Fiancees Past haunts me to no ends. Driving me crazy!

[genki]

My not here to help, my not free to comment? I don't get it.

 

Sorry, but I think people as sick as this guy need to be locked away. As someone who survived losing my virginity to a rape, I can see just how astounding his ignorance is, and I wish somebody near him could see the signs and get him some serious help.

 

 

And believe me when I say that even if you were some aquitance or even a friend I would have beaten the **** out of the rapist for you because it aint right. But then again you paint me however you like. And I am only being defensive and getting angry because other than cobra and maria no one else seems to want to offer some solid advice or help me. You all want to down your thoughts behaviours and morals down my throat and telling me its perfectly right and fine to go out and have sex etc.

 

So heres a big NEWS FLASH. This same girl doesnt want me to lose my virginity to anybody but her!!! Talk about hypocrisy!

[Tripper]

If your not here to help... your free to NOT COMMENT!

 

I'm getting kind of tired of just reading flames. I don't agree with everything Genki thinks and feels, however I am actually here to provide usefull feedback and information.

 

What are all you other people doing? Are you here simply to insult and encite argument?

 

Seriously, you are impeding the process here, and I for one would appreciate it if you left! Because you are not helping anyone... and I do not feel that you even have the intention to help!

 

And you are free to NOT READ ANY POST YOU DON"T AGREE WITH.

 

There is no process here for this guy. He needs very intensive and serious professional help; more than the opinions posted here.

 

I'm more concerned about his gf. I don't for one moment believe he's done nothing more than be supportive.

 

When he states that her whole story came out in drips and drabs, I'm willing to be he questions her, badgers her and drags it out of her. If he was so concerned he would get her to a therapist.

And the pics he found of her with another guy?? How did he see those? I don't see her saying "here, honey, let me show you....".

 

His puritanical morality aside, there's a lot more going on here than we see.

[huh]

You know why nobody probably see's the "signs" that you do?

 

It's because he probably does'nt have someone up in his face insulting him all the time IRL.

 

We all have different ways when reacting to abuse! Genki gets more extreme, entrenched, and defensive!

 

How do I know? Because I know men who are very similar in thought and expression.

 

So, I ask you again. What is your point in bieng here? Because it's obvious you dont care to help in any way!

 

Go back & read his comments about how she "got" herself raped. He blames her for her own rape & questions her actions during and after the rape. I've posted links both recently & more upthread re: how loved ones can be supportive of rape survivors. He either can not or will not process that info. That's seriously disturbing, I really wonder about/fear for that poor gf of his.

 

And I tend to agree with Tripper's take right above mine here.

[genki]

tripper You can judge me as unworthy of your "morals" and I will judge you likewise too. Never ending cycle.

 

 

I never asked for the photos but it came on accidentally.

 

Oh and heres another thing not only does she get with a dope smoking loser when shes only leaving within 3 months and EVEN MOVE IN with him but she always gave him BJs and he would never return the favor saying he didnt like to and also wanted anal yet didnt want it done to him. Real love and intimacy at work here boys.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Cobra, despite all your weird spelling errors and bad sentence structures, you're right--I am being negative, and not helpful to genki's problem. Like I said, all of this hits very close to home with me, so it's hard to be sympathetic/objective. I will refrain from further posting in this thread, but I do have two last comments to make:

 

1) If you feel even an iota of caring for this girl, stop accusing her and get her to seek help, because she shows all the signs of a rape victim. Therapy worked for me, and it's worked for countless others; if she's still in post-secondary school, there's a good chance they have free counselling services that she could take advantage of.

 

2) Girls don't get raped because they got drunk, or wore revealing clothes (guys need to realize that the world DOESN'T revolve around them, and girls don't do things like this thinking of what some random guy's reaction will be); they get raped becuause there are terrible and sick people in the world. It's really terrible that you'd try to "blame" the victim, even partially, for what happens to them.

[Tripper]

And I am only being defensive and getting angry because other than cobra and maria no one else seems to want to offer some solid advice or help me. You all want to down your thoughts behaviours and morals down my throat and telling me its perfectly right and fine to go out and have sex etc.

 

 

Genki, you have very selective reading. I've seen numerous posts telling you to either make your own choice and get on with your life and posts that have told you to leave this girl and as you will never be happy.

 

Nobody has used the words "perfectly right and fine" with respect to premarital sex. They have pointed out that you seem to have your own issues regarding sex that don't fit 95% of the free world.

 

Much advice was offered by all posters and you choose to ignore it because it's not what you want to hear. Look over the posts and you'll see that it's been suggested that you learn to become more tolerant, accepting and understanding, to getting professional help.

 

If you post in a public forum you are going to get a lot of different responses and opinions. You may not like them. Tough.

[Tripper]

tripper You can judge me as unworthy of your "morals" and I will judge you likewise too. Never ending cycle.

 

Yep, you're right we can judge each other any way we choose..

 

Bottom line?? You're so wrapped up in your own issues, but I wonder what's happening inside your gf from an emotional and spiritual perspective.

 

If you really cared, you'd a) get informed about rape and rape victim survival and b) get her some therapy to deal with it.

[Jilly Bean]

Could it be that Genki's extreme, hyper-irrational reactions are due to the fact that he is wrestling with his own closeted homosexuality or other alternative sexual proclivities? Just a thought...because NO ONE here is going to be able to help him, and that is not a slap gang, as I think everyone has offered some great pearls that will continue to be ignored...

[sally4sara]

sally people like you would never understand. You think its cool and right and perfectly normal to go around ****ing and sleeping with anyone and everyone claiming you liked them loved them just wanted a **** enjoyed it and did it whereever including right in front of everyone or room mates or whatever etc. I dont believe that.

 

Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I sleep with anyone who is momentarily nice to me. Nor have I ever had sex with someone publicly! For crying out loud, it's all or nothing with you! Just because someone isn't a virgin doesn't mean they naturally just drop their pants for anyone anywhere they happen to be at the moment! I've noticed you assume these things about anyone who disagrees with you, so I won't take it too personally.

 

I have no problem with her or you having lived the way you did so long as you didnt string me along and tell me lies and told me all there is right out and gave me the choice. It was your choice to do whatever but its also my choice to choose whether your right for me.

 

FOR ****S SAKE the only thing I did and ONLY for a little while(about 2months right at the beginning) was let her think whatever she thought of me. THEN I CAME OUT AND TOLD HER ALL THERE IS and my story has never changed.

 

No, you also mentally abused her for telling you very personal details about her life after she decided to trust you enough to share these things with you. No wonder she didn't tell you everything at once; she was probably too scared by your reaction to the first things she shared with you to tell you everything.

 

 

I have no problem with my girl enjoying sex and enjoying the pleasure etc so long as she had the decency to have waited for me. But if she hadnt like I had then she didnt have the right to string me along for almost 8 months!!!!!

 

Then why did you list her use of a vibrator as one of the signs of her being indecent?

 

I have done so much for her I GAURANTEE NO GUY HAS DONE AS MUCH FOR YOU. And I give her everything a woman would want whereas she settled for losers and now expects me to feel special? ha right.

 

You can GUARANTEE me nothing of the sort. I've told you before that for all your chastity, you are the one without love or compassion. You have not been able to accept who she is or treat her with compassion. I give and receive both of these on the daily and the ability to do this is really the only thing anyone needs. So you've bought a few presents and paid for a few meals......this is very common. You have not been able to accept who she is so you do not really love her. The only love you've expressed for her is one of ownership. You sound like someone who really loves their Ipod, but it stopped working right and now you're pissed.

 

Anyhow I aint discussing this with you since you obviously dont care to be a decent human but rather think like an animal that ****ing and sleeping around is completely right. Or maybe a sport, hobby or fun outlet.

 

Like I said, you assume this about anyone who doesn't agree with you. There is no in between. If you're so right about this being the only way to happiness........why are you so angry and why am I so happy? This statement of your's points directly to exactly why your ex is better off without you. You think of her and anyone who is not a virgin as an animal and undeserving of respect. She will never become a healthy person in a relationship with you because you will always be there making sure she understands how low she is in your eyes. If you two actually did have sex, there would be no loving afterglow; you would ruin it with a slew of "Was I better than him? Was it special? Did he do the same things? Who lasted longer? Who is bigger?"

 

 

And the incase any of you who seem to be promoting loose uncomitted sex and sleeping around etc and indecency are christian jew etc then You know that you aint allowed that. But who cares right? Pick and choose whats convenient.

 

So YOU are the the friend you mentioned that is a total atheist! This gets better and better.

 

P.S. maybe you AINT responding to me, but you done did respond to me and I AINT goin nowhere just yet; you've hit a new low by blaming rape victims.

[Tripper]

Oh and heres another thing not only does she get with a dope smoking loser when shes only leaving within 3 months and EVEN MOVE IN with him but she always gave him BJs and he would never return the favor saying he didnt like to and also wanted anal yet didnt want it done to him. Real love and intimacy at work here boys.

 

 

You just don't get it, do you?? Your gf acted the way she did for some reason. Self esteem?? Exploring sexuality?? Expressing freedom while on her own?? Who knows.. It's part of growing up into an adult.

 

And how is it you know all these details of her sexual past?? I can't believe she just decided to tell you voluntarily..

[genki]

To put it in perspective she would not have strung you along if she did not care for you... and care what you thought of her!

 

Do you really think that she is having her cake and eating it? Do you think she feels good about her past choices or do you think she regrets them?

 

However, you bring up a very good question... why would you compromise for her? You need to sit and determine what makes her special to you. Are you just getting tired of waiting?

 

Genki, I tend to look at it like this. She didnt know you existed back then. I'm sure if you had been in her life at that period these things would be different.

 

Your struggling because on some level you feel that it is not fair... that she mess up and recieve a second chance, while you have always walked the line. Is this not true?

 

I also suspect that you are unhappy knowing that you will be compared to other men. That in this comparison, you lose a certain amount of what makes you special.

 

I cannot answer to the fairness of the situation, however, I can say that you would be more special to her than anyone else, and that any comparison to the men of her past would be very favorable to you!

 

Does that make sense?

 

Yes it does show she cared but it also shows she was scared of losing me even that early in a relationship. insecure and wanting somebody maybe?

still I had the right to know and she had no right to string me alone and continually lie.

 

Yes I do at times feel like that. I feel like she has seen the best or worst depending on your POV and experienced it all and had her fun and now she wants a guy like me. She says NOW she regrets it all since knowing me and me showing her who I am and How I treated her and how much I have stood by her etc. But it is also because I stood by her and showed her and taught her that she now regrets things. eg she thought she loved the 2nd guy etc and now she sees how she was used, abused and dumped and that what she felt wasnt love but just the need to be with somebody.

 

Im not tired of waiting. Im just confused. Had I not invested so much and was in so deep into this relationship I would have walked away.

 

I agree Had i been in her life things would have been different and had she not had her bad past we would have had no issues whatsoever.

 

Yes I do on some level I guess believe its not fair. She deserves someone like herself and with a past. I have walked the line and it has been very hard.

 

Though she says she never compares me to others she always has. She tells me I treat and care for her better than her own parents. I have done so much more than any other guy. I turn her on so well and she wants me sooooo badly. Im way better than the others etc. Though in the +ve light these are compliments they are also insulting and remind me of her past and that shes been with others and shes comparing me to them even the size of my unit she has compared etc and hence I feel so this is what i waited for????.

[genki]

sally: no im not. his case is totally different. he just doesnt sleep around because he happens to value his virginity purely based on waiting for the right one.

 

 

tripper: believe what you will. most of it she told me in bits and pieces voluntarily. at other times she would reminse about something and Id say but i thought you said this and her lie would come undone.

[Tripper]

 

Yes I do at times feel like that. I feel like she has seen the best or worst depending on your POV and experienced it all and had her fun and now she wants a guy like me. She says NOW she regrets it all since knowing me and me showing her who I am and How I treated her and how much I have stood by her etc. But it is also because I stood by her and showed her and taught her that she now regrets things. .

 

 

Do you actually read what you write?? She has regrets for her actions. She thinks highly of you.

 

What more do you want her to do or say?? Whats going to make you feel better??

[genki]

Do you actually read what you write?? She has regrets for her actions. She thinks highly of you.

 

What more do you want her to do or say?? Whats going to make you feel better??

 

 

I havent said she doesnt think highly of me. She thinks the world of me. However she doesnt just think that for no reason I have truly gone through a lot for her so she has just cause for thinking that though in comparison she cant give me much not even close(her own admission). And she hadnt learned jack without me and was just repeating the same cycle even with me. I refused to allow her to keep degrading herself and blaming others and helped her break that cycle by not sleeping with her etc. Ultimately she hadnt after all she had been through learned anything on her own.

[Jilly Bean]

now she wants a guy like me.

 

 

Trust me on this, Genki. NO WOMAN wants a guy like you.

 

Personally, I think you're making most of this up. I think in your crazy little mind that has clearly snapped, that you are manifesting most of this as truth, when I suspect the reality is far, far tamer.

[Tripper]

What more do you want her to do or say?? Whats going to make you feel better??

These questions still stand. You haven't answered them.

[genki]

I have stated what I have always wanted. She cant give me that. She led me on and stringed me along with her lies and deciets. Im now so deep in that my brain is ****ed and I cant think straight.

Had she been honest from the beginning I would have walked and she could have done whatever but she didnt want me to do that or walk away from her. Selfish. Wants her cake and eat it too.

 

Jilly think what you want.

[sally4sara]

Genki

 

Something else I've noticed about your rants. You know the things she has done, but then you go off talking about people performing public sex shows, prostitution and beastiality. Things that have nothing to do with her past. You also make distinctions between "good" acts of sex and "bad" acts of sex. Like vaginal intercourse = GOOD; hetero anal sex = BAD. Making out and heavy petting = GOOD; BJS = BAD.

Are you saying that even if two people waited, there are sexual activities that would still be immoral? Why those in particular?

 

Were YOU molested?

[Jilly Bean]

Genki

 

Something else I've noticed about your rants. You know the things she has done, but then you go off talking about people performing public sex shows, prostitution and beastiality. Things that have nothing to do with her past. You also make distinctions between "good" acts of sex and "bad" acts of sex. Like vaginal intercourse = GOOD; hetero anal sex = BAD. Making out and heavy petting = GOOD; BJS = BAD.

Are you saying that even if two people waited, there are sexual activities that would still be immoral? Why those in particular?

 

Were YOU molested?

 

Well, that directly supports my earlier theory that Genki has his own mis-aligned sexual issues. He could be dealing with his own feelings of homosexuality, desire to be a tranny, whatever. But it so humorous for a virgin to make sweeping statements on good sex vs. bad sex when they are too afraid of their own sexuality to begin with.

[Tripper]

I have stated what I have always wanted. She cant give me that. She led me on and stringed me along with her lies and deciets. Im now so deep in that my brain is ****ed and I cant think straight.

Had she been honest from the beginning I would have walked and she could have done whatever but she didnt want me to do that or walk away from her. Selfish. Wants her cake and eat it too.

 

 

Genki, you are, like the rest of us, stuck in today. We can't go back and undo... nor can we look into the future to see how our actions are going to affect us.

 

What you want from her, she cannot give you. What she is offering is her love, loyalty and respect. If that isn't enough then... well you fill in the rest...

[genki]

Genki

 

Something else I've noticed about your rants. You know the things she has done, but then you go off talking about people performing public sex shows, prostitution and beastiality. Things that have nothing to do with her past. You also make distinctions between "good" acts of sex and "bad" acts of sex. Like vaginal intercourse = GOOD; hetero anal sex = BAD. Making out and heavy petting = GOOD; BJS = BAD.

Are you saying that even if two people waited, there are sexual activities that would still be immoral? Why those in particular?

 

Were YOU molested?

 

Now I havent stated that. Its the assumption you made from my postings.

 

 

Ideally there would have been no kind of sexual activity whatsoever!!!

However sleeping, BJ, eating out, bestiality etc is FAR OFF from kissing, hugging or petting.

 

Either way ANAL SEX hetero or homo is a NO! disgusting and degrading and I know many men want to do it to their girls but how many are willing to take it in return? close to 0 why? because nowdays sodomy has become cool and empowers the man and next up would be bestiality etc.

[Tripper]

Either way ANAL SEX hetero or homo is a NO! ...... and next up would be bestiality etc.

 

Slippery slope argument. Anal ain't my cup of tea, but to say it leads to bestiality??? Can you prove this??

[sally4sara]

Well, that directly supports my earlier theory that Genki has his own mis-aligned sexual issues. He could be dealing with his own feelings of homosexuality, desire to be a tranny, whatever. But it so humorous for a virgin to make sweeping statements on good sex vs. bad sex when they are too afraid of their own sexuality to begin with.

 

Jilly, I understand (really I do!) the desire to crap on his head; his mindset is THAT oppressive!

But lets imagine for a minute - what if these wonderings of our's are true? Then he really, even more so needs some understanding and help. I'm just astounded by the things he has posted on here! And add to that the fact that 95% of the responses have told him he is going about this all wrong and he refuses to see that this issue is a lot more simple.

 

Want a virgin and can't settle for anything else? Then go get a virgin and leave this poor girl alone!

 

If you think she is a lying, no better than a rutting animal slut and you can do better, then go do better!

 

But it's more than that to him. He is 26 and everyone is getting laid except him. And BOY is he pissed about it! He isn't going to leave this girl alone cause somebody has to pay for how unfair it is that a great pure guy like him AINT getting some!

If he really REALLY believed all the stuff he says about the importance of chastity and waiting, he would be comfortable in his resolve and leave this girl. But he thought he was soooooooo close to FINALLY getting his "unit" in someone's heavenly gate! Then he finds out he will have to start over with some other girl if he wants his standards met. With all that testosterone built up, he has snapped and is now taking it out on her. With the way he thinks (shes no better than an animal) why shouldn't he take it out on her. He thinks she is part of the problem with his inability to get laid. Thats why he is mad.

Someone moved his cheese.

[sally4sara]

Now I havent stated that. Its the assumption you made from my postings.

 

 

Ideally there would have been no kind of sexual activity whatsoever!!!

However sleeping, BJ, eating out, bestiality etc is FAR OFF from kissing, hugging or petting.

 

Either way ANAL SEX hetero or homo is a NO! disgusting and degrading and I know many men want to do it to their girls but how many are willing to take it in return? close to 0 why? because nowdays sodomy has become cool and empowers the man and next up would be bestiality etc.

 

You are doing it again. I didn't compare beastiality against a heavy make out session. I asked why you bring up things like beastiality, prostitution, and public sex shows in a thread about your gf having been raped and one consensual sex partner.

Whats with the associations you have going on here? I'm asking because they don't fit in this thread and I'm wondering why you think they do.

[Jilly Bean]

Jilly, I understand (really I do!) the desire to crap on his head; his mindset is THAT oppressive!

But lets imagine for a minute - what if these wonderings of our's are true? Then he really, even more so needs some understanding and help. I'm just astounded by the things he has posted on here! And add to that the fact that 95% of the responses have told him he is going about this all wrong and he refuses to see that this issue is a lot more simple.

 

Want a virgin and can't settle for anything else? Then go get a virgin and leave this poor girl alone!

 

If you think she is a lying, no better than a rutting animal slut and you can do better, then go do better!

 

But it's more than that to him. He is 26 and everyone is getting laid except him. And BOY is he pissed about it! He isn't going to leave this girl alone cause somebody has to pay for how unfair it is that a great pure guy like him AINT getting some!

If he really REALLY believed all the stuff he says about the importance of chastity and waiting, he would be comfortable in his resolve and leave this girl. But he thought he was soooooooo close to FINALLY getting his "unit" in someone's heavenly gate! Then he finds out he will have to start over with some other girl if he wants his standards met. With all that testosterone built up, he has snapped and is now taking it out on her. With the way he thinks (shes no better than an animal) why shouldn't he take it out on her. He thinks she is part of the problem with his inability to get laid. Thats why he is mad.

Someone moved his cheese.

 

Yep, Sara. Agreed. I think that is REALLY the crux of this whole issue. Genki is deathly afraid of his own sexuality, so he strikes out at everyone else.

 

As Shakespeare said, "Me thinks thou dost protest too much."