Author LoveLace Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 I think I understand Erik. To sum it up, we are in the "friend zone". As for what Alphamale said, I disagree about knowing for sure. It depends on the situation and the nature of the relationship. My roomate and I have known each other a very long time, and we have a history of a very close friendship that dissipated for a few years while he lived with his Ex. I was so in love with him then, and even more now, I think. I never dreamed I would be here with him like this. All those years ago, we joked about living together and getting married if we're both older and single...its almost like those things aren't so much a joke anymore... What I'm saying is, if it was a guy and girl who shared an apt. together but only because they found an ad in the paper, then yea, I think the guy is a lot more likely to let his sexual interest be known. I know that if this man loves me then it would probably be a lifetime deal and it would very intense if we were to both admit our feelings. That is why it's hard for me to make any advances, and I think his reasons are the same. But I have the desire to take care of him, spoil him, love him with my whole heart. And I suppress that desire a lot but try to let it leak out a little if I can. He is a respectful man. And I think he looks up to me, as I do him. Deep down though, I think I do know he's interested, I just don't want to assume something that could hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 As a matter of fact, alphamale...if I didn't think he was interested, I doubt that I would be talking in circles about it here on LS! It's more or less I just don't know what to do about it... Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 what are you talking about? women knows everything around her Woman have a little gate-keeper inside their heads, blocking stuff that will make them come off as manipulative bitches. Women are very perceptive, but only about male weaknesses and such. They are blind to their own emotions. A woman would never admit to herself that she was perpetrating emotional rape on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I think you will do all right, Lovelace. When you cuddle, gradually become more and more physical. If he don't send you stop signals, you should be good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 I think you will do all right, Lovelace. When you cuddle, gradually become more and more physical. If he don't send you stop signals, you should be good to go. the woman shouldn't be doing the man's job and vice versa. this guy is not interested, period!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 Well he just called me after he got off work. Just to see what I'm doing. He's been doing that more lately as well as other things.I think perhaps he's picked up that I'm into him finally, so I feel like he's trying to reciprocate it, in little ways maybe, but they count. Alphamale why do you insist that just because he hasn't tried to have sex with me, that he's not interested? Right before living together, I gave him a good BJ. The next day, he suddenly needed a roommate. I just assumed that sexual things would no longer be allowed as we are roommates. So now what do you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 You are definitely good to go. Maybe you could reminisce a bit about the time before you were roommates, jog his memory a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 I'm with Alphamale on this one. If he was into you, you would know it by now. Not saying he would have tried to have sex with you yet, but he definitely would have let his interest be known and he would be courting you, dating you, pursuing you in a romantic way. Guys are simple creatures, they want to date you or they don't, and they let you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy4K Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Right before living together, I gave him a good BJ. The next day, he suddenly needed a roommate. I just assumed that sexual things would no longer be allowed as we are roommates. If they were allowed before, why not now? If you were bold enough to give him a BJ, why not just tell him how you feel? And it seems really odd that he just happened to need a roommate the day after the BJ. Could be more here. You've remained good friends to this point, right? The BJ didn't hurt your friendship, did it? (I just don't get this "friends with benefits" thing.) Maybe he's waiting for you to make the move. Maybe he's the one who is afraid of crossing boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 If anything the bj made things worse. I don't think he respects her as 'girlfriend material' now. The guy definitely knows she's into him and will do him no matter what, including bj's, the challenge and excitement of this girl has passed for him. why should he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? in other words why would he start a relationship with her when she'll give him bjs for free? But he doesn't even want that it appears. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy4K Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 If he didn't respect her, he'd probably want some every night. According to some younger people I know, many think a bj is like a hug or a handshake. I agree with you about the cow, but he ain't milking it right now. Challenge or not, if he was a jerk he would probably be taking advantage of this situation. Maybe there is hope that he may actually come to see her as gf material or may already. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 No. He doesn't see her as girlfriend material. He's not a jerk,he get a bj and thus lost respect in that way, but he's smart in that he doesn't want to have a casual sex thing with her while she's his roommate and he needs her rent money because he realizes if he does have sex with her, she will become attached and there would be all sorts of roommate drama. Nope. I'm sorry all you hopeless romantic idealists, he's just not that into her. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 You are both crazy, there's not a hundred million reasons for at guy to cosy with a girl in a sofa, watch girlie-movies, fetching and getting and massaging and such. I hate to break any illusions girls, but girlie-stuff is not THAT interesting to a guy. He could be gay, I suppose, but something in his past suggests not. BJ, a BJ never makes anything worse. Trust me; I know you'd love to think differently, but that kind of behaviour makes a guy like the girl. Respect has nothing to do with it. Maybe that's how it works with girls, but not with guys. Lovelace, don't listen to these two; I don't know about Crazy, but you don't want to take Bridget advice on anything that has to do with sex. That said, Crazy had a good point; if you gave the guy a bj, that suggests you had something going. What happened to that? You became roomies, so you just went back to square one? Keep us posted, I'd love to hear how this Just Friends-iteration turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Erik, DUDE, and I say this with respect...if he really sees her in a romantic way, why hasn't HE done so? A guy wants a girl, he pursues her! Bj or no bj! I hate to say this, but you may be onto something with the gay thing....because bjs are kind of something that doesn't matter if you're getting it from a guy or a girl...original poster, is it possible he could be gay? because why didn't you also have regular sex when you gave him the bj? Seriously...if I had a male roommate I was attracted to, I would back off totally because if romance happened then one of you decides to break it off...well you're kind of in a tough place being as you live in the same place. One of you are goingto have to move out or be tortured by living in the same house with your Ex. messy, messy, messy. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 OMG! This is the solution...Lovelace, you must MOVE OUT of the apartment as soon as POSSIBLE. IF he does love you and is not making a move it's because he doesn't want a messy roommate situation should you break up. HE doesn't want to date someone living in his same house, that is NOT a normal dating situation. If you move out, he gets another roommate,hopefully male or a plain looking female, THEN he will feel more comfortable asking you out and pursuing the romance! If he doesn't pursue a romance after you move out, then at least you know for SURE he wasn't interested in that way and it's best you're not suffering by living with him anyway!!! Come up with an excuse to MOVE OUT. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Erik, DUDE, and I say this with respect...if he really sees her in a romantic way, why hasn't HE done so? Because he is afraid of losing her friendship, I explained all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 OMG! This is the solution...Lovelace, you must MOVE OUT of the apartment as soon as POSSIBLE. Come up with an excuse to MOVE OUT. Brilliant! Just brilliant! And simple too, the guy will not be the slightest bit confused. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 That does not make sense. Men do not not go for a girl they're really into because of friendship. (Greg Behrendt, author of He's Just Not That IntoYou, will confirm that losing friendship will not stop a guy from going for a girl he's really into. I highly suggest this book, it's very good for both sexes to read. I'm sure it is available in Denmark by now, in the relationship section.) Still not convinced. I still think he's just not that into her. but I'm honestly curious as to how that will play out. I would love to be proven wrong! I love love. quote=Erik;1124977]Because he is afraid of losing her friendship, I explained all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 If I want to read a book on relationships, I read Michel Houllebeqk. Or Hemmingway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 My roommate is FAR from being gay. This was the BJ situation: First of all, it was nothing new for us. Several years ago when we were younger and crazier he and I had a casual sexual relationship. Then, he went off to rehab for alcohol abuse (this 7 yrs. ago); when he returned, I helped him get back on his feet..helped him find a job,etc...we still had a casual sex thing for a while even then, but we started hanging out so much as friends, that it just got awkward; so the sex dissipated but we remained good friends for like a year. He knew I had feelings then, but not because I told him myself. He appeared to aggravated to mutual friends that I never told him to his face. Anyhow, his Ex of many years starting to come back into his life, and he was on his feet now. So I left the friendship. It was heart breaking. So until about a year and a half ago, he and his Ex were still living together and engaged. But he found out she was cheating. By then we had run into each other a couple times, and called each other on holidays and such. One night out of the blue he called and wanted to meet up with me. It was after they split but I didn't know it. We met up for a bite to eat and it was awkward. I wasn't sure why he had called me, as we hadn't hung out in years. I figured it was to play catch-up. It was brief as I got called away by friends. I kissed him on the cheek that night and took off. A few months later, he tells me that his Ex moved out. Then, one night, he invited me over to his place to hang out with he and his buddy. That was when the BJ happened. We were kidding around about sexual stuff, and it just led to that. I was hoping for casual sex, but was ok with just the BJ. I figured hey, he's single now so he's horny. I thought it was strange myself when he called the next day about needing a roommate. I joked and said he should move in with me. But he said he wasn't joking. We both made it sound like it was for "financial" reasons. But yes I still hoped we'd have sex and maybe even get to together, but I realized that was a bad idea for a roommate. I figured if we ever hooked up it would just happen naturally. I was the 1st one to bring a guy over to the new apt. and have sex there, before my roommate was moved in. I bragged to him about it on purpose. i don't know why though. So of course when he moves in, he starts having girls over and such. I was not comfortable with it. Another time I had a guy over with him there, and NEITHER of them seemed comfortable then. My roommate wouldn't even look at me. Then he had this sudden EXPLOSION of girls calling him, I mean blowing up his phone, and he would make sure I heard talking all smooth to them on the phone, etc, and it drove me crazy. I wanted to puke hearing him trying to act like a big player. It was also strange for me because when his kids visit I get closer to them and we act like a total family when we're all together. But a couple months ago, for some reason, the explosion came to an abrubt halt. I never see him on the phone anymore, he rarely goes out anymore, and his phone isn't blowing up like crazy. I always refused to let it show that the girls were making me jealous. But I had a feeling he was just trying to make himself look irresistable or something. Anyhow, we've gotten closer since then, we've had a couple spats, but lately we are just EXTRA nice to each other for some reason. I can't just move out at anytime; we are both on a lease that doesn't run out until August. A few weeks ago, he said he wants to live with me beyond the lease. We agreed we like living together. I thought of living alone again but I absolutley can't afford it until I'm done with nursing school which is a year and 1/2 from now. Until then, I need a roommate. And believe me, I don't know anyone else who needs a roommate because everyone I know is in their 30s and married. I would never live with any old person I found in the paper either. So that is our full story. As for what happend with us those years ago, it has never been discussed. Right before moving into our apartment, he said "why don't we get a house in a year". At first I said, well ok. But the more I thought about it, I thought, why get a house with me? We're just "roommates"! For everytime he brought up the house since then, I blew it off. He hasn't talked about it since, other than saying he wants to keep living with me. There is no way I can afford a house, obviously, and neither can he, but we can if we stick together long enough. It's his dream. He loves to fix things and work on things. I want us to make this dream come true together. Just last night, we did bills, and we have fun just doing bills together for chris sakes. He is playfully touching me more and more, calling me more, and he smiles every time he sees me. Awfully confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 this guy is playing you like a fiddle LL Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 19, 2007 Author Share Posted March 19, 2007 this guy is playing you like a fiddle LL Why? Whats the point? Tell me every reason you think so. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 Why? Whats the point? Tell me every reason you think so. I will let others explain to you LL Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 LL - You could play devil's advocate and just innocently say "maybe i'll move out now so we might be able to consider dating for a while." See what his reaction is - that will tell you everything you need to know! You will have an opportunity to tell him that you enjoyed your friendship and the benefits of it better before you lived there.... maybe his mind will be triggered to remember the bj you gave him before being roomies. In any event, yes... i think he wants you badly - but is holding back so as not to lose you for good. He probably figures some of you is better than nothing at all... Try it - okay? Link to post Share on other sites
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