/normal.

 

 

Owl, My point which wasn't clear after a re-read was that I might have garnered enough insight to realize there were problems that were not related to my performance in the marriage, (or hers) early enough to start dealing with her pre-existing problem, instead of allowing it to taint, and eventually destroy a marriage. Obviously there was enough of a marriage there to last 25 years, it was worth the work.

 

23.5 years in, we did go to couples counseling. We tried 5 counselors for 2-4 visits each. My ex "fired" them all. Not suprisingly, each counselor advised that my ex had "issues" that she needed to deal with individually before we could come together in couples therapy. This did not please her at all, so she ended the counseling. Plus, I believe she was already making plans to leave with her MM as soon as he would cooperate.

[Tomcat33]

You guys should read what she wrote about this on her blog, she feels she was "taken out of context" by the media. :laugh:

 

 

actually here you go:

 

http://www.drlaurablog.com/category/infidelity/

 

 

You should all post your comments on her blog note, I'd love to see what she retalliates.

Edited March 13, 2008 by Tomcat33

[Cagney]

You guys should read what she wrote about this on her blog, she feels she was "taken out of context" by the media. :laugh:

 

IMO ... She WAS taken out of context by much of the media.

 

ALSO IMO: Some of the women who get cheated on DID contribute to the problem. Just the same, some of the men who get cheated on ALSO contributed to the problem.

[SoHotZanzibar]

It doesen't seem that there are many male opinions on this thread. Suprising as it is a thread about male infidelity.

 

Im a guy, and I have been posting here for a bit. (I'm surprised others haven't blabbed to you about me yet)

 

I find the whole Dr. Laura thing totally opportunistic. I guess I can't blame her, but I think it's important people realize that. She is all over Fox news, and she quickly throws in the disclaimer that she is not directly referencing Spitzer and his situation, and then she hawks her new book.

I just think it should be clear that her 'view' and Spitzers situation are different, because I really don't believe Silva bears ANY blame (with what we know now).

 

One thing I noticed is his prostitute is 22 years old! And you are going to tell me Silva is failing to give him what he needs and wants? Baloney! It could be argued this guy wants a 22 year-old! His wife can NEVER supply that, and its not her fault.

And don't think I always think one partner is always innocent and one is always totally guilty. Just that in some cases, it can easily one partner's fault completely.

Spitzer also wanted a bare-back BJ. Right before Valentines day no-less. And his wife has to be subjected to the prostitutes potential diseases? Over a 10 year period? I think at this point, all the blame rests on his shoulders, and his bare-back want exposes how totally selfish he is.

 

Women get older and cannot help it. Many men have the gene of desiring younger women (i like older, but who cares. I'm sure I'll be judged somehow on that too).

So if your GUY loves younger women and you happened to get old, there is no way as a woman to 'satisfy' his need. Nothing you can possibly do but get some freaky desperate botox that makes you look like a bat eventually (sorry Nicole Kidman)

 

Dr. Laura used this as an opportunity to shill her book and she does make the disclaimer about it not being directly related to our cheating govenor, but yet she knows (or her publiscist) that will get attention because of it.

 

The Governor is scum, and his daughters have to suck it up. His wife too, IMO, but if you wanna blame her, you can't blame the kids.

[LakesideDream]

Actually, Dr. Laura's appearances on a dozen media outlets was scheduled months in advance. It was the 'step off" for her latest book, she does the same thing the week each of her books comes out. I'm sure she would have much preferred not having the NY Governers scandal occuring when it did as it took the focus OFF her book.

 

Additionally, she is the #1 personality on Fox Radio Network, the main competitor to Premier, the Limbaugh/Hannity radio network. It's obvious that she would spend time on Fox TV pimping her book.

 

It helps if you understand these things.

[bentnotbroken]

I watched that interview and then re-watched it to make sure for myself.

She did NOT say things like she's been mis-quoted in this thread.

Many of these posts have put spin and extreme words into her mouth. On the other hand, some of these posts have more accurately quoted her.

 

I see some here who for some reason MUST believe that fault can only be 100% one way or the other!!! But that's unreasonable. Dr. Laura didn't say it's ALL the betrayed spouses fault. But some of these posters are most definitley writing that it's NONE of the betrayed spouses fault. These posters are the extreme ones, not Dr. Laura (at least not on that recent show.) FWIW- I don't like her that much either.

 

As a man, my opionion is that some cheaters are just cheaters. But, on the other hand, some cheaters had some regrettable conditions that threw them off balance.

 

To any of the betrayed spouses here, who were doing all they should have been doing, but got cheated on anyway, then that is sad, but what could you do? You know the truth about yourself!

 

But to any betrayed spouse (man or woman) who was neglecting his mate, he/she definitley broke a few vows on his/her own and I'm talking about vows of loving and cherishing and honoring.

 

If a man neglects his wife - for ANY reason - she's going to feel pain and lonliness and it can hurt to the bone. Something further might go wrong.

 

If the wife now has children and responsibilities, she will be able to give less attention, but that is not a reason to neglect the husband. Likewise, if a husband now has more responsibilities, then he will have less capacity too, but he must not neglect her.

 

Like Sting sang in a song. "If you don't love her then your best friend will."

 

And then, if your spouce strays, and if you as the betrayed spouse want to lay 100% of the blame at you mate's feet ... that's your choice ... but you might be wrong.

 

Being cheated on is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me, but I can't help wondering where I failed too. I can not blame her completely - 100%. So then who else is there? It's me too.

 

If that pi$$es of any betrayed spouses here, then I don't mean to. I'm giving my most honest opinion.

 

 

 

I may have failed at some things in my marriage, but so did Mr. Messy. Why didn't I cheat? If my needs weren't being met and he was verbally abusive, why didn't that make me want to do the wrong thing. And I actually don't give a fat rat's @$$ about Dr. Laura and her degree from HEAD UP MY BUTT U., I only care what God says, and he says I will be held accountable for MY ACTIONS. Not anyone else's. And Mr. Messy will be held responsible for HIS ACTIONS, including and not limited to his screwing around. What ever the so called Dr. says isn't worth the breath she used to say it.

[LakesideDream]

What ever the so called Dr. says isn't worth the breath she used to say it.

 

 

Actually, that's not true as a matter of fact. Forbes lists her yearly earnings at 17 million dollars in 2007, making the things she says worth thousands of dollars a word.

 

The fact that you disagree does not deminish the value of what she does. The market seeks it's own level, and pays it's rewards. She isn't as successful as she is because her advise is worthless.