Yamaha Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Act like you do around your friends. Quit trying to not make her mad or you want approve from her. Are you always so nice to your guy friends if they do something boneheaded to you? Be the real you and you will find that spark from a gal. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Most families are dysfunctional and therefore girls and guys are from these families are screwed up. It will take you longer to find a nice girl because there are so few of them. That's the real reason why you can't find any. You were able to work on yourself and improve, sadly others are not capable or are lazy to do that. You need to realized that you are better off without these crazy girls and need to let them cure themselves. They need to seek a professional head shrink. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 You just need more experience. Stop being friends with girls, stop offering a shoulder to cry on - that is the fastest way to the dreaded friend zone and there ain't no pussy there. Also, do not pursue girls on campus - keep your education and your wench-hunting separate. Instead, go out and hit on as many girls as you can - in bars, clubs, events, friends of friends, parties, chat up barmaids & shop assistants etc. Practice making moves on girls you don't care about. Get used to approaching women as a guy who wants to have sex with them, not as a wimpy shoulder to cry on. Do that for long enough and you'll get used to making approaches, you'll realise you have options so you won't appear desperate, and by the law of averages at least one of the chicks you hit on will fancy you and so you'll get some action as well. You may also notice that once you get a gf or two and start getting laid, you'll start getting more interest from the girls at college too. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Also, do not pursue girls on campus - keep your education and your wench-hunting separate Maybe if it distracts you from your education, but if it doesn't why shouldn't you go after the girls on campus? Link to post Share on other sites
Stereogram Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Dynamo's original post pretty much described me. Dynamo and myself just might be the same person. And yes, I've been described as good looking too. A woman called me "adorable" just this past Sunday. (and it's not because I look like a fat teddybear) However, over the past few months I realized that I can be one of the meanest most heartless people on the face of the planet...and it comes as a shock to those girls who get to know me because my intensity seems to come out of the middle of nowhere. I realized that I'm a sociopath and an azzhole in shackles. Because of this self-realization, I have decided to stop approaching women and hitting on them. I have come to realize that no good relationship comes from a guy approaching a girl he thinks is hot. That seems to be the situation for me at least. The best relationships come when you least expect them. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Been there, dude. Loveshack is a great way to get all that negative crap out of your system. Just don't release that energy in front of chicks, 'cause that'll make you look bitter. Anyway... ...I was Mr. Nice guy, and to be honest, I still am. The difference between me now and me 10 years ago is that I've learned *when* to be really nice and when to be, well, just plain old nice -- let me explain the difference. When you're really nice, you're clearly communicating interest in someone. You listen to them intently, you look into their eyes, you smile, you laugh, you make them *the* focus of your attention. When you're just plain old nice, you're still nice -- you're ALWAYS nice. But you're nice to a girl the way you're nice to, say, some stranger on the street or the bank teller. You say hi, smile and go on about your business. You only reward people with more of your attention when they reward you with more of theirs. The real key to figuring out attraction is learning body language and the subtle signs that women use to communicate interest. The real breakdown between women and men occurs because women will rarely ever verbalize their level of interest to a man the way that men often love to verbalize their interest in a woman, because women feel emotionally vulnerable and don't want to lose face in a culture in which they are expected to *be* pursued, rather than being the pursuers. You absolutely have to figure this out first -- this is key. The next part is simple, just be your damn self. Be straight up about who you are. Be able to explain who you are in a way that communicates that you are someone who's in tune with yourself, that you have a unique perspective on life, that you have interests and that you have no problem sharing them with other people. You don't have to be a comedian, though it helps. You don't have to be full of enthusiasm; you just have to be plain-spoken and confident. And confidence comes through integrity, by being straight up about who you are and not fearing the consequences of that. I mean, if you lose some chick because you tell her you're into some kind of music she doesn't like, who gives a crap? Let her go. It wasn't going to work anyway. Find someone else. Be proud of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dynamo Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 Wow, haven't checked back into this topic for awhile - thank you for all the responses (again, haha)! Been there, dude. Loveshack is a great way to get all that negative crap out of your system. Just don't release that energy in front of chicks, 'cause that'll make you look bitter. Anyway... ...I was Mr. Nice guy, and to be honest, I still am. The difference between me now and me 10 years ago is that I've learned *when* to be really nice and when to be, well, just plain old nice -- let me explain the difference. When you're really nice, you're clearly communicating interest in someone. You listen to them intently, you look into their eyes, you smile, you laugh, you make them *the* focus of your attention. When you're just plain old nice, you're still nice -- you're ALWAYS nice. But you're nice to a girl the way you're nice to, say, some stranger on the street or the bank teller. You say hi, smile and go on about your business. You only reward people with more of your attention when they reward you with more of theirs. The real key to figuring out attraction is learning body language and the subtle signs that women use to communicate interest. The real breakdown between women and men occurs because women will rarely ever verbalize their level of interest to a man the way that men often love to verbalize their interest in a woman, because women feel emotionally vulnerable and don't want to lose face in a culture in which they are expected to *be* pursued, rather than being the pursuers. You absolutely have to figure this out first -- this is key. The next part is simple, just be your damn self. Be straight up about who you are. Be able to explain who you are in a way that communicates that you are someone who's in tune with yourself, that you have a unique perspective on life, that you have interests and that you have no problem sharing them with other people. You don't have to be a comedian, though it helps. You don't have to be full of enthusiasm; you just have to be plain-spoken and confident. And confidence comes through integrity, by being straight up about who you are and not fearing the consequences of that. I mean, if you lose some chick because you tell her you're into some kind of music she doesn't like, who gives a crap? Let her go. It wasn't going to work anyway. Find someone else. Be proud of yourself. I really enjoyed your post, amerikajin.. I don't know why, but while I was reading it it almost felt as if something clicked in my head.. Of course, I don't know if thats just me being crazy or if I literally get it now.. But it made me think, to say the least. I like to think that on your second point (being who you are) I do pretty well on - I'm a musician (not pro of course, just jam with friends) so I'm not very shy on expressing myself. My biggest passions are music and the arts, I'm not a big sports fan (although I do enjoy watching Football and Baseball). I think the only area I'm afraid to really express myself comes down to when I'm actually with a girl, there are some things I don't like to mention, mainly because I get the feeling it's like I'm bragging, and I hate braggers. That often means that I say near to null about myself from fear of sounding like I'm bragging - does that make women think I am bland or boring? And your first point - detect body language. THIS is something I KNOW I need to learn, because I'm really clueless on the type of body language women use to portray interest - does it mean a girl is interested if she gives you hugs / grabs your arm randomly / pokes and shoves you playfully (or make physical contact, for that matter?). I really can't tell the difference between 'interest' signs and 'just friend' signs.. Link to post Share on other sites
nitabean Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Please dont give up, trust me from experience that there are woman out there looking for guys like you! The guy that I am having a few issues with is different then anyone that would catch my attention so maybe start there...look for the diamonds in the rough that you usually would have cast away as fragments of glass. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 And your first point - detect body language. THIS is something I KNOW I need to learn, because I'm really clueless on the type of body language women use to portray interest - does it mean a girl is interested if she gives you hugs / grabs your arm randomly / pokes and shoves you playfully (or make physical contact, for that matter?). I really can't tell the difference between 'interest' signs and 'just friend' signs.. I'll put it this way: in my experience, women are very aware of their physical space. I guess it depends on the context, but usually, if a woman touches you (especially if it happens more than once), that's a strong signal that she's very comfortable around you. I mean, more than just emotionally comfortable, she's now telling you she's physically comfortable. That doesn't mean she's going to sleep with you -- yet. It just means that she's really interested and is trying to tell you in her own way that she senses a physical chemistry. What is yet to be determined, though (and what will ultimately determine just how far you get with this girl) is not just how physically secure she is around you but also how psychologically connected to you she feels. That's the difference between date one and date five or six (or date two or three for that matter). And THAT is where being your damn self comes into play. That's where things like being calm, cool, collected come into play. That's where you have to do things like LISTENING to a woman - not just to what she's talking about but the details, the specifics. Communicate like she's the only one in the room. Communicate not with words, but with your eyes and your ears. When you give her the good night kiss, don't just kiss her, give her a nice embrace. Run your hands up her back and run your fingers through her hair. Touch the back of her neck and caress her face. Look into her eyes and smile when you finally come up for air. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 yeah dont be a nice guy its game over. First off take controll women love that. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 There are various types of girls. Girls who look for sex will be more straight forward about being interested in sex with you. Then there are girls that are looking for a relationship and those will take their time knowing you before they open up to you. So it all depends which type of girl you're dealing with. The best way is to talk to her about your intentions, perhaps in less direct way and see what she says back. Then go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Oh yeah, forgot to say that just because a girl is touchy feely around you ie. giving you hugs, scratches your back, etc. does not mean she loves you. She could be playing with you and that's normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Women do like "real" nice guys and it sounds like that's what you are Dynamo. Learn to flirt effectively, make a girl feel beautiful/desirable by using your eyes/body language and make her laugh. This will get you in the door as dating material, instead of friend zoned. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
white_lilac Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Maybe it's not the fact that girls don't want to be treated well, maybe. Maybe you suffocate them. Maybe you're going after the type of woman you shouldn't be going after. Most women like the bad boy image, but they want respect. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Most women like the bad boy image, but they want respect. then I guess those types of women will have to take their lumps when the "bad boy" screws them over. Some learn the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 women want a badass, a guy who can take care of themselves. They dont want some punk who uses white lies to say and do everything he thinks the girl wants thats boring. Show a woman some excitement, adventure and passion and uve got her. Link to post Share on other sites
KidEternity Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 ^ Thats what I try to do, but still I'm single. I've been alone for about a year, and I've had my fair share of girlfriends (7 in about 7 years isn't bad, most of them have lasted about 2 months on average...while the longest was 5 months) My last girlfriend told me I was too much like Dawson Leery (from the TV show) in that I made everything into a fantasy and wasn't living in the 'real' world. Jeez so I'm a bit of a dreamer big deal... The nice guy thing is a bit of a excuse though, I'm an alright guy, I'm no pushover, but I'd say I'm fairly kind and considerate. I just think maybe I present the wrong image to girls, like I try to show I'm the complete anti player or something because I hate guys like that. I'm really struggling with finding women to go out with aswell, because the only place to meet people is bars and clubs these days, and its not really the best place to start a relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 then I guess those types of women will have to take their lumps when the "bad boy" screws them over. Some learn the hard way. Yup and then these same women will hate men when they get screwed over too many times by these bad boys. Stick your hand in the pirahna tank you get bit but a lot of women don't seem to get that. Link to post Share on other sites
A J Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 It`s a sad fact of life, but women just aren`t attracted to "nice". I`m 46 & it`s took me alot of years & pain to work this one out. It`s all about how you make a woman feel & by being nice it`s not gonna be alot. At the end of the day a woman wants a man to be a man, not some girlyguy, she`s got friends for that. It drives a woman mad if you`re forever doing what she wants, changing your plans to suit hers etc. Women don`t like badlads for the hurt & abuse, it`s because of how they make them feel. Now, l`m not saying blokes should just turn into jerks to get more women, but they need to work on their confidence a bit more & quite a bit of humour thrown in will work wonders. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 This isn't in response to any particular post-just the general topic. Not everything can be classified so easily as bad boys or nice guys. These terms sound almost like action movie heroes. So-the bad boy has greased hair, is loud and drunk, has 5 women on the side and grabs the ladies in the street. The nice guy holds doors open, orders dinner and is always turned down by the ladies who want Mr. leather jacket man leering at them from across the room, maybe he is wearing a fedora too. Most people, unless they are dealing with some really deep sh*t, don't have scenarios like that, and show me any nice guy I can show you how he has bad guy traits and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 Maybe if it distracts you from your education, but if it doesn't why shouldn't you go after the girls on campus? Because if he is going to practise picking up girls, there will be social consequences if he does it with girls on campus. Word will get around that he is trying it on with every girl he meets. If he fails he'll get laughed at. Even if he succeeds, he'll get a bad rep as a player. He will feel awkward in class if there are 5 girls there who he's been trying to get it on with for the last month. He'll be too nervous in his approaches because he will (rightly) care about the consequences. He needs to hit it with girls he doesn't care about at all, so he's not bothered by rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 This isn't in response to any particular post-just the general topic. Not everything can be classified so easily as bad boys or nice guys. These terms sound almost like action movie heroes. So-the bad boy has greased hair, is loud and drunk, has 5 women on the side and grabs the ladies in the street. The nice guy holds doors open, orders dinner and is always turned down by the ladies who want Mr. leather jacket man leering at them from across the room, maybe he is wearing a fedora too. Most people, unless they are dealing with some really deep sh*t, don't have scenarios like that, and show me any nice guy I can show you how he has bad guy traits and vice versa. Agreed! The worst bad boys are the polished ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 26, 2007 Share Posted December 26, 2007 (warning: "Nice guy" rant) Girls don't want to be treated good. The million dollar question!!!! Maybe getting some literature on woman and what they want could help (read a subscription of Cosmo first so you know the drama your up against!). In my experience, many womens hearts are bound by many emotions and the right balance of being a man and sensitive when they need you to be. The list of what turns a woman on is very long, and if you get them out of order just once it can be your demise, so essentially it's a game and always will be. However with that said, there are some women out there that are very mature and don't harbor all this kind of drama, but in my experience they are far between. One thing for sure, if you demonstrate a bit of self confidence (a little cockiness) and extend you humorous side you have a much better chance. Lot's of women will deny it but they would like for a man to be a real man and take charge of many situations. The only sure fire way to land many good looking women is have lot's of money, that my friend is an undeniable fact. Cya! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 The only sure fire way to land many good looking women is have lot's of money, that my friend is an undeniable fact. That's such a false and jaded perspective, wow. I don't care what a guy does for a living or how much money he makes- I can and do make my own money. I just care that they have a job they like that makes them happy- and hopefully not a job that takes them travelling. I like a man that is confident in himself. I like a man that will stand up to me if I am being a jerk. I don't like arrogance. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 I like a man that is confident in himself. I like a man that will stand up to me if I am being a jerk. I don't like arrogance. I do agree with this part. Link to post Share on other sites
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