are black women white mens fantasies or realities

[burning 4 revenge]

The last poster's last paragraph was pretty cold and I don't think it reflects the changing reality. I see more and more white men with black women all of the time and in the younger generation there really isn't the same culture gap there was in my generation

[OWoman]

What ignorance!

 

...

 

You have to be realistic and understand that eventhough you found your ex to be beautiful to be or to be with a black woman is probably the least powerful thing on this earth. I'm just stating a fact, if in doubt then look for statistics and you'll see it by yourself./quote]

 

I think the first sentence I've quoted above sums up the rest of that post.

 

It's either naive ignorance, or it's racist.

 

In my country cross-race relationships are common. Some work, some don't, like any other relationship.

 

The single parent issue might be a factor. Some guys love women who are parents - either because she's "proved" her womanhood, or because they go for mothers (and want to be mothered themselves) or because coming with a ready-made family makes her less likely to be a playa... whatever. Some guys on the other hand are threatened, frightened, or put off by it. It means he's always going to have to share her time, attention, not be her #1 priority... And for some guys it's genuinely not an issue - it's simply part of the package and they take it as a given.

 

ktk I'd worry less about his possible motives and more about your reasons for your concern. Are you worried he's going to let your W down and cause instability for your child? Are you thinking this might be a fleeting thing on their part and your W might come back to you? Where are you in this?

[White Flower]

thanks for the input, How many white men that you know of that are attracted to black women would take on a single black mother (granted attractive and classy) but a single mother nonetheless. especially when he knows I will always be in the picture? on top of the fact that it started off shady.

It sounds as though you believe that most white people devalue blacks. I almost feel this question is coming from the 60s. Maybe it's because I live in a major metropolitan area? And we all just get along here.

 

But make no mistake: Love conquers all! If he they love each other, race is not an issue. Love will overcome it.

[White Flower]

I'm not sure, but are you saying that perhaps since he's white, and a black woman seems to be unattainable for some reason, that he's fascinated with her, and that the relationship is not based on reality? That once she's free from her marriage, and he realizes he has a single mother, and he has to deal with the difficulties of an interracial relationship, that he may not want her? I'm not sure if this is something you're thinking to ease your mind, or what. I'm curious about your thought process.

 

My opinion is, it depends on the parties involved. I am black, and most of my boyfriends have been white. I guess I'm attracted to white guys, but honestly, when I have a boyfriend, I don't think about their race, I just enjoy their company. I suspect that's probably the case in this situation.

Chiapet! How have you been?

 

What a nice surprise to know you're black. Life is so interesting!

[Green]

It sounds as though you believe that most white people devalue blacks. I almost feel this question is coming from the 60s. Maybe it's because I live in a major metropolitan area? And we all just get along here.

 

But make no mistake: Love conquers all! If he they love each other, race is not an issue. Love will overcome it.

 

Yeah I think hes looking at it from the wrong point of view even if most white people did devalue black women its not like he could argue that statistic to his wife without any proof that this specific white guy feels that way. Personaly I wouldn't date a maried women and have never dated any blacks although Hot women are hot women to me

[White Flower]

Yeah, he's hoping that the white guy will see her as less attractive/rewarding because she's black and comes with baggage. He should really just try getting her into MC and go from there.

[virginiagirl]

To give you an assessment of her situation I really doubt that her relationship with that man will last much longer. He was in the process of assimilating the whole new situation and decide what he does. Unless he's a loser or she has plenty of money or she's a real beauty (most Miss World, Universe, etc. are not black) he most probably won't stick around.

 

I really don't see how you came to this conclusion, and I agree it sounds like something from the 1960s. According to the US Census data, the number of white men/black women couples is on the rise. This has been the topic of quite a few news articles in the last year or two and is showing up on the big screen. If anyone wants to read more you can check out a couple examples of articles in the news:

 

http://www.usnews.com/blogs/erbe/2007/8/6/interracial-marriages-promise.html

 

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/06/interracial.dating.ap/index.html

[dbtmarley]

Back to the original question. My answer is no. It may have been when it was considered a taboo, but that is not the case today. I am a white man who never had a problem dating black women. May have gotten a few stares here and there, but who cares.

 

Both my ex wives are black and the woman I am married to now is black. So I do not believe in the thinking of a white man will screw one but not marry one.

 

I think you need to just realize the truth here that many people have realized on LS... A cheater is just that.. a cheater... regardless of race.

 

Would it have been any easier for you to deal with if the man had been black? I would hope not....

[kchiapet95]

Surprise!!! LOL.

 

Truthfully, I've been better, but I'm trying to hang in there. I'll PM you. How have you been?

 

Chiapet! How have you been?

 

What a nice surprise to know you're black. Life is so interesting!

[kneadtokno]

Question.

 

Where do you get your information about him? From her?

 

Also... where and how did they meet?

 

when she came back home she told me all of this,

 

She said he was rude at times, he would only see her on his schedule, he did not take her out but two times in 5 months.

 

And he always used the excuse that it was because she was not divorced yet.

 

Now it has gone from 0-100

 

Before she was keeping my son every other week, so he had the perfect excuse to stay away.

 

He wanted her back but I don't think he expected her to be back this way, with my son full time.

 

I think he thought things would be the way they where

 

but they are obviously playing house right now.

 

I think it is fake.

 

If it was love he would've wanted to spend more time with her all along.

 

And why is he scared to take her out.

[kneadtokno]

I'm not sure, but are you saying that perhaps since he's white, and a black woman seems to be unattainable for some reason, that he's fascinated with her, and that the relationship is not based on reality? That once she's free from her marriage, and he realizes he has a single mother, and he has to deal with the difficulties of an interracial relationship, that he may not want her? I'm not sure if this is something you're thinking to ease your mind, or what. I'm curious about your thought process.

 

My opinion is, it depends on the parties involved. I am black, and most of my boyfriends have been white. I guess I'm attracted to white guys, but honestly, when I have a boyfriend, I don't think about their race, I just enjoy their company. I suspect that's probably the case in this situation.

 

I have no problems with interacial relationships, I am the product of one. Plus I was raised part of my life by a white man although I have no white blood.

 

My white father was a good man, but looking back he had racist tenancies.

 

but a good man nonetheless.

 

Just being totally honest, here I think there is an air of feeling special when a black woman is wanted by a white man. It makes her feel more valuable, and since my wife has low self esteem I think she eats it up.

 

but I know that men are men are men are men.

[kneadtokno]

I understand your doubts. I'm astonished at some people's answers here. What ignorance!

 

I need to ask you a few questions. Why do you worry about your ex or soon to be ex and her relationship with another man? You're divorcing right? Is it that you are concerned about your son being close to him?

 

I read this very fast so I think you're divorcing so after she cheated on you and it's over she should not matter to you anymore and you should not be asking yourself questions about her life, if someone's life, your son's and yours. I don't think it's healthy for you that you ruminate about her life and her decisions.

 

Also you are right about the race issue. Everything has a value. People go out with others because of different reasons, i.e. beauty, attractiveness, money, power, and race can be also a reason. Most white men DO NOT hold as their greatest fantasies a black woman, of course there are some that do but it is NOT the majority.

 

I have lived in a black country and I have seen many or these interracial relationships going down the drain, it rarely works.

 

To give you an assessment of her situation I really doubt that her relationship with that man will last much longer. He was in the process of assimilating the whole new situation and decide what he does. Unless he's a loser or she has plenty of money or she's a real beauty (most Miss World, Universe, etc. are not black) he most probably won't stick around. You have to be realistic and understand that eventhough you found your ex to be beautiful to be or to be with a black woman is probably the least powerful thing on this earth. I'm just stating a fact, if in doubt then look for statistics and you'll see it by yourself.

 

Take care of yourself

 

I worry because I still love her and until a drastic change of events, we were almost going to reconcile, now it is like she just needs the divorce immediately.

 

My wife is truly stunning, to most people. and obviously to this guy.

 

she is not full of money but together they would live quite nice.

 

I just don't see him playing daddy when two weeks ago he was having his cake and eating it too.

 

It just doesn't add up.

[kneadtokno]

What ignorance!

 

...

 

You have to be realistic and understand that eventhough you found your ex to be beautiful to be or to be with a black woman is probably the least powerful thing on this earth. I'm just stating a fact, if in doubt then look for statistics and you'll see it by yourself./quote]

 

I think the first sentence I've quoted above sums up the rest of that post.

 

It's either naive ignorance, or it's racist.

 

In my country cross-race relationships are common. Some work, some don't, like any other relationship.

 

The single parent issue might be a factor. Some guys love women who are parents - either because she's "proved" her womanhood, or because they go for mothers (and want to be mothered themselves) or because coming with a ready-made family makes her less likely to be a playa... whatever. Some guys on the other hand are threatened, frightened, or put off by it. It means he's always going to have to share her time, attention, not be her #1 priority... And for some guys it's genuinely not an issue - it's simply part of the package and they take it as a given.

 

ktk I'd worry less about his possible motives and more about your reasons for your concern. Are you worried he's going to let your W down and cause instability for your child? Are you thinking this might be a fleeting thing on their part and your W might come back to you? Where are you in this?

 

she said he mentioned that he was not good with kids (man code for I don't like them little bugers) and that he had a problem with commitment (man code for Im not taking you serious)

 

She just overlooks this, because she wants too.

 

I don't see how that could all the sudden just change. we are who we are.

[kneadtokno]

Chiapet! How have you been?

 

What a nice surprise to know you're black. Life is so interesting!

 

Im glad we could bring all races together:) (koombaya my lord koombaya) j/k

[kneadtokno]

Yeah I think hes looking at it from the wrong point of view even if most white people did devalue black women its not like he could argue that statistic to his wife without any proof that this specific white guy feels that way. Personaly I wouldn't date a maried women and have never dated any blacks although Hot women are hot women to me

 

your right, I think a part of her feels that way but she just doesnt want to accept it. She wants to beleive that she is more no matter how clear the signs are.

[kneadtokno]

Yeah I think hes looking at it from the wrong point of view even if most white people did devalue black women its not like he could argue that statistic to his wife without any proof that this specific white guy feels that way. Personaly I wouldn't date a maried women and have never dated any blacks although Hot women are hot women to me

 

if you were in this guys situation would you take my wife seriously, or do you think he is just having his fun?

[kchiapet95]

I think it bothers you more than you're admitting.

 

If it didn't bother you, you wouldn't even need to bring up the race part. I never brought up that my MM is white, or that I am black, because it doesn't matter. We are two people in an EMA.

 

I know you're hurting, but I think you're trying to make yourself feel better by saying, "He's not gonna want her anymore, it was the thrill of her being black, but now he's left w/the reality." You may be right, but does it matter?

 

You guys are getting a divorce. If you were getting back together, maybe I could see you analyzing the reasons for that relationship and trying to convince her it wouldn't work out. But it sounds like it's over between you guys (maybe I'm wrong) and so agonizing over why they are together is not going to help you.

 

But Lord knows I've heard a lot of stuff I don't want to hear on this forum, so that's just my .02 and take it for what it's worth.

 

Take what you want to hear, and discard the rest is my advice. This is a painful time for you and you need to do whatever you need to do (legally, LOL) to heal.

[kneadtokno]

Yeah, he's hoping that the white guy will see her as less attractive/rewarding because she's black and comes with baggage. He should really just try getting her into MC and go from there.

 

No not less attractive, that is obviously not the case, but I think the fantasy will come to a crash when the reality of having to be full time daddy to a son that is not yours, but to a father that is still around and despises you for interfering. and the late night booty calls are over.

 

What do you think?

[kneadtokno]

Back to the original question. My answer is no. It may have been when it was considered a taboo, but that is not the case today. I am a white man who never had a problem dating black women. May have gotten a few stares here and there, but who cares.

 

Both my ex wives are black and the woman I am married to now is black. So I do not believe in the thinking of a white man will screw one but not marry one.

 

I think you need to just realize the truth here that many people have realized on LS... A cheater is just that.. a cheater... regardless of race.

 

Would it have been any easier for you to deal with if the man had been black? I would hope not....

 

No not easier, not even more acceptable. I just don't like the fact that she is in fantasy world, and thinks all is well.

 

As a white man how do you think he is taking all of this, because I assure you this is more than what he expected when he asked her to come back.

 

And even if you are not the typical white male, what about your social network.

 

I have many white friends and If they did not grow up around blacks or have an urban swagger to them, but were the typical white guy then I have seen the cultural differences.

 

They would all be open to the idea, but not sure how comfortable they would be. It is almost like I said just a fantasy, a forbidden fruit they want to taste.

[kneadtokno]

I think it bothers you more than you're admitting.

 

If it didn't bother you, you wouldn't even need to bring up the race part. I never brought up that my MM is white, or that I am black, because it doesn't matter. We are two people in an EMA.

 

I know you're hurting, but I think you're trying to make yourself feel better by saying, "He's not gonna want her anymore, it was the thrill of her being black, but now he's left w/the reality." You may be right, but does it matter?

 

You guys are getting a divorce. If you were getting back together, maybe I could see you analyzing the reasons for that relationship and trying to convince her it wouldn't work out. But it sounds like it's over between you guys (maybe I'm wrong) and so agonizing over why they are together is not going to help you.

 

But Lord knows I've heard a lot of stuff I don't want to hear on this forum, so that's just my .02 and take it for what it's worth.

 

Take what you want to hear, and discard the rest is my advice. This is a painful time for you and you need to do whatever you need to do (legally, LOL) to heal.

 

 

No what bothers me is the notion that he could just be having fun, and not taking seriously a woman that I love, and adore.

 

how something I value greatly could be nothing more than a good time to him.

 

Thats what bothers me. Not that he is white,

 

I bring that up because, I am just trying to educate my self on the different ways of thinking

 

and we can deny it all we want but there are different ways of thinking, beliefs and so on.

 

If anyone knows this to be fact it is me.

[kchiapet95]

OK, well that's her problem to deal with if he's not taking her seriously. She's an adult and she has the right to choose her own relationships, and she will have to face the consequences for her choices, just like we all do.

 

You can't get inside someone else's head.

[kneadtokno]

OK, well that's her problem to deal with if he's not taking her seriously. She's an adult and she has the right to choose her own relationships, and she will have to face the consequences for her choices, just like we all do.

 

You can't get inside someone else's head.

 

your right I can't but it doesn't stop me from wanting too, and trying to get some insight.

 

Does anyone have any opinons after reading my recent replies, about the drastic change events.

 

If it was love there would be no rush to try to move in, and play house. It seems as if she is pushing all of this and he is just accepting it in order to appease her.

 

That will get old

 

what do you guys think.

[kneadtokno]

and yes I want this to fail because I love her and despise him so no more questions on why I care Lol:)

[Cobra_X30]

when she came back home she told me all of this,

She said he was rude at times, he would only see her on his schedule, he did not take her out but two times in 5 months.

And he always used the excuse that it was because she was not divorced yet.

Now it has gone from 0-100

Before she was keeping my son every other week, so he had the perfect excuse to stay away.

He wanted her back but I don't think he expected her to be back this way, with my son full time.

I think he thought things would be the way they where

but they are obviously playing house right now.

I think it is fake.

If it was love he would've wanted to spend more time with her all along.

And why is he scared to take her out.

 

Listen, for what it's worth. I'd say he has strong feelings for your wife and will try to make things work out between them.

 

Your wife is going to throw bullcrap your way and spin things. She lied to you for how long? What makes you think she is bieng 100% honest with you now?

 

It's her life to ruin... just make sure the guy doesnt mess with your son!

[complicatedlife]

I am a black woman and get approached equally - by both black and white men...I don't think that in this day and age, it's about a fantasy, and most white men that I ask - and I DO ask, I'm kinda outspoken, they say they are attracted to a "good looking" woman.

 

But I do live in a major, major city in the US and people here date whoever they like as far as I can see, regardless of race. So, maybe it really does depend on where you live.

 

Good luck to the original poster- that white man....he may actually really care about her genuinely.....