Guest Lilly Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 my husband is going to a friend's bachelor party...and i upset
Not_That_Innocent Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I think it's interesting that you posted this on the Infidelity board. Do you have a reason to believe that he will be unfaithful to you at the party? If so, that is what you are upset over - not that fact that he's going to a bachelor party.
Dadaal Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 It is unacceptable for a married man to go to such a bachelor party where free sex is unavoidable.
Curmudgeon Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 HUH? Free sex is never unavoidable. It's like the old drug slogan. "Just say no!" To suppose that just because it's there and available every man will avail himself of it is to say we all lack character and integrity.
tommyr Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 What is upsetting about the fact your husband is going to a bachelor party? Have you ever been to one? Do you not trust your husband? If your husband is a cheater, he is far more likely to pursue his pleasures in secrecy (NOT during a party attended by tons of friends). Had to laugh at the comment "free sex is unavoidable" ... you are kidding right?
LakesideDream Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 You must examine the cultural dynamic of the poster who said "free sex is unavoidable". On it's face the statement is ridictulous. First, there is no such thing as "free sex" just ask those LaCrosse players at Duke. Second, each person has a moral compass. Sane people (literally, not psychotic) know right from wrong. The concept of dozens of men having sex with a few (one?, two-three?) "professional" women at a party is a disgusting idea. I have been to one bachelor party in my 40 years as an adult. It was at a "gentleman's club" ... and boring as hell. I had no regrets that I offered to be the designated driver for the groom to be. Free cokes, and no high mileage women trying to sell me "lap dances" for 25.00 (it was a long time ago). IMO, most men don't look for oppertunities to "put it" in any orifice available.
rainfall Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 What is upsetting about the fact your husband is going to a bachelor party? Have you ever been to one? Do you not trust your husband? If your husband is a cheater, he is far more likely to pursue his pleasures in secrecy (NOT during a party attended by tons of friends). Had to laugh at the comment "free sex is unavoidable" ... you are kidding right? Its probably not a matter of trust but more that naked women will be trying to get him to pay them money to grind into his lap. A bachelor party is considered by many to be a man's "last night" as a free man so they feel they should be able to cheat to "celebrate" or "mourn" this. Yes a lap dance IS cheating. How could see have gone to a bachelor party unless she is a stripper? From my understanding most women would not be wanted there. They might spill to the bride to be what went on.
Carbine Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Guest Lilly: I don't blame you for being upset! Although you don't specify why you're upset, personally i don't really think it matters all that much because IMO, going to a BP where there are strippers is without a doubt 'cheating/infidelity'. (I won't post my reasons because I've argued it's been done to death on here, but if anyone's interested then please, ask away!) The replies in this thread already point out that there are different reasons why you may resent you H going to a BP. As someone already asked, is he likely to cheat? If so then obviously you've got every right not just to be upset but also to put your foot down and request that he does not attend the BP. But if your concern, like mine, is related to more of a 'grey' area then you're going to have a hard time convincing prettymuch everyone that you've got a say in the matter. Personally, I totally agree with rainfall: Its probably not a matter of trust My now ex was unlikely to cheat at a BP and I trusted him that much. My objection to him going was simply because of my jealousy; I resented him being in the presence of girls who were better looking than me. He could argue whichever way he wanted and it would not change my mind even the tiniest bit. As Rain said, he may get a lapdance (he may not either) but to me, just being in the same room with a stripper is too much. If your husband is a cheater, he is far more likely to pursue his pleasures in secrecy (NOT during a party attended by tons of friends) I disagree. Regardless of whether or not he's a cheater, what about the BP 'Code of Silence'? From what I know, BP guests take it extremely seriously will not break it to save their lives. Guys are generally very good at keeping their mates' secrets, and that's multiplied X100 under the code. Sadly, it seems that the code of silence is a green light for party guests to do what they want, whether single or not.
Guest Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 It is unacceptable for a married man to go to such a bachelor party where free sex is unavoidable. i've always been clear with my husband about such things. drinking is ok but where strippers, lapdances and all that other stuff is present i've told him i would not accept him going. to me its cheating. but his friends think otherwiese, though they are all church going guys and one of them is our pastors grandson. i think they pressure him.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 My bachelor party consisted of me and my wedding party going to a casino and playing craps all night long....no women. I think it is disrespectful to do the stripper thing whether you are a man or woman. If the person you are marrying is your everything, then why do you need to have someone else of the opposite sex rubbing their naked body all over you...and possibly more?
LakesideDream Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 My bachelor party consisted of me and my wedding party going to a casino and playing craps all night long....no women. I think it is disrespectful to do the stripper thing whether you are a man or woman. If the person you are marrying is your everything, then why do you need to have someone else of the opposite sex rubbing their naked body all over you...and possibly more? Crumb, You said it best. If I ever am lucky enough to fall in love again, and want to marry, a bachelor party will be the last thing on my mind. I know (at my advanced age/experiance!) that I would never do anything purposefully that might upset someone I love.
tommyr Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 There are alot of wild statements on here about bachelor parties - assumptions made by women without many firsthand facts. I have been to about 10 BP's in my life, including my own. Of those, perhaps 6 involved strippers. Of those, maybe a handful of guys ventured over the Look but don't Touch line into lapdance territory. Of those, most (maybe all?) were unmarried. So of the 150+ friends/relatives who I have been with at various BP's I am guessing that 2 married guys went as far as a lapdance. But those 2 guys were the type who brag about going to stripjoints on a regular basis anyway. My point? It comes down to trust and communication. 40% of BP's that I have been to did not even have a stripper. Many people (including myself and my wife) do not consider it cheating to be at a BP where a stripper might be involved. Many people (both men and women) don't even consider a lapdance cheating (although I personally feel it is not right for a married person). Many bacherlorette parties are the same way. The key is to communicate acceptable boundaries with your partner, and then trust him/her to stick to those limits. And I assert that a person who crosses the line at a BP would just as likely cross that same line on any other day.
rainfall Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 There are alot of wild statements on here about bachelor parties - assumptions made by women without many firsthand facts. I have been to about 10 BP's in my life, including my own. Of those, perhaps 6 involved strippers. Of those, maybe a handful of guys ventured over the Look but don't Touch line into lapdance territory. Of those, most (maybe all?) were unmarried. So of the 150+ friends/relatives who I have been with at various BP's I am guessing that 2 married guys went as far as a lapdance. But those 2 guys were the type who brag about going to stripjoints on a regular basis anyway. My point? It comes down to trust and communication. 40% of BP's that I have been to did not even have a stripper. Many people (including myself and my wife) do not consider it cheating to be at a BP where a stripper might be involved. Many people (both men and women) don't even consider a lapdance cheating (although I personally feel it is not right for a married person). Many bacherlorette parties are the same way. The key is to communicate acceptable boundaries with your partner, and then trust him/her to stick to those limits. And I assert that a person who crosses the line at a BP would just as likely cross that same line on any other day. I trust my boyfriend to not sleep with someone esle. I trust him not to try to date someone esle. However the enviroment that the strippers provide is in my mind no place for someone in a commited relationship and is no way a place for a man about to get married.
tommyr Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I trust my boyfriend to not sleep with someone esle. I trust him not to try to date someone esle. However the enviroment that the strippers provide is in my mind no place for someone in a commited relationship and is no way a place for a man about to get married. Obviously a lot of women are not so offended by this harmless tradition. If my experience is typical, roughly 60% of all marriages were preceded by a PB involving "entertainment".
rainfall Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Obviously a lot of women are not so offended by this harmless tradition. If my experience is typical, roughly 60% of all marriages were preceded by a PB involving "entertainment". Harmless.... That is funny. How in the hell is a naked women grinding herself into a guys lap trying to get him off harmless? It is pathetic and sad that this is still considered a traditon. No wonder so many marriages fail with this line of thinking.
RichC Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 the guy lets it get that far. I have been to maybe 8 BP's and 3 had strippers. If you can't trust you SO in that or any situation that means there are problems beyond a BP. Through the years I demonstrated my trustworthiness in many situations and my SO knew my trackrecord. She went to here share of Batchlorette parties too and I trusted her completely.
RichC Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Environment has nothing to do with it. If someone is going to crack because of environment there is more wrong there than meets the eye. If you cannot muster up enough self control to deal with the situation you have a problem.
rainfall Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 the guy lets it get that far. I have been to maybe 8 BP's and 3 had strippers. If you can't trust you SO in that or any situation that means there are problems beyond a BP. Through the years I demonstrated my trustworthiness in many situations and my SO knew my trackrecord. She went to here share of Batchlorette parties too and I trusted her completely. You shouldn't trust you SO around strippers. They aren't exactly the best quality of people out there. If someone needs to have a stripper at their bachelor party then they need to ask why are they even getting married they don't want to be faithful.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I trust my boyfriend to not sleep with someone esle. I trust him not to try to date someone esle. However the enviroment that the strippers provide is in my mind no place for someone in a commited relationship and is no way a place for a man about to get married. Nor a woman...a friend of mine threatened to call off his wedding because his bride to be told him she does not want him to go to a strip club, then she goes out to one herself.....her justification?? that there is nothing wrong with women going to strip clubs and that the men can't be trusted. He now wishes he would have called off the wedding.
Enema Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 You shouldn't trust you SO around strippers. Because your SO doesn't have any willpower of his/her own if there are strippers around? They lose the ability to make their own choices? Riiighht....
Mr. Lucky Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 the guy lets it get that far. I have been to maybe 8 BP's and 3 had strippers. If you can't trust you SO in that or any situation that means there are problems beyond a BP. Through the years I demonstrated my trustworthiness in many situations and my SO knew my trackrecord. She went to here share of Batchlorette parties too and I trusted her completely. Having been to a similar number of BP's, I agree with what you say. The guys in relationships that got out of line there were the same ones that tried to pick up the cocktail waitress when a group of us met for drinks in a bar. A cheater is a cheater, regardless of location. A good man is a good man, regardless of temptation... Mr. Lucky
jmargel Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Yes a lap dance IS cheating Well.. then I would say the majority of men in the world have cheated on their SO at one point in time. I mean.. wake up already. You might have had your SO cheat on you with a stripper, who knows.. But to make this generalization that a lap dance is cheating is just wrong. You shouldn't trust you SO around strippers. They aren't exactly the best quality of people out there. If someone needs to have a stripper at their bachelor party then they need to ask why are they even getting married they don't want to be faithful. Oh I see.. us men are just mindless lemmings that can't make our own choices. When we see a naked chick we have no choice but to **** her! I mean the head on our penis outsmart the head on our shoulders. Stupid me. Glad you were able to point this out to me. Never mind that men like me, treat our SO with respect, are responsible working adults, and have a decent amount of intelligence. It's just that when we see a naked chick we start acting like monkeys and just can't help ourselves! Ever think the problem might lay with you? Going to a strip club is for entertainment purposes. Not to cheat. We could easily cheat behind our SO's back, or meet a chick at a bar, a dance-club, at the park, online, at the grocery store.. It doesn't matter where. We are not more tempted to cheat since we are at a strip club. The dancers are there to make money, not to spend time and make us happy. They could careless. They just see dollar signs. Men know this. If a man was going to cheat on you at a strip club, then he would cheat on you anywhere. But by your definition I assume cheating can fall from a number of situations. What about getting a passionate hug from a female friend? What about a kiss on the cheek? What about if your SO complimented another girl? What about if your SO just had an admiring thought about another woman? Good chance in your dictionary this would be considered cheating. If you take a decent man and treat him like a dog, that's what you will get back from him. With that kind of attitude it's going to be hard for you to hold on to a man.
a4a Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 My H would not be happy if I went to a male strip club (the real kind- or thong kind). I would not want to do that because I would feel I was disrespecting him and our marriage by having a wang wagged in my face. Hell I could have a ball (no pun intended) with a bunch of friends at a club. But my H's feelings certainly come first. If it would hurt him just a little it is not worth it to me to kick up my heels for a couple of hours. You know it sends a clear message to others that your partner is not as important to you as having some fun for a couple of hours........ public display of disrespect. Of course if your partner could care less - go clubbing. you may as well get a billboard and say "my wife/gf is hurt by this action - but I could care less."
LuckyStar26 Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 My point? It comes down to trust and communication. I tend to agree with this. The first time that my BF's XW nearly divorced him was over a night he spent at a strip club. She knew he was going and was cool with it until my BF decided to show her the photo that was taken of him with two completely naked strippers sat on each of his knees with their legs wide open In the end, the XW got so hung up about this picture, that my BF had to get the mate that he went to the strip club with to ring her up and tell her in no uncertain terms that my BF definitely did NOT sleep with any of these strippers, and that the photo had been his fault because he had badgered my BF into doing it for a laugh. Incidentally - They divorced three years later when he found out that that SHE had been sleeping with a younger man
rainfall Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Well.. then I would say the majority of men in the world have cheated on their SO at one point in time. But by your definition I assume cheating can fall from a number of situations. What about getting a passionate hug from a female friend? What about a kiss on the cheek? What about if your SO complimented another girl? What about if your SO just had an admiring thought about another woman? Good chance in your dictionary this would be considered cheating. If you take a decent man and treat him like a dog, that's what you will get back from him. With that kind of attitude it's going to be hard for you to hold on to a man. Passionate hug - not cheating kiss- depends on the situation.... ex girlfriend then yeah i would probably get kinda pissed someone esle like i said it would depend. (mostly because he doesn't really have close female friends who would find doing this ok) compliment- not cheating admiring thought - not cheating but don't really like it another women besides me naked on top of him - cheating I treat my man damn good. Just because I do not allow him the womderful experiance of having someone esle besides me dry hump him does not make me a bad girlfriend. For me it just comes down to I would not want to spend one more second of my time with a man who found 3 minutes of a lap dance more important then my feelings. How can you say it all comes down to trust and communication? I think it really comes down to respect and what your priorities are. No mateer how much I trust my man I will never ever want him inside one of these places.
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