wife's weight

[Try2BeSupportive]

And you should avoid being an eagle-eyed, unrelenting, disapproving monitor of every bite she eats or every step she takes.

 

I would like nothing more than to become blind to her eating. I have never before paid much attention to what or when she eats. But lately my awareness has been elevated and I cannot seem to just let it go. (This will not impress you) but I have never said a word to her during such situations.

 

You're her husband, her friend, her confidante, her support - be THAT for her.

And for many many years I have been exactly that - fully supportive of her in every way. And still today I support her to a degree that she tells me she couldn't be happier (I asked and that is what she said).

 

But you are saying I should support her recent lifestyle changes- little exercise, junk food, and no sexlife? These things are all very important to me and I have a hard time accepting that the best thing for me (and us) is to just sit back and watch. I have been doing that for a year now, and it seems like it will take some kind of a disturbing force to motivate any real changes. I realize this has potential to be disasterous, and that is why I am not rushing into anything, and being very careful in what I say to her.

[norajane]

No, you don't have to be supportive of the no exercise and junk food. Be supportive when she does go to the gym, and when she does go to Weight Watchers.

 

At least put a moratorium on your disapproval over the holidays!

[sb129]

All through this thread I have been asking the OP why he isn't addressing the fact that his wife is self-medicating for anxiety, and whether or not he is interested in exploring the reasons/issues that may be behind her behavioural changes.

 

And it either gets lost in the fighting, or the OP really doesn't think that its important, but he still watches her like a hawk when she eats.

 

What is wrong with this picture?

[Racquel Colette]

She is happy with how things are and how she is, you stated this yourself. She is happy not being a size 6. She is happy being her own healthy weight, and you said she carried it well. So why not appreciate and love her for how she is? She already loves herself?

Not bashing at all here, just offering a different perspective.

It was just recently reported that gaining 25 pounds has no health detriments....so you just have to think of her as not being unhealthy because she's not. She is enjoying food and not watching every morsel that goes by her lips. Thing is, you go to work so you don't know everything and how much she eats.

So now is the time to let it go and accept her for the beautiful, confident, sexy woman she is instead of looking at her in a negative light.

[whichwayisup]

Just enjoy the holiday and let the "how much you both eat" drop. It doesn't matter! EVERYONE pigs out on Thanksgiving, so don't be conscious of what she does or doesn't do. Enjoy your family, be happy and worry about the weight thing NEXT week.

 

All through this thread I have been asking the OP why he isn't addressing the fact that his wife is self-medicating for anxiety, and whether or not he is interested in exploring the reasons/issues that may be behind her behavioural changes.

 

You and me both.

[lindya]

I am still around, just ignoring the pointless bish babble.

 

No recent discussions about the weight topic, but some other things.

She has been snacking on the low fat popcorn, so that has been fairly sucessfull (helped by me disposing of the high cal popcorn and some other misc junkfoods).

She did make it to the gym once this week (helped by me asking if she needed me to get home early to watch the kids for her to visit the gym).

I bought a new digital scale for our bathroom.

She did visit weight watched (up 3 pounds).

 

So no "progress" (weight gained!) but still some good "progress" (better snacks, first time to WW and the gym in many months).

The next few weeks will be very interesting. Holidays provide extra eating opportunities and I will not only be watching my own plate but

also (unfortunately) probably watching hers too.

 

 

What a nightmare. Thanksgiving Day today in the US, right? I don't suppose your wife will be thanking you for tensely observing every forkful of turkey that makes its way into her mouth.

 

You think she a problem controlling her food-intake, but it also sounds as if you have a bit of a problem controlling your desire to....control. You do seem to have some awareness of that urge and the need to rein it in to prevent destruction...eg

 

I have a hard time accepting that the best thing for me (and us) is to just sit back and watch. I have been doing that for a year now, and it seems like it will take some kind of a disturbing force to motivate any real changes. I realize this has potential to be disasterous, and that is why I am not rushing into anything, and being very careful in what I say to her.

 

You've said that she's 155 pounds. It's not exactly svelte, but neither is it gargantuan. Plenty of women out there weigh around that, and look fine - work out, exercise etc....but the problem is that you personally don't find women of a particular size and shape attractive. You like them thin, and your wife doesn't match that vision of how you would like her to look. I think you're maybe rationalising it a bit when you talk about your fear of her weight spiralling out of control....though I suppose it is a valid fear if she put a lot of weight on in a short space of time.

 

If you don't find her attractive, don't want to have sex with her and find yourself constantly wanting to monitor her food intake, then the marriage isn't really going to work out. You can focus on her weight as being the only problem, but is it?

 

Bearing in mind that although she isn't svelte, she isn't unhealthily obese, there could be an element of you as a personality simply having demands and expectations that she isn't going to meet. To another women who has a higher metabolism, different eating habits and a more active lifestyle, your demands might not seem in unreasonable or excessive...but for your wife, who enjoys her food, making marriage to you work requires her to adhere to a regime which she maybe finds miserable and difficult.

 

Who's being unreasonable here, do you suppose? Looking at it objectively?

 

Imagine for a moment that you wanted to divorce your wife on a fault-based ground. Unreasonable behaviour - or, more to the point, behaviour that a partner can't reasonably be expected to live with.

 

"My wife weighs 250 pounds and eats all day." Would cut it (though there might be questions about possible medical conditions causing her furious eating). "My wife weighs 155 pounds and likes a snack of an evening. She won't adhere to the eating regime I'd like her to adhere to in order to attain a slimmer and more desirable shape"??? I don't think that would be classed as unreasonable behaviour on your wife's part.

 

If, on the other hand, she wanted to divorce you on the basis that, having a preference for thin women, you were desperate to monitor her food intake, bought bathroom scales which you prominently displayed and generally devoted yourself to the art of trying to motivate her to lose weight....yep. I think she could probably successfully argue that it wasn't reasonable to expect her to carry on in that situation.

 

So in essence, it's not unreasonable for you to prefer thinner women - but I think it is unreasonable for you to inflict that preference on your wife to the extent you're doing. She gets to make the decision about what she eats and what shape she should be. It's her body, and she has that right. You perhaps see that as disrespectful to you. A sign that she doesn't really love you enough to diet into the shape you would find appealing. Nobody can tell you if you're right or wrong in thinking that....but it doesn't sound like this marriage of yours has much chance.

[sb129]

Lindya, where have you been, I have missed your posts. This, like so many others, is bang on the money.

[whichwayisup]

In a way I can compare this to the quitting smoking...I'm in the process of doing just that, but I tell ya, THE MORE MY H TELLS ME, "Do you really need that cig? You had one about an hour ago.." makes me wanna smoke more. Yeah I know that's an immature reaction on my part, but when a spouse starts to nag and nitpick like that, the opposite happens. If you want your wife to lose some weight, NO negative comments, NO pushing her in the sense of making her feel bad. Bringing home a scale is like a slap in the face and more. She has to want to do this for herself, not just because you want her to.

 

I mentioned before the making a go of spending time together by going for walks in the evening. Getting a sitter and doing active things...It's winter now, so why not take skating lessons together? Or just go skating if you both know how to skate. Or indoor sports, squash, tennis etc...Something to get the heart rate up and have fun while participating. IF you make it more loving and positive, she WILL respond to that. Throw the scale her way and watch what she puts in her mouth will only make it want to eat more.

 

Good luck and again ENJOY your holiday. Relax..

[Try2BeSupportive]

All through this thread I have been asking the OP why he isn't addressing the fact that his wife is self-medicating for anxiety, and whether or not he is interested in exploring the reasons/issues that may be behind her behavioural changes.

I have tried to talk to her about general "how is life... are you happy" and like I said she has told me point blank that everything is fine. When I suggested her energy level seemed lower than before - she got her thyroid levels tested - perfectly normal. What do you suggest I do? Accuse her of self-medicating with food? Of course I am interested in knowing why the change. And the best response I have gotten is that she just enjoys her life as SAHM and this is were her focus is now. So what if our sexlife sucks - she has very little need for sex. So what if she gains a few pounds - who is she trying to impress anyway?

 

So now is the time to let it go and accept her for the beautiful, confident, sexy woman she is instead of looking at her in a negative light.

So easy for you to say! For my entire life I have been very active and conscience of what I eat. And every girl I ever dated was likewise active and (yes) thin by your standards. Including my wife- for about 10 years we have been together.

 

Now that she seems to have given up any real effort to maintain an active lifestyle and remain even close to her previous weight, this is extremely uncomfortable for me. I have never been in a situation like this with a girl I love. I never anticipated what it would be like if my spouse would just decide that hey size 12, 14, 16 whatever he will just accept it.

 

The fact of the matter is that, to me, her shape does matter - and her attitude about exercise and eating well also matters. I cannot simply "switch that off" like you suggest.

 

but for your wife, who enjoys her food, making marriage to you work requires her to adhere to a regime which she maybe finds miserable and difficult.

Well she sure hid it well for 10 years she seemed to be very happy living an active lifestyle at 125 pounds.

 

She gets to make the decision about what she eats and what shape she should be. It's her body, and she has that right. You perhaps see that as disrespectful to you. A sign that she doesn't really love you enough to diet into the shape you would find appealing. Nobody can tell you if you're right or wrong in thinking that....but it doesn't sound like this marriage of yours has much chance.

If she were 155 when we met then I would be dead wrong to have any expectation that she would "diet herself into my desired shape". But like I kept saying she was always rather active and thin. I agree - it is her body and she has every right to choose her shape. And I have every right to prefer her original shape. And if this becomes the issue that destroys our marriage, that is indeed unfortunate but clearly if you read some of my posts I am not just able to "accept it".

 

 

If you want your wife to lose some weight, NO negative comments, NO pushing her in the sense of making her feel bad. Bringing home a scale is like a slap in the face and more.

I have not said a single word to her about this topic in over a week. Last week's conversation was very simple and was not making her feel bad - actually the folks on this board kept telling me to talk with her and so that is exactly what I did. Now you say that was the wrong thing to do? Also I did not make a big presentation of the new scale - I quietly placed it in our bathroom where I also would need it.

[huh]

Well, why is she eating the evening snack? Comfort? Anger? Fatigue? I used to be obese, but I've lost 60 pounds & I'm now just overweight & working my way down to normal. I tended to eat because I was angry or sad or tired or lonely. And the type of lifestyle one has to lead to lose weight does take a lot of time/energy. I'm single with no kids & I had a hard time making the adjustments, I can't imagine what it's like for someone who has to take care of a family too.

 

I didn't read every post, so pardon me if this has been addressed, but how much time do you spend with the kids? Do you give her enough me time so she can exercise? Do you give her enough me time so she can unwind mentally & not hit snacks as a substitute?

 

Maybe suggest a glass of wine together instead of the snack. Or get some healthy fruit or veggie snack for the 2 of you to share.

[LivA79]

Just as some might say you are being disrespectful, etc. She knows how you feel and what you expect, so if she chooses to not listen to you, she's being disrespectful as well.

[Racquel Colette]

Well, she is 40 and this is normal for that age. When you were dating before you got married you were in your...20's, right? I bet a lot of those women you dated then have different shapes than before. Also, do you ask her how much she is weighing every day? How do you know she gained 3 lbs. this week?

She might be going through a phase, I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs., no big deal.

[Mr. Lucky]

"My wife weighs 250 pounds and eats all day." Would cut it (though there might be questions about possible medical conditions causing her furious eating). "My wife weighs 155 pounds and likes a snack of an evening. She won't adhere to the eating regime I'd like her to adhere to in order to attain a slimmer and more desirable shape"??? I don't think that would be classed as unreasonable behaviour on your wife's part.

But therein lies the problem. The OP has been quiet as his wife has transitioned from 125 to 155. Shall he also remain quiet as she transitions from 155 to 250?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Racquel Colette]

Well, Mr. Lucky, she has also lost weight in the past. Why is everyone assuming she is going to continue to gain that much weight?

[bigheartkindsoul]

So just throwing this in there, might have already been said but not reading 30 odd pages!

 

What will happen when and if you gain weight/beer belly etc? Would you be happy for your wife trying to push you into losing weight, stop drinking the beer you love and trying to "change" you, most men always say how much they hate their women trying to change them.

 

Put yourself in your wife shoes and think how you would feel if you were happy with you weight and self but the OP kept on at you.

 

More than likely it would drive your self esteem DOWN which in turn would make you comfort eat MORE. Someone who watches every mouthful you eat, badgers you to exercise.

 

Think about it, honestly I think it is working against you.

 

Try telling her how great she is, how beautiful she is, encourage some high self esteem because what you are doing is having the opposite effect I reckon, placing new scales talking about weightwatchers she must be totally paranoid and that certainly would make me comfort eat.

[lindya]

But therein lies the problem. The OP has been quiet as his wife has transitioned from 125 to 155. Shall he also remain quiet as she transitions from 155 to 250?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

I wouldn't say he's been quiet. He's a veritable diary of her daily food intake, he's using subtle (some might say passive aggressive) techniques such as leaving bathroom scales out.

 

If he's got a problem with her weight and is finding the surplus unattractive, why all the pussy footing around? Rather than acting as food monitor and messing about with subtle "you should lose weight dear" hints, surely it's more honest and clear to just say something like "you've put on a lot of weight really quickly. At what stage would that start to bother you? 180 pounds? 200 pounds?"

 

It sounds mean, and might well initiate a row, but at least it could get a bit of honest communication going. If she says something like "155 isn't a problem for me, 180? Of course that would be a problem..." then at least he has some idea of what her boundaries are in this. At the moment it just sounds like subtle hints/little digs (what's the difference?) and all kinds of assumptions that she's going to keep packing that weight on until it takes a hole in the side of the house and a crane to get her out of there.

 

If she were 155 when we met then I would be dead wrong to have any expectation that she would "diet herself into my desired shape". But like I kept saying she was always rather active and thin. I agree - it is her body and she has every right to choose her shape. And I have every right to prefer her original shape. And if this becomes the issue that destroys our marriage, that is indeed unfortunate but clearly if you read some of my posts I am not just able to "accept it".

 

Maybe when you first met she'd been on some kind of 3 month health regime. Women often meet guys just after those little healthy eating/lots of exercise projects.

 

All you can really do is tell her that if she wants to get back into shape then you'll do what you can to help make that process as fun and easy as you can....but if she's not interested in getting toned up and starting to follow a healthier lifestyle, then much as you love her then you're afraid that the physical attraction might start to go fairly quickly.

 

If that doesn't "work" then you have your answer. You've stated your case, she's laid out her position - and the two of you can then decide where to go from there. If, on the other hand, she is trying to lose weight and you're being some kind of oppressive, disapproving presence every time she slips up a bit, then she's probably just going to start secret snacking and communication between you will get worse. I've seen guys who take a pretty scarily controlling attitude towards their wives' or girlfriends' food intake. When they're not around, other people (male and female) bitch about those guys like hell, but because people don't tend to challenge them directly (mainly out of a desire to avoid embarrassing their partners or causing a scene) they maybe aren't aware of how anti-social their behaviour is.

 

"Did you hear him ask her if she really needed a dessert when the waiter brought round the dessert menu?"

 

"No, but I heard him asking her if it was absolutely necessary to butter the bread she was having with her soup. What a dick."

 

"Then he started mumping and moaning to her about the number of calories in the wine she was having."

 

"Yeah - he's a real pleasure to go out for dinner with. Like visiting a carvery with a vegan. Must be a laugh a minute to be married to him."

 

"I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't want to embarrass her."

 

 

Now I'm not suggesting you're one of those watching-every-calorie-consumed-like-a-starving-hawk, "would your life be so bad if you never had another bar of chocolate again, darling?" barrel-of-laughs for a dinner companion types....but then again, maybe you are.

 

If so, that would probably work - albeit in some kind of warped way - with a woman who had food issues and an on/off flirtation with anorexia. For a more chilled out woman who enjoys food and doesn't regard a bit of extra weight as a sign of the apocalypse, it's not going to work. It's just going to be depressing and annoying.

 

.

[WitchyLady]

A thought...

 

Have you stopped to think that maybe maintaining the same weight she had 10 years ago may not be something she sees as all that important or even worth the effort?

 

I know when I was in my early 20's weighing 106 lbs was a major big deal for me. That was my "perfect" weight according to the charts and my bone structure and I worked out like a dog and ate next to nothing to keep at that weight.

 

(Ex-dancer. with all the usual weight issues, shrug.)

 

Fact is I was skinny, but I was also miserable...

 

I am petite, but I'm also curvy and those charts, they just don't really take that into consideration, shrug.

 

In my 30's I finally took a good, hard look at my eating habits, at my weight and realized that what I was basically doing was starving myself to be thin. I was what the charts said was the right weight, but it wasn't the right weight for ME.

 

125 that WAS.

 

I simply couldn't maintain that 106lb weight and not end up thinking about food 24/7. I was starving, my hair was falling out, my skin was dry, and I was not feeling all that "healthy" really and yet, that 106lbs was what I was supposed to weigh.

 

It may be she has just gotten to the point where doing all that work and feeling hungry all the time simply isn't worth it to her anymore. She's adjusted to a weight that maybe she can live with and as a result she may feel happier and less cranky at the weight she is at now.

 

I know that when I finally let go of what the chart said I was supposed to weigh I ended up being a lot happier and ironically I got healthier as a result.

 

The sex thing, that may be another issue....

 

Like I said above, that might be a matter or hormones and you should check that out with her doctor. Maybe she switched birth control or medications or something, or maybe she just needs her hormones adjusted, you never know, but the weight thing?

 

That just might be something you will have to learn to live with.

 

Or not...

 

Up to you...

[lindya]

AI know when I was in my early 20's weighing 106 lbs was a major big deal for me. That was my "perfect" weight according to the charts and my bone structure and I worked out like a dog and ate next to nothing to keep at that weight.

 

(Ex-dancer. with all the usual weight issues, shrug.)

 

Fact is I was skinny, but I was also miserable...

 

I am petite, but I'm also curvy and those charts, they just don't really take that into consideration, shrug.

 

In my 30's I finally took a good, hard look at my eating habits, at my weight and realized that what I was basically doing was starving myself to be thin. I was what the charts said was the right weight, but it wasn't the right weight for ME.

 

 

Perhaps food is an issue men and women should really address when they first get together, to avoid future problems. Along the lines of

 

"I warn you....I only really like very slender women. I find overweight women, or women who are at the mid to higher end of their healthy height weight range common, repulsive and embarrassing to be seen with in public."

 

"That's fine. I should let you know that I've battled with anorexia since the age of 14. I have a phobia of getting fat. I ensure that I burn at least 800 extra calories each day by doing 3 sessions of on the spot running and aerobics in my living room. I measure everything I eat scrupulously, and if I've been overly generous with the measurements or sinned by eating a piece of chocolate at any point in the day, then I always do penance with a toothbrush down my throat afterwards."

 

"Okay. You and I will get along great....as long as you remember not to bore and disgust me with the finer details of having an eating disorder or be in any way weird with it in front of me."

 

"Don't worry. I'm an expert when it comes to hiding laxatives."

 

"Okay. Will you marry me?"

 

"Only when I've dieted down to a specially designed size -4 wedding dress. I want to look ethereal on my special day."

 

"Oh darling..."

 

What's the OP's wife's weight and height again? 5 ft 6 and a bit inches, and she weighs 155. So she's within her healthy height/weight range....but, shockingly, is at the higher end of it. And we're devoting page upon page to the task of helping this guy tackle this "issue" of hers. I think I'm going to be sick...but on the bright side that takes care of lunch related guilt.

[marlena]

Perhaps food is an issue men and women should really address when they first get together, to avoid future problems. Along the lines of

 

"I warn you....I only really like very slender women. I find overweight women, or women who are at the mid to higher end of their healthy height weight range common, repulsive and embarrassing to be seen with in public."

 

"That's fine. I should let you know that I've battled with anorexia since the age of 14. I have a phobia of getting fat. I ensure that I burn at least 800 extra calories each day by doing 3 sessions of on the spot running and aerobics in my living room. I measure everything I eat scrupulously, and if I've been overly generous with the measurements or sinned by eating a piece of chocolate at any point in the day, then I always do penance with a toothbrush down my throat afterwards."

 

"Okay. You and I will get along great....as long as you remember not to bore and disgust me with the finer details of having an eating disorder or be in any way weird with it in front of me."

 

"Don't worry. I'm an expert when it comes to hiding laxatives."

 

"Okay. Will you marry me?"

 

"Only when I've dieted down to a specially designed size -4 wedding dress. I want to look ethereal on my special day."

 

"Oh darling..."

 

What's the OP's wife's weight and height again? 5 ft 6 and a bit inches, and she weighs 155. So she's within her healthy height/weight range....but, shockingly, is at the higher end of it. And we're devoting page upon page to the task of helping this guy tackle this "issue" of hers. I think I'm going to be sick...but on the bright side that takes care of lunch related guilt.

And we're devoting page upon page to the task of helping this guy tackle this "issue" of hers. I think I'm going to be sick...but on the bright side that takes care of lunch related guilt.

 

This is exactly why I haven't posted an answer to the OP! I don't think he should be given the time of day.

[lindya]

This is exactly why I haven't posted an answer to the OP! I don't think he should be given the time of day.

 

I tell myself the same thing, but boredom and the desire to entertain myself sometimes take precedence over good sense.

[bigheartkindsoul]

10 Years (a guess)

2 Pregnancies

2 Kids

1 home to run & the stress that goes with it

 

I'd like to see any man that could keep his very same weight and size with these factors taken into account!

[Try2BeSupportive]

Well, she is 40 and this is normal for that age.

While many people turn 40yo, gain 30 pounds and lose interest in sex, that does not make it "normal" ... many also get divorced or cheat... is that "normal" too? For example, none of that has happened to me - am I abnormal?

 

When you were dating before you got married you were in your...20's, right? I bet a lot of those women you dated then have different shapes than before.

I agree!! But guess what? Many of them still look fantastic today - the ones who continue to eat well and exercise (it has nothing to do with age or kids).

 

Also, do you ask her how much she is weighing every day? How do you know she gained 3 lbs. this week?

When she mentioned visiting WW I asked how did it go and she said up 3 pounds (to which I said, encouragingly, it was great that she is getting back involved with WW).

 

but how much time do you spend with the kids? Do you give her enough me time so she can exercise? Do you give her enough me time so she can unwind mentally & not hit snacks as a substitute?

I spend alot of time with my kids - couple hours each day. Regarding her having time to exercise, in addition to hours of kidfree time during schooldays, my wife also has a free pass (I hangout with the kids) anyday/anytime to visit the gym.

 

What will happen when and if you gain weight/beer belly etc? Would you be happy for your wife trying to push you into losing weight, stop drinking the beer you love and trying to "change" you, most men always say how much they hate their women trying to change them.

I am NOT trying to change her!!! She was not like this EVER before ... her CURRENT behavior is the big change. I do not drink beer, but if I start to change in a way that bothers my wife, I sure hope she tells me about it (in a loving way).

 

Try telling her how great she is, how beautiful she is, encourage some high self esteem because what you are doing is having the opposite effect I reckon, placing new scales talking about weightwatchers she must be totally paranoid and that certainly would make me comfort eat.

I have been quiet about her behaviour changes and weight gain for about 2 years as she grew to 155, I never stopped telling her how great she is or encouraging her. And guess what? She has been so happy with everything in her life (including me) that she seems to have zero motivation to exercise or watch her diet. So I am DONE with keeping quiet, I just need to be very careful to communicate in ways that are not mean or hurtful. Like I said, I love her and do not want to hurt her. But she needs to know how bothered I am.

 

I wouldn't say he's been quiet. He's a veritable diary of her daily food intake, he's using subtle (some might say passive aggressive) techniques such as leaving bathroom scales out.

I may have been extremely vocal on here, but with her I have been extremely silent on the topic.

 

Maybe when you first met she'd been on some kind of 3 month health regime. Women often meet guys just after those little healthy eating/lots of exercise projects.

I am familiar with such (deceptive) tactics. We dated for 2 years - plenty of time to get to know her and learn her true values and core beliefs before marriage.

 

If that doesn't "work" then you have your answer. You've stated your case, she's laid out her position - and the two of you can then decide where to go from there. If, on the other hand, she is trying to lose weight and you're being some kind of oppressive, disapproving presence every time she slips up a bit, then she's probably just going to start secret snacking and communication between you will get worse.

I am doing my best to support and encourage her efforts.

 

It's just going to be depressing and annoying.

Equally depressing and annoying to suddenly discover that the person you married has changed their values (values that are very important to you). Which means if we cannot work something out, we would both be happier going our separate ways.

 

Have you stopped to think that maybe maintaining the same weight she had 10 years ago may not be something she sees as all that important or even worth the effort?

This seems very likely. She no longer cares about her figure. She also no longer cares about sex. I care about both of those things - this is exactly our problem.

 

Fact is I was skinny, but I was also miserable...

Sorry you went through a miserable period, but glad you have found happier times. Obviously I am not that happy right now and I believe you would want for me to find peace as well.

 

 

10 Years (a guess)

2 Pregnancies

2 Kids

1 home to run & the stress that goes with it

 

I'd like to see any man that could keep his very same weight and size with these factors taken into account!

BigHearKindSoul - pleased to make your acquaintance! While I am unable to give birth, I am the man you described above. You are wrong to assume I must be negligent at home. I take great care of the things in my life that are important - my kids, my house, and myself (including diet and exercise).

[bigheartkindsoul]

BigHearKindSoul - pleased to make your acquaintance! While I am medically incapable of giving birth, I am the man you described above. You are wrong to assume I must be negligent at home. I take great care of the things in my life that are important - my kids, my house, and myself (including diet and exercise).

 

I did not say you were negligent, I said how many men could keep there same weights after 2 pregnancies, stress and running around of 2kids and upkeep of a home and with what time does to us all (unfortunately).

 

I do not and never will have no matter how much weight I lose or exercise I do, have the body I had 10years ago. And I don't even have kids.

 

Give your wife some slack and having 2 kids takes alot of toll on a womens body, what I was saying if you had been through the same, would you still look the same as you did before? No I very much doubt it.

[marlena]

I tell myself the same thing, but boredom and the desire to entertain myself sometimes take precedence over good sense.

 

Guilty of the same crime, Lyndia!

[Try2BeSupportive]

I did not say you were negligent, I said how many men could keep there same weights after 2 pregnancies, stress and running around of 2kids and upkeep of a home and with what time does to us all (unfortunately).

 

We share the same house, same kids, same stresses. I know exactly how much running around she does because I am right there by her side every step of the way, every day and every night. When I am not at my day job, all of the upkeep you mention is pretty evenly split down the middle. I know plenty of men (and plenty of women too) who do all of that and still manage to eat well and exercise. Heck I know plenty of single parents (shudder the thought) who do it all and look great doing it.

 

To me it is purely a matter of priorities and values. This has always been important for myself, and for my physical attraction to my mate. I saw a great billboard for Nike that reads:

“Someone Who Is Busier Than You Is Running Right Now”

 

Give your wife some slack and having 2 kids takes alot of toll on a womens body, what I was saying if you had been through the same, would you still look the same as you did before? No I very much doubt it.

 

You are saying that I should just ignore the fact she eats junk food at night and has been to her gym once in 6 months. No, that has no effect upon her weight gain. Instead, her 30 extra pounds are an unavoidable consequence of giving birth several years ago. Despite the fact most of the weight came AFTERWARDS. Or did I misunderstand?

 

Lindya and Marlena - glad to provide some entertainment for you! Want to hear something very funny? I actually have to wake up 30 minutes early now because of the extra time I have been spending on this forum lately, otherwise I would not get everything done. Pretty sad isn't it!!!