Might be Having Twins...Suggestions?

[Gwyneth]

Geezzz WHY GO THROUGH ALL THIS MESS... really... just keep this secret to yourself.. period... :rolleyes:

 

I'm shaking my head in disbelief here.. I just can't believe why you would put yourself and YOUR CHILD through all this brouhaha... why would you want to argue with him or the judge... really... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

You sound like you're 14 years old... sooo juvenile.. but yet soon to be a mother... I feel sorry for your child.. honestly.. I do. You don't seem to be able to take responsible decisions for your life and to stick to them.. for your own sake and your child's..

 

Here you go again talking to me like I'm a child.

 

Lady, I don't need lectures from You of all people. And I think you are the Last person around here to be telling Anyone they're juvenile and to be giving Motherly advice. I can only imagine what Your child went through.

 

 

imstunned:

 

I know, you told me your story, and I am so very sorry I am hoping for one as I think one is enough work Thank you for your words of wisdom--I think about what you said all the time.

[bentnotbroken]

Gwen, I say it again, maybe you don't need to be on here so much. The level of intensity is mucho grande.

[blair08]

I don't think I'll really ever understand why it is, that some people will complain about how they don't like other people's comments, or their advice, or they think they are rude etc etc, and make it known they don't like half of what people tell them, and the list goes on, but yet continues to be in the very same place they feel causes them stress, hurt or bad feelings, or whatever.

[Citizen Erased]

I don't think I'll really ever understand why it is, that some people will complain about how they don't like other people's comments, or their advice, or they think they are rude etc etc, and make it known they don't like half of what people tell them, and the list goes on, but yet continues to be in the very same place they feel causes them stress, hurt or bad feelings, or whatever.

 

That is potentially the longest sentence in the world.

 

Gwen, I hope it isn't twins, but if it is then I am sure you can make it work. I would imagine most people who have twins are overwhelmed, but make the best with what you have

 

Keep yourself and your baby away from the MM. Far too much drama.

[Touche]

As someone who grew up without a father (he died when I was 4) I think you know how selfish it would be to not have these children know who their father is. I can't think of anything more selfish. Besides which you'd be denying them the financial support they deserve.

 

Please listen to your family.

[Gwyneth]

As someone who grew up without a father (he died when I was 4) I think you know how selfish it would be to not have these children know who their father is. I can't think of anything more selfish. Besides which you'd be denying them the financial support they deserve.

 

Please listen to your family.

 

Right. See, this is my problem. While I can support them financially, I do believe that both parents should be a part of a child's life. However, he's irresponsible and that worries me tremendously. This is what I'm tossed in the air about. What will happen if I tell him? Will he try to take My rights away? I'm terrified of what will happen. At the same time, I am trying to remember that it would not be fair to babies if they are denied the rights to their father.

 

Other than that, I am doing well. I did some reading up today on Twins and spoke with my friend who has twins. Told her I was pregnant possibly with twins--she laughed

 

I babysat my twin cousins when I was a teenager--they were about 4 years old. It was lovely because they entertained each other and I didn't have to be bothered. That was nice. They are fraternal girls.

 

I am looking forward to this possiblity of twins and the more I think about it, the happier I am becoming, but I also do not want to set myself up for disapointment if I am not having twins. Either way, all I'm asking is for a healthy boy or girl

[Gwyneth]

I don't think I'll really ever understand why it is, that some people will complain about how they don't like other people's comments, or their advice, or they think they are rude etc etc, and make it known they don't like half of what people tell them, and the list goes on, but yet continues to be in the very same place they feel causes them stress, hurt or bad feelings, or whatever.

 

And I don't think I'll ever understand why some people are just so downright Rude! Just because myself or another doesn't live their life like the responder does not mean the responder is entitled to characterize the OP as Immature or Juvenile. It's a difference of an opinion and an unecessary lable to give to someone.

 

[Touche]

What legal grounds would he have for taking your rights away, as you say? None that I know of. But by not telling him, you're not exercising YOUR legal rights on behalf of your children.

 

Maybe it would be wise to meet with a lawyer instead of just wondering and worrying about it. Then you can make an informed decision.

[RecordProducer]

I figure you're keeping the babies, so congrats!

I am very sorry though that the father is a MM and you will have your sad moments and long for a happy and "normal" marriage.

 

The financial aspect

Maybe he can't afford the luxury of having so many children, but he WILL have to pay child support, no matter how minuscule. Even if he only pays $100 per month, you can collect the money for their college. And you WILL demand it if you're smart. This is not the time when you should spare him or feel sorry for him or compromise about anything. You are the one who is in a non-rosy situation. His situation at home is none of your business. Please note that this is not a moralistic advice; it's just a practical advice. Being a mother is the most important role you will ever have and your kids will be your biggest treasure.

 

Being a single mom

I don't think having the father nearby means a lot to the woman, unless he is a really wonderful and helpful man who makes mamma happy. In my experience, men only bring frustration and squeeze all the positive energy out of you - the precious energy that you so need for your offsprings. Of course, you can't convince a single mom that she is better off without any man than with a crappy man. My husband left when my twins were two years old. I moved in with my mom and life suddenly became much easier for me. We shared all the chores in the house and around the kids. Neither of us worked though. When the emotional pressure was off (the ex had a child from his first marriage who lived with him), I had happier times with my kids, even though I was devastated because of the breakup. I think I enjoyed my motherhood much more when he was not around because I could allow myself to be natural and spontaneous with my kids and not worry about what I owed him.

 

Help

You will need a lot of help. That means at least two people (including yourself) taking care of the kids actively and at least one of the two NOT working. Baby-sitters are not good for such small children, because babies need a mother, not a maid. You can get a cleaning lady, you don't have to cook, and someone else can shop for you, but you will have to spend most of the time with your kids. In the first few months up to a year, you will not have time for anything else: you will be preoccupied with changing diapers, breastfeeding (it's the best choice for your babies), preparing food, bathing them, taking them to the doctor, etc. You won't get much sleep in the first three months either. Having a new baby is a serious duty that requires responsibility, maturity, discipline, patience, endurance, and pshysical and emotional stamina. The good news is: it gets better as they get older.

 

As a single mom with twins, don't expect to have any social life in the first year. I don't know what you will do about work, but it would be best for your babies if you could stay with them for as long as you can afford it. I hope your mother can help you 100% because if she works full-time and you do too, you just can't make it. Not with twins.

 

The good news

Having kids at a young age has tremendous advantages later: you get to enjoy your youth while having big kids at home.

You're never alone, you always have company.

You grow up and become a real mature person while still young.

You can devote time and energy to your career when you're in your 30s and 40s, while some other moms of those ages will still have small children.

When you're younger, you can endure financial troubles, because you know that your whole life is still ahead of you. Small kids don't care about how much money you have, they only need your love and attention.

You're still young when they go to college

Kids can give you and wake up in you the kind of love that you will never feel for or from anyone else. In the long run, they are definitely worth the pain. In the short run, they are exhausting in the first few years.

 

If you're keeping the babies, inform your MM immediately, so he can start making arrangements to meet your demands. You need his help, so forget about pride and vanity. If the relationship with him starts giving you heartache, it will flush the joy of motherhood; so don't let him put you down. Put your kids in the first place. Always.

 

My final advice: whatever decisions you make, make sure they are YOUR decisions. But don't make decisions for others either. E.g. don't assign your mother with responsibilities that are YOURS, such as "Mom, you will take care of the babies while I am working weekends." Discuss the ways in which she is able and willing to help you in advance. Consider your mother's health condition, too. People with high blood pressure (like my mom) and other critical medical conditions may become less and less able to take care of children as they age.

 

OMG! How horrifying. Where does the other twin go? I have heard of a mumified twin--is that something of what you are speaking about?

The other twin doesn't literally get absorbed. It's a partial miscariage. Nothing horrifying, nature takes care of her business. I know women who were initially pregnant with twins and they didn't seem horrified by the loss of one.

 

When will I be able to know if I am having twins, and when does one hear the baby's first heart beat?

I found out during the second month of my pregnancy. Before that, during the examination, my gyn told me that my uterus was too big for three weeks of pregnancy.

 

Good luck!

 

P.S. I preferred it when you didn't have sex with your MM.

Edited February 29, 2008 by RecordProducer

[Gwyneth]

 

P.S. I preferred it when you didn't have sex with your MM.

 

Me too

 

MM is supposidely doing better and will be home soon--probably in a week or two. I am not going to visit him at hospital. However, I will be making my decision this weekend how and when I am going to tell him. I am going to tell him--that Much I am certain. I am worried about his reaction, of course, that's only natural. I have spoken to my lawyer about this situation among another issue I'm dealing with about a former landlord. So, things will be looking up.

 

My gyno didn't comment on my uterus other than it's tilted (which I knew).

 

As for work and the baby(ies), my boss is trying to see if she can get me a better setup to work from home. Currently I go into the office four times a week and spend the rest of the week working from home. She has at least 7 more months to work this out. Mom works full-time and is not going to be able to spend all her time helping me out. Sister is a student and works as well, but she said she was going to be here as often as possible and stay over to help me (she will graduate this May).

 

My brother's gf "says" she will help me out too as she only works three days per week and Loves babies (we'll see about this).

 

YOu are right when you said I should Demand money from MM. I should! My crapaholic father hardly Ever gave my mom child support for us three kids and she took him to court Many times. He's still paying his rears from the years he didn't pay, but she now gives us the money since we were neglected that luxury as a child. So I can use that money toward a nanny when the time comes.

 

I will tell him, though, and you are right--I should Demand money from him!

[RecordProducer]

I am worried about his reaction

I don't think you're worried about how he will react; i think you know how he will react: he won't be thrilled at all. Just tell him you're pregnant and let him know about your final plans. But don't forget that he is 50% responsible for this. If he tries to give you the guilt trips, please don't get all worked up, just ignore them. Try not to aggrevate the situation. You hold all the cards: you're deciding the destiny of your pregnancy and you're the one who is not married. Your situation is difficult, but clean. His is not.

I have spoken to my lawyer about this situation among another issue I'm dealing with about a former landlord. So, things will be looking up.

So what did the lawyer tell you?

 

As for work and the baby(ies), my boss is trying to see if she can get me a better setup to work from home. Currently I go into the office four times a week and spend the rest of the week working from home.

That's good. Do you have a well-paid job?

 

Mom works full-time and is not going to be able to spend all her time helping me out.

Ok, but if she is wiling to help you after work and on the weekends, that would be good.

 

My brother's gf "says" she will help me out too as she only works three days per week and Loves babies (we'll see about this).

I wouldn't count on that. You need to plan this and she can't be part of your plan. She might walk your babies with you once a week and play with them once in a while. You need real help for real responsibilities.

 

So, is your final decision to give birth? I don't want to sound like I am trying to persuade you to keep them (or not). I just want to give advice and encouragement in accordance with your final decision. I personally am pro-choice.

[imstunned]

honestly Gywen - at the moment my advice to you is to wait untill you find out if you are having a singleton pregnancy or a twin pregnancy.

 

There is so much to consider with a twin pregnancy and there is no point untill you know that you are having twins. When is your next scan?? My twins heart beats were both seen clealy by internal scan at 7 weeks. How far on are you now?

[Gwyneth]

honestly Gywen - at the moment my advice to you is to wait untill you find out if you are having a singleton pregnancy or a twin pregnancy.

 

There is so much to consider with a twin pregnancy and there is no point untill you know that you are having twins. When is your next scan?? My twins heart beats were both seen clealy by internal scan at 7 weeks. How far on are you now?

 

I'm six weeks now. I have had an US and so far the doc wasn't able to see anything. She just noticed how high my levels are. I go back in two weeks.

 

RecordProducer:

 

My lawyer told me to accept the reality of the situation. He said it would be in my best interest to let him know and let him decide what He wants to do, but that he is legally obligated to this baby(ies). He also said that no matter what the guy's decision is, I need to fight for child support.

[imstunned]

In your first post you said this

 

"when she did the US, she was pretty sure she saw two in there, but one was slightly behind the other. Unbelievable! I will know more as time goes by"

 

Now you say this " I'm six weeks now. I have had an US and so far the doc wasn't able to see anything"

 

Was she able to see anything or not. were there two in there or did doc see nothing??

[RecordProducer]

My lawyer told me to accept the reality of the situation. He said it would be in my best interest to let him know and let him decide what He wants to do, but that he is legally obligated to this baby(ies). He also said that no matter what the guy's decision is, I need to fight for child support.

Oh, what a legal advice! Don't ask a real estate lawyer about family issues. You don't need to fight, but you have a right to receive child support. Regarding his "decision" - he can wipe his ass with his decision. I suggest you talk to a family lawyer before you give birth to find out what your rights are and what you can do.

 

In your first post you said this

 

"when she did the US, she was pretty sure she saw two in there, but one was slightly behind the other. Unbelievable! I will know more as time goes by"

 

Now you say this " I'm six weeks now. I have had an US and so far the doc wasn't able to see anything"

 

Was she able to see anything or not. were there two in there or did doc see nothing??

I think it's pretty clear. She said the doctor couldn't tell for sure. And the "anything" is probably a Freudian mistake? Just kidding.

[JackJack]

In your first post you said this

 

"when she did the US, she was pretty sure she saw two in there, but one was slightly behind the other. Unbelievable! I will know more as time goes by"

 

Now you say this " I'm six weeks now. I have had an US and so far the doc wasn't able to see anything"

 

Was she able to see anything or not. were there two in there or did doc see nothing??

 

Oh ok..so at one point the doc was pretty sure she saw two...and now she sees nothing? So they just disappeared?

 

Hmmmm? Gwen if you had said first...the doc saw nothing, now she is pretty sure she sees two, it would be more understandable.

 

I'm sure you will be able to come back with something and fix what you said though.

[whichwayisup]

If he does pay child support, he also has a right to be in the child's life and see him/her.

[RecordProducer]

If he does pay child support, he also has a right to be in the child's life and see him/her.

That's according to the "Angry Mommas' Favorite Revenge Rules."

 

Legally, child support and visitations are not related. Morally, the child should not be prevented from communicating with their father regardless of whether he pays child support or not. In practical terms, by encouraging communication, the woman augments the chances that the father will start paying child support, not to mention all the other benefits that both she and the child would have from this bond.

Edited March 1, 2008 by RecordProducer

[Gwyneth]

She wasn't sure if it was a shaddow but thought maybe there were two. She said sometimes one hides behind the other. It's still very soon to tell, and that is why she said we will keep an eye on this--of course.

[RecordProducer]

She wasn't sure if it was a shaddow but thought maybe there were two. She said sometimes one hides behind the other. It's still very soon to tell, and that is why she said we will keep an eye on this--of course.

I think she is just incompetent. Is she young?

[Gwyneth]

I think she is just incompetent. Is she young?

 

No--if you consider late 30s, early 40s young. She has many years and has had many patients. I have heard other parents say the twins hide behind each other and it's hard to pick up on the US0--especially at the state I'm in. I wouldn't say she's incompetent.

[whichwayisup]

Well, if you do decide to tell your (ex)MM, just don't freak out if he asks you for a paternity test.

 

Has your Dr confirmed yet if you're having twins?

[Gwyneth]

Well, if you do decide to tell your (ex)MM, just don't freak out if he asks you for a paternity test.

 

Has your Dr confirmed yet if you're having twins?

 

Not yet. I think my next apointment is at the end of March. I think I am because for the amount of weeks I am, I am pretty large--so either I was impregnated by immaculate conception a few months ago, or I am having twins.

 

BTW, I still haven't talked to the father of this baby (babies) nor told him. I am waiting it out until I know he's doing well. I don't want to be responsible for placing him back in the hospital because of heart failure or something...

[whichwayisup]

I know, and I didn't mean you telling him now. I meant later on when you do tell, chances are very high he will ask you for a paternity test.

[Gwyneth]

I know, and I didn't mean you telling him now. I meant later on when you do tell, chances are very high he will ask you for a paternity test.

 

I doubt that. He knows I wouldn't lie to him about anything, and he Very well knows his position from the night we conceived. If anything he's probably expecting this to happen since he assumably "misplaced" the cap that was supposed to be on him!!!!!