reesa Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 After reading this post I know for sure I am marriage material..yet, my SO is still reluctant..is there any hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 After reading this post I know for sure I am marriage material..yet, my SO is still reluctant..is there any hope. What is his reluctance about? I'd have to know more abut your situation to give advice on that. Maybe start a thread on it. But I don't mind talking about it here. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 After reading this post I know for sure I am marriage material..yet, my SO is still reluctant..is there any hope. After reading this post, I now for sure I am NOT marriage material. Ha. And yeah, he hasn't married me, though he's said he will. Why, I am not sure. I wouldn't marry me. Maybe to prevent me from leaving? I don't know if I want to get married. Sometimes I think I might because that is what my parents think is best for me, but do I want it for myself? I don't know. I've always said I didn't really believe in marriage, but I think that is because I didn't know of any happy marriages and I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment. I don't think that has changed any, but I sure do feel pressure from people around me and I sure do feel "less worthy" since I'm not taken in the official, legal sense. Link to post Share on other sites
reesa Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 He was married once before and engaged to a real..you know what..he knows that I am nothing like she is..but he is very wishy washy..yes one minute,,no the next, making jokes and comments knowing they bug me. He says that in 2 years he should be ok, then says not to get my hopes up, he'll tell people i am his future wife but then say something completely different the next..my head is spinning Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 Well, no one should get married if they have any doubts. I mean it's hard enough to make it work sometimes when both parties are absolutely sure of their decision. So I don't recommend it if someone is not 100% sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Well, no one should get married if they have any doubts. I mean it's hard enough to make it work sometimes when both parties are absolutely sure of their decision. So I don't recommend it if someone is not 100% sure. I fully agree with this. Even if you're 100% sure at the get-go, marriage can still be a crapshoot. People change, sometimes not for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 I fully agree with this. Even if you're 100% sure at the get-go, marriage can still be a crapshoot. People change, sometimes not for the best. So true. But I still say that in a good many of cases, the signs were really there all along (that they didn't really change) but that we chose to ignore them. At least that was the case in my first marriage anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 So true. But I still say that in a good many of cases, the signs were really there all along (that they didn't really change) but that we chose to ignore them. At least that was the case in my first marriage anyway. In hindsight, there were signs in mine too but you can only know to look for them if you know what to look for. Symptoms for NPD should be shouted from the rooftops. Buuuttttt....if it's a very young marriage, people do change over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 In hindsight, there were signs in mine too but you can only know to look for them if you know what to look for. Symptoms for NPD should be shouted from the rooftops. Buuuttttt....if it's a very young marriage, people do change over time. Yes, absolutely we change over time. I mean I see it in my marriage already and we're married just 12 years. But the thing is, is that most of us don't change from being a fundamentally good person to a bytch or a bastard. Most of us don't start out with strong morals and values only to toss them aside later. (Sure there ARE exceptions though.) And most of us stay true to who we are most of our lives. Also, past history is really still a good indicator of what we can expect form our partners over the long-haul, I think. Of course people can change drastically. Circumstances can change and make people turn into someone you don't even recognize. But I really believe that's the exception and not the rule. Maybe I'm naive in that way though. Who knows? I can only go by my experiences/observations in my own life. Link to post Share on other sites
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