Dinner with married colleague

[whichwayisup]

Although I enjoyed the conversation and the proximity, because she's married I never thought it could get physical

 

What about emotional? Be aware of emotional affairs too. It doesn't always have to be physical.

[dylan.h]

What about emotional? Be aware of emotional affairs too. It doesn't always have to be physical.

 

I've thought of that too but honestly I feel we don't know each other enough to create this kind of situation. And we're not texting each other every day either.

 

My challenge is that I don't want to suddenly act cold if there's nothing to worry about, but I wouldn't want her to think that I want an affair either.

[Pyro]

I've thought of that too but honestly I feel we don't know each other enough to create this kind of situation. And we're not texting each other every day either.

 

My challenge is that I don't want to suddenly act cold if there's nothing to worry about, but I wouldn't want her to think that I want an affair either.

 

You obviously don't know what her intentions are, so you will have to talk to her about this matter.

[dylan.h]

You obviously don't know what her intentions are, so you will have to talk to her about this matter.

 

Ok, but how would I bring this up without suggesting that I might think that she has the hots for me?

[Pyro]

Ok, but how would I bring this up without suggesting that I might think that she has the hots for me?

 

I'm not sure if there is a way to get around it I'm afraid.

[StillSame]

I've thought of that too but honestly I feel we don't know each other enough to create this kind of situation. And we're not texting each other every day either.

 

There is always a start/beginning of an affair and at the beginning, it's not all hotel and hot sex but starts slowly. What you're having is definately a breeding ground for an affair, very possibly a physical affair, but most definately a emotional one.

 

My challenge is that I don't want to suddenly act cold if there's nothing to worry about, but I wouldn't want her to think that I want an affair either.

 

What happened if you suddenly act cold? You will get fired? Someone's going to die? A marriage will be broken? People's lifes are going to be changed forever?

 

The question is what if you continue what you're doing...then one or more of the questions above could be a "yes."

[dylan.h]

I'm not sure if there is a way to get around it I'm afraid.

 

Hmmm... Like I mentioned in a previous post, I'm a gentleman and would never make a move on her.

 

And since she is married, I can only presume that she feels the same.

 

I'm afraid I would sound too pretentious if I mentioned something about us being strictly friends.

[Pyro]

Hmmm... Like I mentioned in a previous post, I'm a gentleman and would never make a move on her.

 

And since she is married, I can only presume that she feels the same.

 

I'm afraid I would sound too pretentious if I mentioned something about us being strictly friends.

 

The sitting close to you IMO is more than enough evidence to show that she doesn't see it as just a platonic friendship.

[bish]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm not sure if I started this thread in the right category but here's my situation.

 

I'm a single guy in my late twenties. I broke up with my long time girlfriend a couple of months ago. I was heartbroken but since I always had reasonable success with the ladies, I thought I'd get back in the game as soon as possible.

 

I ended up going for lunch with a married coworker. We work for the same company but we don't actually work together. I asked her out for lunch since I think she's very attractive but had no intention of going anywhere further. I always thought lunch is harmless anyway.

 

Lemme get this straight..you asked her out to lunch on the basis that she is hot?....yet you say you have no intention of it going anywhere....sorry...not buyin' it.

 

A couple of weeks later, we talk about going for lunch again but end up going for drinks after work. At this point, I become a bit suspicious but drinks after work is still kosher in my book. At the end of our meeting, she proposes that next time we go out for dinner...

 

Now, I realize some women just enjoy the company of men but I start to wonder if she's being a bit too friendly...

 

Oh puhhleeze....you asked her to lunch because she was attractive...that isn't the basis of a friendship.

 

 

A couple of weeks later we end up going for dinner. The meal was very good and it was getting very late. I was ready to call it a night but we ended up drinking another bottle of wine and closed the restaurant. It was almost 3 am by the time we left.

 

When I ran into her the next morning, she mentions we should go out again... How should I view this situation?

 

How should you view this situation? She wants to cheat and you started it...don't tell us you didn't think things would happen. I think you wanted it to and knew it would.

 

So you scammed on another man's wife...and now you are surprised at the results? Get real.

[dylan.h]

What happened if you suddenly act cold?

 

If she just wants to be friends, I wouldn't want her to think I'm a bipolar freak... I wouldn't want to have to avoid her at the office either...

[dylan.h]

Lemme get this straight..you asked her out to lunch on the basis that she is hot?....yet you say you have no intention of it going anywhere....sorry...not buyin' it.

 

Oh puhhleeze....you asked her to lunch because she was attractive...that isn't the basis of a friendship.

 

How should you view this situation? She wants to cheat and you started it...don't tell us you didn't think things would happen. I think you wanted it to and knew it would.

 

So you scammed on another man's wife...and now you are surprised at the results? Get real.

 

I think you're being a bit harsh here. I enjoy the company of attractive women. That's just how I am. All of my female friends are attractive but yet nothing ever happened. Our conversations are definitely different from the conversations I have with my guy friends but I NEVER made a move on any of my friends.

[dylan.h]

The sitting close to you IMO is more than enough evidence to show that she doesn't see it as just a platonic friendship.

 

I agree. That's the part that made me wonder.

 

However, I know of plenty of people who are more touchy feely than I am but yet they have no intention of doing anything.

 

I'm more conservative when it comes to physical distance but I realize not everyone is like that.

[bish]

I think you're being a bit harsh here. I enjoy the company of attractive women. That's just how I am.

 

And how do you think the husbands of these "attractive women" feel that you want to spend time with them?...especially dinner, drinks and staying out til 3am?

 

And as far as being harsh...you don't know what it is...you may find yourself out somewhere til 3am only to turn around...and there is the husband and you are about to be pummeled.

[Pyro]

I agree. That's the part that made me wonder.

 

However, I know of plenty of people who are more touchy feely than I am but yet they have no intention of doing anything.

 

I'm more conservative when it comes to physical distance but I realize not everyone is like that.

 

Thats why you need to talk to her about it because we are not all the same.

[bish]

Reminds me of a song...

 

I was cutting the rug

Down at a place called The Jug

With a girl named Linda Lu

When in walked a man

With a gun in his hand

And he was looking for you know who.

He said, "Hey there fellow,

With the hair colored yellow,

Watcha tryin' to prove?

'Cause that's my woman there

And I'm a man who cares

And this might be all for you.

[nextel]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm not sure if I started this thread in the right category but here's my situation.

 

I'm a single guy in my late twenties. I broke up with my long time girlfriend a couple of months ago. I was heartbroken but since I always had reasonable success with the ladies, I thought I'd get back in the game as soon as possible.

 

I ended up going for lunch with a married coworker. We work for the same company but we don't actually work together. I asked her out for lunch since I think she's very attractive but had no intention of going anywhere further. I always thought lunch is harmless anyway.

 

A couple of weeks later, we talk about going for lunch again but end up going for drinks after work. At this point, I become a bit suspicious but drinks after work is still kosher in my book. At the end of our meeting, she proposes that next time we go out for dinner...

 

Now, I realize some women just enjoy the company of men but I start to wonder if she's being a bit too friendly... A couple of weeks later we end up going for dinner. The meal was very good and it was getting very late. I was ready to call it a night but we ended up drinking another bottle of wine and closed the restaurant. It was almost 3 am by the time we left.

 

When I ran into her the next morning, she mentions we should go out again... How should I view this situation? If she were single I wouldn't think twice but since she is married, I really wonder what she's looking for.

 

Thanks in advance for your input.

 

 

 

You are the only one that knows the answer to this situation. What are you hoping to get out of it?

 

If its only friendship, then let it be known and the late night meetings should stop. But if all you want to do is get laid, then I suggest you play the field but let her know that, thats all you want FB.

 

At this point of your interaction with her, you can dictate exactly what you want from her, if there is anything you want. But please be careful, MM can go crazy when another man is doing their W.

[dylan.h]

And how do you think the husbands of these "attractive women" feel that you want to spend time with them?...especially dinner, drinks and staying out til 3am?

 

And as far as being harsh...you don't know what it is...you may find yourself out somewhere til 3am only to turn around...and there is the husband and you are about to be pummeled.

 

I was looking for constructive feedback and I'm afraid this sounds like bashing. Some people actually trust their spouses and have more liberal practices when it comes to going out.

 

Your feedback is welcome but I suggest you take a less aggressive tone.

[bish]

I was looking for constructive feedback and I'm afraid this sounds like bashing. .

 

 

*sigh*...I'll ask again:

 

And how do you think the husbands of these "attractive women" feel that you want to spend time with them?...especially dinner, drinks and staying out til 3am?

[dylan.h]

You are the only one that knows the answer to this situation. What are you hoping to get out of it?

 

If its only friendship, then let it be known and the late night meetings should stop. But if all you want to do is get laid, then I suggest you play the field but let her know that, thats all you want FB.

 

At this point of your interaction with her, you can dictate exactly what you want from her, if there is anything you want. But please be careful, MM can go crazy when another man is doing their W.

 

Thanks for the different perspectives. I didn't get much of a chance to think about this but I certainly don't want to become a big distraction for her. I enjoy the attention and the good quality conversations.

 

I certainly wouldn't want her to fall in love with me.

 

The only way anything physical could happen is if she very aggressively jumps on me...

[bish]

Thanks for the different perspectives. I didn't get much of a chance to think about this but I certainly don't want to become a big distraction for her. I enjoy the attention and the good quality conversations.

 

Then go out and find yourself a single gal.

[dylan.h]

*sigh*...I'll ask again:

 

And how do you think the husbands of these "attractive women" feel that you want to spend time with them?...especially dinner, drinks and staying out til 3am?

 

Some guys wouldn't mind, some guys would. I think relationships are governed by different sets of rules and not everyone adheres to the same one.

[dylan.h]

Then go out and find yourself a single gal.

 

In other words, I guess you don't think friendship can exist between a man and a woman?

[bish]

Some guys wouldn't mind, some guys would. I think relationships are governed by different sets of rules and not everyone adheres to the same one.

 

Well a husband would be a fool to think that his wife staying out til the wee hours of the morning having drinks and going to dinner like a date is acceptable......cuz it isn't...unless they are swingers.

[bish]

In other words, I guess you don't think friendship can exist between a man and a woman?

 

Not when its viewed the way you view it...you wanted to go out to dinner because you are attracted to her and enjoy the attention.....thats not a friendship.

 

you don't see the problem in the way this was spawned by you?

 

And sure...I have female friends....but not ones I go out on dates with. I don't go out drinking with them or go out to dinner. And I certainly don't stay out with them til 3am.

[OldEurope]

She wants an affair.

 

And if you need to hear from her you just ask her. "Is this moving beyond friendship?"--or something to this effect. Never walk around so clouded with confusion. Just ask. Be disarming. You will know right away from how she responds, even if she tries to downplay it all. She might say "No" at first and then three days later you get an email saying something quite else...