are black women white mens fantasies or realities

[BetrayedMM]

We all have our preferences. Some guys like this kind of woman, some that. Same goes for women.

 

I gotta agree with Cobra- whatever info comes from her about what goes on between them is highly suspect.

 

I don't know if he cares about her or not. I do know that a white man can indeed love a black woman. I have a couple white friends married to black women. They love their wives because they love them, not because of or in spite of their race. Yes, there was problems with all families involved, so maybe it is I guess a bit 'in spite of', but that's external forces working against them, maybe having the result of creating a 'you and me against the world' bond.

 

You might be right, it might be 'fake', he may be indulging a fantasy. But, if that were all there was to it, he probably would have boinked her and moved on once he knew 'what it was like' to experience a black woman.

 

I feel for ya, man! I can understand how this might be even more painful because of the race issue. I'm not talking racism here, rather because it's a man so utterly different in appearance(and possibly culture) from you would make you feel even more thoroughly rejected. Not a good feeling.

 

I gotta say though, if she's an attractive woman, men of all races will find her attractive, preference or not. You can't tell me you don't find attractive women of all races to be attractive. Well, you can, but I won't believe it.

 

It would be easier if there were no kids involved... would be so much easier to move on, wouldn't it? Ugh. I wish I had some answers for you.

[burning 4 revenge]

I dont understand how in the day and age we cant move beyond race and background. Just yesterday we were reminded of the life of the great reverand Martin Luther King Jr and we may be on the verge of electing......wait....whats this on TV......Heath Ledger is dead......what...but he was so young......

[foreverchanged]

As a BS whos WS slept with a black woman, I can say that, to him it was a curiousity, as she was quite large. I asked him if she was different and he said no. Except the beach ball reference. But now that he has "satisfied" his curiousity, there won't be any going back. to black.

You need to take care of yourself and your son right now. Don't get him in the middle of this. He is going to be very confused and needs you more then ever. Is it a race thing? Who knows, really who cares. Most affairs crash and burn anyway. You need to find out why she is going to another man to fill a need, and take care of that.

Good luck.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The only thing truly the OP should be worried about is if he's packing more than you. lol.

 

But seriously bottom line let her go. it's not the fact that he's white. Something is wrong with her thought process and rationale. IT's not you.

 

You can divorce her and look back and say it's not my fault. She broke the marriage vows. She cheated and continues to do so.

 

Give us an update when you can.

 

Trust me, it's not all about race all the time 50% of the time it's about the person in the fantasy of the affair.

[stillafool]

and they say "once you go black you don't go back". Well your W proves that "once you go white, it feels so right":D, just kidding.

 

When I lived in L.A. I would see beautiful black women with white men all the time. I worked with 3 black women who were married to white men and 2 of them had families. All 3 women seemed blissfully happy.

 

I think you are hoping that this guy won't want your wife and she will come back to you. Forget it! He must care deeply for her if he let her and your son move in with him. It's one thing to have hot sex and let her go back home, but to set up house with her tells me he really cares.

 

I don't mean to hurt you but you should stop worrying about what this guy is thinking and think about what your wife is doing. Her actions tell me she is in love with this man and will do anything to be with him. You need to accept that she is gone from you and wants a divorce. Even if this guy were to reject your wife would you want her back knowing that she would rather be with him if he wanted her?

 

I hope you aren't caught up in that "because I am a black man I'm better in bed and no white man can take a black woman from me thing". A lot of black men feel that way about black women and as you can see that is just not true.

 

At any rate, I think you need to get some type of therapy to help you get through this divorce. You have to control your jealousy and stop trying to guess what the other man is thinking. It doesn't matter about his actions or thoughts. Your wife is in love with him anyway. You need to go 'no contact' with your wife so you can move on to someone else.

[kchiapet95]

As a BS whos WS slept with a black woman, I can say that, to him it was a curiousity, as she was quite large.

 

Can we say STEREOTYPE?

 

Your profile says you're from the South, and you fit THAT stereotype very well.

 

Let me assure you, I am quite petite.

 

Race is not the issue here. The cheating is.

[OWoman]

Race is not the issue here. The cheating is.

 

I must say this thread has shocked me for the amount of prejudice and stereotyping it's surfaced. I don't know where most of the "culprits" live, but I hope none are my neighbours!

 

You can't legislate against prejudice, but you can legislate against discrimination, hate speech and bigoted behaviour, and in my country some of what's been said here would be borderline enough to keep a panel of assessors debating its acceptability or otherwise.

[BetrayedMM]

If even speaking about racial issues is to be forbidden, the issues will never be resolved. Everyone has a different take on the subject. In my country, free speech is a right, not a privilege reserved to those who only say what the powers that be deem acceptable. I'm very thankful I live where I do.

 

The OP seems to be asking if all white men are so racist that they could never really be serious about a black woman. It is an honest question, worthy of discussion. The answer is- no. Some are, some aren't.

 

The only problem I have is there seems to be a tendency to make light of the OP's pain in this thread.

[complicatedlife]

Also as a petite southern girl, have been approached by as many white men as black men in my lifetime. So it wasn't my size that they where interested in. Mr. Messy had a saying in college: A p*s*y has no face, and I would assume that means it doesn't have a particular color either.

 

First Chia, now you, too? I am loving these revelations. Sorry for going a little off course, but I just wanted to say how pleasantly suprised I was as I admire your views.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah that is so true. I am a black guy., and right now I'm finding white women attractive. Seriously. Funny I never did before and now it's like damn she got ass and a smile.

 

But I'm too self conscious to date one. I chill with spanish and black women all day.

 

lol.

[Cobra_X30]

Yeah that is so true. I am a black guy., and right now I'm finding white women attractive. Seriously. Funny I never did before and now it's like damn she got ass and a smile.

But I'm too self conscious to date one. I chill with spanish and black women all day.

lol.

 

Try not to limit yourself too much CB. Good women are not limited to a particular shape or color.

 

Remember that while race only exists in our minds, we should pay close attention to culture! I've done the inter-cultural thing before... and it can be very tough! Don't let that stop you from trying if you think she is worth it.

 

This thread was about a man's insecurity over his wife's adultery. Nothing more, nothing less.

[burning 4 revenge]

Yeah that is so true. I am a black guy., and right now I'm finding white women attractive. Seriously. Funny I never did before and now it's like damn she got ass and a smile.

 

But I'm too self conscious to date one. I chill with spanish and black women all day.

 

lol.

Its strange how in the big cities up north there is still a bit of de-facto segregation. Here in Florida its nothing to see inter-racial couples and inter-cultural couples, but I know when I visit Chicago its still regarded as "cutting-edge"

 

I think its because we have so many immigrants from South America and they have a much different racial history than we do and it kind of effects the whole atmosphere.

[BetrayedMM]

LOL! What with about 50% of Florida being former New Yorkers, and many of the other half being Latin, I don't really think of Florida culture as being very stereotypically 'southern'. Hey, what do I know, I've only been there a couple times, but I consider it to be a decidedly multicultural state. But, no entire state is a single 'place', is it?

[burning 4 revenge]

LOL! What with about 50% of Florida being former New Yorkers, and many of the other half being Latin, I don't really think of Florida culture as being very stereotypically 'southern'. Hey, what do I know, I've only been there a couple times, but I consider it to be a decidedly multicultural state. But, no entire state is a single 'place', is it?

I said South America not southern America

[BetrayedMM]

You missed my point. You seemed to be comparing southern and northern USA culture. Yes, I read that. I made a little joke. I'm sorry you didn't get it, and didn't mean to offend your identity as a 'southerner'. Just trying to lighten the mood. It was a 'redneck' joke.

 

And, I'm off topic.

Edited January 25, 2008 by BetrayedMM

[burning 4 revenge]

You missed my point. You seemed to be comparing southern and northern USA culture. Yes, I read that. I made a little joke. I'm sorry you didn't get it, and didn't mean to offend your identity as a 'southerner'. Just trying to lighten the mood. It was a 'redneck' joke.

 

And, I'm off topic.

I didnt get the joke, but Im from the north like everyone else here who isnt from another country

[Pyro]

I didnt get the joke, but Im from the north like everyone else here who isnt from another country

 

I think she means that half of Florida are retirees from the north.

[burning 4 revenge]

Oh, he thinks i was comparing north v south, I just meant up north as in not here in south florida. I would have said Atlanta was up north, I was thinking geographically

[Pyro]

Oh, he thinks i was comparing north v south, I just meant up north as in not here in south florida. I would have said Atlanta was up north, I was thinking geographically

 

Its just a guess on my behalf.

[BetrayedMM]

LOL! You Hillaries are playin' with me, aren't you?

 

OK, I'll shut up and go away.

[Pyro]

LOL! You Hillaries are playin' with me, aren't you?

 

OK, I'll shut up and go away.

 

Muahahahahahahaha:D

 

BTW, vote for me.

[kchiapet95]

The only problem I have is there seems to be a tendency to make light of the OP's pain in this thread.

 

BetrayedMM, I certainly wasn't making fun. But I think there was far too much focus on the race issue, and that led the focus away from where it SHOULD be. It sounded to me like, from what he was saying, that she had taken up with this man, and he was so consumed with wondering if the relationship was real or not that he was not focusing on his own healing. His relationship was over, and he needed to take care of himself, not worrying about whether his ex's white boyfriend really loved her or was just curious about being with a black woman.

 

CB, why are you self-conscious about it? You just know when it's right, you have fun with the woman no matter what her race, and you let it go. Sometimes the differences can make you laugh, and the similarities can make you laugh too! My ex (not MM) came from a large Italian family, and his family reminded me a lot of mine even though we came from different races.

[complicatedlife]

I am from a major Northern US city and have to disagree- I see many different couples represented here: both white and black, black and asian, white and asian, etc. It's definitely a melting pot here, and noone, in my eyes, looks twice- we're simply too busy to notice!

But I'm observant to the tenth power....

 

Its strange how in the big cities up north there is still a bit of de-facto segregation. Here in Florida its nothing to see inter-racial couples and inter-cultural couples, but I know when I visit Chicago its still regarded as "cutting-edge"

 

I think its because we have so many immigrants from South America and they have a much different racial history than we do and it kind of effects the whole atmosphere.

[Lovelybird]

OP, I canceled my first post because I didn't read through in the beginning.

 

You are strong broad heart man. from the details you wrote about OM, I am guessing he is insecure, maybe he secretly envy about you, I don't see he is sincere about the love. maybe one day your wife will see that you are the best for her.

 

so how is thing now?

Edited January 25, 2008 by Lovelybird

[Chrome Barracuda]

BetrayedMM, I certainly wasn't making fun. But I think there was far too much focus on the race issue, and that led the focus away from where it SHOULD be. It sounded to me like, from what he was saying, that she had taken up with this man, and he was so consumed with wondering if the relationship was real or not that he was not focusing on his own healing. His relationship was over, and he needed to take care of himself, not worrying about whether his ex's white boyfriend really loved her or was just curious about being with a black woman.

 

CB, why are you self-conscious about it? You just know when it's right, you have fun with the woman no matter what her race, and you let it go. Sometimes the differences can make you laugh, and the similarities can make you laugh too! My ex (not MM) came from a large Italian family, and his family reminded me a lot of mine even though we came from different races.

 

Trying not to, but it's all new to me, I am still adjusting to it that's all.