I need serious ...sorry this is long

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Suicide? That's not sounding right to me. She is a mother.

 

If the A has hurt her deeply, then she is a woman of character, integrity, honesty and high morals. Which are important to a mother. They want to instill these same qualtiies into their children.

 

I honestly don't think that she would leave this job to her H and his OW. As most likely she considers them both to be lacking in the moral department.

 

I thought the same Child...I really believed that MM was making it all up just so I would never contact her again out of fear. But I have a friend who was able to check up on incident reports and she did indeed threaten suicide at a cliff side. I honestly dont believe she would have gone through with it, she is a mother after all. She sent a message to MM to tell him to say goodbye to her children and told him where she was. I think it was more a cry for help.

[MeMyself]

Well today wasn't a good day at all. I haven't gotten out of my pyjamas, I have been sleeping all day on and oof. I have had that liberty because my son is with his dad this weekend. JNRR, Thank you for your kind words. I believe he truly loved me. Whether it was only for his daughter or his W too, I will never know, unless I could get inside his heart and his mind. We used to still talk daily after he went back, he said nothing had changed and they still fought all the time. Two weeks ago, he decided he couldn't talk to me anymore as it hurt him too much to hear how I was going out with friends and meeting people. Every monday morning he would interrogate me as to who I has spoken to, who had flirted with me etc etc. I would get angry with him, because I was only going out because he put me in that position. He pulled the rug out from under my feet. There are times that I have thought of phoning him, but I am not the type to cause trouble. Things should either work between them or not, but it must happen naturally. I hear that they have now made an offer on another house, as she refuses to stay in the one I had been in. He cannot really afford the new house, but is doing everything he can to keep her happy for now in case she decides to leave with his daughter.

 

I just have so many conflicting emotions. Some days I am so sad, other days I am so angry and then there are days that I am numb. After 2 years, I am alone and he just went back to his old life like nothing had changed.

[Mino]

:confused:Hello Everybody, are we on day 4? I dont know if I am coming or going, this is not getting any easier,,,,,, when will it? day 400? Went to work, same as last 2 days, he is acting like nothing ever was..... friendly, comes and chit chats here and there, not about us or situation, just gereral stuff. after 3 years, this? I am getting also bad thoughs, woke up this morning and my though was him and his wife making love UGH! Never had these thoughts before. What gets me to, like you said memyself, the thought of him going back to his life, wife NOT knowing how long or intense this A was. and he not skipping a beat, like he is on cloud 9, kills me. then add those other bad thoughts.... Why does he go out of his way to talk to me? Any ideas. Is he just unsure of what I might do? What do you think w is thinking that he is home 3 to 4 hours early everyday? Any input would be great

[MeMyself]

Mino,

 

He has probably justified it to her by saying that he just wants to spend more time with his family etc. Men will say whatever they need to keep themselves in the good books.

 

My MM told me that his W kept wanting to know intimate details about us and he just told her that its in the past and he will not discuss it. I am sure he also downplayed our relationship. She will never know that we practically lived together and split our times between both homes. She will also never know that he loved my son like his own. Although that is debatable considering how he could just walk away.

 

I find myself wondering all the time, whether he misses us, is he hurting too, or does he just not give a *****. He always said he would never be able to live without me, yet he is doing exactly that.

 

All I know is that children or no children, I will never settle. I deserve to be happy too and I guess that is what is so hard for me to understand when people stay for the sake of the children but claim to be so desperately unhappy.

 

Dear Mino, I don't know how you do it facing him at work. I know since I have gone NC, it has been a bit easier, when I was speaking to him everyday, I was always left wanting more, hurting, wanting to beg him to change his mind, to choose happiness. Somehow the NC has made me break that cycle, but it's still hard. When will all the what ifs stop?

[OpenBook]

Why does he go out of his way to talk to me? Any ideas.

 

That's another common thread in all our OW stories. He abandons us and goes back to his W ("sorry, but you can't have me"). Then he comes back around sniffing, tells us how hard it is for him, or he misses us, or just chats us up. It just seems so sadistic. Like, "Ha, I know you want me but you can't have me, I'll just sit here and witness your pain. It makes me feel good to know that I am making another human being suffer because I am just so GREAT and desirable and I like to see you hurting because you can't have me."

 

After I finally got away from my MM and started rebuilding my life, I went back to the old company (where he was still working) to express my condolences and make a donation for a co-worker who had died. He was there, and when he saw me he gave me a hug. I'll never forget the look on his face. It is forever etched in my brain, kind of like a warning.

 

He was SMUG. It was a victory for him.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

That's another common thread in all our OW stories. He abandons us and goes back to his W ("sorry, but you can't have me"). Then he comes back around sniffing, tells us how hard it is for him, or he misses us, or just chats us up. It just seems so sadistic. Like, "Ha, I know you want me but you can't have me, I'll just sit here and witness your pain. It makes me feel good to know that I am making another human being suffer because I am just so GREAT and desirable and I like to see you hurting because you can't have me."

 

After I finally got away from my MM and started rebuilding my life, I went back to the old company (where he was still working) to express my condolences and make a donation for a co-worker who had died. He was there, and when he saw me he gave me a hug. I'll never forget the look on his face. It is forever etched in my brain, kind of like a warning.

 

He was SMUG. It was a victory for him.

 

Arghhh...Openbook, out of every expression I ever want to see on MM (at the moment its regret, loss, withdrawal) I dont think I could ever cope with smug.

 

The thing is, is he that smug? I mean, when all that's done is done, the dist settles, is he really smug? He's the one that needs to look at himself in the mirror every morning.

 

Agh, I dont know how you coped with smug. I think that would have been a complete meltdown.

 

I have now had a text message today and a voicemail message "just to hear my voice". It was the first time I ever heard his voice and didnt melt. In a way, it even sounded a little annoying, a little desperate. I know it will be driving him mad at the fact I'm not jumping to my phone every time he calls. I know how jealous he is. And I'm sad to say, that I'm enjoying every minute of it, even if its a bit of a fantasy. Leave him to his fantasy bubble. He's in there alone now with all of his thoughts and all of his needs. The spell has at last been broken.

 

I promise, I'm trying to work on indifference. But when it feels like someone took your heart out, but it through a spin cycle and then hung it out to dry on a windy day, indifference is not an option. At the moment anyway.

[Mino]

Hi JNRR, good to see you doing better. We are surviving. right? So what do you think he is thinking when he contacts you? Is he trying to come back? Like I wrote in my post, my mm chit chats at work as if we were good friends. I dont get it, what are your thoughts? Have you actually talked to yours?

[Mino]

mine is acting happy, cheerful, nice, go figure:mad:

[OpenBook]

Agh, I dont know how you coped with smug. I think that would have been a complete meltdown.

 

I remember my reaction. I went completely cold inside. And I felt so grateful to be able to get in my car and drive away from it forever. I never saw him again.

 

I have now had a text message today and a voicemail message "just to hear my voice".

 

This gives me the creeps as well. Don't you feel like he's playing with you a little? Tugging on that string, just to make sure you're still tethered to the end of it?

 

The spell has at last been broken.

 

Yay!! Sweet freedom!!

 

I promise, I'm trying to work on indifference. But when it feels like someone took your heart out, but it through a spin cycle and then hung it out to dry on a windy day, indifference is not an option. At the moment anyway.

 

I think it's certainly good to ACT indifferent, to him anyway. But I know that's not how you feel inside. You gave your heart to someone who did not deserve it - and it's time to take it down off that clothesline!

[OpenBook]

I went to work, walked around like nothing is bothering me, ignoring MM as much as possible, Just said hi, when passing. Half way through the day, he come into my office again, like yesterday. Sits down and just chit chats about work and stupid things. Sat there a good 10 min. I didnt respond a whole lot, looking in different directions. WHY IS HE DOING THIS? I am trying to ignore him, not calling, not e-mailing, not texting. Walking by him, why is he torturing me????

 

Mino, I think you're doing everything right. Being nice, but indifferent, maybe slightly bored. It'll drive him bananas. Let him make a fool of himself. Give him plenty of rope...

 

I think he is LOOKING for signs that you're a tortured soul because of him. And you're not giving him the satisfaction. YES!

[OpenBook]

I do believe that your MM's fell in love with you. You rocked their world. (Of course! because you're FABULOUS!!)

 

But unfortunately, there is a big difference between loving someone, and loving them WELL. These MM's are too confused about everything to love ANYONE well.

 

And so, back they go to their doomed and discontented lives. Because it's just too hard and complicated and confusing to do it any other way.

 

While YOU, on the other hand, are STILL FABULOUS!

[SetMeFree]

I haven't visited LS in quite a while, and I can't even remember the last time that I posted.

 

But all weekend, some little voice inside was telling me to visit LS. Because even though I don't post much, I used to come here a lot, and it has helped me so tremendously. And wow...after reading this entire post, I'm so glad that I listened to that little voice.

 

Je Ne, I have to agree with the other posters and say how much your previous posts have helped me. And truthfully...I used to hold your story up, thinking that you were one of the few who would be able to transition your A into a real relationship. It used to give me hope for mine.

 

I am very much like you...I have never and will never give my MM an ultimatum. I don't want my MM to come to me unless he can work out everything on his own and make his decision on his own. But for weeks now, I've known, deep down inside, that my relationship with MM will probably not work out. It's just the nature of these relationships is what I have finally decided. We were both married when our A started. I have been divorced for almost seven months now. We have been involved for a little over three years now, and because my situation has changed, I can't go on with the relationship as it first started.

 

And truly, I think that he lives in two different realities. When he is with me, he means everything he says, and I do believe he wants to try a life with me. But when he is back with his kids and surrounded by the house, the financial security, that reality pulls at him. And I think in the end, that is the reality that will triumph.

 

Je Ne, one of the best things you ever wrote was about setting a deadline within yourself and not sharing it with the MM. This way it's not an ultimatum that you are forcing upon someone, but more of a way to honor yourself and do what is best for you. This is something that I have done, and have promised myself that I will stick to it.

 

Until the deadline comes, I'm taking steps to take better care of me, so that I'm not so darn focused on HIM. And I completely agree with Scott_W...exercise is great! Although to be completely honest, exercise started for me as sheer desperation because I had a beach vacation coming up where I wanted to be able to confidently wear my swimsuit.

 

Ok, sorry for the rambling post. From another "screwed up OP", I just wanted to say how helpful this thread has been, and I appreciate each and every one of you!!

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I promise, I'm trying to work on indifference. But when it feels like someone took your heart out, but it through a spin cycle and then hung it out to dry on a windy day, indifference is not an option. At the moment anyway.

 

Hi there!

 

That's a pretty good imagery of what your MM did to you. There was a time (about a year ago) that I honest felt that my heart was ripped out of my chest and chopped into hamburger meat...and then put back into my body.

 

It does get easier. But there will always be questions that remain unanswered, and being the curious and emotional beings that we are, we will continue to seek answers. Of course, not from the MM, but from books, and from ourselves. The whole affair with an MM taught me some very valuable lessons that I am grateful for. One of these lessons is this: you are stronger than you know - you can take more beatings that you thought you'd be capable of. But more importantly, listen to your gut feelings. We really have everything that we need to survive within ourselves.

 

I have been more in touch with myself, so to speak, and I find that passionate love - the kind that I felt for my MM - is not important to my well being at all. Yes, I live in a dead marriage, but the love that share with my children carries me farther than any love I can feel for a man.

 

I am very blessed to have my children. I choose to stay in my marriage even when my MM has already separated from his W and has filed for D. Don't get me wrong - I still love this man to pieces, and I yearn to be his wife. But I cannot bear to be separated from my kids at this time. Perhaps, when they are older and their father wouldn't make our D a living hell for us, then I'd be free to choose.

 

I don't mean to give you hope that your MM would come back to you. But I do believe that they could choose their children over you. For me the question is not : him or my children. The question is, are my children going to grow into wonderful, contributive human beings? Because my H is extremely manipulative and sadistic - which rings with some of your MMs - I cannot trust my H to do the right thing with them. I know that if I file for D, my H will raise hell for us (myself and the children). He will drag the children into our drama, as he's already done numerous times whenever we have an arguement. I really feel that I have to be here to ensure that they will have a normal childhood.

 

It is not that the love of my life, the man who recently made himself single, mean nothing to me. But I believe that if I chose to live with him, and drag our children into split homes, our romance would become meaningless. We would be consumed with guilt, anger, and the feelings of being out of control.

 

So, I guess what I want to say is, romantic love is not all that. Our well being is. Our children's future (for those of you who are parents) is.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I do believe that your MM's fell in love with you. You rocked their world. (Of course! because you're FABULOUS!!)

 

But unfortunately, there is a big difference between loving someone, and loving them WELL. These MM's are too confused about everything to love ANYONE well.

 

And so, back they go to their doomed and discontented lives. Because it's just too hard and complicated and confusing to do it any other way.

 

While YOU, on the other hand, are STILL FABULOUS!

 

Thanks Openbook! I feel about as fabulous as an ashtray at the moment but I have made sure I've dragged myself to the shower, dragged myself on walks with my poor dog who is getting sick of me dragging him out on the middle of the night. I'll get back to being fabulous once I get over this feeling of being dropped from a very high height.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Hi JNRR, good to see you doing better. We are surviving. right? So what do you think he is thinking when he contacts you? Is he trying to come back? Like I wrote in my post, my mm chit chats at work as if we were good friends. I dont get it, what are your thoughts? Have you actually talked to yours?

 

No, I havent spoken to mine yet Mino. I think the voicemails he's leaving and the texts he is sending are the cries for help that he now has no-one to facillitate his M anymore, since I'm no longer there. I made his M survive as far as I can see by meeting emotional and physical needs that were unfulfilled (because of himself) before I met them. Now that I'm gone, those emotional and physical needs again are not being met and he has a void, which he is filling by texting and voicemailing me. He's not getting a reply though. I have to look after myself now, not him.

 

You're doing really well Mino, really well. Keep up that indifferent act. I promise you, he will go bananas that he isn't getting big puppy dog eyes full of love every time he looks at you, that instead he's getting a strong woman who knows what she wants and knows she is worth more than him. Its classy and I believe it has a better effect than simply barking at him. It confuses him, just like he has confused you for so long.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I haven't visited LS in quite a while, and I can't even remember the last time that I posted.

 

But all weekend, some little voice inside was telling me to visit LS. Because even though I don't post much, I used to come here a lot, and it has helped me so tremendously. And wow...after reading this entire post, I'm so glad that I listened to that little voice.

 

Je Ne, I have to agree with the other posters and say how much your previous posts have helped me. And truthfully...I used to hold your story up, thinking that you were one of the few who would be able to transition your A into a real relationship. It used to give me hope for mine.

 

I am very much like you...I have never and will never give my MM an ultimatum. I don't want my MM to come to me unless he can work out everything on his own and make his decision on his own. But for weeks now, I've known, deep down inside, that my relationship with MM will probably not work out. It's just the nature of these relationships is what I have finally decided. We were both married when our A started. I have been divorced for almost seven months now. We have been involved for a little over three years now, and because my situation has changed, I can't go on with the relationship as it first started.

 

And truly, I think that he lives in two different realities. When he is with me, he means everything he says, and I do believe he wants to try a life with me. But when he is back with his kids and surrounded by the house, the financial security, that reality pulls at him. And I think in the end, that is the reality that will triumph.

 

Je Ne, one of the best things you ever wrote was about setting a deadline within yourself and not sharing it with the MM. This way it's not an ultimatum that you are forcing upon someone, but more of a way to honor yourself and do what is best for you. This is something that I have done, and have promised myself that I will stick to it.

 

Until the deadline comes, I'm taking steps to take better care of me, so that I'm not so darn focused on HIM. And I completely agree with Scott_W...exercise is great! Although to be completely honest, exercise started for me as sheer desperation because I had a beach vacation coming up where I wanted to be able to confidently wear my swimsuit.

 

Ok, sorry for the rambling post. From another "screwed up OP", I just wanted to say how helpful this thread has been, and I appreciate each and every one of you!!

 

Ah, welcome back Setmefree, its good to get an update on your situation. Your posts are always helpful and funny too.

 

I totally agree with you about MM living in two seperate realities. I dont think I will ever understand it. Its almost like two different personalities. But I can understand that when he walks in his house, and his son grabs his hand and leads him off, and his W is talking about day-to-day things and the TV is on and everything is so NORMAL, its easy for them to concentrate on that life, enjoy it, wonder why they're even having an A. But they are damaged. There is something lacking in them that is not being met at home. The normalcy will eventually drive them to seek their OW for whatever needs the OW meets, the love, the longing, the sex, the excitement, whatever it is that floats their boats. Somewhere inside me, I knew this for the last couple of months. I wouldnt go so far to say I was fighting a losing battle, but I had a feeling that there was a distance which was why I questioned him. I gave him so many chances to break it off and he refused. I guess its just easier if other people make his decisions for him.

 

The problem is, the above is all about their realities, their needs. They dont get that the people that live in their own little bubbles have needs too. OW needs are that far off day when "we will be together all of the time" but the nearer that day approaches the farther away it seems to get, its like chasing balloons on a windy day.

 

Please stick to your deadline, SMF. Weirdly, I stuck to mine, my MM came on holiday and then it was broken a day later. It just goes to show, with divorce papers intact, house sold, MM on holiday, future house plans drawn up etc - you still can never say "we're together" until you become is number one priority (apart from his kids obviously) and he becomes second. But having that inner deadline gave me strength because I no longer had all of my future plans on hold for him. It makes him become an option, just like the OW is an option to him. But dont lose heart either.

 

I think its easy to lose heart. But dont. I didnt and although my heart is without doubt broken, I'm still glad I didnt lose heart and I fought with all my might for the person I loved with what little he gave me, until the very end. And in the situations that we get ourselves in, the amount of understanding that is required and the loneliness we have in our day-to-day lives, that is a true test of character.

 

Keep me updated, ok?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

Hi there!

 

That's a pretty good imagery of what your MM did to you. There was a time (about a year ago) that I honest felt that my heart was ripped out of my chest and chopped into hamburger meat...and then put back into my body.

 

Thats pretty good imagery too, lol, KHLF

 

I don't mean to give you hope that your MM would come back to you. But I do believe that they could choose their children over you. For me the question is not : him or my children. The question is, are my children going to grow into wonderful, contributive human beings? Because my H is extremely manipulative and sadistic - which rings with some of your MMs - I cannot trust my H to do the right thing with them. I know that if I file for D, my H will raise hell for us (myself and the children). He will drag the children into our drama, as he's already done numerous times whenever we have an arguement. I really feel that I have to be here to ensure that they will have a normal childhood.

 

It doesn't give me fase hope KHLF, I think i actually had false hope when I was actually in the R now. But I'm starting to let the bitterness go. I'm trying to concentrate on his face looking at his kids and feeling happy he's with them. Its so hard for me to do that, but I think its supposed to be called "aversion therapy"? Expose yourself to the thing that pains you most and you eventually become used to it?

 

I feel for you though KHLF. Its brilliant you love your kids so much and are willing to live a unfulfilled life for them. Do your children sense what has gone on within your M or are they unaware?

 

It is not that the love of my life, the man who recently made himself single, mean nothing to me. But I believe that if I chose to live with him, and drag our children into split homes, our romance would become meaningless. We would be consumed with guilt, anger, and the feelings of being out of control.

 

I agree with you on this one. I'm not sure what made me think that true love conquers all, but I dont think we could have had a happy healthy relationship which was borne out of so much pain to his family. I just dont think it would have survived and it would have killed me more knowing that he was unhappy. This is for the best I think. I say that, but inside I desperately want him to tell me in three months "I just had to see if it worked if you were out of my life, and it didnt and I know now for sure its you and me". But I know that wont happen either. He's forever tied to his children, rightly so, and with them comes his W (rightly so again) but that doesnt necessarily mean he is happy with both.

 

How old are your children KHLF, if you dont mind me asking?

[MeMyself]

Ladies. This No Contact is tough, I keep wondering what is he thinking. Is he hurting just like me. But what was worse than the no contact, which I am sure you will all agree, was the emotional rollercoaster that went with the relationship. Always wondering will he/won't he. Does he/doesn't he. There was always uncertainty. As hard as this no contact is, we must remind ourselves that the relationship was even tougher. Alway second guessing him. Always doubting. Never knowing where we stood.

 

I just keep trying to remind myself how draining the relationship was, and even though he has made a decision I don't like, the one I didn't want, at least he has finally made a decision.

 

Hope you are all feeling better.

[Tomcat33]

Me Myself - Interesting point you brought up about wondering what he is now thinking given you are in NC, the thing is you should be used to that by now, I don't know about you but with my guy I was always trying to figure out what was "really"going on inside his head. His actions showed me one thing but I was always wondering what he was scheming inside. That was so destructive it was so detrimental to your well being, to the relationship's well being. So just remind yourself that nothing has changed in that respect, these men don't just make their feeling go away they shut them out in order to move on. They don't get rid of the feelings it is impossible to do. There is one poster on here on LS who was the cheater who keeps making reference to how "relieved" he is the affair is over the OW is out his life, how his life is back to normal and he is happy, how he loves his W but won't tell her about the A and has accepted the mundane union of barely co-existing with her yet he is on here constantly writing the same thing over and over almost trying to convince the rest of us that he is fine. It's interesting to watch his thought pattern and I suppose the forgets live thiking people are on the other end of his words, LOL and so he will come on every so often and start off about how well he is doing and then confess mid paragraph just how much he misses his OW. He will go off on how attractive she was etc. Anyway the poitn being the more you read his stuff the more it sounds like he is doing his darnest to talk himself out of thinking about here. That is just ONE example and it is an extreme example of someone who assures the rest of us he is 100% over her and happy to be out of the A. Oh and his A ended because the OW's man found out not because he wanted to end it....

 

If that is any idication of what these men go through, rest assured your man is NOT back to normal as if nothing enjoying the perfect marriage, ESPECIALLY if the W found out about his A. He is NOT having this great time while you are suffering.

 

I'm not sure what thread I read this in but I think I would make note of it for us ladies here since I found it to be an extremely interesting article that was presented by another member of LS, Lucrezia Borgia. Hope LB doesn't mind I posted her link here...and I want to make clear she found the article not me..I am just reposting it:

 

http://www.greatstuff.com/Cakeman.html

 

I know I could relate to it given a lot of why my guy had told me about his marriage, about why he married, about how he was NEVER excited about their union. He event went as far as saying his wedding was the most boring day of his life (OUCH) He was a non drinker and got drunk just to get through it. His family affirmed he was doing the wrong thing by marrying the woman that he did yet here we are...a coward or opportunist (however you want to look at it) with big words but miniscule cojones

who distroyed two women's lives, and only he knows why he did it.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Ladies. This No Contact is tough, I keep wondering what is he thinking. Is he hurting just like me. But what was worse than the no contact, which I am sure you will all agree, was the emotional rollercoaster that went with the relationship. Always wondering will he/won't he. Does he/doesn't he. There was always uncertainty.

 

Well, you will always wonder how he's feeling, what he's doing at this moment. But over time, you will wonder less because you will forget to think about him more often.

 

I don't know how your MM is feeling/thinking at this moment. But you will pop into his mind every now and then, and he will wonder about the same things in regards to you. That is just how we, humans, are wired. We will miss the person that we've had a great time with. But do not mistake your longings for him - and vice versa - as reasons for you to contact him. Don't. He will not appreciate hearing from you again - because he is working hard to forget you, too.

 

It is hard to keep ourselves away from the person we've fallen so hard for. But it will get easier - if you don't allow yourself to get back into square one by contacting him!

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

 

I agree with you on this one. I'm not sure what made me think that true love conquers all, but I dont think we could have had a happy healthy relationship which was borne out of so much pain to his family. I just dont think it would have survived and it would have killed me more knowing that he was unhappy. This is for the best I think. I say that, but inside I desperately want him to tell me in three months "I just had to see if it worked if you were out of my life, and it didnt and I know now for sure its you and me". But I know that wont happen either. He's forever tied to his children, rightly so, and with them comes his W (rightly so again) but that doesnt necessarily mean he is happy with both.

 

How old are your children KHLF, if you dont mind me asking?

 

You have a good head there, JNRR.

 

I have 3 kids, all under the age of 10.

[Mino]

:sick:Hello everybody! Today is day 6!! Having a rough time today. MM Im me and said he miss me, whoopi!! Talked about nothing at work again, maybe 8 min. Walked out the door like always, not saying a word. This is killing me.... Talked to my girlfriend last night, she is older, her first husband cheated on her for 25 years!! she stayed because of children, anyway I asked her what my mm wife reaction could be that he is coming home 'early " everyday. She said, that the w is in total "bliss" relieved that A is over , and will now go totallly out of her way to make CH happy. She will be nice, try to make herself look good, and kiss the ground he walks on. No wonder he looks happy:sick: Kinda of like a honey moon, i guess. She is in total denial, bc after a while, he will be cheating again, now that he know he CAN get away with it. Do you think this is true??? So where does the time come in TOMCAT, where you said that they do think about us???? If w is putting is A$$ on a high horse? Oh I told mm on Im , That he looks really happy and thats a good thing. He said I do?? I didnt know I was happy, he signed off right after:D

[Tomcat33]

So where does the time come in TOMCAT, where you said that they do think about us???? If w is putting is A$$ on a high horse? Oh I told mm on Im , That he looks really happy and thats a good thing. He said I do?? I didnt know I was happy, he signed off right after

'

Ah he IMed didn't he? He IS thinking about you, he prob thinks about you every single day. If he is so damn happy now why is he still contacting you?

 

And yes of course he is happy, he got away with the crime of the century and on top of it his W is doing backflips for him!! LOL If that's the case of course he is happy what man wouldn't be in that situation on top of what he did he is being rewarded with a better version of his W, he is ECSTATIC of the outcome. When the novelty wears off and the boredom sets in again, and it will believe me it will, he will be right back to his old tricks again. It's like pavlov's theory, you offer him a reward every time he does something wrong, he is learning to act out of reward.

 

C'mon ladies, I know it's the easiest route to take to think HIS life is perfect and happy and yours isn't. His life is not prefect he is just happy he got away with it. Neither I or you will know just how much he respects a woman who on top being cheated on puts him on a pedestal. You'd have to be pretty desperate to do that, I seriously DOUBT she is putting him on a pedestal. As I doubt he is THAT happy. But heck of you act happy you ARE happy, or are you....?

[Mino]

I ha. ve never broken up with someone who i was still in love with, thats why this hurts so much, usually breakup occur when your love is gone. Is it that maybe our love was deeper for them then the love that they had for us? Cause my mind is on him 24 hours a day, my heart feels like it is ripped open, in constant pain, i feel some hours that i am losing my breath, and my heart starts racing, for no reasons. I feel helpless... just want to shake him, yelling " what about us" crazy huh? i would have given anything for our relationship, What are we supposed to do with the love now? is there a button to push that says "off"? So if they loved us, why are they not feeling this pain as we do? you all say men comparmentize, but you cant just shut the feeling of love, missing someone off just like that... So does this maybe mean they maybe didn't love us at all but maybe they just thought they did? Im confussed, just does not work for me somehow. The Bs are in denial of ch, blame ow. Are happy as can be when he goes back, Ow are maybe also in denial of what Mm real feelings were all this time. we forgive them for using us in a way, still making excuses of why they HAD to go home. like oops, I am sorry , i made a mistake, 3 years, oh well. WTF. I guess I am getting angry again. Now BS and XMM are at home in honeymoon phase. GREAT, and ironically he is forgiven by both women. Go figure

[Mino]

Hi TOMCAT, you make me laugh, thank you, i always enjoy your post. So these guys got away with the "CRIME", just a bad thought again, tell me why are we not exposing them to there BS all the way. Cause my xmm w has very little knowlege of the intensity of a, and how long it went for. Remind me please,,,,,,