bentnotbroken Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Not to be a downer, but *I* have the guilt. I have from day one, even though I walked into the EMR with eyes wide open. I knew her, worked with them both (until she left a few months later, before the EMR started)... I'd even gone to their house on at least one occasion and went out with her once. She and I sang karaoke. I betrayed her in the worst way possible and I did it willingly, openly, in full control of my mental facilities. Oh sure, I was "in love" and I knew how their relationship was - it really wasn't a good one, I saw it up close and personal and I know a lot of people who have said they'd had a bad relationship for years. But none of that justifies my behavior, yanno? I think that's been the hardest part of all this for me... the guilt I feel. Knowing D-Day and him getting kicked out never would have happened if it hadn't been for me. Knowing that the heartache and loneliness I feel now with him going back home wouldn't be an issue if I had just said NO the first (and second, and third) time he ever came on to me. None of us would be hurting if we hadn't fallen in love with each other. Yeah, I feel guilty. I feel like this whole mess is all my fault. It's not all your fault, but as you said you went into it knowing that he had a family. You "helped" to hurt unnecessarily. That is all you are responsible for, not him and not her kicking him out. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Yeah, sometimes it does happen, but majority of the time it doesn't Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleGirl Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 The man that I love is a cake eater, its becoming more and more apparent. We were making plans on going out on St Patricks Day next week and while we have never really defined our relationship as an affair it most certainly is since no one knows of our frienship but us outside of people that we have met for the first time together. But my MM cake eater told me that its a possibility we may run into his brother on St Patricks Day and how would I feel if he said I was a friend of his from work (I am not from work) since he 'knows I am very sensitive about how he refers to me' and my response was 'can you blame me?' he said 'can you blame me!?' As a matter of fact I can I don't know how he can not know how hurtful and used that makes me feel when he has told me I am his best friend. His wife accidently took his cell phone by mistake a couple of months ago and he tried frantically to get ahold of me before i contacted him but it was too late and I had already sent a text. She didnt see it but he told me how sick he felt when he was waiting for her to get home with the phone. I asked him what would have happened if she did see and he said that he probably wouldnt be living there for a while but hoped they would be able to work things out but that would mean never talking to me again and he wouldnt want that either and he just didnt want to talk about it but apparently he wasnt scared off enough to not keep it going between us. I just wish I knew what it was he wanted from me sometimes. I wish I could people one of the people that says 'sometimes it does happen' too... I know I'm an idiot for letting things continue but despite all of the hurt I guess I just love him too much. Its nice to feel so not alone in this situation reading all the posts on here. Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) yep, she was victorious over the betrayed wife! job well done.And the even BETTER part is that this prize lied to her about being married when she first started "seeing" him if I remember correctly. So not only is he a cheater and liar, but he's also a con man and reels in innocent women, as well. Well, they're innocent until they find out what a liar these guys are. When they choose to stay after having been conned, they're no longer a victim but a volunteer. Hey, does this prize have a brother just like him? Hook a sister up, will ya? I'm sorry, but I see nothing to 'brag' about here at all. You got taken by a liar and chose to overlook how he totally disrespected you - and his wife and marriage - from Day #1 by lying. When this blows up in your face - and much like the eventuality of death and taxes, it WILL - you'll remember this post. Edited March 9, 2008 by ICallsEmAsISeesEm Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 And the even BETTER part is that this prize lied to her about being married when she first started "seeing" him if I remember correctly. So not only is he a cheater and liar, but he's also a con man and reels in innocent women, as well. Well, they're innocent until they find out what a liar these guys are. When they choose to stay after having been conned, they're no longer a victim but a volunteer. Hey, does this prize have a brother just like him? Hook a sister up, will ya? I'm sorry, but I see nothing to 'brag' about here at all. You got taken by a liar and chose to overlook how he totally disrespected you - and his wife and marriage - from Day #1 by lying. When this blows up in your face - and much like the eventuality of death and taxes, it WILL - you'll remember this post. I don't see much "bragging" going on. It's more a message of support, stating the facts of a relationship. Just like other forums, OW are allowed to share their stories, they're allowed to feel hope in their relationships. Would you go over to Infidelity to a BW who had taken back her H after an affair and say "But you took back a lying cheating conman!" Oh, and since you know so much about the future, any chance you can enlighten me on next weeks lotto numbers? Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 And the even BETTER part is that this prize lied to her about being married when she first started "seeing" him if I remember correctly. What is it with all you women saying he's the prize? Get it straight sister, I'm the prize, we, as women, are the prize... And guess what he realizes that and that's why he left... I've always wondered why you're responses are so full of contempt...I guess you must be very unhappy and it makes you feel better to try and bring others down... The thing is, I'm an independent, strong woman and I'm happy with my life and my partner...And there's nothing that anyone can say that can get between the two of us...We are each other's priorities and we don't take each other for granted... I hope that one day you can find someone that will melt your heart and take all the coldness and bitterness away...True love never fails... And when that day comes (hopefully before hell freezes over) you can look back and remember THIS post... GEL Link to post Share on other sites
findmyway Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 What is it with all you women saying he's the prize? Get it straight sister, I'm the prize, we, as women, are the prize... And guess what he realizes that and that's why he left... I've always wondered why you're responses are so full of contempt...I guess you must be very unhappy and it makes you feel better to try and bring others down... The thing is, I'm an independent, strong woman and I'm happy with my life and my partner...And there's nothing that anyone can say that can get between the two of us...We are each other's priorities and we don't take each other for granted... I hope that one day you can find someone that will melt your heart and take all the coldness and bitterness away...True love never fails... And when that day comes (hopefully before hell freezes over) you can look back and remember THIS post... GEL GEL Nice way of thinking "we" are the prize. I like that. Just want you to know that I understand what you are trying to convey and I truly wish you the best. Bitterness, coldness and negativity have no place in a support forum. Constructive criticism, sure.. we all need to hear that at times. Downright cruelness.. not needed. Anyway, I am so happy for you that you are now w/the partner you love so much. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 And the even BETTER part is that this prize lied to her about being married when she first started "seeing" him if I remember correctly. So not only is he a cheater and liar, but he's also a con man and reels in innocent women, as well. Well, they're innocent until they find out what a liar these guys are. When they choose to stay after having been conned, they're no longer a victim but a volunteer. Hey, does this prize have a brother just like him? Hook a sister up, will ya? I'm sorry, but I see nothing to 'brag' about here at all. You got taken by a liar and chose to overlook how he totally disrespected you - and his wife and marriage - from Day #1 by lying. When this blows up in your face - and much like the eventuality of death and taxes, it WILL - you'll remember this post. Its like I always say, aholes get the women. No wonder more men are becoming players. they know that is the kind of man women go for. Maybe all these cheaters are on to something. Hmmmm. Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe I should treat women like dirt and I'll have them falling all over me. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Its like I always say, aholes get the women. No wonder more men are becoming players. they know that is the kind of man women go for. Maybe all these cheaters are on to something. Hmmmm. Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. Maybe I should treat women like dirt and I'll have them falling all over me. You sound like a typical nice guy, and your nick, twice shy, kind of confirms it. Most women I know aren't into *******s, but they like self-conscious and self-confident men. A good starting point for you might be the nice-guy rants on heartless-bitches.com. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 You sound like a typical nice guy, and your nick, twice shy, kind of confirms it. Most women I know aren't into *******s, but they like self-conscious and self-confident men.. Oh no, it has nothing to do with a man being confident. Most of the men who women claim are confident are nothing but self-absorbed, conceited jerks. Confidence is one thing, but women are going for the players. They know they are players, but don't care. That is until they get played, then all of a sudden they are jerks. Well DUH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Oh no, it has nothing to do with a man being confident. Most of the men who women claim are confident are nothing but self-absorbed, conceited jerks. Confidence is one thing, but women are going for the players. They know they are players, but don't care. That is until they get played, then all of a sudden they are jerks. Well DUH!!! My MM is the archetypal "nice guy". (Guess that's why he got abused by his W.) He's always had women falling all over him, wanting a piece, but never even gave a second glance. (Until I got lucky.) Nice guys don't always finish last. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GreenEyedLady Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 GEL Nice way of thinking "we" are the prize. I like that. Just want you to know that I understand what you are trying to convey and I truly wish you the best. Bitterness, coldness and negativity have no place in a support forum. Constructive criticism, sure.. we all need to hear that at times. Downright cruelness.. not needed. Anyway, I am so happy for you that you are now w/the partner you love so much. I think that women really need to reevaluate their place in R's...And if a woman ever feels that she doesn't have an equal standing in the R, it's not the place for her... Love is reciprocal...Love never makes you guess... I guess that is the ironic part of how I came to find the true love of my life, because that's what he is to me and what I am to him...It taught me that love must be patient, tough at times and forgiving...I find it unfortunate that we started the way we did, but it is humbling too...And it has brought us closer than ever and opened our eyes to what we can lose...I truly learned so many things about myself, about my love and about love and R's... And thanks for your kind words! It is wonderful to be with the person you know you were meant for and who was meant for you... Even if the timing was off... Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) I think it's more like the expectation of a promise made being a promise kept. LF, if you entered a serious R with a man, would you tell him it's okay to f around on you? Do you enter "open" relationships? Or do you have expectations of fidelity once the decision has been made, by BOTH of you, to be each other's "one and only?" If someone wants an "open" relationship, they should be honest from the get go. Why is that so hard for people to understand? I would never HAVE a so called "open relationship" - not my thing. and just for the record I don't believe a bf/gf relationship is the same thing as being in a marriage, there isn't the same committment, legal or otherwise - just my opinion Edited March 11, 2008 by Lookingforward forgot to add something Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 My MM is the archetypal "nice guy". (Guess that's why he got abused by his W.) He's always had women falling all over him, wanting a piece, but never even gave a second glance. (Until I got lucky.) Nice guys don't always finish last. No offense, but if he cheats on his wife, I don't care what the reason, he can't be all that nice of a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 So a promise isn't a promise until it's put on paper? No, I never said that - keeping your promises is more a question of personal integrity, and speaks more to character than a piece of paper. Even in a bf/gf relationship I would expect the other person to honour our relationship or leave it if they can't. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 You build a relationship on a foundation. Cheating is a crack. Can I use that? Link to post Share on other sites
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