I kissed a married man and am falling in love!

[alphamale]

In my situation, I have been having feelings and getting to know the MM (ugh I hate referring him to that, and still can't believe i'm posting in this forum) we've been getting to know each other for OVER SIX MONTHS so it is real in comparison to what my ex the bastard did to me.

ok have fun F2BM....please keep us posted on the progress and whats going on

[Fun2BMe]

 

All I can say is that a year later, it isn't that hot crying everytime you say goodbye, because he goes back to his wife.

 

What if I'm an optimist and say what if a year later he goes home to ME not his what will be ex wife? I don't want to base my decision on pesimistic feedback.

[Fun2BMe]

Hold up! Happily married and he's kissing you. Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture. Plus if he really is so happily married why would you and him F*** it up! Oh i know because your both selfish! If you were so meant to be, he wouldnt be happily married!!!!!

 

Because he is MORE in love with me and will be MORE happily with me. There are gradations in life.

[pelagicsands]

He's not "messing". He is forming a relationship with me.

Well, I am happy that you have found your soulmate. Not everyone in life gets to ride off into the sunset with a person they would die for.

 

I'm getting teary-eyed.

 

Anyway, I'm sure that you can trust everything he says, because you are different - he would never lie to you. His love for you has transformed his soul, and he (and you?) is on the path to true happiness.

 

Never let integrity get in the way of some good sexing.

[Fun2BMe]

Does he have children? If so, how does it make you feel knowing this could hurt them?

 

He is older than me so his children are grown and out of the house and that is not an issue thank goodness.

[Fun2BMe]

I wish I could find this MM and warn him to run, not walk, as fast as he can. Yes please - tell him how much you love him and that you expect him to get a divorce. As you watch him run for the nearest exit, stop and think about the path your life is taking. It isn't good.

 

This is what I desperately need advice on. How can we develop a deep relationship i.e. one that is sexual, so that we can confirm and determine we are meant to be together so that I can demand, and he can proceed with a divorce? How can we do this while not hurting his wife, while doing the right thing? I won't be happy losing my soulmate and he probably will no longer be happy in his marriage either having lost me. I can't think of any solution other than, doing something that is wrong in the short term, only to lead to happy future for us together.

[Fun2BMe]

Why would you think the MM needs to be warned ? He is creep.. The MM is the one getting ready to break his Vows.. the Vows he made to his wife..

 

He is not a creep:mad: otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation. As I said, I never thought I'd be here, but he is so not a creep that I am in love with him (and him with me) to begin with. If he breaks his vows, it is because he now has found a woman he is actually in love with compared to who he thought he was in love with.

[hurting_in_nw]

Haha, are you for real? Seriously?

[Fun2BMe]

if it's "meant to be" he'll get divorced and come to you. Til then, move on and heal the damages of the past.

 

But how can he be certain that it's meant to be and even consider a divorce if we don't get intimate?

[lovetoomuch2]

honey...i've been where you are. if he cheats with her, he'll cheat with you. i'm not trying to be rude, just honest. i had a MM who promised me the world, hated his wife..etc..was gonna leave her for me...etc. Never happened. I was devastated and had a mental breakdown over it because I was so much in love. You just cannot trust someone like that. There is someone out there for you is so honest and trustworthy. You don't want to be known as a "homewrecker". Like I said..I've been there. I was young and naive and taken advantage of. They just want a piece and they'll make you think they are so into you and all..but when it comes down to losing their family and respect from others..they will choose the family..or else..you at the time and then some other hottie that comes along and boosts his ego. I've been with three men who have done the exact same thing to me. I'm not trying to be a b****. I'm just trying to protect your heart and let you know that you deserve so much better. and also..think if you were married and SO in love with the man you married and he ==cheated on you...you would be devastated. So think about those things...I'm no professional...but i've been around long enough to know what happens out there in this messed up world.

[pelagicsands]

But how can he be certain that it's meant to be and even consider a divorce if we don't get intimate?

I think that's precisely the point - this isn't the Home Shopping Network.

 

Tired of that boring, predictable wife? Looking for an upgrade? You won't want to miss this monthly special!

[Fun2BMe]

Do you want to know if there a chance that MM would leave his W before sex with you? I can tell you that yes, there is such chance.

 

I was married but was not very happy in my marriage. Once a guy, whom I kind of liked, asked me out on a date. After careful consideration, I decided to go out with him. My initial idea was to lie to both, my husband and this new guy. Well, before the date, I realized that I could not do that. So I told the guy. Two weeks later I told my husband that I wanted divorce. The truth was my marriage was dead by the time when I decided to go out on a date with a guy, who was not my husband.

 

Well, my marriaged ended, but thing did not work out with that guy anyway. I got really depressed (quite common in after divorce situations) because of the divorce, new life, added responsibility, new many issues with I had to face now on my own. Do I regret leaving my husband? Hell, no! What's the moral of this story? Do not get involved with a marride men. Even if they leave their marriage, it does not mean they would be able to stay in your life.

 

That's like saying don't bother getting into ANY relationship or EVER marrying because "even if they leave their marriage, it does not mean they would be able to stay in your life."

 

Life is about taking risks and at least if we try, there is a chance things can work out. As you say, your marriage was already on the brink of divorce so you didn't have much to consider. Imagine if my man is in a good marriage and he is still in love with me, which says a lot about how strong his love is towards me and I'll regret walking away from the love of my life. I don't know how to deal with the wife issue though!

 

I'm trying to be considerate to her even though I personally am not so crazy about her. She's nice on the phone but in person I sense she isn't too crazy about me. I guess that makes it easier to block her out, yet here I still am trying to take her into consideration which I'm sure many others in my situation wouldn't do.

[hurting_in_nw]

If life is about taking risks, then he shouldn't have any problem leaving his wife to be with you, right? Why don't you ask him to take some risks if you think he's your soulmate?

[Fun2BMe]

I'm not an OW, I am or was, before my divorce, a BS, which means Betrayed Spouse.

My husband and the OW he was seeing totally wrecked what was a very close and good marriage. And it all started with one kiss. Please don't look at this as harmless. If you think you might love this man at all, don't be the one responsible for making him ruin his marriage

 

Ok, so let's think about this. If I'm with him, he'll ruin a 'very close and good marriage' but the whole point is he will be with me because of our closeness and our good relationship. If he's with her, he'll have a good relationship with her and I'll be unhappy (and potentially him). If he's with me, she'll be unhappy. So why should I be the one who has to give him up and not her?? The more I think about it, the more it is making sense for me to answer my own questions. I think everyone is giving knee jerk reactions, which I can't blame because that's how I used to feel before getting into the situation myself.

 

 

 

He might give up his marriage, he might not. If his wife ever found out I don't see as how he would have a choice on anything if she decided to end the marriage, but, if he is only playing you and the wife finds out as I did, do you really want to bear the burden of guilt that this would be fifty percent your fault?

A. He is NOT 'only playing' me. That's why I feel nobody understands. He has feelings for me and for all I know I can't imagine him ever being the way he is with me with any other woman outside his marriage.

 

B. That's the tricky part, what to do while he's still married, yet it doesn't make sense to ask for a divorce when we haven't consumated the relationship to the next level.

 

What if he decided he didn't really want to divorce his wife and begins to see you as the whole blame that the marriage is over?

That would be a whole other thread should things transpire that way. That's why I don't know how to go about things at this stage to avoid problems. I'm trying to be thoughtful and preplan things so they unfold nicely and smoothly (for all involved, at least as much as possible).

 

 

Temptation is over very quickly, regret however is not and he could end up resenting you for what happens in his marriage. My husband was guilty as they come but when I found out about his relationship with the ow to be sure, he threw her under the proverbial bus real quick and blamed it all on her, even though I knew there were two sides to the story and that it wasn't all her fault.

 

Again this is different in my situation. In yours, it was 'temptation.' In mine, it is LOVE. We have told each other on many occassions that we love each other. I'm trying to let you know that this is real love, not temptation or playing around, which is why I am even considering it, why I am in this situation, and trying to proceed properly.

 

 

Do you really want to be the cause of his wife finding out, of her hurting and being in such pain that all she can think of is the hurt? He will see her like this and if they have any good history together it will affect him, don't think it won't. And it will hurt him, no matter what you do or say to try to ease that pain. Seeing his wife in so much grief, knowing he and you caused it. What are your chances here?

That is a scary thought:confused: As I have been saying, I don't know how to go about it so the wife won't be an issue. Yes, in the long run it will cause her pain BUT it is like having to choose between pain for her (who I'm not too crazy about to begin with) or pain for me. Even the constitution prevents us from testifying against ourselves to protect us, so why should I self sacrifice my love for another woman's love?

 

 

 

Do you want to be and are you ready to be honest and truthful if the wife confronts you? And if she has any chutzpah she will be coming to you once she finds out.

Well of course, that is something I'd have to be able to face. But if I knew he was on my side, I wouldn't have a problem and I seriously the doubt the wife would bother me with anything. I don't think she'd want to hear from my mouth how much we love each other unless she was prepared to put herself in a hurtful situation.

 

 

I hope you will think past your lust and your own needs before you go any further, are there any kids involved? You do need to think past yourself, this isn't only your relationship, but it's hers and their kids too if they have any? Do you really want to break up a whole entire family over momentary lust? It won't last, trust me. Something that starts in deciet, never does.

This is your call. Please think about it before you take someone else's husband, her marriage and the life that was supposed to have been theirs together, not yours and his.

As I've said, this is love built over many months, not momentary lust. It's not like I've never been remotely attracted to any mar.man before, but it's been automatic to tune it out. In this situation, love has been built and we have expressed it verbally to each other, and the kiss only added the ignition which has turned the sparks into a huge flame that is not so easy to walk away from.

 

Also, nothing has started in deceit. I am posting here to find out the best and proper way to go about this. There is a lot of thought going into it, not just reacting to passion. It is much deeper than that.

 

 

I'm not meaning to cause you any pain nor be hostile, I'd just like you to think about this from someone else's point of view, the one who will be bearing the largest pain out of all of you.

Remember what you sow is what you reap.

 

Trust me, all I am doing is thinking about this from someone else's point of view. Please keep that in mind. Otherwise, what would I personally have to lose? I'm not the married one. I am in love with a man who has returned the feelings and I have the opportunity to act out all of the fantasies I have had on him, yet here I am questioning it for the sole purpose that there is another woman involved.

[Touche]

It doesn't make sense to ask him for a divorce until you've "tried out the merchandise" first? Ewww!

 

This is so disgusting..sorry. It's sad when a girl has such low self-esteem that she has to sleep with another man's husband before she will ask for a commitment! (Like you'll ever even get that!) HA!

 

Please don't fool yourself into thinking that he can't feel the way he does for you for someone else. Please don't make that cardinal mistake.

 

Please read the threads on here. I fear that you're being very self-destructive.

[Fun2BMe]

 

Forget about right and wrong, that's not going to make sense to you now, you're thinking with your heart not your head so right and wrong are out the window.

If I wasn't thinking with my head, for what reason would I be posting here, instead of getting ready for our 'date?'

 

You see, he is happy in his marriage and is probably looking for somthing new and fresh, and he found that in your. But once the novelty wears off he has the securtiy of his marriage at home and a happy (though perhaps routinem happy nonetheless) relationship with his W. What will end up happening is that he will slowly start to tell you what you want to hear and you will be the one falling head over heels in love with him and he will be the one getting the most out of this situation.

He was never actively 'looking for something new and fresh.' We have been in contact for a long time and our feelings developed into love. It was never something planned even though there was an immediate connection between us. We have this special type of connection I doubt most people have ever even experienced, which is why it is so easy for everyone to say walk away. Nobody is considering that it might not be the best choice to walk away from someone God has finally brought into my life who things can really work out with, who loves me the way I deserve to be loved after going through so much heartache and dramatic relationships. He is exactly what I need, and I seem to be someone he loves also, so ideal, yet I am trying to justify walking away for the sake of his wife who is not so nice to me so it's amazing I am even considering her come to think of it but that's what I'm here doing.

 

 

If you want to know how he feels ask him point blank. Are you ready to leave your marriage.

He will give you the answer, and if he proceeds to honour his words then you can make a more eductated decission on how you want to proceed.

This is the same childish response I am getting. It seems absurd to ask a man who I have only kissed, to leave his wife for me! I would not trust him if he point blank said ok, not knowing me 100% and me him, at least not sexually. That's where I am asking help, how a deserving couple - me and him - can determine sexually our compatibility without him 'cheating' or for me to act wrong in any way. There seems to be no other way around it. I am thinking all the options out.

 

Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a LOT of pain, forget about "why should his W win"ahhhhh because she is already married to him and they are happy. She SHOULD win.

That is immature. If we are more meant for each other, just because she is with him, he should miss out on his soulmate and me mine? Then on my dying bed I'll be kicking myself:o Oh well, we'll see what happens I guess.

[Fun2BMe]

It doesn't make sense to ask him for a divorce until you've "tried out the merchandise" first? Ewww!

 

This is so disgusting..sorry. It's sad when a girl has such low self-esteem that she has to sleep with another man's husband before she will ask for a commitment! (Like you'll ever even get that!) HA!

 

How can I ask him to do something so life changing if things don't work out for us? Like I asked earlier, does a couple ask for commitment and marriage on a first date without sex, only one kiss? Or do they slowly grow closer and closer until they love each other (our stage) and then intimate (yes some don't have sex before marriage but I'm not a virgin and feel it is important, I guess we differ there so I can't argue with you on that).

 

 

Please don't fool yourself into thinking that he can't feel the way he does for you for someone else. Please don't make that cardinal mistake.

That's a scary thought though I like to be optimistic and believe that would not happen. However, is there ANY relationship where it's guaranteed that the other will NEVER have feelings for someone outside of it as is the case now with him? (50% of marriages end in divorce come to mind, all the relationships that end due to a 3rd person come to mind. You are saying don't get into a relationship because there is a chance the person will have the feelings he now has for you for someone else, crawl into a cave and live alone).

 

Please read the threads on here. I fear that you're being very self-destructive.

I don't think there is a similar situation in the threads but if I get a chance I might brouse through it. I don't want it to ruin my spirits as my own thread is doing as I feel I'm not being understood.

[Trialbyfire]

Wow, you're going to try to reel him in by using sex and emotional highs. Unbelievable.

 

What an incredibly spoiled little girl you are. So completely out of touch with reality that you have no concern for the destruction of a happily married couple. Only you count.

 

Hey, looky here LS, we have a real live narcissist.

[Touche]

Oh you are being PERFECTLY understood. What you don't get is that you are right, there are no guarantees in any relationship...but what you're not getting is that you are stacking all the cards AGAINST you. Do you not see that?

 

Don't you want a relationship with a fine, upstanding man? Why choose a cheater and a liar? Don't you think you are worth more than that?

 

If you're truly meant to be and there's so much between you as you say, then he will free himself for you, even without your having consumated this relationship. Do you understand that?

 

I was no virgin when I got married! I am no prude, sister. But you are just being very, very naive to really think that you're both soulmates. The odds are SO against you.

 

But you know what? Many times it's the insecure among us, who choose a married man to focus on. No woman with a healthy self-esteem would pick a man who belongs to another.

 

Good luck, Fun2BMe..I have a funny feeling that it ain't gonna be fun being you for awhile unless you extricate yourself out of this situation NOW. You'll see....

[woe_is_me]

He is older than me so his children are grown and out of the house and that is not an issue thank goodness.

 

So his children are older than you???

[Guest]

Have a little consideration for his wife.....he's a MARRIED MAN......how would you feel if you were the wife?? What goes around comes around...."do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Lets just say your fantasy comes true and you fall madly in love with this MM and marry him.....how would it feel if he did this to you with the next woman he likes???

Common sense....if this is really what the BOTH of you want...DO IT THE RIGHT WAY.........

He needs to seperate from his wife - before he does anything further with you.

[Fun2BMe]

So his children are older than you???

 

I'm saying they're over 18 not necessarily older than me.

[Guest]

nevr posted until now

 

 

sweetie please please please get some counseling

 

the issue isnt who here agrees with you or who thinks its "right" or whether you will be a a "better soulmate" for him than his wife -

 

THE ISSUE IS YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF!!!

 

 

goodluck

[LucreziaBorgia]

not me....he'll have his cake and get to eat it too! every man's dream...wife and kids on one side and a sexy mistress on the other.

 

Ah, Alpha. If only it were that simple. This is no ordinary sexy mistress. This isn't the compliant sort that accepts her place as the OW, and provides some simple discreet recreational sex and companionship. This is the sort where if MM gets wrapped up in this, he will have a very, very hard time getting rid of her when the time comes to end the affair. If I were this MM reading this, my nuts would be shriveling in fear wondering what I could possibly do to get myself out of this without too much collateral damage.

 

Honestly, it is almost frightening to read this. Its like a mix between erotomania and borderline personality disorder, as experienced by a sociopath.

[Woggle]

Married men that cheat deserve to get stalked by a psycho woman who can't let it go. It serves them right for betraying the women they vow to love.