Fiancees Past haunts me to no ends. Driving me crazy!

[genki]

Sally and all Im sure now with this LATEST update youll see how many red flags etc she ignored and whether now it can even be called rape since im confused. she on her own accord decided to be honest.

 

 

She in order to fit had turned herself into a party animal drinking and making out with under 10guys. THIS IS BEFORE RAPE not after though she used to say after.

 

Then she met the guy there and gave her number. He called her and asked her out. They went out to the mall.

Next time she went to his place (not same place as rape) and layed in his bed and made out and then decided to get drunk(told the guy this) so guy made a party and they all drank. When everyone left guy took his clothes off and went swimming and told her do same but she didnt.

She was in his bedroom lying on his bed when he came back feeling horny and a boner. He told her to give him a BJ and she said no way what for? He said you made me like this since your in my bed and she said I barely know you. He pulled her hair and forced her head but she kept going ewww and not really doing it so he stopped told her your playing hard to get at and drove her back to her place. Then they went out a couple random times nothing physical and he left town and messaged her suddenly that hes back in town. He made her drink lots of wine(claimed its expensive), watched movie and then drove her back to his place somewhere shed never been before well past midnight around 2am. Then there they drank more his insistence and then he started getting horny and they made out and he started pulling her clothes off and tickled her and pulled her pants off. She was running around topless trying to pick her clothes back and he would hide her stuff like phone, purse etc and then finally he started really chasing her. She told him to stop dont etc but he didnt listen. Finally she ran upstairs and noticed its his bedroom and he came behind her. She completely gave up, never fought back, kicked or scratched, or shouted out or threatened to call cops or anything at all, he dropped her on his bed and was going to do her when she told him use a condom and he said what you arent on the pill(rapist material??)? so he used it and then tried doing her anally too and finished vaginallly all the while telling her to relax relax because it was so tight though SURELY he must have known she was a virgin right? after it finished she went to the bathroom and checked and she was bleeding. She admits she never told him she was a virgin or stop or fought him kicked him scratched him threatened to call cops or run out or anything in the upstairs bedroom. she just took it.

She came out and asked him to drive her to her place and he said are you sure? dont you want to stay over? it was 4am or something. So he drove her back. Didnt hear from him again until he chatted to her on MSN usually how you doing what you been upto etc but she says she never spoke to him. she saw him on campus a few times too and once because of friends went to party at his place but though he asked her to stay she left.

 

 

Now does this sound like rape to you?

 

 

How was the guy supposed to know if it was rape? He may have thought its a game especially since she didnt fight or anything and just gave up? Maybe just playing hard to get at? Maybe being silly?

 

And all the other things. Im now confused. Is this a clear cut case of rape?

 

 

 

 

Then she did nothing except drink but never make out or anything with anyone for 6months. Then when shes just about to come back gets into bed with 2nd guy seeing something in him bla bla bla BS. She admits he didnt take advantage but that they both were already naked by eachother by the time they hit the bed and at that time she wasnt ashamed and had nothing left and hence the noises etc and roommate didnt bother her. Besides everybody else was doing it.

[Tripper]

She told him to stop dont etc but he didnt listen.

 

NO means NO. This is rape!

[JHS]

she says she wants to be honest

 

...

Then she tells me she gave the 2nd guy many many many BJs many(something she claimed only few). And that they probably ****ed like 80-90times(number went up by double).

 

This is the most insane situation, and frankly (and unfortunately), I have been there. The term "honesty" is being misused. It is one thing to, say, respond to a question accurately. THat is honesty. Volunteering all sorts of information that you do not need to know is not "honesty." It is a form of torture.

[sally4sara]

Dude that does sound like rape. Only a guy who doesn't respect females would try to claim confusion in that situation. She said no. She said stop. She was running from him. Whats so confusing about that?

 

It does also sound like she hasn't a brain in her head to be going to his house after he had already tried to force her to give him oral sex. But even stupid people have the right to say no and mean it. I don't care if a girl initially says yes, gets naked, and then says no. If the guy doesn't stop, its rape. I don't even care if they are already in the act of having sex, if she says stop and the guy doesn't it is rape.

Could she be lying? Yes she could be. Only she and that guy will ever really know for sure. What she has described to have happened to her is indeed rape. Since she has let so much time go by and because she has told you so many different things, you shouldn't even consider doing anything to the guy in retribution now. You are not judge and jury and harming him physically is illegal.

 

Do you now see though, that you are not so different from her? You called her indecent for her consensual intimacies. You have participated in consensual intimacies. The only difference I can tell between you and her now is that you likely would not have continued hanging out with someone who had tried to force sex on you. That just means you are smarter. Not better, not more moral, and just as likely to seek pleasure as she is.

[genki]

Im of the same mindset but shes now saying its not a clear cut case of rape. She only said no etc and ran around etc downstairs only which may have seemed playful or something and she says she never fought him 1 bit upstairs. Upstairs when it mattered most she didnt fight him, she didnt kick or scratch him or tell him to stop or DONT. She did nothing. And they had a normal conversation afterwards. And whilst in the act he kept telling her to relax etc but anally and vaginally because he said your wayy too tight.

She says its not like the guy raped her whilst she kept fighting and kicking and punching him. Maybe he thought she was just playing games because upstairs she did nothing but accept him. And he had a conversation with her about the pill and then wore a condom.

 

 

1 thing is for sure she knowingly increased the risks against her. Most sane girls in her situation would have told the guy to **** off and never see or talk to him again. But she continues to hang out with a guy who tries to force oral on her on only the 2nd time she sees him??

She says in order to fit in she changed into this party animal girl making out with guys etc and surely she must have had a rep for it. Maybe the guy thought shes a party animal and acts slutty so why lead me on? Playing hard to get at?

 

 

The above is her opinion not mine.

 

What I really dont understand is why not do anything upstairs when it counted most and mattered most? Why just give up and let him do you? wouldnt this whole episode seem like a consenual fun crazy session with that guy?

 

 

ofcourse so long as this is the final version of the truth and she says this is what happened. she just wanted to blame him for her making outs etc but in reality she did all that before him. And shes saying in Japan a guy would never have done that but we also know and she acknowledges that just like back home in Japan too being alone in a single guys bedroom usually implies something. Only difference being that the guy most likely would not have forced oral on you on only 2nd time seeing you. Rape is an issue thats prominent here too but its way less reported that back home.

 

 

also please tell me. Wouldnt a guy know when a girl is a virgin? I mean wouldnt you feel it being very tight and blocked and hard to enter and maybe a tear and finally entry and maybe some blood on your pen3s?

[Chauncey]

This guy is truly crazy. I suggest everyone stop answering his psychotic & paranoid rants before he hurts himself or someone else.

[JHS]

This guy is truly crazy. I suggest everyone stop answering his psychotic & paranoid rants before he hurts himself or someone else.

I agree. He needs to let it stop.

[sally4sara]

Genki, I don't know why you continue to obsess over all the whats and whys for actions that didn't include you, you couldn't have prevented, and cannot do anything about now.

Let it go. Let it go.

Just figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with her or not.

[Tripper]

Genki, so many people have posted good advice, yet you continue to obsess over something you have no control over.

Under all that is your anger that comes through loud and clear.

You need help beyond what can be done in this forum.

Find a therapist and work on getting rid of your anger first. Then maybe you will be able to make some sort of rational decision regarding this situation.

[genki]

You know in many ways now I feel better. I am calmer. Now everything fits together like a jigsaw puzzle and I dont feel like Im being lied to etc.

 

 

She genuinely seems to regret her past. She had called me herself and told me that her ex had taken nudy revealing inappropriate photos of her(something she had never told me). Whether he still has it or not she doesnt know. But her past is haunting her apparently (her claims) and those photos(digital) haunt her a lot. She wants to know if he still has them and if he does to destroy them/give them back etc with no copies.

 

Anybody know where does the law stand on this? Yes they were together but the photos were of her. Does she have the right to demand them back or destroyed?

 

And if a girl from your past tells you please please im so ashamed of my past and what I had done and im haunted by it all please delete/destroy/give back all my/our photos would you?