LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > The Other Man / Woman

Frustrated still at 'break up' with MM


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Like Tree125Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 29th August 2017, 4:02 PM   #46
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
I have read your thread...

I understand how you are feeling as I have had several breakups over the last few months/years.

The last one was the worst in a while, I was not a 5 year affair, and I have had those, but it was a deep love.

No matter what type of relationship, it sucks and it always will...
Thanks for understanding. I wish you the best!
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th August 2017, 4:33 PM   #47
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 731
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!
He is mean and cruel.
BTDT2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th August 2017, 3:37 AM   #48
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Out West
Posts: 1,294
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!
(((GG))) Just sending you a little hug. I know you are at rock bottom, but you WILL be ok. You really will. We're here for you.

From what you've said in recent posts including the one quoted above, he sounds like a cruel, manipulative loser who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as a lovely girl like you. Of course you can't see it yet because you are under his spell. But as objective, internet strangers, we can see it clearly and so will you when you break that spell.

Regarding the bolded part above - Good for you, GG! As a former MM in an affair, I'm with you on that 100%!
jenkins95 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st September 2017, 11:34 AM   #49
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenkins95 View Post
(((GG))) Just sending you a little hug. I know you are at rock bottom, but you WILL be ok. You really will. We're here for you.

From what you've said in recent posts including the one quoted above, he sounds like a cruel, manipulative loser who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as a lovely girl like you. Of course you can't see it yet because you are under his spell. But as objective, internet strangers, we can see it clearly and so will you when you break that spell.

Regarding the bolded part above - Good for you, GG! As a former MM in an affair, I'm with you on that 100%!
Thanks so much for your kind words, Jenkins95! Have had quite a tough day tbh, as have been feeling very depressed at times, but also tried to keep extra busy at work to distract myself. Am back home now, when took an extra anti-depressant, which usually take at night time. I've been playing back our last few meetings in my mind and also over the last (can you believe) five years. I just feel he's been unbelievably cruel, especially considering how distant and uninterested he's appeared since he moved out on his own last month or so. I know I shouldn't let him deflate my self-worth, but it is very hard not to.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 1st September 2017 at 11:37 AM..
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st September 2017, 12:48 PM   #50
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 4,253
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Thanks for your sympathetic words. Finally,he added via text earlier that I had put on a lot of weight and couldn't penetrate me before,which he saw a non-starter -and didn't need me adding to his own problems!! Also that it may sound cruel,but he can't carry on being Me Reasonable! For a moment I was speechless. Although I did reply back to say that had actually rejoined a slimming club recently.

I vow never to have an affair again... There I said it!
He is abusive good riddance to him! His BS probably stopped sleeping with him because he acted like such an a**hole. I'm sorry you had to hear this drivel.
(((goldengirl11)))
ladydesigner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd September 2017, 2:36 PM   #51
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by ladydesigner View Post
He is abusive good riddance to him! His BS probably stopped sleeping with him because he acted like such an a**hole. I'm sorry you had to hear this drivel.
(((goldengirl11)))
Thanks ladydesigner. Although he's obviously not interested anymore (sadly), for different reasons I guess, I still think he's got me wrapped around his little finger! It won't be an easy recovery for sure.
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th September 2017, 3:06 PM   #52
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
I'm having a rough evening, Jenkins/whoever. Feel so rejected, after being toyed all that time! He's been unbelievably selfish lately I feel. Although, it's probably fair to say nothing's changed since he moved out and feel like a friend at best.
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th September 2017, 8:13 AM   #53
Established Member
 
sandylee1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 6,137
You'd be best cutting contact with him altogether. He's not a friend of yours. He's simply a cheater,who has been turfed out.
__________________
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to'
sandylee1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2017, 5:24 AM   #54
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
I'm feeling heartbroken. Utterly utterly heartbroken. I'm mild self harming and feel suicidal. He tells me he's been in a relationship with someone at work, which had never been mentioned before. It seems new, but he says it's up in the air at the moment. Also that he wants to find someone new. I'm shattered. He also says he's married. I know I'm not the one for him and he's treated me appallingly. We plan to meet tomorrow evening for a chat. He said what do I expect we're not in a relationship, but there I was thinking that he was probably repairing his marriage, without complications from another party! I think he got bored with me i.e took me for granted and as he said didn't think we were compatible. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which doesn't help! Just what has he done to me? I feel betrayed and has only now been honest with me. I think this woman at work has spoilt it, whether serious or not, as I REALLY didn't want him to get his needs met elsewhere. He's killing me inside. I feel a fool and think the non sex between us in recent months likely turned him elsewhere, but still feel betrayed if that makes sense? End July when we met up (second to last time) he said he thought he had an erectile dysfunction, which I guess MUST'VE been proved otherwise since?! He obviously thinks he can do better and so doesn't deserve me. I'm FAR too nice to him and have been TOO patient. How dare he get involvement with someone else? It feels like karma, even though he said it wasn't my fault. I'm distraught. Please help me.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 10th September 2017 at 5:46 AM..
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2017, 6:09 AM   #55
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14,174
I guess the on sex between you in the past few months may have been due to him getting it elsewhere...

I just read a thread of yours from almost exactly a year ago with him then also "cheating" on you with another woman, so why are you still hanging on in there?
Surely being the OW is hard enough without having to compete with more women... Even when he separates you are not usually is first port of call.
So why torture yourself any longer.

Take the hint perhaps, for your own good...
You will never have a nice life as long as this man is in it.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2017, 6:11 AM   #56
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I guess the on sex between you in the past few months may have been due to him getting it elsewhere...

I just read a thread of yours from almost exactly a year ago with him then also "cheating" on you with another woman, so why are you still hanging on in there?
Surely being the OW is hard enough without having to compete with more women... Even when he separates you are not usually is first port of call.
So why torture yourself any longer.

Take the hint perhaps, for your own good...
You will never have a nice life as long as this man is in it.
Believe it or not that was someone else, who I've ceased contact with. The other person I'm posting about now, hadn't cheated before as it were and have been involved for some time.
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2017, 6:14 AM   #57
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14,174
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Believe it or not that was someone else, who I've ceased contact with. The other person I'm posting about now, hadn't cheated before as it were.
OK, so there is a pattern here.
Your picker seems off.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th September 2017, 10:46 AM   #58
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
I'm feeling heartbroken. Utterly utterly heartbroken. I'm mild self harming and feel suicidal. He tells me he's been in a relationship with someone at work, which had never been mentioned before. It seems new, but he says it's up in the air at the moment. Also that he wants to find someone new. I'm shattered. He also says he's married. I know I'm not the one for him and he's treated me appallingly. We plan to meet tomorrow evening for a chat. He said what do I expect we're not in a relationship, but there I was thinking that he was probably repairing his marriage, without complications from another party! I think he got bored with me i.e took me for granted and as he said didn't think we were compatible. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which doesn't help! Just what has he done to me? I feel betrayed and has only now been honest with me. I think this woman at work has spoilt it, whether serious or not, as I REALLY didn't want him to get his needs met elsewhere. He's killing me inside. I feel a fool and think the non sex between us in recent months likely turned him elsewhere, but still feel betrayed if that makes sense? End July when we met up (second to last time) he said he thought he had an erectile dysfunction, which I guess MUST'VE been proved otherwise since?! He obviously thinks he can do better and so doesn't deserve me. I'm FAR too nice to him and have been TOO patient. How dare he get involvement with someone else? It feels like karma, even though he said it wasn't my fault. I'm distraught. Please help me.
Hi GoldenGirl. I am also feeling suicidal due to my involvement in an affair. I won't tell you it's not karma because I think it is..but there's still plenty of time for both of us to change that karma. Perhaps we can help each other through so we don't choose a permanent solution to this temporary problem.

With the whole erectile dysfunction thing..regardless, it had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you were a 'starter affair' and he had not yet learned to compartmentalize his thoughts, so he was unable to perform due to guilt. That would be my guess. And now he's turned into a complete slime ball and is able to disregard his wife completely so he can get it up.

Sending big hugs your way. Also..posting on this site and trying to help other people through their own problems is helping me..I'm so glad I found it.
pumpkinpie1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th September 2017, 1:27 AM   #59
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Posts: 604
Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkinpie1 View Post
Hi GoldenGirl. I am also feeling suicidal due to my involvement in an affair. I won't tell you it's not karma because I think it is..but there's still plenty of time for both of us to change that karma. Perhaps we can help each other through so we don't choose a permanent solution to this temporary problem.

With the whole erectile dysfunction thing..regardless, it had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you were a 'starter affair' and he had not yet learned to compartmentalize his thoughts, so he was unable to perform due to guilt. That would be my guess. And now he's turned into a complete slime ball and is able to disregard his wife completely so he can get it up.

Sending big hugs your way. Also..posting on this site and trying to help other people through their own problems is helping me..I'm so glad I found it.
Thank you for your understanding reply and feel for you too!

We met up for a chat on Sunday night, when I admit had gone back with him, mainly because he wanted to show me his new flat. Well, the inevitable happened... and although was nice (but nerve-wracking for me), he promised me not to put any pressure on him now as is very confused. He said would tell me about this other person at work soon, which he said had ended as he ft she was taking the mick (she's got a family), but up in the air. He also admitted that he felt quite strongly about her and was quite full on. This is extremely painful for me and am shaking as I write this. There is also a group drinks tomorrow night with his lot from work, which makes me very nervous. Also starting a new job today - can't believe the timing of it all! He's being selfish towards my feelings in my opinion and feel he's hidden a lot from earlier this year, which he is only now telling me. I appreciate that we weren't in a relationship as we weren't sleeping together (his words), but I was still attached to him for some time. I'm torn in two, but will have to try and put on a front today.

Last edited by goldengirl11; 12th September 2017 at 1:30 AM..
goldengirl11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th September 2017, 1:36 AM   #60
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengirl11 View Post
Thank you for your understanding reply and feel for you too!

We met up for a chat on Sunday night, when I admit had gone back with him, mainly because he wanted to show me his new flat. Well, the inevitable happened... and although was nice (but nerve-wracking for me), he promised me not to put any pressure on him now as is very confused. He said would tell me about this other person at work soon, which he said had ended as he ft she was taking the mick (she's got a family), but up in the air. He also admitted that he felt quite strongly about her and was quite full on. This is extremely painful for me and am shaking as I write this. There is also a group drinks tomorrow night with his lot from work, which makes me very nervous. Also starting a new job today - can't believe the timing of it all! He's being selfish towards my feelings in my opinion and feel he's hidden a lot from earlier this year, which he is only now telling me. I appreciate that we weren't in a relationship as we weren't sleeping together (his words), but I was still attached to him for some time. I'm torn in two, but will have to try and put on a front today.
Oh no. I hope you stop falling for his nonsense soon. This man is abusive. You are in an abusive relationship. I hope you really and truly take some time to contemplate that word for a while. That's what I did.
pumpkinpie1 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Frustrated daters. How to break patterns? No_Go Dating 6 23rd June 2015 3:02 PM
Really frustrated with dating, think I need a long break Chris715 In Search Of... 18 26th April 2015 7:32 PM
Frustrated Flygirl43 Friends and Lovers 3 18th September 2008 4:03 AM
Frustrated! Magenta Marriage & Life Partnerships 11 26th June 2007 7:56 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:33 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.