Weekend "business" travel and cheating

[2sunny]

ood-

 

don't you still have that tracking device on his phone?

 

NOW would be the time to consider checking on him again (while is supposed to be away). especially if you call and he doesn't answer - and especially on sun eve and fri eve.

[outofdarkness]

You know it's been long enough to where I can laugh at some things. The most aggressive woman with him was a co-worker he could not stand! bahahahaha! I mean she was incredible! Called him during OUR VACATION because she had a computer problem. Would constantly grab him (he hates that) and well, she wasn't very attractive in a tranny kind of way. You weren't sure at first glance if she was a masculine woman or a wimpy guy.

 

 

 

This Mr. Wonderful is your husband now? Is he real nice to you but nice to everyone else? Or is he "Mr. Perfect" all the time?

 

On her way out my door last weekend my mother was gushing about my husband. He's so wonderful! He's perfect! You are so lucky. He is one of a kind. This is pretty much what everyone thinks of my husband.

 

That trannie I mentioned? That's what she told me when I first met her. "You have a great husband." Yeah, a huh. She thought this, no doubt, because he refused her advances. The kind of woman that takes that as a challenge (yeah, yeah OW board material). She got worse after she met me. I think she expected some fat, ugly woman. It was like now she had to figure out what this man had to attract a woman like me. She commented on my nails, my hair, my makeup all the way to how I had coordinated our formal wear for the function.

 

As was with my husband's OW, it always felt it was more about them wanting to be me and live my life than him. If that makes sense. Not like they had any clue about me, my home, my life, my marriage.

 

"If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, Why am I in the Pits?" Loved Erma Bombeck.

 

They would have hated my life!

YES!!! He is Mr. perfect...from the right family, attended all the right schools, mr polite and respectful to everyone, got in with the right group as far as work goes, etc, etc, etc....NOONE would suspect a thing...His family is a very old and wealthy family in our community...They are very well connected both politically and socially...The few people that I DID tell said, HUH??? You've got to be kidding..AND he had the perfect cover...ME!! I thought that he hung the moon..He and his family always made me feel as if they were doing me a huge favour by even publically accepting me..

 

Oh, and as far as the whole thing being more about the OW wanting to in a sense, "live my life", yes, this has been proven to me...The letter that I received by my H's 10 year OW stated in the first sentance, that she had been a part of my family for 10 years..You did read it correctly, it said SHE HAD BEEN A PART OF MY FAMILY FOR 10 years!!! It focused mostly on our son and her awareness of his illnesses throughout the years...She stated in the letter that she felt that she had felt everything but the physical labor pains as far as our children..THIS is what devastated me the most...NOT her A w/ my H...Her apparent A with my FAMILY!! It's creepy...You think you can trust someone and you tell them your deepest and most intimate feelings, only to find out that they are repeating them to other women that you have never met, AND are most likely closer to your H then you are and have an agenda...It's overwhelming, incomprehensible and well, just...scary and creepy!!

[outofdarkness]

ood-

 

don't you still have that tracking device on his phone?

 

NOW would be the time to consider checking on him again (while is supposed to be away). especially if you call and he doesn't answer - and especially on sun eve and fri eve.

Yes, I do still have the service with our cell provider; however, I think that he's pretty careful with this..It's pretty useless now...I really believe that he has other ways that he communicates with both work and OW's.....I know he has two work v mails...I would be surprised if he didn't have another cell...There are all sorts of ways MM use to get around these things now days..It's mind boggling..AND the more complicated, the better for them...Remember, it's the "thrill of the chase"....

[Mr. Lucky]

I really believe that he has other ways that he communicates with both work and OW's.....I know he has two work v mails...I would be surprised if he didn't have another cell...There are all sorts of ways MM use to get around these things now days..It's mind boggling..AND the more complicated, the better for them...

Just think what would happen if the cheaters put this much effort into their marriages ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[popey]

very sorry to say, but I really think there is no question here. The question is what do you need to move on? You know he's a cheater. Do you need to see it? If so, I suggest you take the kids away for a week "since he is so busy with work, and you just feel you need the connection time" or some ish. Then have a PI case him, or you do it. Bite the bullet and find the evidence you need to move on. He is unworthy of taking any more from you.

 

and please remember, this type of person, will lie about anything, so you can believe nothing. So sorry. I wish I could say something more comforting. I do feel for you.

[outofdarkness]

very sorry to say, but I really think there is no question here. The question is what do you need to move on? You know he's a cheater. Do you need to see it? If so, I suggest you take the kids away for a week "since he is so busy with work, and you just feel you need the connection time" or some ish. Then have a PI case him, or you do it. Bite the bullet and find the evidence you need to move on. He is unworthy of taking any more from you.

 

and please remember, this type of person, will lie about anything, so you can believe nothing. So sorry. I wish I could say something more comforting. I do feel for you.

Thanks for the insight..The week long break sounds like a good idea..If I can get our son through one semester of school w/out getting sick, I was thinking of doing something over the Holidays...Thanks again, ood

[EnigmaXOXO]

The letter that I received by my H's 10 year OW stated in the first sentance, that she had been a part of my family for 10 years..You did read it correctly, it said SHE HAD BEEN A PART OF MY FAMILY FOR 10 years!!! It focused mostly on our son and her awareness of his illnesses throughout the years...She stated in the letter that she felt that she had felt everything but the physical labor pains as far as our children..

 

OOD ... as painful as it is to follow your story, I must admit the above ranks in the top ten of the most creepiest things I’ve ever read on this forum. It literally makes your skin crawl no matter how far removed you are to the actual situation.

 

I know there is nothing I could say that you’re ready to hear right now. It isn’t a far stretch to imagine what my feedback would be to anyone who found themselves constantly subjugated to this kind of indignant treatment. All I can say is that you must be one TOUGH cookie ... and I wouldn’t be even half the “lady” that you are if facing similar circumstances. I’d have cleaned out the pockets of my philandering husband by now, than moved myself and the children a continent away from all those dangerous intruders who felt privy to invade the private life of myself and my innocent children.

 

Sorry ... but that’s just SCARY.

[outofdarkness]

OOD ... as painful as it is to follow your story, I must admit the above ranks in the top ten of the most creepiest things I’ve ever read on this forum. It literally makes your skin crawl no matter how far removed you are to the actual situation.

 

I know there is nothing I could say that you’re ready to hear right now. It isn’t a far stretch to imagine what my feedback would be to anyone who found themselves constantly subjugated to this kind of indignant treatment. All I can say is that you must be one TOUGH cookie ... and I wouldn’t be even half the “lady” that you are if facing similar circumstances. I’d have cleaned out the pockets of my philandering husband by now, than moved myself and the children a continent away from all those dangerous intruders who felt privy to invade the private life of myself and my innocent children.

 

Sorry ... but that’s just SCARY.

yep, creepy it is...I am always looking over my shoulder! Thanks for the post!

[EnigmaXOXO]

yep, creepy it is...I am always looking over my shoulder!

 

I would too. Then again, my hyper awareness comes from having witnessed a lot of things in my life (through others) that I wished I hadn’t.

 

For instance, good friends of my ex in-laws, Mary Ruth and Bob Myers. On the surface, they seemed like your typical older married couple. Happy, stable, friendly, likeable, and reasonably well off financially. Bob was the family’s accountant. They even attended our wedding and several family cook-outs.

 

No one would have ever guessed that Bob had a mistress on the side ( a former prostitute he met in Vegas during a business trip ). The Myers’ sudden separation was surprise enough for those of us who thought we knew them. But the real stunner (which landed my mother-law in therapy) was when her best friend, Mary Ruth, was murdered in her home (shot eight times, once in the back) by an ex-con Bob and his mistress had hired to assassinate her while making it look like a robbery.

 

The mistress wasn’t happy with just having her husband ... she wanted the money, the jewelry and the entire lifestyle that a legal and costly divorce might stand in the way of. Of course, Bob and the shooter are now serving loooong prison sentences. But his mistress, she merely turned state’s evidence against them and got away with little more than a slap on the hand. Even though she was the one who set it up and introduced Bob to her ex-con friend.

 

I understand that it’s easy to assume that these are just “scare stories.” But for some of us, this is REAL life, REAL people, REAL events, and not just something you watch on television from the safety of your recliner. Believe me, I’ve seen the worst of it, and none of it (so far for me) resembles any of those fluffy fairy-tale stories about star-struck lovers brought together by some happenstance of fate.

 

It’s ugly ... and yes, SCARY. Whether that intruder in your life and home be seen or unseen. So, if you ever wonder why all this crazy foolishness makes me just a little bit “twitchy” ... perhaps you’ll have a better understanding as to why. :

 

Like I said ... you’re a tough cookie OOD! :cool

[outofdarkness]

I would too. Then again, my hyper awareness comes from having witnessed a lot of things in my life (through others) that I wished I hadn’t.

 

For instance, good friends of my ex in-laws, Mary Ruth and Bob Myers. On the surface, they seemed like your typical older married couple. Happy, stable, friendly, likeable, and reasonably well off financially. Bob was the family’s accountant. They even attended our wedding and several family cook-outs.

 

No one would have ever guessed that Bob had a mistress on the side ( a former prostitute he met in Vegas during a business trip ). The Myers’ sudden separation was surprise enough for those of us who thought we knew them. But the real stunner (which landed my mother-law in therapy) was when her best friend, Mary Ruth, was murdered in her home (shot eight times, once in the back) by an ex-con Bob and his mistress had hired to assassinate her while making it look like a robbery.

 

The mistress wasn’t happy with just having her husband ... she wanted the money, the jewelry and the entire lifestyle that a legal and costly divorce might stand in the way of. Of course, Bob and the shooter are now serving loooong prison sentences. But his mistress, she merely turned state’s evidence against them and got away with little more than a slap on the hand. Even though she was the one who set it up and introduced Bob to her ex-con friend.

 

I understand that it’s easy to assume that these are just “scare stories.” But for some of us, this is REAL life, REAL people, REAL events, and not just something you watch on television from the safety of your recliner. Believe me, I’ve seen the worst of it, and none of it (so far for me) resembles any of those fluffy fairy-tale stories about star-struck lovers brought together by some happenstance of fate.

 

It’s ugly ... and yes, SCARY. Whether that intruder in your life and home be seen or unseen. So, if you ever wonder why all this crazy foolishness makes me just a little bit “twitchy” ... perhaps you’ll have a better understanding as to why. :

 

Like I said ... you’re a tough cookie OOD! :cool

The story you told typifies why I have not left...The scariest and MOST DANGEROUS time to leave someone like that is after D day....only in my case, D day never ends...It's like that energizer bunny, it keeps going, and going, and going...

[East of Jupiter]

The story you told typifies why I have not left...The scariest and MOST DANGEROUS time to leave someone like that is after D day....only in my case, D day never ends...It's like that energizer bunny, it keeps going, and going, and going...

 

It's crazy making stuff OOD. I know it first hand.

 

That story is why I have not told OW's husband all though I am getting close to calling him. I'm sick of being stalked. I'm simply at that stage where I am sick of it all and am not taking it.

 

My father killed a man too. The man had insulted his "lover" when he called her a whore as in why are you defending that whore? A fight ensued and according to my father, witnesses and finally the court, it was deemed self-defense.

[Fun2BMe]

You haven't mentioned about where he'll be staying. Ask him for the name of the hotel and room number so you can call him. I mean for emergency reasons you have to have that info anyways. Does his company pay for the hotel stay or does he? How pricey of a place is it? Is it in the same town as his flight itinerary? You said the flight is for a regional close location. That might mean he is taking another flight to another destination. If it's that close, it will be inexpensive for you to fly out to 'check up' on him for a few hours one day.

[outofdarkness]

You haven't mentioned about where he'll be staying. Ask him for the name of the hotel and room number so you can call him. I mean for emergency reasons you have to have that info anyways. Does his company pay for the hotel stay or does he? How pricey of a place is it? Is it in the same town as his flight itinerary? You said the flight is for a regional close location. That might mean he is taking another flight to another destination. If it's that close, it will be inexpensive for you to fly out to 'check up' on him for a few hours one day.

I try not to give out too much personal info regarding locales on LS, but I'll say as much as I can..He gives me inteneraries every time he travels w/ all info on them...I don't particularly TRUST them b/c as I have said and HE has said, if someone wants to cheat, they'll cheat...He has said things regarding his business travels that bother me such as calling at the last minute to tell me of a hotel change b/c they just didn't have his room, and this has happened quite often...Also, staying over on weekend nights...I know sometimes a Sund. nite must happen, but a Fri. nite??? It's crazy..NOONE does business on a Friday night, and you can always find a flight out...As far as does the Co. pay, yes, every penny...He uses a co. card at my insistence b/c he used to just use his personal cr card, and then brings the reimb. checks and info to me..I then dep. them and pay the cr card...He used to just keep them and either cash them or dep them and I would never know..Subsequently, his personal cr. card bill almost maxed out by the time D day arrived...Anyway, the Co. pays for ALL expenses including tolls, etc...He should NEVER need to use a personal card or our cash, yet until D day, he would take out $100 here and there and I couldn't tell anything from his card b/c the personal was mixed w/ the business..Also, his cell is confusing b/c he uses it for business and personal...ALOT of 800#'s on it...

 

Re: His travel...It is always in the regions that adjoin our's if that makes sense...In some locales, yes, he does stay in the same city as the flight, others are small towns or suburbs and he either takes a puddle jumper or rents a car...Most of the time, he DOES rent cars...If it's a very large city, and he's for instance going to be in a class or conference the entire time, then he might not rent one...When he had the last A, just before D day, he spent much time driving to see her...She lived mabey still, IDK, in a local that is in close proximity to many of his smaller offices and in a state that he historically travels to alot..It was EASY to cover..Of course to this day, if you ask him, he will say that he has never met the W and does not even know her last name...LOL....this is really funny considering that when I finally did see the cell bills, her number was all over it for hours at a time some and just minutes others..all times of the day, etc...It almost seemed like the way my teens would behave re: cell calls..RE: His accomadations when trav. for business..It depends..Some are very upscale, especially if it's a conference or some type of reward trip or a class. If he's just visiting a branch, it's not top notch but still nice, if that makes sense..I will say that all of the properties where he stays are in the same hotel family and all points go on his cr card which is a card for this hotel family...He RACKS up the points, and I really don't know where they go..I've tried to look at the stmts, but it's confusing..This doesn't even include the free plane tickets or vouchers which are also plentiful...I will say that the trip coming up that I most likely will not attend is going to be top notch b/c it's a reward trip for production..It is at a very nice resort...RE: Calling the hotels to check on him..Yes, I've done this too on occasion post D day..never before unless you want to go WAY back to before cell phones were used and then I HAD to call the hotel..This tells me nothing either, after all, last Summer, I called his hotel once and he thought I'd hung up..I had not..I was ABOUT to when I heard a W sort of laugh and squeal..So, someone could just as easily come to him...Re: Flying to check on him...I could do this, but have not been able to the past year due to our son's illness..I am pondering it now, but need to really plan ahead and keep it private, as I am certain one of our kids would spill the beans...Hope I've covered all of your quesitions..Thanks for posting!

[outofdarkness]

It's crazy making stuff OOD. I know it first hand.

 

That story is why I have not told OW's husband all though I am getting close to calling him. I'm sick of being stalked. I'm simply at that stage where I am sick of it all and am not taking it.

 

My father killed a man too. The man had insulted his "lover" when he called her a whore as in why are you defending that whore? A fight ensued and according to my father, witnesses and finally the court, it was deemed self-defense.

Yep, people do the craziest things, especially when such strong emotions are involved..I heard on the news today about a lady I think in NYC that had shot her H while he slept b/c he had told her that he was leaving her to be with his other W??? b/c she was younger, prettier and well..fertile...She is pleading insanity....I can get pretty hurt and angry, and so can all of us but it NEVER gives us the right to harm another! Thanks for the post!

[IpAncA]

OOD, you know what he is and what he's done and may still be doing. No need to drive yourself nuts trying to keep up.

 

Don't you think it's time to focus on yourself, your son, and when the time is right divorce his sorry a** and move on with your life?

[outofdarkness]

OOD, you know what he is and what he's done and may still be doing. No need to drive yourself nuts trying to keep up.

 

Don't you think it's time to focus on yourself, your son, and when the time is right divorce his sorry a** and move on with your life?

Yeah, prob...but I can't now so I do everything I can to protect myself and our kids, and this includes being as informed as possible...Thanks for the post!

[IpAncA]

Yeah, prob...but I can't now so I do everything I can to protect myself and our kids, and this includes being as informed as possible...Thanks for the post!

Yeah I'd probably be looking into things myself.

 

I just don't want you to go crazy over it and have it turn into some obsession and forget about what's important. That's all.

[outofdarkness]

Yeah I'd probably be looking into things myself.

 

I just don't want you to go crazy over it and have it turn into some obsession and forget about what's important. That's all.

Don't worry about that...I went through the worst part right after D day three years ago...I have had much therapy and support since then and am so proud of myself because I am so much better informed now..Heck, I am better informed just since joining LS last Oct! This girl's head is no longer in the sand! ood

[IpAncA]

That's good to hear. Glad you were able to get it out.

[Fun2BMe]

Here's a stupid question, but I thought D day stands for divorce day, so you decided not to divorce after the day arrived?

[whichwayisup]

Here's a stupid question, but I thought D day stands for divorce day, so you decided not to divorce after the day arrived?

 

DDay is discovery day...Of the affair(s)...

[2sunny]

any update ood?

[whichwayisup]

Haven't seen you in a long time so I hope you're doing okay OOD. We're thinkin' of ya.

[MrsHellnoFire]

OOD ... as painful as it is to follow your story, I must admit the above ranks in the top ten of the most creepiest things I’ve ever read on this forum. It literally makes your skin crawl no matter how far removed you are to the actual situation.

 

I know there is nothing I could say that you’re ready to hear right now. It isn’t a far stretch to imagine what my feedback would be to anyone who found themselves constantly subjugated to this kind of indignant treatment. All I can say is that you must be one TOUGH cookie ... and I wouldn’t be even half the “lady” that you are if facing similar circumstances. I’d have cleaned out the pockets of my philandering husband by now, than moved myself and the children a continent away from all those dangerous intruders who felt privy to invade the private life of myself and my innocent children.

 

Sorry ... but that’s just SCARY.

 

i would say so. sounds so "the hand the rocked the cradle".. some lonely desperate woman with no family of her own trying to replace the wife.

[outofdarkness]

I've been sick for a few weeks now and haven't been able to get on my comp...Things have been going very well, but my H has been in town now for quite awhile. He begins traveling again this week, so I am a bit worried and anxious..

 

I do have a new issue that I need advise on..The OW whom I've mentioned on LS previously, is making her presence known in subtle but obvious ways. She must have somehow linked out screen names b/c she keeps popping up on my buddy list. I had sent out a "Today's my Birthday" im to some of my buddies, and she apparently got it too. It's like I keep deleting an blocking her and she keeps showing back up..Anyway, she was very rude, angry and very scary in her reply. I felt myself being dragged in when I knew that I should not respond.. After repeatedly telling her that I was sorry that she was so hurt, she finally says that he, my H, chose me over her and left her lonely, hurt and devastated...She tells me that she wishes I would just go away, "poof"...A veiled threat in my book...She tells me that he, my H, is an evil man and she sees the light now...She tells me to go to a therapist, Lady..She treats me like I am some sort of piece of dirt on the ground..She repeatedly calls me "psycho"...

 

I do not understand..Although I know that my H said some horrible lies about me to her, I am getting more and more scared and bewildered about just how intense the R was, and just exactly what the nature of it was..She changes her tone and says the R was just platonic and that they were just friends, to which I reply, well if you all were just friends and it was just platonic, why are you so devastated..She replies that she doesn't give up friends easily and that she is your friend for life.

 

She forwards the IMs to my H, who the sends me an e mail imploring me to please stop contacting her....That the only time he hears from her is when "I"contact HER...I try to tell him that every time I delete her she pops back up, but he does not believe me...I tell him that I am afraid of her, especially now that I am aware of just how angry and hateful she is towards me, and now apparently him too. He does not listen to me...He just appears to be upset about the way it impacts him..

 

I must add that he admitted to "relapsing" a couple of weeks ago after I found chips in our room indicating that he had relapsed...He only admits to masturb. but I know that it has to have been more...and I think I said voiced my fear of this many times over the past few months on LS..I believe that he just now cut contact w/ her and she is VERY angry w/ him and me! He shows me an e mail that he sent to her saying NO contact in any way and that he knows she will be angry w/ him about this...So, he obviously knew how unstable and angry she could be and obviously knew that she had intense feelings for her...WHY did he not warn me? This IS the most dangerous time, is it not?? Right after a NC is written...Especially when someone is so obviously unstable and has such a temper and anger issue...

 

He STILL insists that he has NEVER met the woman and it was only an internet and phone R....I find this to be funny b/c of evidence of his travel habits in relation to her location and also the fact that she now lives here...I also received a warning e mail from his main 10 year OW, who now lives across the country and is engaged...It just told me; FYI, this OW is still in the picture and is very unstable...I don't know what to do...I am very scared. I lock our doors when I take a shower, I've changed the alarm code twice, I look over my shoulder when I do go out, etc...It's a very unsettled feeling, and I am mad that my H put us in this position to begin w...I don't understand why he could not have warned me himself and why this particular R is so shrouded in secrecy...I am...at a loss and afraid...Any advice is appreciated, but please try to stay on topic and no flaming...Just don't think I could handle that right now..Thanks in advance...ood:sick: