allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I will answer you. YOU ARE WRONG. I've written it before in this thread, which is getting long, so I will just re-write it.. In watching and listening to her, the lying, lying, lying (and knowing that her husband KNEW in his gut it was my #), and HOPING that she would do the right thing by standing up and taking one flippin' ounce or responsibility, but not, and the light started to come on.. The H knew damn well that the # was mine, going to bed every night, not being able to sleep, not being able to eat, everytime he looked at her, etc, etc. He knew. He was becoming VERY real to me, for the first time, and if you havent been in the OM/OW's shoes, this is hard to understand. I made sure of my feelings before I acted, because the LAST thing I wanted to do was something out of "anger". Now, I dont expect to win a medal for "stand up guy of the year", but I believe that I won everybodies "freedom" from this Affair as it is finally over. NOW WE ALL CAN MOVE FORWARD with what is in our laps... Couldn't you have accomplished the same result by cutting ties with the MW, and without the phone call to the H? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Couldn't you have accomplished the same result by cutting ties with the MW, and without the phone call to the H? So I tell her NC, yet H keeps calling the phone, day after day after day.. Leaving message after message, asking for "Hello, this is BS, please call me back..." and then next month when yet another phone bill comes in. MORE CALLS MORE LIES (hiw exactly am I out of this yet??) And if I changed the number all together like MW wanted me to, and great, now he cant call THAT phone anymore, and his mind and heart keep trying to figure this out, and STILL next month another phone bill will come in with probably even MORE calls on it than last month. He is still asking her, she is still lying, and sure I am still in NC with her, but what about him??? What if he calls me directly on MY PHONE?? IT WAS TIME TO END THE MADNESS, and the ONLY one that would was ME. Not her, like it should have been Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Hey Stamp...so has NC stayed in place since the call to her H? Just wanted to ask...was curious if she'd try to breach it or not. Hang in there man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Hey Stamp...so has NC stayed in place since the call to her H? Just wanted to ask...was curious if she'd try to breach it or not. Hang in there man! Ummm. NO Link to post Share on other sites
allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 So I tell her NC, yet H keeps calling the phone, day after day after day.. Leaving message after message, asking for "Hello, this is BS, please call me back..." and then next month when yet another phone bill comes in. MORE CALLS MORE LIES (hiw exactly am I out of this yet??) And if I changed the number all together like MW wanted me to, and great, now he cant call THAT phone anymore, and his mind and heart keep trying to figure this out, and STILL next month another phone bill will come in with probably even MORE calls on it than last month. He is still asking her, she is still lying, and sure I am still in NC with her, but what about him??? What if he calls me directly on MY PHONE?? IT WAS TIME TO END THE MADNESS, and the ONLY one that would was ME. Not her, like it should have been Well I don't buy it - but I guess the only one that needs to buy it is you. I only posted here to comment about the children. I got caught up in this other stuff. I just think if you believed in doing the right thing, you could have kept NC, got rid of the phone, and ended it without the phone call. I think if you were really honest with yourself, the phone call was self serving and a way for you to get back at her and maybe move things along towards her leaving the H. Anyway, good luck to you, and try to leave the kids out of it. They didn't ask to be involved in any of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 No, I got the "wine" call Friday afternoon around 5:30 from a phone # I didnt recognize.. HER: where are you? ME: what? HER: where are you? ME: who is this?? HER: Oh great, now you don't even know who I am anymore... Because you have "fallen out of love with me" (referring to a statement that I made about "her making me fall out of love with you because of all the lies, deception etc...) HER; I just called to tell you to have a GREAT weekend, now that you are FREE, you can have a really great weekend I'm like WTF? about 1/2 hours later, I am across the street at a neighbors, when one of them says, "hey, MW is in your driveway" So here we go.. Yes, she is a little "wined up" and pitiful. She is saying (meanly), YES, we are over! I say OK, she says I mean it, we are over, over, over.. I say, OK, OK, OK. All the while, she is reaching out to touch my arm, my leg, my hand. It was a mess... I just told her that YES, I hope, ONE DAY, to have a talk about the last few months, weeks and TODAY, but ONLY when you are FREE.. this is not to say that I am still hanging on, because I am not), just a simple hope to talk about everything one day IF she is free... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 Well I don't buy it - but I guess the only one that needs to buy it is you. I only posted here to comment about the children. I got caught up in this other stuff. I just think if you believed in doing the right thing, you could have kept NC, got rid of the phone, and ended it without the phone call. I think if you were really honest with yourself, the phone call was self serving and a way for you to get back at her and maybe move things along towards her leaving the H. Anyway, good luck to you, and try to leave the kids out of it. They didn't ask to be involved in any of this. Buy it or not, whatever.. I will agree about my son.. I NEVER thought this would end this way, have never been in this situation before, will never again. Didnt have the "playbook" on how to operate, ONLY TRUSTED HER. But it was wrong to do so Link to post Share on other sites
allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 No, I got the "wine" call Friday afternoon around 5:30 from a phone # I didnt recognize.. HER: where are you? ME: what? HER: where are you? ME: who is this?? HER: Oh great, now you don't even know who I am anymore... Because you have "fallen out of love with me" (referring to a statement that I made about "her making me fall out of love with you because of all the lies, deception etc...) HER; I just called to tell you to have a GREAT weekend, now that you are FREE, you can have a really great weekend I'm like WTF? about 1/2 hours later, I am across the street at a neighbors, when one of them says, "hey, MW is in your driveway" So here we go.. Yes, she is a little "wined up" and pitiful. She is saying (meanly), YES, we are over! I say OK, she says I mean it, we are over, over, over.. I say, OK, OK, OK. All the while, she is reaching out to touch my arm, my leg, my hand. It was a mess... I just told her that YES, I hope, ONE DAY, to have a talk about the last few months, weeks and TODAY, but ONLY when you are FREE.. this is not to say that I am still hanging on, because I am not), just a simple hope to talk about everything one day IF she is free... So where were your children / child when this happened? Could they not have easily seen this? THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 So where were your children / child when this happened? Could they not have easily seen this? THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I GET IT!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Don't let the pot-stirrers get to you. Not trying to be a pot-stirrer... this is a "forum" correct? My intent was not to criticize. I apologize if thats how it was taken. I think its important for SD to realize what situation this puts his children in. The MW's H could have followed her, he knows now because SD made the phone call. So who knows what kind of danger the children could be in if he would have done that. There are stories all over the news of things like this happening and people snapping. That's all I'm trying to say. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I have been reading the postings in this forum and some posters are not reasoning in their attempt to get their questions answered. Sure S.D recognizes that he made a mistake being involved with a MW. Whether or not the phone call was to get back at her is besides the point. Why should he have to change his number, bend over backwards for her. He had enough of the deceit and did not want any part of it. Just because some of you are perfect does not mean everyone else is. Geeesh, give him a break. Link to post Share on other sites
allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 If it looks like stirring and sounds like stirring, it's probably stirring. The statement above was designed for nothing more than to make SD look bad. Well I understand where you may interpret it that way. For me, sometimes it helps for someone to make me look at things from another perspective and think about what my real motivations are. Unless we are honest with ourselves, its hard to make real progress towards healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Cagney Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Stamp, just take care of you, and don't listen to these people who are trying to make you out to be some kind of evil person. So if somone questions Stamp then they're calling him evil? Link to post Share on other sites
allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Yeah. I can see how telling someone who is trying to get past an emotional hurt will be greatly helped by someone else telling them they are angry and vindictive. I didn't say that at all. I understand from his story that SD loves her very much. I was just suggesting that he think about why he did what he did. I'm not saying it was wrong - other than saying that my personal opinion is that it's best to leave that to the MM/MW and enforce NC if you truly want a future with that person, as they need to make that decision on their own. Was just suggesting that he think about his motivation, and that others consider their motivation, as well as the long term effects, if they choose to make that call and tell about the A. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 YES there were selfish motivations. I WANT THE AFFAIR TO BE OVER.. Now, as far as a future goes with her because of this? I just betrayed her and "threw her under the bus" didnt I.. Not much hope now is there? To get back at her? NO, I wouldnt do that, I love her. BUT, this was just getting crazy. And there were many things said that I havnt posted about "her state of mind" because they are really not too much more relavant than what has already been posted. I know I did the right thing, but I also know I feel sick about it ALL. I will be OK Link to post Share on other sites
Cagney Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Bottom line is this...if you want to talk further about YOUR situation, I'll gladly do that on your thread...if you're interested in hearing my viewpoint further. Otherwise, I'll stay focused on Stamp's situation here on this thread. I don't think this is off topic. I admit that I'm looking for likes and differences so I can apply Stamp's experience to my situation. Don't most of us do that? Like hey Stamp! How'd it go man? Are you really gonna be happier now that you told on her? 'Cause I'm thinkin' of doing it too! Link to post Share on other sites
allbetternow Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 YES there were selfish motivations. I WANT THE AFFAIR TO BE OVER.. Now, as far as a future goes with her because of this? I just betrayed her and "threw her under the bus" didnt I.. Not much hope now is there? To get back at her? NO, I wouldnt do that, I love her. BUT, this was just getting crazy. And there were many things said that I havnt posted about "her state of mind" because they are really not too much more relavant than what has already been posted. I know I did the right thing, but I also know I feel sick about it ALL. I will be OK That makes perfect sense. Honestly SD not trying to call you angry or vindictive. Was just suggesting you realize that there were some selfish motivations as well. Nothing wrong with that, we all have those feelings, particularly when we go through things like this. Seems I was better off as an observer, I'm P*&%ing folks off already Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 That makes perfect sense. Honestly SD not trying to call you angry or vindictive. Was just suggesting you realize that there were some selfish motivations as well. Nothing wrong with that, we all have those feelings, particularly when we go through things like this. Seems I was better off as an observer, I'm P*&%ing folks off already Sure that was your intention but you had to get it out of SD ha? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 enough is enough... I just posted that she came by Friday and nobody wants to talk about that? We rather beat this horse to death? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 I don't think this is off topic. I admit that I'm looking for likes and differences so I can apply Stamp's experience to my situation. Don't most of us do that? Like hey Stamp! How'd it go man? Are you really gonna be happier now that you told on her? 'Cause I'm thinkin' of doing it too! Likes and differences? Well, your MW went NC with you, started up with another man, got pregnant, left you and left you feeling cheated on but you are well out of her life and her marriage, only now you want to continue the drama by telling her husband...and thereby, prolonging your pain. In stamp's situation, he is at the tail end of the affair and is trying to extricate himself from it, even to the point of replying to her H's calls to inform him that yes, his wife is still calling him. Personally, I'm an advocate of telling the BS because it seems really unfair they are the only ones who don't know what their cheating spouse is up to. However, I don't think it will ease your pain. Because getting out of the affair mess is the only thing that eases the pain, eventually. You want to get yourself back into it. Totally different. Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 enough is enough... I just posted that she came by Friday and nobody wants to talk about that? We rather beat this horse to death? you are right SD. Seems to me you are coming along well. Has H attempted to contact you? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 enough is enough... I just posted that she came by Friday and nobody wants to talk about that? We rather beat this horse to death? How did you feel seeing her again, under those circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Stamp, the Friday visit (and everything else you've described about her) indicates to me that she is addicted to the drama of it all. She has no self-control; that's a big red flag in my book. IMO she is a real piece of work! There's no guarantee that even if you guys end up together, the drama wouldn't continue. I personally think you're way better off without her. Who needs it?!?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 you are right SD. Seems to me you are coming along well. Has H attempted to contact you? No, and I dont think he will, unless I get subpoena'd.. But I doubt that would happen. He knows enough, so contacting me would to get more answers, but he doesnt need them.. If you remember, him and I have talked 4-5 times now.. Hell, he may call me for a beer, now that we're buds... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 How did you feel seeing her again, under those circumstances? Under those circumstances, I felt PITY for her.. Someone suggested that she has just about hit her personal "Rock Bottom". See the thing is, she knows that I am now FREE.. I can go on, she can't. She is so worried about me meeting someone new. OH WELL. But it is not like I am going to go out this weekend and pick up a few "hood rats". I am going to find ME again Link to post Share on other sites
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